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Asexuality is one of the most misunderstood xesual orientations. This is what it's really like.

Bad Streets

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https://www.insider.com/asexuality-living-as-asexual-person-xes-attraction-myths-person-2021-4

When Yasmin Benoit's friends and peers became boy-obsessed in their early teens, she thought something must be wrong with her.

"It became obvious that I didn't think that any passing boy was like a hunk. I didn't think any teacher under 30 was hot. I wasn't interested in hooking up with the other girls. I thought everyone in 'Twilight' was unattractive," Benoit told Insider.

"I just thought it all seemed very silly. You'd have girls arguing with each other over some very mediocre boy. It seemed to really dominate people's thoughts and people's lives, and I just didn't care in the slightest."

It wasn't until she was 15 and other students questioned Benoit about her lack of xesual interest that she found, on Google, the word to describe herself: Asexual.

Millions of people identify as asexual​

Asexuality, or a lack of xesual attraction, is often misunderstood in our xes-driven culture. Asexual people, who make up an estimated 1% of the global population, can still become xesually aroused, masturbate, and have xes with others, Teen Vogue previously reported. But xesual attraction isn't a driving factor in their relationships with others.

As Benoit puts it, "It's kind of like a xesual orientation that isn't oriented anywhere."

For Benoit, the most frustrating part of growing into her asexual identity was others' opinions of it. Their constant questioning, and suggestion that she wasn't normal, made her question herself, she told Insider.

That's why she started writing about asexual people like herself on internet blogs. In 2018, Benoit created #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike, a hashtag asexual folks can add to their own social media posts to put more faces to the misunderstood and underrepresented xesual orientation.

Asexuality is seldom portrayed in the media​

Compared to other sexualities like bisexuality, homosexuality, and heterosexuality, asexuality is rarely discussed or portrayed in the media.

One of the only accurate asexual portrayals in recent television history is that of Todd Chavez from Netflix's "BoJack Horseman." Other portrayals, like in "House," "The Big Bang Theory," and "Dexter" wrongly suggest asexual people are broken or confused.

That's why Benoit and other asexuality activists created International Asexuality Day, with its inaugural celebration this April 6.

"It's about celebration and solidarity as much as it's about education and advocacy, with a particular emphasis on [asexual] communities outside of the UK and the US," Benoit told Insider, adding that the asexual community also celebrates Ace Week each year in October. ("Ace" is a term for a person who is asexual.)

Asexuality exists on a spectrum​

Like all xesual orientations, asexuality exists on a spectrum.

Some asexual people experience slight xesual attraction, while others experience none, according to the Trevor Project. There are also asexual folks who identify as demisexual because they feel xesual attraction only after developing emotional connections with another person.

Additionally, asexual people may feel romantic attractions to certain people despite a lack of xesual attraction. Terms like "biromatic," which means you're romantically attracted to both genders, or "homoromantic" for feeling romantic attraction to only the same gender, are used to describe those sexualities, according to the Trevor Project.

It's also possible for an asexual person to be aromantic, or lack romantic attraction to others, Benoit told Insider.

Asexuality isn't the same thing as celibacy​

It's a common misconception that asexual people avoid xes for lifestyle reasons, and that it's a synonym for celibacy.

While celibacy is a choice some people make in spite of their xesual urges, asexual people have little to no urge to act xesually towards another person and, "It's just the way we are," Benoit previously told Teen Vogue.

"Many people tend to assume that asexual people are just innocent or don't know what they're missing out on. This is absolutely untrue. We aren't broken, we aren't naive, and we aren't just waiting for the right person," Addie Orr, a student at University of Alabama told GLAAD.

Asexual people can have successful romantic relationships​

It's also a myth that all asexual people can't hold, or don't want, romantic relationships.

Though that may be the case for some, there are plenty of asexual people who crave romantic connections, according to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network.
 

LaPriya Prim

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I am asexual and I definitely feel misunderstood. I feel like I've explained this to people 50 million times and they still don't get it
 

LaPriya Prim

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"Many people tend to assume that asexual people are just innocent or don't know what they're missing out on. This is absolutely untrue. We aren't broken, we aren't naive, and we aren't just waiting for the right person," Addie Orr, a student at University of Alabama told GLAAD.

Asexual people can have successful romantic relationships​

Thank you! I try to explain this all the time. You don't know how many people assume I'll never have a healthy relationship because of my asexuality.
 

LJJJJJJ

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Does anybody else asexuality float along the spectrum especially during certain circumstances i.e. focusing on career,...
 
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Interestingly enough I was very hyper xesual and boy obsessed as a child. I remember being very attracted to boys in my classes and in my neighborhood as far back as age 5. All of that seemed to cap off once puberty hit though. I tell people I haven’t had a real crush since I was in 6th grade and that’s really the basis of why I don’t have a man. Like I can acknowledge that a dude is very attractive but very rarely does it set my loins on fire. That said I might be more demisexual than asexual but Im rarely ever in a position to make strong enough connections with men for me to even test out this theory.
 

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In college I knew a girl that said she was asexual.

She said she didn’t like men, didn’t like women. Have no desire to be kissed or touched by either. But once I was on her laptop and saw she watches Henti Japanese pδrn. Odd.
 

CoffyIsTheColor

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I’m so glad you posted this article here, asexuality is definately the invisible orientation and if people got informed more I feel like a lot of more people would realize they are on the asexual spectrum, they just call ourselves heterosexual because its the default xesual orientation and the norm. I also haven’t have a genuine crush on someone since at least middle school and despite all of the baggage and projection society throws on someone, especially a woman, for not having an active dating and/or xes life did a number on my self esteem. Having other people and society try to tell you the reason a woman isn’t participting if the dating/xes game is because she’s ugly and unattractive, extremely religious and/or conservative, she’s repressed in some way, she isn’t a real woman because I haven’t been with a man, I considered them all even though I knew they weren’t the truth. Never once did I seriously ponder my lack of xesual attraction to men although I don’t have a problem with men being xesually attracted to me, but i’m not a lesbian either so I didn’t know how else to see it other than me being broken or defective in some way until I stumbled across a thread about asexuality on twitter. Seeing myself described down to a T was both scary as hell and a breath of fresh air at the same time but i’m glad I did. It wasn’t that long ago but now I truly do understand the importance of labels for some people as i’ve always been the “I don’t need a label” type but it means so much finding a community and seeing others genuinely share the experience without being shamed. I personal label is grey asexual but I can also identify with demisexuality and aegosexuality.

As the visibility grows I can’t wait to see more black asexuals so we can share our unique experiences. Discovering the various nuances of sexuality outside of compulsory heterosexuality, allosexuality and just being gay or bisexual is so exciting.
 

CoffyIsTheColor

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For the asexuals here.

Is masturbation something you do?
I do all the time. xesual attraction and/or orientation isn’t the same as straight libido. A lot of us still get horny and aroused like everyone else, watch pδrn, read erotica all that.
 
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I am asexual and I definitely feel misunderstood. I feel like I've explained this to people 50 million times and they still don't get it

I am with you. I don’t think I am totally asexual. But I RARELY have had a crush and if I never had xes again I would not care. I guess I am more indifferent about romantic relationships than unable to feel romantic feelings. I never had a boy crazy phase.

Sometimes I feel like I only want to get into a relationship because it is practical (financially and when it comes to raising children).
 
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comeon2022

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I do all the time. xesual attraction and/or orientation isn’t the same as straight libido. A lot of us still get horny and aroused like everyone else, watch pδrn, read erotica all that.

This is contradictory. To get aroused is to have xesual attraction.

People don't understand a sexuality, Op, due to the above.

You have people who say, "I'm asexual and have no desire to have xes, kiss, etc". Makes sense.

You have people who say," I have no desire to have xes or kiss but I have xes and masturbate..." Makes no sense.

You have people who say, "I'm asexual on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Sundays, but all other days especially Friday, I'm a hoe". Well, f*ck that's all of us.
 

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I think people Confuse being Asexual with being Aromanitc.
6E7661FF-DB34-440D-97E6-4E55D77C110F.jpeg
 

GenocideJill

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That article is why people don't take asexuality seriously. You can't be asexual and not be aromantic. Asexual people don't want relationships because they don't experience attraction. People who are claiming to be asexuals that experience romantic attraction likely have a responsive xes drive.
 

CoffyIsTheColor

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This is contradictory. To get aroused is to have xesual attraction.

People don't understand a sexuality, Op, due to the above.

You have people who say, "I'm asexual and have no desire to have xes, kiss, etc". Makes sense.

You have people who say," I have no desire to have xes or kiss but I have xes and masturbate..." Makes no sense.

You have people who say, "I'm asexual on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Sundays, but all other days especially Friday, I'm a hoe". Well, f*ck that's all of us.

They really aren’t if you would actually look up asexuality for yourself and listen to asexual people experiences versus projecting assumptions onto us. General libido and actually being xesually attracted to men I meet in real life are two different things as I said. I have a decent xes drive, and a high one when i’m ovulating because I am a woman, and libido like anyone else. I just don’t find myself xesually attracted to anyone in real life situations which is why I don’t pursue xes with them and masturbate instead.
 

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Thank you! I try to explain this all the time. You don't know how many people assume I'll never have a healthy relationship because of my asexuality.
That's because people think that relationships are all about xes. Many people pursue their partners from first xesual and physical attraction and find out about their personalities later. And people often break up from a lack of xesual chemistry. So they cant wrap their heads around how someone can get into a relationship or have a successful one if one or both partners don't put xes on a pedestal or as their #1 priority. As a romantic, it is very frustrating when dating.

Interestingly enough I was very hyper xesual and boy obsessed as a child. I remember being very attracted to boys in my classes and in my neighborhood as far back as age 5. All of that seemed to cap off once puberty hit though. I tell people I haven’t had a real crush since I was in 6th grade and that’s really the basis of why I don’t have a man. Like I can acknowledge that a dude is very attractive but very rarely does it set my loins on fire. That said I might be more demisexual than asexual but Im rarely ever in a position to make strong enough connections with men for me to even test out this theory.

Same here. I was hypersexual as a child too but I was girl obsessed not boy obsessed. Then it capped off when I got in my senior year of college (Then it came back in my late teens/20s lol but not as intense). At that age (16-17), I thought I was attracted to men because I started to acknowledge that men can be attractive, I can see their beauty and can appreciate it and admire it. But that's as far as it goes. I wasn't even xesually attracted to any of my BFs or guys I talked to and realized I forced my connections with them.
 

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They really aren’t if you would actually look up asexuality for yourself and listen to asexual people experiences versus projecting assumptions onto us. General libido and actually being xesually attracted to men I meet in real life are two different things as I said. I have a decent xes drive, and a high one when i’m ovulating because I am a woman, and libido like anyone else. I just don’t find myself xesually attracted to anyone in real life situations which is why I don’t pursue xes with them and masturbate instead.
Being celibate isn't asexuality. You're just celibate. Asexuality are people who lack xesual attraction. You have that. You just choose to pleasure yourself.

The font that said people confuse aromantic for asexuality makes more sense then what you said.
 

CoffyIsTheColor

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Being celibate isn't asexuality. You're just celibate. Asexuality are people who lack xesual attraction. You have that. You just choose to pleasure yourself.

The font that said people confuse aromantic for asexuality makes more sense then what you said.

Yea imma just let you have your assumptions because you clearly don’t get it and ain’t gonna get it.
 

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So with demisexual, does that fall under asexuality? I only ask because they are usually lumped together. Even though I’m a bisexual man, I feel I am also demisexual, because I do need a deep, emotional connection to actually catch feelings. Like, I can do casual encounters, but for relationships, if there isn’t a strong emotional connection, I can’t do it. Unless...wait...never mind. Lol
 

SarahCameron

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In college I knew a girl that said she was asexual.

She said she didn’t like men, didn’t like women. Have no desire to be kissed or touched by either. But once I was on her laptop and saw she watches Henti Japanese pδrn. Odd.

asexuals can watch pδrn and have their own fantasies. asexual doesn't mean that they completely abstain. it’s an attraction thing.
 

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I’m asexual. People actually noticed it before I did when I was in high school, but that was the late 90s and I didn’t know about asexuality. I got questioned all the time why I wasn’t interested in the boys, and people assumed I was a lesbian. When I told them I wasn’t interested in girls either, they looked at me funny. I just assumed everyone else lacked self-control. I got a lot of the same thing in college.

It took years for me to realize I was asexual, and that’s after I came across a Tumblr post. Up to that point I was trying to force myself to be attracted to people. And it boiled down to whose genitals could I tolerate having xes with, which I now realize should have been the first sign I was asexual. I was shocked when I learned people were turned on by looking at someone genitals. And I just recently learned a person‘s body is factored into their attractiveness. I always thought a person’s face and personality determined their attractiveness.

I’m romantically attracted to men and women. But, I don’t know too many people who are willing to be in a relationship with someone who is willing to hold hands and cuddle and that’s it.
 
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ive believed for a long time i am asexual, still believe it today. didnt really enjoy having xes with men like the movies or my friends claimed to have enjoyed it so i tried having xes with a female and still didnt enjoy it lol. ive tried a lot too. i just dont care. i have never in my life period seen genitals and gotten “turned on” i just cant understand that concept that other people do! i dont judge thats just how it is for me.

its never going to be represented in the media because xes sells. why would they sell something that doesnt enjoy xes?
 

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I’ve always wondered if you can tell The difference between social anxiety and asexuality or rather being aromantic

Someone who is just not interested in a relationship versus someone who gets stressed out by the idea of being in a relationship
 

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I am with you. I don’t think I am totally asexual. But I RARELY have had a crush and if I never had xes again I would not care. I guess I am more indifferent about romantic relationships than unable to feel romantic feelings. I never had a boy crazy phase.

Sometimes I feel like I only want to get into a relationship because it is practical (financially and when it comes to raising children).
Yess!! this is exactly how i feel.
 

Marte

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I hope I dont offend anyone with this, but I wouldnt date an asexual man, you know, I would feel like I was forcing him cause I would be always inniciating xes and I would end up feeling like he doesnt like it/is feeling forced to. So nope.
 

Bad Streets

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I hope I dont offend anyone with this, but I wouldnt date an asexual man, you know, I would feel like I was forcing him cause I would be always inniciating xes and I would end up feeling like he doesnt like it/is feeling forced to. So nope.

I don't think that's offensive, I think that's actually very thoughtful and a good example of looking deeper/long term before just jumping into something.
 

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Lol, every one just assumes I'm a lesbian.

Like, i'm 37, if i was interested in women you'd know by now? Just bc I'm hanging with my bff all the time doesn't mean we're in a secret relationship. And tbh, me and my bff really don't even hang that much.


The fact that they can't see just because they don't see me date ANYONE, is enough for me to realize they would never understand asexuality in it's simplest explanation. I don't even bother saying anything and just let them assume i'm a lesbian.
 

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Interestingly enough I was very hyper xesual and boy obsessed as a child. I remember being very attracted to boys in my classes and in my neighborhood as far back as age 5. All of that seemed to cap off once puberty hit though. I tell people I haven’t had a real crush since I was in 6th grade and that’s really the basis of why I don’t have a man. Like I can acknowledge that a dude is very attractive but very rarely does it set my loins on fire. That said I might be more demisexual than asexual but Im rarely ever in a position to make strong enough connections with men for me to even test out this theory.
Not hyper xesual, but I def remember being very vocal about attraction and interest in boys.


But I realize with age that I think it was just maybe me feeling like I HAD to be this way.

By high school I barely had crushes. I think I had maybe 3 dudes I spoke about but other wise dudes weren't even real in high school.
 

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I hope I dont offend anyone with this, but I wouldnt date an asexual man, you know, I would feel like I was forcing him cause I would be always inniciating xes and I would end up feeling like he doesnt like it/is feeling forced to. So nope.

having a lack of xesual attraction actually has nothing to do w your xes drive. you can be asexual and have a low xes drive but you can also be asexual and have a v active xes drive. like even if you aren’t horny you can still become aroused (w help) and find yourself enjoying xes. does this make sense??
 

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having a lack of xesual attraction actually has nothing to do w your xes drive. you can be asexual and have a low xes drive but you can also be asexual and have a v active xes drive. like even if you aren’t horny you can still become aroused (w help) and find yourself enjoying xes. does this make sense??
It doesnt, not to me at least, why would I date someone thats not attracted to me? Way to feel rejected lol
 

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