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Funny Church Bulletins: Oh the typos

I got this from another board and thought it was so funny. They mean well, but these are truly an editor's nightmare. ******************** ******************** ********* They're Back! Those wonderful Church


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12-14-2010, 09:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Old Funny Church Bulletins: Oh the typos
I got this from another board and thought it was so funny. They mean well, but these are truly an editor's nightmare.

******************** ******************** *********

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank
God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the
BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in
church services:
--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The
sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to
get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your
husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone
who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way
again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we
have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They
need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October
24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the
church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be
'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older
ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with
the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication
to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in
the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to
sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10
AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.
S. Is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake
breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7
PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is
invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
__________________
When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. -Jonathan Swift


 
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12-14-2010, 09:24 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Old Re: Funny Church Bulletins: Oh the typos
i'm going to not say what's on my mind just this once........
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12-14-2010, 09:26 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Old Re: Funny Church Bulletins: Oh the typos
LOL! Thanks for posting this! Needed a good laugh.
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12-14-2010, 09:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
lol
 
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Old Re: Funny Church Bulletins: Oh the typos
Lol


 
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12-14-2010, 09:33 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Old Re: Funny Church Bulletins: Oh the typos
I remember one Sunday our secretary made a typo that read, "After School Tutoring takes place every Monday and Wednesday. It will be hell at 4:00."


 
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12-14-2010, 09:38 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Old Re: Funny Church Bulletins: Oh the typos
LOL! I'm cryin over here!


 
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12-14-2010, 10:03 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Old Re: Funny Church Bulletins: Oh the typos
LMAO!!! That was HA- LAR- IOUS OP!
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12-14-2010, 10:48 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Old Re: Funny Church Bulletins: Oh the typos
@ these ones
Quote:
Originally Posted by hotsunset28 View Post
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to
get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your
husbands.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we
have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They
need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be
'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older
ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with
the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication
to follow.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in
the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to
sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10
AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.
S. Is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake
breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
__________________


 
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12-14-2010, 10:54 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Old Re: Funny Church Bulletins: Oh the typos
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.



laughing!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!
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12-14-2010, 11:14 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Old Re: Funny Church Bulletins: Oh the typos
That's too funny!! Reading these made me remember this:

http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1830811

Last edited by reesexc; 12-15-2010 at 12:54 AM..


 
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12-14-2010, 11:27 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Old Re: Funny Church Bulletins: Oh the typos
^^Cant see pic
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12-14-2010, 11:59 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Old Re: Funny Church Bulletins: Oh the typos
I LOL'd at all of them, but these were the funniest to me:

Quote:
Originally Posted by hotsunset28 View Post

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.

--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to
get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your
husbands.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way
again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in
the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to
sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10
AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.
S. Is done.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7
PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------
__________________

Last edited by ~Wildflower~; 12-15-2010 at 12:19 AM..


 
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12-15-2010, 12:06 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Old Re: Funny Church Bulletins: Oh the typos
I needed that laugh.
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