Quantcast

“My wife inherited $800K. She put $300K toward our mortgage and $500K in her own bank account”

Is the Husband’s feelings warranted?

  • Yes

  • No


Results are only viewable after voting.

Venus Trap

General Manager
Joined
Aug 4, 2018
Messages
1,397
Reaction score
Reactions
10,176 219 83
10,663
Alleybux
109,227
Wow. Ya know, women are funny. This man said he’s 65 years old and has been the main bread winner in his lifetime during their entire marriage. Yeah she put in 300k to their mortgage (even though she could have paid it off completely) and yet he’s trash even though according to the finances and in debt he’s in, he’s Ben taking care of majority of their bills and finances. I feel for him, she could have at least helped him pay off his debt. It’s funny that you think men are supposed to just take care of you, but yet those vows swing both ways. Interesting.
so I guess we're assuming he took care of the kids, the cleaning, the cooking, etc.?
She did help with the debt by paying most of the mortgage. Wasn't part of that his debt?

Did she say what she had planned for the rest of the money?

The issue I have with his reaction is that he didn't give her the benefit of the doubt. And it doesn't even sound like he tried to talk to her about getting some help with the credit card debt.
 

Venus Trap

General Manager
Joined
Aug 4, 2018
Messages
1,397
Reaction score
Reactions
10,176 219 83
10,663
Alleybux
109,227
He’s not legally entitled to that money. So, he needs to stop making plans for it. If I were the wife, I would have paid off his credit card as an anniversary gift or something and told him not to mess up the clean slate I just provided. I would probably invest the rest and set up retirement. But, I’m a nice girl and am very much aware I wouldn’t be obligated to do any of that.

Something tells me this man isn’t great with money and that is why the wife isn’t including him in her plans. I wouldn’t even be surprised if the husband was banking on this inheritance to bail him out and therefore, felt he didn’t have to worry about any financial planning.
The thing is, she doesn't even have the money yet and she could have been waiting to surprise him as well. He assumed a lot without event talking to her.
 

SinCndomPapi

Dominican Papi, Portofino Papi, Pacífico Papi
BANNED
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
19,669
Reaction score
Reactions
174,018 14,698 19,660
230,789
Alleybux
3,129
breaks malfunction from time to time

1620246481132.png
 

Abbie Mills

Wife of Prince Daemon Targaryen and President Snow
Joined
Jul 30, 2017
Messages
6,730
Reaction score
Reactions
79,099 1,113 415
89,534
Alleybux
127,989
I’m on the fence about this one...

He’s definitely a bitter betty about still having to work. Realistically he should be retired by now at age 65. She did do her job as a SAHM and made some small money but their kids are grown grown so there’s no reason she couldn’t have done more to earn money on the side for them to enjoy their time together since their both up there in age. That’s the point of retirement when you’re married, to enjoy your time together with as little stress as possible.

I interpret that there is still 150k left on the mortgage which the wife should have just paid off with the inheritance so that they have it free and clear. That’s the only point that seems weird to me...his debts are his problem but why wouldn’t she just pay off the house and keep the rest of the money for herself? There are details missing here and something is off. Any normal person at their ages would want a jointly mortgaged and deeded property to be fully paid off asap. She didn’t pay off the whole mortgage and it’s weird.
And yes, he probably would need to pay her alimony if they divorced BUT why is he considering that?

The point is that he provided for them and created a situation where she could stay home AND she agreed to that. She should be trying to make it as simple as possible for him to retire so they can enjoy each other now. Something else is amiss (no longer in love, bad spending habits, lack of trust). Something.

Hell maybe, SHE’S preparing to divorce. Wouldn’t want a mortgage or all of that money in a joint account...

I’m all for a woman being smart about her money individually but a lot of y’all shouldn’t be married and would be pissed if the situation were reversed.
I personally view him as being financially irresponsible. I think she did pay off the home and he was just listing the worth of the home not how much they actually owe.

For being the breadwinner he should have saved up some money for there retirement. I know these types unfortunately. They tell their wife they are okay with them not working then get angry about it when they do stay at home.

I don’t know how he got in that much debt, but it’s not uncommon in these types of situations. The men are resentful so they buy things they don’t need because they deserve something nice.

If it were me in that situation(I would never marry someone so financially irresponsible), I would have paid off his debt as well as the mortgage. I don’t like having debt or being attached to someone with debt.

That being said I would not give him any access to the remaining money. He has proven that he doesn’t know how to handle the finances and being close to retirement age(to get your full pension now you have to retire at 67 not 65) this isn’t a good thing. I would make sure we are both taken care of, but I wouldn’t trust him to hold a dime.

The rest would be put into a retirement account and he would need to start saving with the money that would have gone towards paying off his debt and the mortgage.

I would also schedule a appointment with a financial consultant and see if he can talk some sense into this man.
 

Chile Bye

Team Owner
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
11,219
Reaction score
Reactions
110,674 5,861 2,704
131,164
Alleybux
16,480
I agree. If that's my husband of 35 years and he's been the main breadwinner, I would pay off his CC debt. After that, everything goes to me, and he can use the extra money he would for the mortgage to build his savings.

I agree, paying the $80k is a lot cheaper than paying $300k on the mortgage. He's already talking about divorce after she paid off the mortgage of $300k. Busta pleas, she has the money to get another home, you don't so he needs to shut up.
 

MelonJuice

Team Owner
Joined
Nov 18, 2008
Messages
5,223
Reaction score
Reactions
31,696 550 238
34,020
Alleybux
886,018
The columnist basically read this man the riot act, and rightfully so. He clearly does not appreciate the sacrifices his wife made for the family. His sense of entitlement is also on another level. He knows damn well he has no claim to her inheritance, and he should be thankful that she clearly looked out for him first. $300k is nothing to sneeze at. Why in the hell is he in his 60s with $80k in credit card debt? I guarantee you the wife would have probably given him more money to handle if she felt like he would use it responsibly.
 
Last edited:

AI Boyfriend

Team Owner
Joined
Aug 13, 2018
Messages
9,887
Reaction score
Reactions
106,765 6,798 5,940
110,474
Alleybux
319,737
Another simp that fell for the provider scam lol.
Yeah sounds like being a husband and father was a SCAM for him. He spent his entire life taking care of other people and still broke as hell lol. He would be further ahead if he stayed childless and wife-less.

For most of these dudes, a family is just another bill that will force them to work an extra 20 years to pay off. And more often than not, that same family will take you for granted and hardly come to visit your old ass cuz they too busy with their own lives.

This dude is about to end up 70, divorced, broke and his kids might visit him once a year if that lol. And I bet he thought he was winning 30 years ago with a wife and kids smh. Society played his ass.
 

MelonJuice

Team Owner
Joined
Nov 18, 2008
Messages
5,223
Reaction score
Reactions
31,696 550 238
34,020
Alleybux
886,018
I highly doubt she was going to start living the high life with $500K while he struggled. He was going to be able to enjoy her money with her especially since he now has a house that’s mortgage free. What’s killing me is he didn’t give her a chance to show exactly what she was going to do with the money. Just immediately wanted a divorce because she wasn’t doing “enough”

His wife will probably be glad to be rid of his ass. He is walking a tight rope.
 

MelonJuice

Team Owner
Joined
Nov 18, 2008
Messages
5,223
Reaction score
Reactions
31,696 550 238
34,020
Alleybux
886,018
I hate when men throw back in your face that they are the breadwinner. She’s already done enough. She paid off their mortgage(or paid most of it off). He seems financially irresponsible with $80,000 in credit card debt(what they hell was he buying?) and no savings. If you were the breadwinner why didn’t you plan for the future?

You are also supposed to pay for your kids education if you can afford it. They are his kids too. Does he want a cookie for doing what he is supposed to do?

This is a lesson to never live above your means like this guy, and start saving for the future as soon as you can.

The nerve of him to suggest divorce just because she is trying to save the money. Has he ever thought that she’s putting it away in a separate account because she knows he is financially irresponsible?
I agree the "I'm the breadwinner" mess gets old. But these are the same typesnof men who complain about women who refuse take a backseat career-wise for the sake of the family.
 

PlumpRump

Sacred.
Joined
Jun 17, 2013
Messages
9,236
Reaction score
Reactions
53,660 2,477 2,371
58,900
Alleybux
32,500
he asked: If we divorce, will I have to pay her alimony?
but his real question probably is: If we divorce, will she have to pay ME alimony and/or split her inheritance?

he just don't want to sound like the obvious money-grubber he is.
she needs to be careful of him.. he sounds like the type of weirdo that might do something strange for a piece of change -- including take a life.
 

Flamboyant

subtle.
Joined
Oct 19, 2013
Messages
23,115
Reaction score
Reactions
94,044 1,289 389
107,573
Alleybux
186,100
I want to drag this guy so bad. Like how are you 65 with no savings, no 401K, AND 80k in credit card debt? The fµck is wrong with him?? The wife took care of his dumb azz and the kids, paid off most of the house. I hope she saves her money and spends frugally because that guy would bleed her dry.
 

jwill

Team Owner
Joined
Jun 29, 2007
Messages
12,327
Reaction score
Reactions
180,145 4,904 1,287
184,912
Alleybux
984,430
Man if someone pays off my biggest monthly bill , I would be so grateful!!!

I would focus on paying off that 80k and with him making 130k a year, he should be able to completely pay that off in 12-15 months. In addition, he needs to start now putting his money in savings or a 401k.

Im glad the financial advisor put him in his place and let him down by letting him know no matter what he is not LEGALLY entitled to a dime, LOL!!!
 
Last edited:

SnazzyWAP

Grogu'in on these hoes
Joined
Oct 22, 2020
Messages
1,260
Reaction score
Reactions
12,850 232 19
13,751
Alleybux
254,470
Reason #5932 why I will never remarry. Because if this ain't some entitled bµllsh!t.....
 

Will Piff

I smack ninjas and munch witches
Joined
Apr 2, 2021
Messages
2,524
Reaction score
Reactions
6,528 957 1,061
5,468
Alleybux
1,646
Im not going to tell anyone how to run their marriage or their life, but in my family we have a joint account and each have our own account, and whatever each of us makes we divide amongst each account evenly. Some months one of us contributes more then some months its the other. But we each do our best and the bills get paid, our personal needs are met, and our savings increase. And we never make a major purchase without discussing it and agreeing on it. And after more than 15 years together we have never had any problems out of this.
 

D U N K I N

Official Coco Gauff Stan Account
Joined
Sep 15, 2012
Messages
2,639
Reaction score
Reactions
27,321 753 428
29,347
Alleybux
134,116
OP, change the story to say a husband inherited $800k, is only putting 300k towards the mortgage, and is pocketing the rest in his personal bank account and let’s see how the comments change then.

Lol!!

Some of y’all are full of it.
Nope
 

new2this

General Manager
OLDHEAD
Joined
Dec 19, 2006
Messages
2,042
Reaction score
Reactions
19,083 933 127
19,355
Alleybux
167,544
I can’t get over all the poor decisions that have been made. How are you 65, still working, with no savings, & no 401k, with $80k in credit card debt? I wouldn’t let his dumbass touch any of my money either.

And of top of this still owe 300000 on a mortgage????? He can’t be good with money. If that was me I’d pay off the 80000 in a year and save the 130000 a year for the next 4 years to live off while retired. I think the wife greatly contributed financially by paying off the mortgage. This is what should have been done by 65! So what is he complaining about?!
 

GitchiYaYa

General Manager
Joined
Mar 25, 2021
Messages
1,050
Reaction score
Reactions
12,468 418 31
12,440
Alleybux
49,234
It sounds like hubby liked to live in the fast lane and the wife is more frugal than him.

Child, they say you aren’t supposed to keep things from your spouse, but I’d find a way to be tight lipped af. Y’all haven’t watched murder shows?? Husbands lose their sh!t over some inheritance
 

D U N K I N

Official Coco Gauff Stan Account
Joined
Sep 15, 2012
Messages
2,639
Reaction score
Reactions
27,321 753 428
29,347
Alleybux
134,116
Another simp that fell for the provider scam lol.
Nobody forced men into being “providers” that’s a standard they set themselves. Oh well
Yeah sounds like being a husband and father was a SCAM for him. He spent his entire life taking care of other people and still broke as hell lol. He would be further ahead if he stayed childless and wife-less.

For most of these dudes, a family is just another bill that will force them to work an extra 20 years to pay off. And more often than not, that same family will take you for granted and hardly come to visit your old ass cuz they too busy with their own lives.

This dude is about to end up 70, divorced, broke and his kids might visit him once a year if that lol. And I bet he thought he was winning 30 years ago with a wife and kids smh. Society played his ass.
100% his own doing. This is exactly why I don’t trust people to handle my money. 65+ with no savings, 401k AND five digit credit card debt?? Companies now give out free money to match a 401k. And if the kids are grown at this point where was his money going to not have liquid cash savings at a bank? Even my granddaddy kept money in the macaroni box and under his mattress.

The wife took care of the largest bill they both have and if they are in their 60s still owing that much she did him a favor if he’s the breadwinner like he claims.

The ink on the check probably isn’t dry yet and he’s scared she’s going to take her money and run off to Jamaica and get her groove back.
 

Kenzainfluenza

Zouiten
Joined
Jan 19, 2017
Messages
1,168
Reaction score
Reactions
9,584 456 352
10,938
Alleybux
108,244
I don’t know..he sounds like he’s been the breadwinner the entire marriage and admitted to paying for his kids college education.

She said she’s going to pay down their mortgage and he didn’t explain what else she is doing with the money. What does he want her to do? Pay his credit debt down? I wouldn’t see anything wrong with that, especially after he’s taken care of their entire family financially singlehandedly. We don’t know how that financial burden has impacted his credit use.

I agree!

It sounds like he's been spending his earning on his family all these years and now that his wife has a chance to put them both into a comfortable early retirement suddenly that's just HER money....

Seems like she's not operating as a unit with her husband and has her own plans for this money.
 

A Hiromi May

The Daydreamer
Joined
Apr 19, 2015
Messages
7,476
Reaction score
Reactions
51,192 624 51
64,598
Alleybux
98,169
Something's not adding up. They both seem irresponsible. If he was paying most of the bills then some of her income should/could have been saved. Where was it going to neither one of them to have "no savings, no 401(k), nothing" just pension? Were they living above their means? If they were living above their means then he was footing the bill and therefore enabling it. Was it he, who was living above his means?

The wife goes to work outside of the home at the age of 46 and retired at 59? Was she working PT, when the kids got old enough? What prompted her to retire at 59 with no saving or 401(k)? Why does she feel comfortable retiring with nothing but a small pension?

Nonetheless, he sounds bitter for having to foot the bill all these years. I'm not sure if he was doing it to keep up the show or she was using charging mainly everything to his card. Doesn't seem like they thought things through at the starting line. The wife was 26 at time of marriage (husband 30) and they probably had the babies early in the marriage which would make the wife mid/late 40s at the time the kids went off to college. How long has the husband been making this 130k/year? If she was a stay-at-home mom for 15-20 years then of course he had to pay for the kids college.

At least, she giving 300K towards the house that one less bill for him and if the divorce goes through...possibly money for him.
 

Kenzainfluenza

Zouiten
Joined
Jan 19, 2017
Messages
1,168
Reaction score
Reactions
9,584 456 352
10,938
Alleybux
108,244
Man if someone pays off my biggest monthly bill , I would be so grateful!!!

I would focus on paying off that 80k and with him making 130k a year, he should be able to completely pay that off in 12-15 months. In addition, he needs to start now putting his money in savings or a 401k.

Im glad the financial advisor put him in his place and let him down by letting him know no matter what he is not LEGALLY entitled to a dime, LOL!!!

it's not HIS monthly bill....

lots of bitter bettys on here with no career or marriage prospects. When you get married and buy a house that's a FAMILY bill. Her ass lives there too, so did their children. He also paid for THEIR KIDS bills all these years.
 

Dial Body wash

#Lawrencehive
Joined
Aug 25, 2013
Messages
15,918
Reaction score
Reactions
57,643 7,197 17,998
39,869
Alleybux
537,040
Tired of married men thinking that stay at home moms don’t work. It’s a lot of work and it’s unpaid and unacknowledged but it’s work.
If it was such hard work as women tried to proclaim, then most of you would have no problem handing it off to men so they could be sahf.

Yet when the subject of a sahf comes up, women acts as if he's lazy and getting over.
 

Dial Body wash

#Lawrencehive
Joined
Aug 25, 2013
Messages
15,918
Reaction score
Reactions
57,643 7,197 17,998
39,869
Alleybux
537,040
With that said people are entitled to keep their inherentances whether man or woman. But he just learned a hard lesson about the inherent selfishness and narcissistism of women.
 

AI Boyfriend

Team Owner
Joined
Aug 13, 2018
Messages
9,887
Reaction score
Reactions
106,765 6,798 5,940
110,474
Alleybux
319,737
Just men continuing to be trash
Sure. This trashy man paid all the bills, put the children through college and provided enough that the wife didn't have to work for decades.

I'm sure she could have worked if she wanted but she said to herself "why work when I'm possibly getting a 1-2 million dollar inheritance by 50".

I bet she thought her dad was gonna die earlier than he actually did and decided not to work, just wait for the inheritance to come when dad dies. But sounds like he lived til damn near 90 and had her waiting 10 years longer than she predicted.

I bet the husband was banking on her inheritance too which is why they don't got no savings. They both been waiting for that money to hit and I bet they thought it was gonna be more than 800K.
 

BabysScorpio

And so it was
Joined
Feb 19, 2016
Messages
30,506
Reaction score
Reactions
304,623 7,555 4,083
332,036
Alleybux
308,722
she paid off most of the mortgage, now he can focus on paying off that horrendous credit card debt. Some 'breadwinner' he is, living in debt and not having a savings. Seems like she is the more financially responsible one
 

NotoriousKIA

General Manager
Joined
Nov 1, 2018
Messages
3,616
Reaction score
Reactions
50,291 1,338 592
53,616
Alleybux
305,809
I can’t get over all the poor decisions that have been made. How are you 65, still working, with no savings, & no 401k, with $80k in credit card debt? I wouldn’t let his dumbass touch any of my money either.

They were more than likely living beyond their means so she could be a stay at home mom, and that is why he is really pissed. He funded all of the kids’ education, which we all know is much more than tuition (food, books, clothes, car repairs...and those things probably contributed to the credit card debt). He paid for all of those Christmases and birthdays, and summer vacations.

If they were living a lifestyle where they had no savings he should have told her to step up and get a full time job, but his ego probably wouldn’t let him admit that he couldn’t handle the financial load alone.

The solution is simple. Just communicate. He should simply say hey, after working and providing all of these years I would really like to retire early if it is financially feasible. Maybe even present her with a budget showing how much of her money that would possibly require. If she is even semi decent I’m sure she’ll try to work with him, even if it’s just retiring 2 years early versus 5 or paying half the credit card debt versus the whole thing.
 

Realer26

General Manager
Joined
Dec 28, 2010
Messages
3,968
Reaction score
Reactions
26,068 893 1,750
24,739
Alleybux
62,048
After 35 years of marriage, living solely off his salary for 22 of those years, raising two kids and seeing them thru college you'd think there was more of a partnership than this. She worked for 13 years making enough spending money for herself and retired at 57. This woman is lazy and selfish If he inherited money I'm sure she would have an issue if he didn't share it with her.

I could see this separation of funds after 5 or even 15 years -not 35 years. Or if they married later in life. I'm sure the $80k in credit card debt was incurred to subsidize tuition, support two college aged kids, home repairs on their aging family home and just to experience life thru vacations, family outings and other small luxuries to live a middle class lifestyle. He should take his $225k from the sale of the house (plus any extra from the appreciated value) and leave.
 

I Bit Bey

touch grass szn
Joined
Dec 4, 2020
Messages
5,907
Reaction score
Reactions
91,187 2,660 837
98,701
Alleybux
118,404
If my spouse of multiple decades had nearly 7 times the amount of my debt just sitting in the bank, and didn't at least offer to pay it, I would absolutely feel a way about it, especially if I was at retirement age.

However, the overall tone of the letter and mention of divorce is absolutely off putting. It reads like if the tables were turned, divorce and take all coins is exactly what he would've done. His wife definitely knows his ass better than we do, so there's that.

Money is great uniter and the great divider!!
 

mossshearted

Yes, I deleted. Yes, I came back.
Joined
Sep 8, 2020
Messages
3,659
Reaction score
Reactions
44,277 1,341 662
45,312
Alleybux
214,500
TLDR: Husband thinks he is entitled to more of wife’s $800K inheritance AFTER she already paid $300K to their mortgage.

From The Moneyist:
Dear Quentin,

I’ve been married 35 years.

My wife is going to inherit $800,000 and told me she will use $300,000 to pay off our mortgage. The house is worth $450,000. But she will put the remaining $500,000 into her own personal checking account.

I’m 65 and still work. I earn $130,000 a year and plan to continue to work for another five years, as long as I am in good health.
My wife retired two years ago at age 59 after working for 13 years, earning $20,000 a year. She mostly stayed home and helped raise our two children, who are now adults with their own jobs.
My wife gets a small pension and I will also get a pension. We have no savings, no 401(k), nothing. I paid for my kids’ college education. We own one car outright. I have credit-card debt of nearly $80,000. My wife has credit-card debt of $2,800.
What do you think of the way she has treated her inheritance? If we divorce, will I have to pay her alimony?

-Been Working Since I Was 16

Response
Dear Working,

Don’t allow your frustration over this inheritance OR the fact that you have been working since 16 to force you into doing something rash. Your wife has used more than one-third of this money to pay off your joint mortgage. Inheritances are not considered community property, so she is clearly taking her time deciding what to do with it. While that may feel like a slap in the face after 35 years of marriage, she is legally entitled to do that, and personally entitled to do so too.

You don’t say why you have $80,000 in credit-card debt and your wife only has $2,800. Assuming it’s notbecause of your children’s college expenses, this disparity may also reveal that you have different spending habits and abilities to manage your money. That’s a lot of money to have on your credit card, and if you racked up that money on miscellaneous expenses, I can understand why your wife did not believe it was her responsibility to pay off your personal debt.

Imagine if the tables were turned and you put $300,000 of your inheritance toward this house, and then your wife turned around and said, ‘Thanks for paying off a chunk of our mortgage, but I feel like this is a good time for a divorce.’


Given the disparity in your incomes, I can understand why you feel the way you do. But that does not take into account being a stay-at-home mother, which is a full-time job in itself. That, plus her $20,000-a-year job, suggests to me that she more than contributed her fair share of time and labor to the marriage.

Plus, even though she was paid less than you, let’s assume that she worked as hard as anyone for those 13 years. Bottom line: You both worked.

Your question regarding alimony likely depends on where you live, your individual circumstances, the judge, and the size of the inheritance. Previous cases have shown that the income generated from an inheritance can be a factor in determining alimony, even though inheritance is generally considered separate property. You were the major breadwinner, and based on previous cases on inheritance, it’s unlikely to be a major factor in alimony.

Think of it this way: She has just contributed $300,000 to your life together when she could have kept all of that money, and divorced you. Just imagine if the tables were turned and you put $300,000 of your inheritance toward this house, and then your wife turned around and said, “Thanks for paying off a chunk of our mortgage, but I feel like this is a good time for a divorce.”

If you feel upset now, you would be absolutely furious then.
________________________

What a greedy entitled bastard. And the columnist told his ass right. If you were the breadwinner making $130K why don’t you have savings, 401(k), etc and why you got $80K in credit cards? So what were you planning to do before you found out she was getting money?
Also it sounds like she hasn’t gotten the actual money yet and he don’t even know how she actually plans to use it. Yet you already want a divorce because she’s not in a rush you pay off YOUR debt?
The F*ck?
View attachment 2529809
He sounds angry, and if the situation is as he's presented it, then I don't really blame him. He's not legally entitled to her money, but I think about my husband...and I just can't imagine coming into a substantial inheritance and not sharing it with him.

BUT...the thing is that other than the the mortgage payoff, it's not clear what the wife plans to do with the money. The husband makes it clear that he was the primary breadwinner, that he still works and has a lot of debt, doesn't have any savings, and will draw a pension. But he's very light on details about the inheritance --all we know is that she's going to put most of it in her personal checking account--and maybe that's what's troubling him. Maybe he wants her to put it in a shared account? I can't imagine that after 35 years of marriage, she's planning to hoard a half a mil for herself. Maybe the real issue here is that she has sole oversight of the money--he doesn't have a say in how it's spent.
 

Similar Threads

The Culture

News Alley

Ask LSA

Top Bottom