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almost outed as trans at work

ZalicaDivine

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so work has been going great until last week until I began working with this girl who I always see but never speak to at work. So her friend, a guy, I overheard him telling her that he thought I was cute and she said, "you sure?"

the panicking me in ME kinda got scared but heres how I think her and other supervisors know (shes a supervisor and works closely with upper staff). When I applied for the job a year ago, my gender marker wasnt yet changed and so in February this year I finally got it changed on my ID and brought it in so some of the uppers know but these are people like way up, they aren't even in the city at all times, they go to multiple locations and things like that.

ever since i got there though this girl seemed to have a problem with me and I have ignored her up til now. we started in the same department last week and i was beginning to think she was cool until i heard 'he' slip out of her mouth a few times. i THOUGHT maybe its just my mind playing tricks on me until i heard her clearly the second time. I ignored it and I asked the next morning to transfer to another department. on Friday one of the older ladies, shes really sweet but has always looked at me oddly asked me, "this is personal..don't get angry but you are a girl right?" and said she'd heard things before about me and would dismiss the rumors until she head again that day.

My defenses instantly clicked ok and told her yes and proceeded on my way to the head management office, i was very upset and very annoyed, I'm very sweet but i did feel personally attacked because i KNOW for a fact the girl knows about my medical history and has been gossiping about me. I reported her and asked for a leave of absence for a few days.

It just boggles my mind ...how miserable can a person be.
I bother no one and keep to myself but here's the kicker, her male friend, the one i think she even likes came to me and saw me visibly upset and began to console me, "you're beautiful regardless of what people say". I was definitely crying and his words were nice, I just don't feel safe there and will probably transfer. But she clearly did it out of jealousy and it makes me mad because I have a bf so...yeah I don't want your fµck!ng friend.

Not saying all biological women do this but she seems bitter and overall just miserable. I expect the same respect I give you to be given to me!
 

MindinMine

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Im not trans and Im sure its a difficult life. But, you should expect that people will gossip at work if its discovered that you are not a biological woman. I mean, people arent exposed to trans people often. Youre going to have to get a thicker skin to survive in this world.
 

ZalicaDivine

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Im not trans and Im sure its a difficult life. But, you should expect that people will gossip at work if its discovered that you are not a biological woman. I mean, people arent exposed to trans people often.

I don't care how not exposed to a type of person you are not, if you purposely and deliberately begin to misgender and spread rumors you're opening up a can of worms.

I'm a very, VERY kind and patient woman but she should be careful because if I was the ghetto and mean TS most of LS likes to portray us all as, she probably would have been slapped. it's not cool. at. all.
no excuses.
 

stubborn

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Maybe you should be more upfront about you being a transgender, then you won't worry about being outed.

& if you tell them you are transgender and they keep bothering you, then that is harassment and you should report them.

I personally don't think she was jealous, just letting him know. I think most natural born hetero men want natural born hetero women.
 

Bokeem Dietl

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I don't care how not exposed to a type of person you are not, if you purposely and deliberately begin to misgender and spread rumors you're opening up a can of worms.

I'm a very, VERY kind and patient woman but she should be careful because if I was the ghetto and mean TS most of LS likes to portray us all as, she probably would have been slapped. it's not cool. at. all.
no excuses.

What “rumor” would she be spreading?
 

MindinMine

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So when you say the girl misgendered you... is that in reference to the “he” comment?

I don't care how not exposed to a type of person you are not, if you purposely and deliberately begin to misgender and spread rumors you're opening up a can of worms.

I'm a very, VERY kind and patient woman but she should be careful because if I was the ghetto and mean TS most of LS likes to portray us all as, she probably would have been slapped. it's not cool. at. all.
no excuses.
 
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stubborn

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I don't care how not exposed to a type of person you are not, if you purposely and deliberately begin to misgender and spread rumors you're opening up a can of worms.

I'm a very, VERY kind and patient woman but she should be careful because if I was the ghetto and mean TS most of LS likes to portray us all as, she probably would have been slapped. it's not cool. at. all.
no excuses.
The "men shouldn't hit women" still applies even if you are transgender.

Everyone should keep their hands to themselves though.

All you'd have to do is report her.
 

DR. DIVA

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I don't care how not exposed to a type of person you are not, if you purposely and deliberately begin to misgender and spread rumors you're opening up a can of worms.

I'm a very, VERY kind and patient woman but she should be careful because if I was the ghetto and mean TS most of LS likes to portray us all as, she probably would have been slapped. it's not cool. at. all.
no excuses.
Soooo, it’s okay for you to hit women?

It’s not okay for any adults to hit one another but...

(Seriously asking, not trying to be an asshole here).
 

LuvmesumMe

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I don't care how not exposed to a type of person you are not, if you purposely and deliberately begin to misgender and spread rumors you're opening up a can of worms.

I'm a very, VERY kind and patient woman but she should be careful because if I was the ghetto and mean TS most of LS likes to portray us all as, she probably would have been slapped. it's not cool. at. all.
no excuses.
You
I don't care how not exposed to a type of person you are not, if you purposely and deliberately begin to misgender and spread rumors you're opening up a can of worms.

I'm a very, VERY kind and patient woman but she should be careful because if I was the ghetto and mean TS most of LS likes to portray us all as, she probably would have been slapped. it's not cool. at. all.
no excuses.
Welp, you sound like a treat to work with.
 

Morticia A

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I'm not trying to be rude but how do you expect the word to NOT get out?

If I were you, I'll just admit it and live your truth because once its discovered people are gonna use it as a way to bully you. But if you've already brought it out, then it shows your proud of who you is
 

MsNewLyfe

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If in fact she did tell someone you're trans, did she lie? I get that it's your business but I'd tell my friend too if they expressed interest.
 

ZalicaDivine

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Maybe you should be more upfront about you being a transgender, then you won't worry about being outed.

& if you tell them you are transgender and they keep bothering you, then that is harassment and you should report them.

I personally don't think she was jealous, just letting him know. I think most natural born hetero men want natural born hetero women.

Why in the hell would I be upfront about my medical history with a bunch of people I'm not close or sleeping with?
Try again.

And even despite rumors he still didn't care.
there goes most of LS "maybe he likes natural born" bµllsh!t.
And if we did mutually like each other where is MY chance to tell him. I'm not a child I can disclose my own situation.
 

ZalicaDivine

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Definitely transfer if at all possible if you don’t feel safe. Some cis women get a kick out of trying to clock transwomen, especially if a man is showing interest.

This is exactly what it is, she was looking for something on me and when she found it let it loose.

Joke is on her because her friend still likes what he sees.
Miserable people will never prosper.
 

ZalicaDivine

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I'm not trying to be rude but how do you expect the word to NOT get out?

If I were you, I'll just admit it and live your truth.


Well you are not me and I am living my truth.

But i don't know why you people expect every transperson to want that spotlight on them.
It's MY business, not theirs.
Period.
 

Bokeem Dietl

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Why in the hell would I be upfront about my medical history with a bunch of people I'm not close or sleeping with?
Try again.

And even despite rumors he still didn't care.
there goes most of LS "maybe he likes natural born" bµllsh!t.
And if we did mutually like each other where is MY chance to tell him. I'm not a child I can disclose my own situation.

Lol at medical history. You are overstating the “issue”. Your new vagina isn’t the issue.

And what rumors are you referring to?
 
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i can already see this thread going left because of that "i would slap her" comment so have fun with that. i don't know if you were seeking sympathy but i think you've been here long enough to know lsa won't side with you
 

ZalicaDivine

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Soooo, it’s okay for you to hit women?

It’s not okay for any adults to hit one another but...

(Seriously asking, not trying to be an asshole here).

if another woman hit me she would be hit back.
Just like if anyone hit anyone.

I know what you're trying to say and it doesn't fly. and the sentence was an example not my initial thoughts, I'm a woman not a barbarian, I reported her, not slapped her.
 

Bokeem Dietl

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They probably knew just from looking at you. If she had seen your records then she wouldn't have asked, she would've known.

Right. Why do trans women think they’re transition is undetectable? It’s not rocket science unless you’ve had facial reconstruction and voice box surgery.
 

Amandabby22

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You don't have to disclose that to your coworkers OP. Your gender nor xesual orientation should not be of discussion in the work place. Don't let LSA tell you any different.

Idgaf if you're trans or not. Personal business is personal business. If people can hide fµck!ng their bosses for years on end, why should you have to make a public announcement and disclaimer about you being born biologically Male. Dumb af.

As long as you're not dating people in the work place and refusing to disclose your situation, I see no problem with you being upset.

ETA: let me go. LSA is gonna be obtuse about this. If I had some type of medical accommodation at my job, that's no one's business but ME and HR.. Right is Right and Wrong is Wrong. Yall know that girl was being messy damn boots. Ol boy was a grown ass man.. if he wanted to talk to OP he can come find out on his own out of HER mouth what her situation is. Idc if OP was "detectable" or not. These men aren't stupid Nor oblivious. I bet he knew and STILL liked what he saw. The point is.. co worker shouldn't have been snooping in confidential records & spreading what she saw.
 
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ZalicaDivine

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Right. Why do trans women think they’re transition is undetectable? It’s not rocket science unless you’ve had facial reconstruction and voice box surgery.

Why do you two think anything of me when it clearly wasn't detectable until she caught wiff of my information?

Try. again.
 

bullish af

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I’m sorry this happened to you. I hate gossiping at work. People should be able to focus on their jobs. If she really did disclose your medical information then she should be fired.
 

Bokeem Dietl

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if another woman hit me she would be hit back.
Just like if anyone hit anyone.

I know what you're trying to say and it doesn't fly. and the sentence was an example not my initial thoughts, I'm a woman not a barbarian, I reported her, not slapped her.

Your genetic makeup says otherwise, so if you were to square up with a natural born woman you’d always have an unfair advantage.
 
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if another woman hit me she would be hit back.
Just like if anyone hit anyone.

I know what you're trying to say and it doesn't fly. and the sentence was an example not my initial thoughts, I'm a woman not a barbarian, I reported her, not slapped her.

no it's not like if anyone hit anyone and no you're not a woman which is why you cannot hit a woman.
wtf is wrong with you? i was hesitant on feeling bad for you when i read your op and comments like this just prove why i withhold sympathy for transwomen. because you guys have no problem crossing boundaries with women.
 

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Lol y’all really think people don’t know that you weren’t born a woman. News flash - people can tell! It’s messy af for them to be discussing your gender orientation at work, so I get it. Just don’t be delusional and think that you’re really “passing”.
 

ben33

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That is how some women are. They like to gossip about each other. It happens at my work place as well. They would smile in front of your face and then say nasty things behind of your back. You being a trans woman is your business and not her business.
 

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so work has been going great until last week until I began working with this girl who I always see but never speak to at work. So her friend, a guy, I overheard him telling her that he thought I was cute and she said, "you sure?"

the panicking me in ME kinda got scared but heres how I think her and other supervisors know (shes a supervisor and works closely with upper staff). When I applied for the job a year ago, my gender marker wasnt yet changed and so in February this year I finally got it changed on my ID and brought it in so some of the uppers know but these are people like way up, they aren't even in the city at all times, they go to multiple locations and things like that.

ever since i got there though this girl seemed to have a problem with me and I have ignored her up til now. we started in the same department last week and i was beginning to think she was cool until i heard 'he' slip out of her mouth a few times. i THOUGHT maybe its just my mind playing tricks on me until i heard her clearly the second time. I ignored it and I asked the next morning to transfer to another department. on Friday one of the older ladies, shes really sweet but has always looked at me oddly asked me, "this is personal..don't get angry but you are a girl right?" and said she'd heard things before about me and would dismiss the rumors until she head again that day.

My defenses instantly clicked ok and told her yes and proceeded on my way to the head management office, i was very upset and very annoyed, I'm very sweet but i did feel personally attacked because i KNOW for a fact the girl knows about my medical history and has been gossiping about me. I reported her and asked for a leave of absence for a few days.

It just boggles my mind ...how miserable can a person be.
I bother no one and keep to myself but here's the kicker, her male friend, the one i think she even likes came to me and saw me visibly upset and began to console me, "you're beautiful regardless of what people say". I was definitely crying and his words were nice, I just don't feel safe there and will probably transfer. But she clearly did it out of jealousy and it makes me mad because I have a bf so...yeah I don't want your fµck!ng friend.

Not saying all biological women do this but she seems bitter and overall just miserable. I expect the same respect I give you to be given to me!

There some type of law against discrimination and harassment....check your company conduct book also go to a civil rights attorney who deal with issues like this especailly if HR wont do anything Do all of this while youre on leave of absence. That girl just wrote a check her azz will never be able to cash! And that guy sounds like a sweetheart. He sounds like a great friend. Keep in touch with him. Good luck
 

Bokeem Dietl

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Why do you two think anything of me when it clearly wasn't detectable until she caught wiff of my information?

Try. again.

You hope it’s not detectable to others, but it very well maybe. The same way people know when English is someone’s second language is the same way some people, especially women, know when something is “off” with the message someone presents and the message that is perceived.

Why do you think (or how do you know) that she’s seen your paperwork. What paperwork?
 

HollySmith94

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Uh oh...
giphy.gif


lol jk. Good luck with your work situation. I can imagine it's a major annoyance.
 

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