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Being the bigger person is overrated even if it's the right thing to do. idc.

Dupedairies

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so i’m mean, but not the psychopath who stalked her ex and waited outside for hours to harm him? i know yall hate men on here but let’s come back to reality. that behavior is not ok and yall weird for acting like it’s justified
It's not justified. And yeah op waited to the last possible moment but she did reel it in. I feel like it illustrates, it is never too late, you can always turn back and turn it around at any time. Good for op! Hell this might even show more strength and courage. It is harder to walk away when you are in the thick of bµllsh!t
 

Petti LaBelle

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so i’m mean, but not the psychopath who stalked her ex and waited outside for hours to harm him? i know yall hate men on here but let’s come back to reality. that behavior is not ok and yall weird for acting like it’s justified
3Vv2G6v.png
 

LeBronFan

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Op, I believe it's a wiser choice to think in terms of minimizing conflict.
Neely Fuller Jr - "Minimize Conflict by Minimizing Contact"



Neely Fuller Jr- Being Alone Is Better Than Being In Conflict

I also think it's a wise choice to think in terms of problem solving, with creating any problems.
Neely Fuller Jr- Problem Solving

For me, I stopped subscribing to the mindset of "Being the bigger person".
Why?
That saying doesn't make sense to me.

I think in terms of not creating more problems for myself.

Why?
Because I already have a lot of problems in my young life.
And adding more unnecessary problems to my life.
Is going to make it more difficult foe me to create a comfortable/constructive lifestyle for myself.

Constructive Definition:

1. Serving to improve or advance; helpful.

2. Helpful; promoting improvement; intended to help. Contrasted with destructive.

3. Carefully considered and meant to be helpful.

4. Constructing or tending to construct or improve or promote development.

constructive — definition, examples, related words and more at Wordnik
Plus, I'm a Black male.
So if I'm documented doing foolish things, that break the Law; I already know most people will not empathize with or for me.
Sorry to hear you were subjected to mistreatment, Op.

I'd encourage you to stay away from people who bring out negative behavior from you.

Why?
So your time and energy isn't invested in a person or people who don't value you, as a Individual person.

Plus it would be a wise choice for you to avoid doing things, that could place you in Greater Confinement (Jail/Prison); where you could possibly be subjected to more mistreatment.
I'd also encourage you to utilize resources through Therapy with a Professional Therapist.
If you aren't already in the process of doing that.
Take care.
Just my personal thoughts and views (04/12/2021).
Peace.
:peace
 

Noseyheux22

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What was the point of you all posting these messages? You all don't see the irony in a thread about being a bigger person and you all posting 100% mean comments with no other value? Do you sleep better knowing there are incogs worse than the mess ya'll post? Truly, you all have some repressed anger, or impaired executive functioning, or low emotional IQ--either way, seek a professional for your own issues.

Happy Monday!
You must be the crazy hoe
 

Dinniom

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Whatever made you not do it, just hold on to that.

Also, you meant covert narcissist, gurl I read this thinking you was talking bout narcotics. I'm like if she an undercover cop, how did he get her real number and know her family :X3::waiting:embarrassed
 

Roses are

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Op. Get help. If he was a covert Narc you are experiencing cptsd and various other issues and you need to sort out asap. What you did was extremely irresponsible and dangerous and it definitely would of done nothing good for you. If anything you would of fueled the smear campaign and justified the narcs lies. Op I've been in your shoe's, I know what you're feeling
but violence/ revenge is a fruitless endeavor that's only going to extend your pain. Trust me. God/ whoever you believe is knows the truth. What comes around gose around. Sit quite and care for your mental health. Block him, do not respond.

Edit: I read some disturbing post here so let me say this. OP DO NOT FIGHT ABUSE WITH ABUSE. A narcissist will take full advantage of your actions and finally having the ammo and proof "they're a victim". DON'T DO IT. I was in a similar situation on a much smaller scale on Twitter. Pay this man dust, pretend he is dead. ANYTHING. Do not try to get revenge or attack him
 

incogneato

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you are unhinged. you showed up to this man's house and waited two hours for him to come outside so you can mace him? you have serious problems. he should get a restraining order against you


Im not hiding that I have a problem. I know that I do. Unhinged and hurt. I didn't act on it though. It's not okay to emtionally abuse people.
 

incogneato

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If you proud why are you in incognito mode? Meaning, it’s easy to be proud behind the comforts of internet anonymity. Congratulations on being so worked up that person took you out of character. Being the bigger person is never overrated. Good luck spending the rest of your life fighting everyone that starts with you.


Jane doe alley is a forum for embracing stories hence the incognito posts. You know which forum you're in right?
 

incogneato

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When you deleted him in all your platform , did you tell him why , did you all have a discussion or didnt you bother cause after all you knew he knew deep inside what was the issue ? If yes , then you didnt play the "bigger" person , you ghosted him with no explanation , which is a punishement in a way .

I agree , i dont believe in Karma , i would say MOST horrible people get away with being toxic , in society until they die .



I'm self aware and I knew. The red flags were there. Nothing in my post is alluding to me being the victim. I admitted my choices. Yes I shouldn't allow disrespect but there is still no excuse to emtional abuse a person.

I'm wrong, but he is too.
 

incogneato

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Op. Get help. If he was a covert Narc you are experiencing cptsd and various other issues and you need to sort out asap. What you did was extremely irresponsible and dangerous and it definitely would of done nothing good for you. If anything you would of fueled the smear campaign and justified the narcs lies. Op I've been in your shoe's, I know what you're feeling
but violence/ revenge is a fruitless endeavor that's only going to extend your pain. Trust me. God/ whoever you believe is knows the truth. What comes around gose around. Sit quite and care for your mental health. Block him, do not respond.

Edit: I read some disturbing post here so let me say this. OP DO NOT FIGHT ABUSE WITH ABUSE. A narcissist will take full advantage of your actions and finally having the ammo and proof "they're a victim". DON'T DO IT. I was in a similar situation on a much smaller scale on Twitter. Pay this man dust, pretend he is dead. ANYTHING. Do not try to get revenge or attack him


Idc about a smear campaign. And I know. I have a good job and a place, I have family and stuff. It's just hard accepting that I let him use me knowing he didn't care. I take responsibility for that choice. It wasn't a mistake. I chose to still deal even know deep down I knew he wasn't a good person. But I walked away, and I'm still hurt. He is a horrible person and it's like noone sees it.


He use to talk so much sh!t about how his friends are bums and they have nothing going on with their life and how all they wanna do is smoke all day but he would always post pictures with them and call them his bros.


It's just annoying cause he's such a sh!tty person but to everyone else he's this great guy. I hate it. And I'm bitter and miserable about it, fµck!ng sue me
 

AfroSoul

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I'm self aware and I knew. The red flags were there. Nothing in my post is alluding to me being the victim. I admitted my choices. Yes I shouldn't allow disrespect but there is still no excuse to emtional abuse a person.

I'm wrong, but he is too.
I agree , dont misinterpret my comment , i am on your side .
 

incogneato

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Stop gaslighting this girl, she didn't even do sh!t. You hoes don't know empathy until you are demanding it from someone for yourselves. She just confessed she was abused by a narc who hurt her deeply and yall talking down to her like that's the right thing to do or something. Like y'alls sh!t is perfect or something. fµck!ng victim blaming buzzards
Shaddup!

OP all you needed to do was put a dead fish in his exhaust pipe or behind the grill of his car and let the smell drive him crazy til he figured it out. It would take awhile



It's really okay. He hurt me but how I react to situations are my choice. I could have made the choice to just pretend like he died and try to get on with my life but I don't,and I admit that. Just because someone hurt you doesn't make it okay to take revenge on them. I know that you can't fight fire with fire but it's depressing to know how much people like this get away with it for years. I hate when people say " narcs hate themselves everyday, everyday is hell for them"


It's no use when noone sees it. The only person who sees it are them. But on the outside they are this great person. Some people deserved to get punched in the face or have pain inflicted on them.



But I'm not gonna do anything. Karma is bµllsh!t
 

incogneato

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nothing about what i said was mean. i did not call the girl out her name or disrespect her. i said she is unhinged and that’s the truth.

imagine if your ex sat outside your house for two hours waiting for you to come outside so they can harm you. that sounds normal to you?

op never said he physically harmed her or anything of the sort. from what she posted it sounds like she allowed herself to be strung along for 3 years and is now bitter and angry and wants to take that out on him. i suggest therapy


I find nothing wrong with your comments. It's a public forum and you're entitled to speak on how you feel about the post. I'm not disagreeing with you but because someone allows a person to disrespect them that doesn't make the emtionally abusive person right. If you're gonna call out my behavior and poor judgement choices, please don't skim over his behavior and poor judgement choices. That's all I'm trying to say.
 

incogneato

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Sorry for what you went through OP but stay strong. It takes time and hard work but eventually you will get there ( if you really want to and put the work).

You don’t know what’s going on in people life ( behind closed door). Absolutely no one on this earth live a perfect life. Everyone go through sh!t.

Beside, who care if they get their Karma or not (Although i believe everyone does, even if you don’t see it).
I know it sucks, and I wished hell on a few people myself but focusing on you will get you happier then focusing on the bad things that should happen to them.

Aren’t you a catch? It is his loss for mistreating and losing you, that’s how you should feel ( but narcs often destroy your self esteem).

Finally: the best revenge is to live your best. Use the anger to build up a better you that wouldn’t even look twice in his direction.


My self esteem was low before I met him. If I had high self esteem I would have cut him off before things ever got serious. I truly don't believe in karma anymore. I have cut off unhealthy people, toxic family members, this guy is different because every single time I walked away and left him alone because he clearly didn't want me, he would change his behavior completely and pretended that he did care about me. It didn't even hurt after a while. I walked away because I was depressed, with him or without him. So I just did the ore logic choice where I might heal.

I'm not gonna do anything. I'm trying to pretend like he's dead. My life is not bad. I have close friends, I have family, I have hobbies, I like to go out.


I don't know how to let go of the guilt
 

incogneato

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No, 'Don´t poke the bear'!

This is why men turn around and RETALIATE in some deadly way against the woman they messed over. Duh!

OP needs to block him and get on with her life ... not do something that will INVITE him to turn up on her doorstep to throw a bottle of acid for her face!


I was trying to respectfully agree with your point of views but at this point it just seems like you're trolling. I suggest that you guys stop quoting this person. Have a wonderful day.
 

incogneato

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you are unhinged. you showed up to this man's house and waited two hours for him to come outside so you can mace him? you have serious problems. he should get a restraining order against you
Sorry sis, until you’ve dealt with this kind of situation it’s best to just say “i don’t understand” … she likely is not unhinged but being in a situation like this can cause someone to act as she did. And let’s pray that you or anyone you love never experiences this either. Ima validate OP in this one because there are people out here who will drive you mad.
 

incogneato

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nothing about what i said was mean. i did not call the girl out her name or disrespect her. i said she is unhinged and that’s the truth.

imagine if your ex sat outside your house for two hours waiting for you to come outside so they can harm you. that sounds normal to you?

op never said he physically harmed her or anything of the sort. from what she posted it sounds like she allowed herself to be strung along for 3 years and is now bitter and angry and wants to take that out on him. i suggest therapy
If I psychologically manipulated a person and abused them, yes. I’d be looking over my shoulders at all times. He’s lucky only mace was considered though and nothing actually happened
 

finessse

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Sorry sis, until you’ve dealt with this kind of situation it’s best to just say “i don’t understand” … she likely is not unhinged but being in a situation like this can cause someone to act as she did. And let’s pray that you or anyone you love never experiences this either. Ima validate OP in this one because there are people out here who will drive you mad.
you don't know what i've dealt with. the difference is my mental health is in check. i know how to move on and let bygones be bygones
 

Est Gee

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Sorry sis, until you’ve dealt with this kind of situation it’s best to just say “i don’t understand” … she likely is not unhinged but being in a situation like this can cause someone to act as she did. And let’s pray that you or anyone you love never experiences this either. Ima validate OP in this one because there are people out here who will drive you mad.


Yeah the responses in here are disgusting. Which is also another reason abusive people are able to get away scott free in society. Turning the other cheek is definitely overrated.
 

Est Gee

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Piggy backing it also reminds of this thread I saw over at reddit. The victim pretty much spends the rest of their lives "healing" whilst the perpetrator just goes on to abuse someone else


 

Gull

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being the bigger person usually means separating yourself from all the negative drama instead of spiraling down into the gutter with the dirty people..when their consequences eventually come due to statistics, do you want to also share in those consequences?

your life will be much richer when you can walk away from negative sh!t as opposed to giving it more life and energy..
 

Cada2

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I know how you feel op. I think the concept of narcissism has only very recently become mainstream, and there is a huge misconception surrounding it since most people are not clinically diagnosed with it. Also, some people are not actually narcissists, although they absolutely have narcissistic tendencies. It’s still abusive behavior, regardless. Like many people who experience emotional abuse, the urge to retaliate may be there. I get that, but don’t put yourself in a situation where you end up in the court system with a charge attached to your name.

I personally found a lot of support on TikTok. There are quite a few people who discuss their experiences with narcissist, and people are very receptive in the comments. You are not alone in this honey, and I know it hurts. It took me a good month to get back to myself, but I found out that the guy I was dealing with was not just a piece of sh!t to me. He was a piece of sh!t to many other women as well, and that helped me understand that he really has a mental issue.
 

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