With Mother's Day coming up and just seeing the other thread about mothers, I decided to start a thread on this topic. Personally I do not have a good relationship with my mother. I have tried over the years but she has never changed. I have forgiven her for things she has done that were hurtful to me, yet she continued to do it. She wasn't a horrible mother with different men and stuff like that. But I felt as though her mothering instinct just wasn't there. I never REALLY felt as though she loved me. I know that she lost her mom at a young age and probably didn't know how to interact with me. But this isn't an excuse. People can choose to change. I am currently not speaking to my mother. I'm in my 30s and I realize that we will never have a good mother/daughter relationship. This has impacted my life in a huge way. I pretty much taught myself how to be a woman, a mother and a wife. And at times it has been a struggle. If you don't have a good relationship with your mother, then how has it affected you as a woman?

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Aaaaw, thank you.

Checking in for the thread honey. I understand. I definitely understand.

Am I the only one?

Wow this is about to get deep this morning!!!

I am not at all motherly PERIOD! I pray to God all the time that when the time comes for me to have a little blessing it will come to me...I was my parents last child so my other siblings that I know personally are older than me with the exception of two that I didn't grow up with. My mother had three kids, my older sis in Jamaica who is in her mid 30's and my older brother who is in his very late twenties. I never knew my sister and my bother is five years older than me. Idk if this is just my mom but she acted as if she worshiped the very ground my brother walked on.

She treated me like shit, I had to cook and clean every day starting at age eleven. I basically catered to their every need no matter how drastic. No matter what they dished out I had to take it which led me to become a very bitter person at times. I don't like to clean because I had to wake up clean, go to school come home and clean, cook dinner and clean. Weekends were not a time for me to relax because everyone's laundry needed to be washed etc.Along with her being lazy as all hell she was a drinker, imagine cleaning all damn day and finally getting to sleep just to be beat awake...

To make this not as long as it's becoming I'll say this...

Because of her fucked up ways and my fathers absence I am a fucked up individual...Changin g everyday for the better but it's hard seeing her fucked up ways in myself as an adult...For mothers day she aint getting shit...THE END

Wow. Same here OP. Never felt the motherly love, and her mom died when she was 14!

I can only love her from a far. Id like for us to be close, but I'm not trying again until she really wants to. It never feels genuine. Haven't spoken to her since December, and I don't mind it. My life is so peaceful right now, and I love it! No one to use scripture and religious dogma to tear me down!

Our cycle is usually: mom needs me financially. I answer. Mom finds some asinine reason to assasinate my character to any & everyone. She uses scripture & what God told her to badmouth & ostracise me. If I'm in the same house, she'll ignore me, and take my siblings in a room and talk all types of crazy mess about me. They have to agree, or they're in the doghouse with me. If she ever speaks to me, its so calculated, cold & childish. I'm talking...walking in the room and saying 'hey y'all! I missed u! I know y'all are on my team & Gods side!' to my siblings. Then look at me, roll her eyes and say 'what u got on the rent?' I get fed up, and leave her alone. Repeat 20x.

I love her. I love my dad. The respect is not there, so I don't bother with them. My mom is a holier-than-thou bible thumper. My dad is deeply rooted in denail & self pity. Talking to them is like being in the twilight zone. I be on the phone like 'you cannot be serious...'

She never hit me. She never abused me. She just has a way of using God to make me feel smaller than an ant and I refuse .

Thank you for sharing. Know that you can always change your ways. Thank goodness my mom and I are polar opposites. I am now a mother of two and I'm guilty of "overloving" them. In other words, I overcompensate for what I didn't get. It is extreme at times and is not the best way to raise kids either. They are spoiled and take a lot for granted.

I have done everything the opposite of her. I've even moved her in with me to help her get on her feet. I was a single mother in the military and recently separated. She did not have to work while she was with me for years and went to school to further her education. While living with me, she continued to verbally abuse me until I got married again and left her ass in that state. Well lo and behold she found her way right back. Anyways, cycle after cycle and I'm tired.

The last episode, I wrote her a long ass email. I told her that I hope she has her elderly years planned out. Because she will be sitting in a nursing home and I'm not paying for it. I told her her only hope was that my daughter would take pity on her and take her in. Pain. And ironically she is Jamaican as well.

@ charmedone .. no you are not alone. I also felt that my mom never wanted me. I am 36 years old and severed ties with the lady who gave birth to me on Oct 3, 2008 after a lifetime of mental abuse. For me it was not a hard decision because she was never a mother to me (if that makes sense). I always looked to my dad and other adults for support. I also learned on my home how to be a woman. I am an only child and my kid is her only grandkid. i held on all those years hoping she would do better with her grandchild. There relationship was always strained also but when that lady started in with her mental/verbal abuse on my kid i had to end it. me and my kid are much better without the negativity we always felt around that lady. Pray and ask go for strength. Just because she gave birth to you does not give her the right to treat you like shit or for you to sit there and take it because she is your mom. People say you should talk to her but my mom was not open to that at all. and when my dad and godmom tried she turned the blame on my kid (a 13 year old at the time) so once i learned that i gave up because what mature adult blames a kid for something they did? I wrote a very nasty letter to her getting all my feelings out but i didnt mail it because she wouldnt have gotten the point and it wouldve turned into something worse. So i burned the letter behind my house and forgave her as the ashes floated into the sky. I didnt forgive her for her ... i forgave her FOR ME.... so that i could move on with my life. It was something i had to do for me. i lost other family (her siblings) over my decision but since they couldnt respect my wishes then i didnt need them anyway. good luck

That is really sad. I don't understand how mothers can be this way. I can only say that they must be in a tremendous amount of pain themselves. What gets me is her superficial bullshit. She loves to flaunt me around to her friends and make it look like everything is all good. My sister (who I don't even know) HATES her. She abandoned her in another country after her father died. Her grandparents raised her. I hated my mom for this. I was the one and only to suffer her mood swings. She didn't hit me either, but the verbal assaults were worse.

I've forgiven her. I truly have. I'm not saying the pain isn't still there sometimes. I am still healing. But for the sake of my sanity I have to distance myself from her. I mean veryone wasn't meant to have kids.

I think she was one of those people who thinks having a child will keep a man. I can only pray for her. That's all I can do.

I have a similar issue with my mother. It has taught me to be a great mom!! I do the exact oppoisite of what I hated about her parenting. I hug and kiss my daughter and tell her I love her everyday. When I'm wrong, I appologize to my daughter. I spend lots of time with my daughter, movies, plays, the zoo, ect. I think it all boils down to the fact that my grandmother was never really a mother to her kids. She loved to party and gamble and left her older kids to basically raise the others. My mother was probably a better mother than her in a sense, but boy did she have issues and she still does. I can't change the past but I can change the future. You don't have to follow in negative foot steps. I hate my mother for a lot the choices she has made, but at the end of the day, that still my mother and I can't change that. So I love her for who she is and just hope that things will get better one day. I also gave up on wishing my mom was like "this persons mom." She's not and never will be.

Thank you for sharing. YES, I understand. When it gets to the kids, you've crossed the line. That's why she has been cut off this last time. For letting my kids down.

I never knew there were so many people with Mama issues. My mother and I had a strained relationship. She definitely favored one of us over all the others and she was verbally abusive. When I was growing up I went through this awkward stage where I would bump into things a lot. She gave me the most disgusted look once when I bumped into a dresser and said something to the effect of: "you can't do anything right" I could just feel the lack of love she had for me. She was a very bitter, mean person. Even still, I tried to love her. She fell really ill and I and her favorite had to take care of her. My other two siblings wouldnt do shit for her. When she died she left the favorite the house, money, everything..of course.

This post brought tears to my eyes. You said so little, but you said so much. I often wonder if I will regret my feelings towards my mother when she passes away. If you don't mind sharing, how did you feel after she was gone?

Exactly .. say what you must to me cuz im an adult I can take it ... but NOT MY KID. And like you im the total opposite kind of mom to my kid (also an only child). She is spoiled rotten but knows for a fact i love her unconditionally and will move heaven and earth for her. I also tell her i love her and that she is beautiful every single day. I was not repeating that cycle... oh hell no. My kid knew of my strained realtionship with my mom and id promised her that id never let that happen to her. My mom started in on her on a monday evening (my kid used to go to her house before and after school), and by friday evening i was giving that lady her keys to her apt back and blocked her phone numbers and emails. And her words as i walked out the door were "you are going to let a child do this". I replied "you were the adult in the situation and since you can't act as one I stepped in.... but understand that YOU did this".