Relationship questions you are too embarrassed to post under your screen name.
My husband co worker
Originally Posted by SUPERIOR
Wow u are coming at me like I am the female calling your man. To answer your question, my coworker told me about the conversation as
Wow u are coming at me like I am the female calling your man. To answer your question, my coworker told me about the conversation as a way of explaining to me what was appropriate/inapproiate behavior. She was the secretary and everyone confided in her and she pulled me to the side to talk about the situation. The man is much older and I never gave him a second thought other than a coworker.
A couple of staff members were moved to another site so I would send massive text messages.Everyone at the job was around my age (23-26) except for him so it was nothing for us to forward txt and check on each other. When I said I fell back, I meant, I never called his phone after that. I still check onhim from time to time (he taught me about the job and saved me from getting fired a couple of times lol) but I feel it is more appropriate to ask about him thru friends rather than directly because I don't want anyone to think I am trying to get at their husband.
My post was not to rationalize that woman's behavior in your situation (because I don't know what she was looking for). I was merely trying to explain that in some cases it is just a lack of rational judgement on a female's part.
I'm sorry if I came off that way. I was trying to point out how easy it becomes a misunderstanding. I'm sorry I really didn't mean it snappy
I'm sorry if I came off that way. I was trying to point out how easy it becomes a misunderstanding. I'm sorry I really didn't mean it snappy
It's cool. It sounds like you had reason to be concerned in your situation. I have never called a married man after hours to complain about personal issues, thats what I have friends for. I am pretty sure she has friends of her own to call as well that does not include your husband. It's good that you choose to nip it in the bud before it went too far.
I didn't have an issue about him having her as a FRIEND. You might need to go back and read the first post over.
?get real about my marriage? You really need to go back and read that over
You know, I don't think BigSixx has to go back and read anything. She is offering a side you need to see. Her perspective and advice has a lot of layers to it. Since she didn't do it, allow me to lay everything out for you.
(1) Judging by the first sentence of the quote above, you are the one assuming that the co-worker wants more than a friendship here.
(2) The big point you are missing is that she called him because he allowed it. A lot of companies have a list of their employees'/co-workers' cell phones for emergency purposes. 9 times out of 10, people do not up and call just because the information is readily available. If it is not work-related -- and even if there is a strong rapport between people -- they usually get permission to call before they call. And let's face it, who really looks at those contact information lists? I think he gave her the number.
(3) You are also focusing on the incoming calls, when I bet you he called her as well. Let's say they are in deep conversation about this boyfriend situation and his battery runs low. He can easily call her back from the phone at his 2nd job.
I am disappointed because this situation reads like you are putting 95% of the blame on her. You feel vindicated that you called her out. But, your husband is getting 5% of the blame in this situation. That is not fair to anyone affected by this situation. Because like Sixx mentioned, your focus on this girl could (if he so desired) give him license to gallivant with others.
Bottom line: If his interaction with this (or any other) girl threatens the security of your unit, you regain that security through your husband, not her.
Another thing, a lot of the posters in this thread are quick to bring up marriages being recognized in the eyes of God as two people joining as one. Then, they call people who they assume are trying to get next to their spouses bitches, hoes and tricks. That is contradictory to what is proper behavior in God's eyes.
If this were me, understanding that God sees and knows all, I would've let everything play out the way God intended it to. The extent and intent of the interactions between my husband and his co-worker would play out eventually.
Incog, I know that I really went in on you and your Amen Corner. But, I am wishing and hoping for the best in your situation. Most importantly, as a woman, I hope you are honest with yourself. You do not know how much I hope that you did not play yourself with this. If you did, I will be here with a .
Your husbands coworkers knows very plain and clear what she is trying to do, and she's arrogant enough to think people aren't onto her schemes.
I've seen this type before....one was working on my own husband real hard, and I see it at my own place of employment. Always needing 'help' or 'advice,'.......thes e things help a man to feel admired which is like kryptonite to them, and sense men are generally dense and don't have an acute intuition as women do, most of them DO fall susceptible. More intelligent men are sometimes an exception.
You just let her know very plainly that's she's not slick.
Another thing, a lot of the posters in this thread are quick to bring up marriages being recognized in the eyes of God as two people joining as one. Then, they call people who they assume are trying to get next to their spouses bitches, hoes and tricks. That is contradictory to what is proper behavior in God's eyes.
If this were me, understanding that God sees and knows all, I would've let everything play out the way God intended it to. The extent and intent of the interactions between my husband and his co-worker would play out eventually.
^^^^I understand what you're trying to say here, but I disagree. Sometimes (in cases such as these), you do need to to step up point out what is going on or else it may fly over the person who is unaware or possibly in err, this is what the Body of Christ is for and God wants a fellowship of believers for this reason.
You can always do so tactfully and respectfully, yet getting the point across.
Now if she tells her husband and he doesn't HEED what she is saying, then it's on him and everything will play out and manifest itself accordng to the seed that was sewn.
Too much bad advice in this thread. OP is ghetto & insecure IMO.
I would like to know how this man is now expected to face the coworker after the wife humiliated coworker on the phone.
OP should have checked her husband & not the other woman. In other words, OP, you should have told your husband you were not comfortable with this & then had to have him cut the ties on his own.
OP meddling in this & exchanging words with hubby's coworker is a hot ghetto ass mess. You basically shit on your husband's paycheck. Once word gets around about your phone call, how do you expect his coworkers to treat you at his job functions that you have to attend like Christmas parties etc.
The problem is your husband & not the other woman. You should have checked your man thats it!
Location: In Florida, locking down my love for him.
Posts: 2,859
Re: My husband co worker
....so if there is a "next time" with another needy woman (and let's hope there isn't), are you going to call her too? OP, the only person that owes you any type of explanation is YOUR husband. The person that should've told her to stop calling is YOUR husband. It's not for me to decide whether or not he had any ill intent but the moment he found out that you were not pleased with the situation HE should've handled it, bottom line. His loyalty is to YOU. The mere fact that he didn't have enough of a backbone to tell this woman that she could no longer contact him due to it causing stress on his marriage is a red flag. Just out of curiosity, what did he say when you told him that this made you uncomfortable? Did he simply provide an excuse for why she was calling but never suggested any solution to fix the problem? Did he say he would handle it? What did HE say?
You said that you trust your husband and you didn't feel that he was misbehaving. Well, you should be able to trust that he can handle situations as such ON HIS OWN. If it is left up to me to call another woman and put her in check.....it's time to reevaluate the lines of communication in my relationship and who I am in said relationship with.
You know, I don't think BigSixx has to go back and read anything. She is offering a side you need to see. Her perspective and advice has a lot of layers to it. Since she didn't do it, allow me to lay everything out for you.
(1) Judging by the first sentence of the quote above, you are the one assuming that the co-worker wants more than a friendship here.
(2) The big point you are missing is that she called him because he allowed it. A lot of companies have a list of their employees'/co-workers' cell phones for emergency purposes. 9 times out of 10, people do not up and call just because the information is readily available. If it is not work-related -- and even if there is a strong rapport between people -- they usually get permission to call before they call. And let's face it, who really looks at those contact information lists? I think he gave her the number.
(3) You are also focusing on the incoming calls, when I bet you he called her as well. Let's say they are in deep conversation about this boyfriend situation and his battery runs low. He can easily call her back from the phone at his 2nd job.
I am disappointed because this situation reads like you are putting 95% of the blame on her. You feel vindicated that you called her out. But, your husband is getting 5% of the blame in this situation. That is not fair to anyone affected by this situation. Because like Sixx mentioned, your focus on this girl could (if he so desired) give him license to gallivant with others.
Bottom line: If his interaction with this (or any other) girl threatens the security of your unit, you regain that security through your husband, not her.
Another thing, a lot of the posters in this thread are quick to bring up marriages being recognized in the eyes of God as two people joining as one. Then, they call people who they assume are trying to get next to their spouses bitches, hoes and tricks. That is contradictory to what is proper behavior in God's eyes.
If this were me, understanding that God sees and knows all, I would've let everything play out the way God intended it to. The extent and intent of the interactions between my husband and his co-worker would play out eventually.
Incog, I know that I really went in on you and your Amen Corner. But, I am wishing and hoping for the best in your situation. Most importantly, as a woman, I hope you are honest with yourself. You do not know how much I hope that you did not play yourself with this. If you did, I will be here with a .
Well most of the time the man is being blamed and some people can't see it for what it is which is this time it doesn't look like the man is making the calls. Now if it has to be thrown in my face that "oh he just had to be doing sumthin, he had to be going another route, it can not be just her" - I don't know why it is looked at like this. I'm not blaming her any percent and I do not regret it. Everyone says what they will do until it haPpens to them. I've given advice on letting it play out with GOD and when it happen to me SELF dialed that number. I talked to both and she never said he called her. But maybe someone will respond and say she was protecting him and took all the blame. Thank u for my Amen corner.I do know this for a fact and that is NONE of us are perfect we all fall short.
....so if there is a "next time" with another needy woman (and let's hope there isn't), are you going to call her too? OP, the only person that owes you any type of explanation is YOUR husband. The person that should've told her to stop calling is YOUR husband. It's not for me to decide whether or not he had any ill intent but the moment he found out that you were not pleased with the situation HE should've handled it, bottom line. His loyalty is to YOU. The mere fact that he didn't have enough of a backbone to tell this woman that she could no longer contact him due to it causing stress on his marriage is a red flag. Just out of curiosity, what did he say when you told him that this made you uncomfortable? Did he simply provide an excuse for why she was calling but never suggested any solution to fix the problem? Did he say he would handle it? What did HE say?
You said that you trust your husband and you didn't feel that he was misbehaving. Well, you should be able to trust that he can handle situations as such ON HIS OWN. If it is left up to me to call another woman and put her in check.....it's time to reevaluate the lines of communication in my relationship and who I am in said relationship with.
He did handle it and I don't regret calling but I should have given him time to say something. I moved a little too fast because I was wanting her to know that I knew and felt disrepected. No, I don't plan to do that if it happens again That is the first time we had a situation like that. If it happens again I plan to handle it better because I plan to be married to him forever. I just want to thank every single one that posted. I so much appreciate the perspective on every side. What I didn't say is when I got the detail phone bill I thought it included the text messages. So I saw I had to request that as well but it is not here yet. I will give ya'll an update when I get it if some say I should have waited until I had everything, I think I still would have called. Just being honest.
Too much bad advice in this thread. OP is ghetto & insecure IMO.
I would like to know how this man is now expected to face the coworker after the wife humiliated coworker on the phone.
OP should have checked her husband & not the other woman. In other words, OP, you should have told your husband you were not comfortable with this & then had to have him cut the ties on his own.
OP meddling in this & exchanging words with hubby's coworker is a hot ghetto ass mess. You basically shit on your husband's paycheck. Once word gets around about your phone call, how do you expect his coworkers to treat you at his job functions that you have to attend like Christmas parties etc.
The problem is your husband & not the other woman. You should have checked your man thats it!
I disagree how is it meddling for the wife. The outsider is the meddler. I doubt functions will go on at a part time
incog, now that you've called her, make sure your husband is right behind you in putting her in her place. cuz best believe, if her intentions are as sneaky as they seem, she's going to come at him even harder. i'm quite sure she's thinking shit like: "i know this bish did not just call me. i'll show her." even though you called her, now it's up to your husband to get rid of her ass.
This is the WORST! I have had the same problems in the past...
It seems like some men are blind to what it is really going on. They are men, and sometimes fail to see things from a female perspective. I know a couple that ended up getting a divorce over a situation similar...why? Because the trust began to go away...and eventually...it did..
Time after time...women get too friendly..you need to get it in check asap...
Is having boyfriend problems and supposedly calling my hisband to ask his advice about her situation. Well one day she calls while we are at home from work because it is our anniversary. The eyebrow raises but I let it go. This was my first time hearing her name. Anyway, I decided then I will be looking at his phone when need be and I ended up seeing how she calls right before I get home or when he is at his second job but never when I'm around. I do trust my husband but I honestly think he can't see when a woman is trying to bait for him to bite. I have never had to look up our phone calls but I did. I want to make sure I'm not that wife that sees other slick husbands but blind to my own so I got the phone records and it is all INCOMING. He does not call her but the convos seem to be getting longer. Should I be worried if he starts returning her phone calls? He says she has texted him at his second job and asked if he can talk but she seems to know when he aint roun the fam We had a talk about her being frustrated in her situation. I basically said if this is your friend that's one thing but for her to admire u cause u not like others or she wants her man to be more like u U need to see it for what it is because she never calls u around us. She waits for u to get to your job away from us to talk to u. If this was seven years or even fours years ago, I would have acted a fool when she called on the Anniversary but I didn't. I waited and I'm still playin it cool. How would u handle this
She has no business calling your husband's phone. She is being inconsiderate and disrespectful. If she neeeds someone to talk to tell her to call a girlfriend or start a journal. You and your husband need to draw the line now. A lot of women trust their husbands. That doesn't mean they can't be seduced. Don't let your marriage fall prey to this woman. Just read all of the aspiring homewrecker and I'm pregnant but he's married threads.
.
Linear Mode
