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Bipolar/Schizophrenic Brother (Long Rant/Advice)

incogneato

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Hey y'all, this a rant to get things off my chest and to seek advice from people suffering with bipolar/ Schizophrenia or people taking care of loved ones in the same condition.

My brother had his first official psychotic break on the other side of the country a week ago. Thank God he checked himself in when the voices were telling him to take action that could have ended his life. He was admitted to mental hospital, but unfortunately he discharged only 3-4 days in after starting medication. I don't think there was enough time for official diagnosis but the doctors were leaning between Schizophrenia and bipolar.

From a young age he was a difficult but very sweet child. Hyperactive and unable to focus he got diagnosed with Adhd. From his teens through adulthood things got worse- he was defiant, aggressive, impulsive, selfish and manipulative. He started getting involved in crimes and would rotate between abusing marijuana, cigarettes, alcohol, and xes. He wanted to be seen as independent and would dissappear for months. When he wanted something from us, he would find a way to slide back in.

This past year or so his behaviors have spiraled out of control. Unable to keep a job for more than a week, having nice conversation one minute then screaming about some imperceived slight in the middle of the night, making impossible plans, etc.

My brother is now living with my family as he was homeless (we didn't even even know where he was two weeks ago). This whole time we thought his behaviors were due to his user personality, and drug abuse, but now we know these were signs of mental illness/ mania.

We've worked so hard to save the life of my brother over the years, but since it seemed that we wanted him to do well more than he wanted to we were losing faith. Just when we thought we could administer tough love so he could stand on his own two feet, we have this revelation which will demand the utmost patience and understanding from us.

The idea that he might have been suffering alone hurts my heart, but we still need to navigate how to set up healthy boundaries so he does not use mental illness as a pass to do things that will inhibit his recovery.

He wants to keep smoking weed, and I'm worried what will happen if he keeps skipping his prescribed medication. He seemed receptive to getting help and therapy when he was out of state, but his mood changes so rapidly I don't know what to expect even today.

LSA if you saw how he was years before and the way he is now, you would burst into tears. His face goes slack mid conversation, and none of his emotions reaches his eyes anymore. His thoughts are disorganized and he interrupts himself to start new trains of thought. He tries to convince us and himself he's doing fine mid speech and gets into moods of severe paranoia. My brother is so so bright and it's hard to see him like this.

To add on top of this, we have a traditional African household. There are little to no conversations about mental health here. There was very little sympathy to my mom who suffered with depression due to an injury and loss of work. When my parents called back home to inquire about behaviors similar to my brother's in the gene pool, erratic traits were brushed aside under alcoholism or treated as one off incidents isolated to that one family member.

I have my own place out of town and would rotate between there and living at home with my family since I could work from home. I despise being at home for more than a few weeks at a time because my dad makes the environment so toxic, honestly I don't know how my mom has been able to deal with that after all of these years.

Since this is an all hands on deck effort, I won't be able to retreat to my place out of town when things get too difficult to handle.

A lot of dreams have been cut short due to the pandemic, and now with my brother's situation this could easily be another year of life on hold. We got the emergency call as I was preparing for my first vacation since lockdown, with the whole point of getting away from the stress and responsibility of my dysfunctional family. Life has a way of being funny like that I suppose.

Above all else, I am grateful that my brother is alive. I'm a bit of an obsessive researcher, so I hope picking up these books will help equip myself and my family as we start this long journey

"The eldest daughter effect"- Lisette shuitemaker

"Surviving Schizophrenia, a family manual" e fuller Torrey

"The collected Schizophrenias: Essays"- esme weijun wang

"Living With Someone Who's Living with Bipolar Disorder: a practical guide for family, friends, and coworkers"- Chelsea Lowe

"It didn't start with you- how inherited family trauma shapes who we are and how to end the cycle"- mark Wolyn

"The bipolar survival guide, what you and your family need to know"- miklowitz
 

nikkidarlin

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Hey y'all, this a rant to get things off my chest and to seek advice from people suffering with bipolar/ Schizophrenia or people taking care of loved ones in the same condition.

My brother had his first official psychotic break on the other side of the country a week ago. Thank God he checked himself in when the voices were telling him to take action that could have ended his life. He was admitted to mental hospital, but unfortunately he discharged only 3-4 days in after starting medication. I don't think there was enough time for official diagnosis but the doctors were leaning between Schizophrenia and bipolar.

From a young age he was a difficult but very sweet child. Hyperactive and unable to focus he got diagnosed with Adhd. From his teens through adulthood things got worse- he was defiant, aggressive, impulsive, selfish and manipulative. He started getting involved in crimes and would rotate between abusing marijuana, cigarettes, alcohol, and xes. He wanted to be seen as independent and would dissappear for months. When he wanted something from us, he would find a way to slide back in.

This past year or so his behaviors have spiraled out of control. Unable to keep a job for more than a week, having nice conversation one minute then screaming about some imperceived slight in the middle of the night, making impossible plans, etc.

My brother is now living with my family as he was homeless (we didn't even even know where he was two weeks ago). This whole time we thought his behaviors were due to his user personality, and drug abuse, but now we know these were signs of mental illness/ mania.

We've worked so hard to save the life of my brother over the years, but since it seemed that we wanted him to do well more than he wanted to we were losing faith. Just when we thought we could administer tough love so he could stand on his own two feet, we have this revelation which will demand the utmost patience and understanding from us.

The idea that he might have been suffering alone hurts my heart, but we still need to navigate how to set up healthy boundaries so he does not use mental illness as a pass to do things that will inhibit his recovery.

He wants to keep smoking weed, and I'm worried what will happen if he keeps skipping his prescribed medication. He seemed receptive to getting help and therapy when he was out of state, but his mood changes so rapidly I don't know what to expect even today.

LSA if you saw how he was years before and the way he is now, you would burst into tears. His face goes slack mid conversation, and none of his emotions reaches his eyes anymore. His thoughts are disorganized and he interrupts himself to start new trains of thought. He tries to convince us and himself he's doing fine mid speech and gets into moods of severe paranoia. My brother is so so bright and it's hard to see him like this.

To add on top of this, we have a traditional African household. There are little to no conversations about mental health here. There was very little sympathy to my mom who suffered with depression due to an injury and loss of work. When my parents called back home to inquire about behaviors similar to my brother's in the gene pool, erratic traits were brushed aside under alcoholism or treated as one off incidents isolated to that one family member.

I have my own place out of town and would rotate between there and living at home with my family since I could work from home. I despise being at home for more than a few weeks at a time because my dad makes the environment so toxic, honestly I don't know how my mom has been able to deal with that after all of these years.

Since this is an all hands on deck effort, I won't be able to retreat to my place out of town when things get too difficult to handle.

A lot of dreams have been cut short due to the pandemic, and now with my brother's situation this could easily be another year of life on hold. We got the emergency call as I was preparing for my first vacation since lockdown, with the whole point of getting away from the stress and responsibility of my dysfunctional family. Life has a way of being funny like that I suppose.

Above all else, I am grateful that my brother is alive. I'm a bit of an obsessive researcher, so I hope picking up these books will help equip myself and my family as we start this long journey

"The eldest daughter effect"- Lisette shuitemaker

"Surviving Schizophrenia, a family manual" e fuller Torrey

"The collected Schizophrenias: Essays"- esme weijun wang

"Living With Someone Who's Living with Bipolar Disorder: a practical guide for family, friends, and coworkers"- Chelsea Lowe

"It didn't start with you- how inherited family trauma shapes who we are and how to end the cycle"- mark Wolyn

"The bipolar survival guide, what you and your family need to know"- miklowitz
HE HAS TO STOP SMOKING WEED
 

nikkidarlin

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HE HAS TO STOP SMOKING WEED
also get his medicine injected monthly. That is what I did for my son. Im to emotional to type anything else cuzz this post has triggered me. I am still very heartbroken for my son. He was a GREAT kid until the schizophrenia(marijuana induced)
 

incogneato

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My mom's the same. The only reason she isn't homeless is because we make sure she always has a roof over her head + all her bills paid for, but it's extremely sad to see how her illness completely ruined her life. And her living situation is also shaky, because there's never a place that she settles enough before starting up drama with neighbours (there are no friends left) or trashing the property. She's not anywhere near retirement and I'm drained, exhausted, fed up.... it's a lot. I feel like my life has been on hold for the past decade (when her mental health really took a nosedive).

Mostly I just feel like I don't really have a mother. I can't reach out to her if I need to talk, and on the odd day that she's nice, it's usually because she wants something. But she only needs to even feel I did something wrong to immediately go off, usually I don't even know why anymore.

The best advice I can give you is help, but with boundaries. Don't forget to live your life!
 

Driip

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"honestly I don't know how my mom has been able to deal with that after all of these years"

Do not underestimate what years of cultural conditioning can do to you. Your mother would probably stay even if she was set on fire.
You on the other hand should learn to put your self first.. seems selfish but you are your first responsibility.
I wish every new day of your life is better than the last.
 

incogneato

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i’m sorry you’re going through this. but you have to put yourself first, because this will definitely drain you.

i’m currently dealing with something similar with my brother except he has always been extremely sensitive and after seeing his best friend murdered and two other people shot next to him (it was a group of them and he was the only one that didn’t get hit) as a teenager he completely lost it. he currently lives with me and he goes from being extremely happy with all these ideas, wanting to find a job, playing with my kids to thinking someone is following him and trying to kill him, sitting in the dark thinking the neighbors are spying on him, etc. he even told me that management broke into my apartment trying to get him when i went out of town a few months back. then he’ll be happy and upbeat like nothing happened. it’s very exhausting and i wish you and your family the best.
 

incogneato

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Op here, guys thank you for taking the time to share your stories with me. My heart is going out to all of you guys in a similar boat, and thank you everyone for your kind words. At this time it really means a lot to me
1618833114179.png
 

N2Ladies

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Op here, guys thank you for taking the time to share your stories with me. My heart is going out to all of you guys in a similar boat, and thank you everyone for your kind words. At this time it really means a lot to me View attachment 2486431
Be very careful around your brother. This young lady moved her mentally ill brother into her home with her 3 year old son and he stabbed his sister to death after living with her for just 3 weeks. I don't know if he is schizophrenic but he has very serious mental problems. I know someoene that lives on the same street where this young lady was murdered and they say his behavior was very strange. Sometimes you can't put yourself at risk trying to help a person that is beyond help.

.
 

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