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Black women only, what has been your dating experience on the WEST COAST?

aaliyaah

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this.. all day. But there are a lot of black men coming from other states. So, I will say that there is hope. I don’t want to put down LA and black love. It’s possible. But what you’ve posted is true. We are outnumbered. And to be honest those cities you’ve listed are more suited for black people politically. Cali has always and will be a very white driven liberal/conservative state. And they are continually showing us this everyday.
liberal/conservative? You’re saying Cali is not meant for blacks politically. Which one is it or are you saying both?
 

Shezsolovely

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liberal/conservative? You’re saying Cali is not meant for blacks politically. Which one is it or are you saying both?

Liberal/ conservative meaning they disguise as pro-minority or we are so liberal, but most of California is very conservative. That’s what I meant by liberal/conservative.

And I don’t think it’s politically for black people compared to other states that are. Shoots Texas and Georgia have more programs and developed black cities than Cali that are for black people. But that’s not to say, Black men and women can’t be successful here and build a family, but it can be challenging. I do agree with that, but we are getting far beyond the topic. Now we are talking politics.
 

firedragon

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Comedian Nicole Byer has a podcast and she had Gabby Sidibe on. They talked about their dating woes in LA etc. and mentioned a private dating service that only celebs or otherwise affluent people use called Raya.

Gabby said she asked a Dating Coach/Matchmaker for advice. They told her to stop looking for only black men and to go outside the US. Her boyfriend is white and British. She also mentioned that when she visited the Caribbean (forgetting which country) she was hit on a lot and felt like Beyonce out there lol.

Interesting. Comedienne Rhetta was on one of the talk shows and said she got so much attention from men when she went to Europe, and advised black women who feel invisible in America to take a trip there. She said she's dated a lot of Eastern European men in LA.
 
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alliswell77

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As we say in the Bay, "the odds are good, but the goods are odd."

You can easily find men to "date", but finding decent looking husband material is a challenge across the board. Lots of men look and/or act like they share a trash can with Oscar the Grouch.

If you are shorter and slender/fit you will have the most options regardless of complexion/race. (Men here are short :cry:)

Tip: if you want to find a Black man in the Bay go to a Black in tech/Black alumni of X school networking event, post pandemic of course.
 

apples

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I don’t care what the statistics say. If you’re a fine bw on the west coast you’ll get more attention from wm than bm.
Wm boldly break their neck and flirt.
Bm will walk past you like you don’t exist (not talking about hood dudes) but do everything for the attention of basic ww and Latinas. They’re embarrassing.

I now want a Mexican contractor type that makes a lot of money from his own business.
If I want to remarry to a bm I’d move back down south. Not here!
In the south you could be married to somebody’s son within a year.
On the west coast... no such luck.
 

DizzyGalWonder

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Dis killing me how everyone is describing themselves as tall, "slim-thick" and Meagan Good's complexion. Like really? Which year/which one of her complexions? OG or pale-washed? Hmmm....
 

raramama

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Interesting. Comedienne Rhetta was on one of the talk shows and said she got some much attention from men when she went to Europe, and advised black women who feel invisible in America to take a trip there. She said she's dated a lot of Eastern European men in LA.

Wow. That's very interesting. This is would be an interesting study, instead of them other flop dating habits studies we see all the time.
 

Pragmatic

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This thread is explaining so much. I moved to the Bay Area from Texas a few years ago. Spent time in the suburbs at first and now I'm in Oakland and my sister can't understand why the dating game isn't on point out here. Lol I didn't know what to tell her? Maybe it's because everyone is super into their jobs/career here? (which I can admit, I've been investing a lot into my career growth...but I'd still be open to dating as a job isn't all there is to life). But idk, at least on the apps so far it's been a bunch of small talk with no actual dates - just "good morning" or "wyd" on repeat....smh. I do plan to go back to TX at some point but still holding out hope for some lucl in the Bay.
 

Shezsolovely

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This thread is explaining so much. I moved to the Bay Area from Texas a few years ago. Spent time in the suburbs at first and now I'm in Oakland and my sister can't understand why the dating game isn't on point out here. Lol I didn't know what to tell her? Maybe it's because everyone is super into their jobs/career here? (which I can admit, I've been investing a lot into my career growth...but I'd still be open to dating as a job isn't all there is to life). But idk, at least on the apps so far it's been a bunch of small talk with no actual dates - just "good morning" or "wyd" on repeat....smh. I do plan to go back to TX at some point but still holding out hope for some lucl in the Bay.

I’m telling you. Texas would be better. Coming from a person who lived in the Bay. But you may get lucky.
 

GoldDiamonds

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A lot of black men in Northern Cali have a pimp mentality. Meaning they are more intrested in seeing what they can get out of a woman and using her up instead of building a family. Also a lot of men in Northern Cali are literal pimps. In Southern Cali, a lot of black men prefer to date any thing but a black women. So no, I don't feel California is the best place for black women to find black men to date.

If you are open to dating men who are not black you will have more success in dating out there.
Tariq Nasheed says he used to live near Chris Brown. so which description is he? north or south lol that fool is for sure both thats all i know
 

CuuntyAunty

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Can a Black woman (aka 2 Black parents) who has actually lived and dated on the West coast speak about this? And can you describe if you are light, medium or dark skin? If you're slim, thick or big? (Only because I heard LA specifically is into the slim aesthetic) I keep hearing on here that the West coast isn't a good place for BW to date? I have never been to the West coast (yet) so can't speak of personal experience.

(Interestingly enough, when I tried OLD, I was speaking to a brother in SF, Cali & he said he wants to settle down w/ a BW but it's hard meeting them because it's mostly Asian/white women around him) So, Black heterosexual men (non trolls) can chime in too, respectfully of course.

Sometimes I feel a blanket statement is thrown at all of us when we all don't have the same experience - as if all BW are struggling. Some of us are actually doing good, whether its dating, love, finances, career, etc period.


Dating on the west coast isn’t bad. I’ve lived in Cali since I was a kid northern and southern. I’ve dated accomplished men, wealthy men, and a few bum ass dudes here and there too. I’m pretty and probably fit the California girl aesthetic, but honestly I can’t say that looks really matter. People connect with who they connect with.

I don’t see the point in describing myself but I will say women from other places run with the narrative that most black women here struggle in love. That’s not true. All my homely girlfriends are married and my fine self is single as a pringle so I feel like it’s all bs.

Sidenote: I moonlight as a pimp and don’t believe in monogamy so I’m probably a bad example. Date em all simultaneously until one of them outpaces the rest is my strategy.
 

CuuntyAunty

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Can a Black woman (aka 2 Black parents) who has actually lived and dated on the West coast speak about this? And can you describe if you are light, medium or dark skin? If you're slim, thick or big? (Only because I heard LA specifically is into the slim aesthetic) I keep hearing on here that the West coast isn't a good place for BW to date? I have never been to the West coast (yet) so can't speak of personal experience.

(Interestingly enough, when I tried OLD, I was speaking to a brother in SF, Cali & he said he wants to settle down w/ a BW but it's hard meeting them because it's mostly Asian/white women around him) So, Black heterosexual men (non trolls) can chime in too, respectfully of course.

Sometimes I feel a blanket statement is thrown at all of us when we all don't have the same experience - as if all BW are struggling. Some of us are actually doing good, whether its dating, love, finances, career, etc period.


Dating on the west coast isn’t bad. I’ve lived in Cali since I was a kid northern and southern. I’ve dated accomplished men, wealthy men, and a few bum ass dudes here and there too. I’m pretty and probably fit the California girl aesthetic, but honestly I can’t say that looks really matter. People connect with who they connect with.

I don’t see the point in describing myself but I will say women from other places run with the narrative that most black women here struggle in love. That’s not true. All my homely girlfriends are married and my fine self is single as a pringle so I feel like it’s all bs.

Sidenote: I moonlight as a pimp and don’t believe in monogamy so I’m probably a bad example. Date em all simultaneously until one of them outpaces the rest is my strategy.
 

CuuntyAunty

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I don’t care what the statistics say. If you’re a fine bw on the west coast you’ll get more attention from wm than bm.
Wm boldly break their neck and flirt.
Bm will walk past you like you don’t exist (not talking about hood dudes) but do everything for the attention of basic ww and Latinas. They’re embarrassing.

I now want a Mexican contractor type that makes a lot of money from his own business.
If I want to remarry to a bm I’d move back down south. Not here!
In the south you could be married to somebody’s son within a year.
On the west coast... no such luck.


Big facts. Every time I go to Florida and Georgia somebodies son is breathing down my neck trying to marry me.
 

InBloom

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Would y'all say that it isn't worth leaving Atlanta, to live anywhere in California as a Black woman? Because if the dating prospects are this dismal.... :unsure:
 

alliswell77

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Would y'all say that it isn't worth leaving Atlanta, to live anywhere in California as a Black woman? Because if the dating prospects are this dismal.... :unsure:
Depends on if your job prospects justify the extra effort you will have to put in sorting through all the useless men.
If you like nerds come to the Bay, jocks LA, sugar daddies the OC.
 

Gold Cat

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So not sure if anyone else posted this because I havent looked through the whole thread yet. But I just looked up the population in California for 2020:

  • White: 60.10%
  • Asian: 14.32%
  • Other race: 13.83%
  • Black or African American: 5.79%
  • Two or more races: 4.81%
  • Native American: 0.76%
  • Native Hawaiian or Pacific Islander: 0.39%.

I know this thread is about dating on the west coast but consider this, as I stated in my previous post, I grew up in California and then moved to the south. My recomendation for black women who are intrested in dating black men, You should consider moving to a major city in the south. My dating life improved greatly when I moved out of California. Im not interested in dating anything other than a black man and I really am having my way in the south.
Why do you only want to date Black men?
 

NoNameFont00

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Depends on if your job prospects justify the extra effort you will have to put in sorting through all the useless men.
If you like nerds come to the Bay, jocks LA, sugar daddies the OC.
This is a helpful post! And overall is actually a fairly helpful thread. I’m new to Cali after living in the SE for most of my adulthood and have been wondering about this myself. I appreciate the perspectives and experiences shared here.

My dating preference is Black men but I think I’m open to dating other races at this stage in my life. Marrying a non-bm, idk tbh. But we’ll see what dating is like for me. I’m cute so I never have an issue attracting men of all races but finding high quality men is always le struggle (and I’m pretty picky so my standards are high with how this is defined).

I guess I’ll also add since OP asked, I’m lighter skinned (think carbi b complexion) but with thick natural hair. Slim thick shape with hips and booty.
 

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