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Told my homegirl to stop talking to me about her man.

Maxine

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Look this all started because any time we met up, she kept talking about him but in a very negative way. Naturally, this formed a general dislike of her man amongst us (family and friends). But recently, after much introspection and skills application, I decided to remove myself emotionally from her drama. It’s not my relationship, if she chooses to stay with someone who is allegedly treating her like scum then what am I supposed to do? I don’t need to hear it.

So our other friend came out to dinner too and she started it with basically saying what I’ve said here. “Mia, why do you tell us all this terrible stuff about Darren but you continue to stay with him?” And my friend lost it, saying we should be supportive. But I chimed in, told her that she may not realize it but she was basically impacting our opinions of him. I told her she may want to dial it back and not tell us every single petty argument. To not involve us in her relationship cause who knows, maybe that arguing and other bs is their normal dynamic that works for them. At this point she isn’t going anywhere.

And to our shock, she apologized. But she claims she doesn’t get the big deal. I’m like ok whatever girl. My friend who popped off told me “she’s always saying how n****** ain’t sh!t but clinging to this one. I’m not listening no more!” after we got back to her place. I’m glad people in our friend group are starting to speak up and tell her to leave us out of it.

Have y’all dealt with friends like this? We didn’t mean to be harsh I was just sick of hearing negative sh!t from her all the time. She doesn’t have a kid with this dude and it’s been a year so if it’s that fµck!ng bad then she can leave lol.
 

MimiLuvs...

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Yes. Currently, with one of my long-time BFFs. She chooses to ignore my requests about not wanting to listen to her about her husband. I don't like him. He doesn't like me (as well as my other BFFs). And she chooses not to interact with her married friends because she wants to keep up with the façade that she created for them (about her "happy marriage").

The rest of my BFFs knows that I don't care for their significant others and I don't want to listen to them talk about the things that go on in their relationships.
 

Tennessee Slim

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In my past I have asked friends to no longer complain to me about people unless it’s an emergency. This was in my 20s, now a days I don’t know people who make those kinds of decisions but I really do think some women just like and want the attention.
 

KyleMack

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Good advice you gave to her. And socially a big problem. When you constantly complain about a significant other then you are turning your family and friends against that person.....while the complainer remains with them. Keep personal matters personal especially if you are married.
 

MoneyOverLove

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I have done the same and now I am at an age where my friends know better. If you want to stay with a sorry @ss man thats on you but stop talking to me about it and keep him from around me.
You do what is best for your mental health OP.
 

Love Gun

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This is my bff and her husband. She's been complaining the entire time they've been married. I don't even comment, I just nod and change the topic. When she does ask for my opinion, I say you're not going anywhere so all this hollering is pointless. The truth is, I actually agree with him in most of the arguments.
 

Righteous27

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I had a best friend that did this...five years. I finally told her not to mention him again because it is the same thing every year a cycle of his nonsense. She got upset which I didn't care hence "had a best friend"
 

Lewa

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Yeah y’all ain’t wrong. She is just a big festering ball of negativity. I can’t stand complainers who don’t even try to solve their problems.
 

JustKeepin

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Yep. And if they don't stop, I tell them "Obviously you like it because you're still with them"

That usually shuts them up.

It's perfectly fine to vent about your partner every ONCE in a while. Not all the damn time.

People don't realize that constantly shitting on your partner is also shitting on yourself. If they're that bad then something is wrong with you for staying with them.

You did the right thing OP.
 

mzfanci702

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I have a bff since grade school, and girl she does that same sh!t, it gets my my mf nerves, I get tired of hearing it and a lot of times have to say "Ill call you back". Im too old to be listening to some bs when you going to be right back with him. sh!t she too damn old to be dealing with the bs herself. And dont try and give your opinion she gets mad and distance herself. B bye, talk to you when you aint mad
 

Etruehollywood

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My ex best friend did this, her man was disrespectful and abusive both emotionally and occasionally physically (she always made it seem like they fought each other, but she wasn't even a solid 100 lbs) anyway I can't recall which time she told me about him, but I told her I didn't want to hear anymore, because this goes beyond being supportive. I'll never support a dumpster fire relationship, so just keep me out of it(not my exact words).

Our relationship was never the same and she only told me about him 2 more times, years after because they were both extremely serious and I was physically there for her both times. I have no regrets on how I handled it tho, even if it meant our relationship took a hit. I'm glad you took a stand for your own mental health OP.
 

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This is why I can't be friends with women in bad relationships! I don't want to keep hearing about the sh!t and if you not gone leave him then shut the fµck up and stop complaining!
 
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glowinthedark

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Look this all started because any time we met up, she kept talking about him but in a very negative way. Naturally, this formed a general dislike of her man amongst us (family and friends). But recently, after much introspection and skills application, I decided to remove myself emotionally from her drama. It’s not my relationship, if she chooses to stay with someone who is allegedly treating her like scum then what am I supposed to do? I don’t need to hear it.

So our other friend came out to dinner too and she started it with basically saying what I’ve said here. “Mia, why do you tell us all this terrible stuff about Darren but you continue to stay with him?” And my friend lost it, saying we should be supportive. But I chimed in, told her that she may not realize it but she was basically impacting our opinions of him. I told her she may want to dial it back and not tell us every single petty argument. To not involve us in her relationship cause who knows, maybe that arguing and other bs is their normal dynamic that works for them. At this point she isn’t going anywhere.

And to our shock, she apologized. But she claims she doesn’t get the big deal. I’m like ok whatever girl. My friend who popped off told me “she’s always saying how n****** ain’t sh!t but clinging to this one. I’m not listening no more!” after we got back to her place. I’m glad people in our friend group are starting to speak up and tell her to leave us out of it.

Have y’all dealt with friends like this? We didn’t mean to be harsh I was just sick of hearing negative sh!t from her all the time. She doesn’t have a kid with this dude and it’s been a year so if it’s that fµck!ng bad then she can leave lol.
You weren't wrong. If you tired of hearing the same old song, tell hwr to do something about it ans leave you alone.
It's the same as someone coming to you and talking **** about something/someone that bothers them and when you give them advice, they don't take it and then they come back. I've been known to be "mean" when I give someone advice and they don't take it and then come back. I tell them where to get off. Don't care if I know you or not. Either you listen or go yap to lucrecia over there in the corner.
 

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Yes and you did the right thing OP. Sometimes friends think being supportive means telling them what they want to hear or just letting them unload their mess on to you all the time.

I've gotten to the point of telling my friends when they have first world problems and "non-issue" issues and I tell them to suck that sh!t up. IDC. We've had too many friends be in serious situations for them to keep talking about things they're either causing or could easily resolve.

One of my friends' dating lives is a mess. She feels the need to tell me about every bad date and relationship and gets mute every time I mention that the standards she's setting for men aren't even standards she's meeting.
 

luckygirl93

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They want you to dog him out with her. But when you tell them to leave their ain’t sh!t man, they get mad af. Some may even accuse you of wanting their man.
 
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I think I struggled with this for a while with the thought of me not being a good friend if I don’t listen to the drama and the negative talk that some people I was around would say about their love lives/interests.

When I would advise them to simply leave or shut up then I would be labeled as being insensitive and unrealistic.

Unrealistic? Whatever that means... lol


They would stop discussing the situation until something triggered them then they would go on a tangent about what we just agreed to not discuss.

Well, I began distancing myself and let them wallow in their own misery. I don’t have time.

There are but so many times I can listen to stories of you being abused, cheated on and you agreeing to move on, but end up staying in the same on going cycle to then complain.


My advice is to cut them off especially if it’s starting to get to you.
 
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Yup, and I told her as you told your friend which was, "you're not leaving him, so I don't want to hear it". When she start, I'll say I don't want to hear and she changes the conversation.

This man has physically abused her and had 3 kids on her, but she still remain with him.
 

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Coupled and married women love to complain to their single friends(Im the single friend) bc they want to keep up the facade to their married friends so they dont look like the failure couple. They think that bc you are single you want to hear that ish, but actually we dont want to hear your relationship drama especially if you’re not going to listen to what we have to say (bc we’re single, what could we possibly know? :.eyeroll:)
 

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I have a friend who’s man told her days after coming home from the hospital from giving birth to their child, “Man fµck you and that baby” in response to him telling her to run an errand and her denying because she didn’t feel up to leaving the house with the newborn for a non pressing matter. Later she tried to throw my singleness in my face. I’m petty, so you can guess where that argument went. These women are the worst.
 

Caramelskin

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Look this all started because any time we met up, she kept talking about him but in a very negative way. Naturally, this formed a general dislike of her man amongst us (family and friends). But recently, after much introspection and skills application, I decided to remove myself emotionally from her drama. It’s not my relationship, if she chooses to stay with someone who is allegedly treating her like scum then what am I supposed to do? I don’t need to hear it.

So our other friend came out to dinner too and she started it with basically saying what I’ve said here. “Mia, why do you tell us all this terrible stuff about Darren but you continue to stay with him?” And my friend lost it, saying we should be supportive. But I chimed in, told her that she may not realize it but she was basically impacting our opinions of him. I told her she may want to dial it back and not tell us every single petty argument. To not involve us in her relationship cause who knows, maybe that arguing and other bs is their normal dynamic that works for them. At this point she isn’t going anywhere.

And to our shock, she apologized. But she claims she doesn’t get the big deal. I’m like ok whatever girl. My friend who popped off told me “she’s always saying how n****** ain’t sh!t but clinging to this one. I’m not listening no more!” after we got back to her place. I’m glad people in our friend group are starting to speak up and tell her to leave us out of it.

Have y’all dealt with friends like this? We didn’t mean to be harsh I was just sick of hearing negative sh!t from her all the time. She doesn’t have a kid with this dude and it’s been a year so if it’s that fµck!ng bad then she can leave lol.

The fact that she doesn’t see it as a “Big deal” tells me why her and her man always arguing.

She may subconsciously like all this drama...

Just don’t give her any advice or tune her out when she starts complaining.
 

TitsMcGhee

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I have a friend who’s man told her days after coming home from the hospital from giving birth to their child, “Man fµck you and that baby” in response to him telling her to run an errand and her denying because she didn’t feel up to leaving the house with the newborn for a non pressing matter. Later she tried to throw my singleness in my face. I’m petty, so you can guess where that argument went. These women are the worst.
I wish my man would ask me to do ANYTHING after giving birth. I'm taking my baby, hobbling to the car and setting the house on fire lol

I've had friends even ask why I don't talk about certain aspects of my relationship and my response is always the same: "cause I don't want your opinion". You can't tell your friends some mess and just expect them to unhear it so you can't even be mad when they give it right back to you. I don't blame you for going there.
 

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I've learned that if you are someone who is non sense with men with high standards then you have to distance yourself from friends with low standards and self-esteem. They will resent you for not putting up with anything anyway. It's that bad now that a lot of women will get irritated by you because you don't put up with bs.
 

spoiledwater

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It's a trap.

I just try to change the conversation, because many women who do this have misplaced aggression.

They will bring up the bad traits of their partner, son, or male relative.....almost always a man.

Goad you to "join in", and then later they find a passive aggressive way to start attacking YOU if you said something they don't like.

It's a fµck!ng trap.
upload_2019-10-15_11-6-23.png
 
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KamikaZee1307

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Yes,

I listened to my friend b!tch and moan about her fiance/baby father and how she caught him slipping in DM's on IG and was in an emotional relationship with a co-worker etc over the years and I gave her solid advice, even mentioned couples therapy and listen to her complain for a year about this dude and I finally snapped on her.

I told her you've been sitting here complaining for a year and I've given you advice and support and clearly you aren't listening so you are wasting my time and energy. I wish you the best and unless its to talk about the weather or celebrity crushes please don't call me about this dude.

That was last spring and I still talk to her but when she tries to bring him up I wrap up the conversation real quick and end it. Hate to do that but I gotta keep my mental state positive and her constant negativity wasn't helping.
 
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spoiledwater

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Also, the same woman will come back and want you to "celebrate" something good the man did for her.....erm.

giphy.gif
 
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Libra girl

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I know exactly what you mean. I have a friend that I have known since high school. All she does is complain about guys all the time. She went through guys like Kleenex. She whines and complain about men but can’t live without one. She is 40 now stuck with a loser and she had. His kid a kid she claims she didn’t want to have. She complains about her life. She ask people for advice we tell but she won’t listen. smh
 

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I wish my man would ask me to do ANYTHING after giving birth. I'm taking my baby, hobbling to the car and setting the house on fire lol

I've had friends even ask why I don't talk about certain aspects of my relationship and my response is always the same: "cause I don't want your opinion". You can't tell your friends some mess and just expect them to unhear it so you can't even be mad when they give it right back to you. I don't blame you for going there.

Thanks. She was toxic af too
 

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Also, the same woman will come back and want you to "celebrate" something good the man did for her.....erm.
Exactly! Like you're supposed to erase all the fµck sh!t outta your mind just because he washed some dishes for once. Sis those were take out containers that y'all don't even need :arrogant

Sorry... flashbacks to another friend's sorry ass excuse for a man.
 

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Putting extra emphasis on this. Then whenever the right man for you comes in your life, they become envious or make snide remarks about you or attempt to embarrass you in front of your man or mixed company.

I've learned that if you are someone who is non sense with men with high standards then you have to distance yourself from friends with low standards and self-esteem. They will resent you for not putting up with anything anyway. It's that bad now that a lot of women will get irritated by you because you don't put up with bs.
 

Mayadeets

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Putting extra emphasis on this. Then whenever the right man for you comes in your life, they become envious or make snide remarks about you or attempt to embarrass you in front of your man or mixed company.


Exactly. I learned they don’t want better for themselves they aren’t going to want it for you.
 

Herfeffine

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This is just like my cousin. She tells us all day about how her little man talks sh!t to her and basically treats her like a groupie. Yet she runs to him anytime he calls despite what I told her. I don’t know what else to do besides stay quiet when she brings him up and I secretly pray they don’t end up with a kid. Sometimes ya just gotta let them be stupid for a while
 

Demitria479

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I've learned that if you are someone who is non sense with men with high standards then you have to distance yourself from friends with low standards and self-esteem. They will resent you for not putting up with anything anyway. It's that bad now that a lot of women will get irritated by you because you don't put up with bs.

Putting extra emphasis on this. Then whenever the right man for you comes in your life, they become envious or make snide remarks about you or attempt to embarrass you in front of your man or mixed company.


My mother.
She talks about her bf to me when she knows idc about his bum ass. There’s plenty of things that bother me about that man, but his lack of spine is up there.

To the bolded: I’ve noticed a lot of older women do this to the younger women/daughters in the family. When i broke-up with my ex earlier this year the majority of my female relatives were supportive. My mom is still asking about him (even when i told her not to). Women like this hates when someone (especially a women they view as a threat) improves their situation. Misery loves company.
 

Maxine

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Yes. Currently, with one of my long-time BFFs. She chooses to ignore my requests about not wanting to listen to her about her husband. I don't like him. He doesn't like me (as well as my other BFFs). And she chooses not to interact with her married friends because she wants to keep up with the façade that she created for them (about her "happy marriage").

The rest of my BFFs knows that I don't care for their significant others and I don't want to listen to them talk about the things that go on in their relationships.
It’s all so very toxic tbh. Like at this point, we don’t actually know if he’s a sh!tty guy or not. Like you said, it’s best to not even care.
 

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I have a friend that does this and then proceeds to project the opposite publicly, it's to the point that I don't acknowledge her comments about him or I change the subject. I won't judge you for staying, that's your business, but honestly stop dragging him if you continue to stay OR JUST LEAVE!!! It's only a couple of options here...
 

Dark and Lovely

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So our other friend came out to dinner too and she started it with basically saying what I’ve said here. “Mia, why do you tell us all this terrible stuff about Darren but you continue to stay with him?” And my friend lost it, saying we should be supportive. But I chimed in, told her that she may not realize it but she was basically impacting our opinions of him. I told her she may want to dial it back and not tell us every single petty argument. To not involve us in her relationship cause who knows, maybe that arguing and other bs is their normal dynamic that works for them. At this point she isn’t going anywhere.

In my past I have asked friends to no longer complain to me about people unless it’s an emergency. This was in my 20s, now a days I don’t know people who make those kinds of decisions but I really do think some women just like and want the attention.

I know someone like this.

They always complain about how so-and-so treat them so bad, but they stay.

From roommates, to friends, to people at their church, always complaining about being taken advantage of or used or being treated badly, but continued to be roommates, be friends, and allow the church group to take money/resources from them...madness! Any advice you give them, they were like 'yeah, ok' and then went on continuing to be exploited. I don't even care. The users are smart, you are not, sorry.

I used to feel sorry for them but realize they have a martyr complex, and this is their twisted way of getting attention.

Now it's their spouse, but I shut that down real quick when the theatrics got out of hand. From the time they were dating said person until they got married and until now, they never said one, not ONE positive thing about that person.

A few years ago, I straight up said I don't want to hear it.

You can't feel sorry for people b/c 9 times out of 10, people put themselves in the sh!tty situation that they are in, and your energy would best serve helping yourself.
 
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Tony Stark JR

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Yes, omg. I have a friend right now that I’m fed up with for this same thing. I’m friends with both of them. They have this toxic relationship and only reach out to complain about the other person whenever they get mad. If you agree with her, she’ll have the NERVE to get defensive and say “I don’t want to talk about him anymore.” Like she wants to complain w/o feedback and you can’t give your opinion on the matter. I’ve had enough.
 

Dark and Lovely

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I decided to stop giving advice because seeing people walk over and over again into bad situations made me a cold person. I don't want to be like that.

Also, the same woman will come back and want you to "celebrate" something good the man did for her.....erm.

I have a friend that does this and then proceeds to project the opposite publicly, it's to the point that I don't acknowledge her comments about him or I change the subject. I won't judge you for staying, that's your business, but honestly stop dragging him if you continue to stay OR JUST LEAVE!!! It's only a couple of options here...

Yep.
Perfect IG/FB couple though.
He combed his daughters hair and you're so thankful you found a kind, gentle, God-fearing man and this is the start of forever, blah, blah...
But to you, they complain how much he cheats, how he's abusive, how he takes money from them, how he left the house for a week without saying anything, how he took up with another woman and then begged to come back when she threw him out, etc.
 

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Look this all started because any time we met up, she kept talking about him but in a very negative way. Naturally, this formed a general dislike of her man amongst us (family and friends). But recently, after much introspection and skills application, I decided to remove myself emotionally from her drama. It’s not my relationship, if she chooses to stay with someone who is allegedly treating her like scum then what am I supposed to do? I don’t need to hear it.

So our other friend came out to dinner too and she started it with basically saying what I’ve said here. “Mia, why do you tell us all this terrible stuff about Darren but you continue to stay with him?” And my friend lost it, saying we should be supportive. But I chimed in, told her that she may not realize it but she was basically impacting our opinions of him. I told her she may want to dial it back and not tell us every single petty argument. To not involve us in her relationship cause who knows, maybe that arguing and other bs is their normal dynamic that works for them. At this point she isn’t going anywhere.

And to our shock, she apologized. But she claims she doesn’t get the big deal. I’m like ok whatever girl. My friend who popped off told me “she’s always saying how n****** ain’t sh!t but clinging to this one. I’m not listening no more!” after we got back to her place. I’m glad people in our friend group are starting to speak up and tell her to leave us out of it.

Have y’all dealt with friends like this? We didn’t mean to be harsh I was just sick of hearing negative sh!t from her all the time. She doesn’t have a kid with this dude and it’s been a year so if it’s that fµck!ng bad then she can leave lol.

Yes I’ve dealt with it and we’re not friends anymore. Now there are several reasons why I want nothing to do with her but the constant negative talk about her boyfriend made me begin to separate myself. She would put him out and tell me she is done. I would come over and he is there. He cheated then told her nobody would want her but him because she never snapped back after having her son. She actually believers him. Smh

Then he started to start drama there were two occasions where she told me things he said about me or how he felt we were too close. It was strange so I fell back because I wanted no parts. They are still together of course this was about 4 years ago. She posted him boasting about him taking her to Paris recently. I don’t hate her so I DM her happy birthday enjoy Paris. She DM me back she’s having a horrible time and she is unhappy. I left her on seen and muted her. Lol I just couldn’t deal.

It’s like these kind of women don’t have the guts to say certain things to these men so instead they drain their friends with it. Then go home to these guys and pretend everything is ok. I personally don’t discuss my relationship with my friends in detail. That’s a whole notha issue we had she was in my business too much.
 

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