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Anti-Black Family Members are pushing me away!

DrapedNDiamondz

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As the title states, I have been experiencing discord within my family (mom, 2 brothers) due to some of their views regarding blackness.



Previously, during any discussions they would always state that “I’m racist towards white people”, when in actuality I am proud of my black heritage and they are not.



We’ve mostly been a tight-knit family but it was due to me biting my tongue on many race-related discussions. I am more opinionated now & I don’t mind speaking my opinion but I have come to the realization that my mother isn’t proud of her heritage (African-American woman) and has taught those same destructive behaviors to my brothers.
I love my family and don’t want to disrupt these relationships but I refuse to be gaslighted by them as well.

Has anyone else experienced gaslighting and manipulation regarding race discussions with their families & how were you able to combat it?
Also, are there any books you may recommend for dismantling anti-blackness?
 

Antnad

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I have some pretty anti-black family members who love to talk ish about black people all the time, to the point that they'll ignore white people doing the same exact thing. My mother will talk about how stupid ninjas (she uses the slur) are for not getting vaxxed or disregarding COVID protocols when white people were the loudest about their refusal to lock down or get vaxxed. She'll talk about black people not voting, when we vote in higher numbers than our proportion of the population. Sometimes, I check her; other times I ignore her. I don't live in her state and don't talk to her that much on the phone. But it's always been clear she thinks lowly of black people. She's the type who'll make sure her door is locked if she sees a black man nearby. It's very sad. She's a Baby Boomer. How old is your mother?
 

emptybubbles

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How would they misconstrue you being proud of your blackness with being racist against white people? I'm confused. Either they're obtuse or you think that sh!t-talking white people = black pride. Please give examples.
 

BigMikeHere

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At 51, I'm older than most here and I heard very little anti black rhetoric from my family growing up though my extended family was different, my father's mother was a deeply disturbed colorist.

She died in a home as none of her 6 children, all home owners, wanted to put her up as she was quite cruel as a mother.

She actually won the lottery during this time, she gave the money to her Jewish dentist for safe keeping as she didn't trust her children, the dentist gave her an allowance, she always clamored for white attention and never had a good word to say about blacks.

Upon her death the dentist claimed he had never knew her, there was no proof as she had no receipts or paper trail.
 

collegegal1997

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I'm slightly confused as to how your family is anti-black? How is them stating that you consistently sh!t-talking white people make them any less proud of their black heritage?
Reading this paragraph paints you out to be one of those Twitter Social Justice Warriors, that has white people on the tip of their tongue every second
 

TheoryBased

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At 51, I'm older than most here and I heard very little anti black rhetoric from my family growing up though my extended family was different, my father's mother was a deeply disturbed colorist.

She died in a home as none of her 6 children, all home owners, wanted to put her up as she was quite cruel as a mother.

She actually won the lottery during this time, she gave the money to her Jewish dentist for safe keeping as she didn't trust her children, the dentist gave her an allowance, she always clamored for white attention and never had a good word to say about blacks.

Upon her death the dentist claimed he had never knew her, there was no proof as she had no receipts or paper trail.
This sounds like it will make for a good book. How sad!
 

DrapedNDiamondz

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I need some examples of your family not being proud of their AA heritage and some things you have said.

1st example) I was informing my mother of my youngest brother’s colorist and discriminating behaviors towards black women. She then deflected and informed me that I am the colorist instead & that I only date guys lighter than myself (which is not true)

2nd example: If someone is being loud, rambunctious irregardless of their race, my family will state that the person is “acting black”

3rd example: My oldest brother told me that I’m not an average black woman (due to my age and having no kids, I suppose) and insinuated that other black women are beneath me.
 

GigiLaMoore

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1st example) I was informing my mother of my youngest brother’s colorist and discriminating behaviors towards black women. She then deflected and informed me that I am the colorist instead & that I only date guys lighter than myself (which is not true)

2nd example: If someone is being loud, rambunctious irregardless of their race, my family will state that the person is “acting black”

3rd example: My oldest brother told me that I’m not an average black woman (due to my age and having no kids, I suppose) and insinuated that other black women are beneath me.
Thanks.
 

keepitlow

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1st example) I was informing my mother of my youngest brother’s colorist and discriminating behaviors towards black women. She then deflected and informed me that I am the colorist instead & that I only date guys lighter than myself (which is not true)

2nd example: If someone is being loud, rambunctious irregardless of their race, my family will state that the person is “acting black”

3rd example: My oldest brother told me that I’m not an average black woman (due to my age and having no kids, I suppose) and insinuated that other black women are beneath me.
Just this week a mixed race girl said she identifies as black because she is loud and has a black personality. Humans are so stupid sometimes.
 

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