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Boyfriend constantly asking for money

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It seems your expectations are really low. If you had a good father or uncle in your life they would be ready to whoop this man azz for essentially pimping you because you’ve been too naive to know any better. You’re a prime target for an abuser.

Some thoughts:
* 50k is not a high enough income for two kids, which is why he can’t save. He can’t afford a girlfriend either, which is why you’re getting sh!tty gifts.

* If you marry this man he will not change. In fact, he will expect you to carry even more of the load because you were dumb enough to commit to more financial and emotions abuse after witnessing it for 2 years.

* He picked you because any woman his own age is going to see this little situation and not want any parts of it. He picked you because he thought you were dumb enough to fall for it.

*You’ve already outgrown him at 25 . That should tell you how stunted he is as a 40 year old man.

*When you leave he’s going to be looking for another young woman to sucker and drain of cash. You’re probably not the first to subsidize his life.

*Don’t be shocked if he gets more verbally or physically abusive once you start withdraw your money and car.

* You having no friends makes you vulnerable to abusive relationships. It’s a hallmark of low self esteem. Bad men look for that and attack. Before dating please establish a friend group.

*You need to throw your beliefs about “good men” in the trash. Good men can care for themselves and provide for their children. They add to your life, not take from it. They don’t use women as mules to pull themselves up.


You said a WORD! My spirit tingled reading this.
tenor.gif
 
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Durga87

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Ladies I really need some advice, please don't judge me. I'm a hard working young woman *25 just trying to figure some things out. I don't have friends that I can talk to about this. So I'd appreciate it if you'd give me advice that you would to a dear friend. I've been with my bf for almost two years, he's an amazing guy. He has two teenagers and one stays with us, I don't have any children. He's a good father and a great person overall. However, he is super bad with money, me on the other hand I'm pretty responsible with my money I have savings, but he cannot keep savings in his account and he makes 50k+. Every few months he's asking me for a loan.

Last year I lost my job but, I wasn't tripping because, I have a nice savings and I'm also paying my way through school at the local community college while also helping with small bills. He insisted he pay everything. Ok whatever cool. So we both own our cars. My car is a newer car that I worked very hard to pay off. He also owns his car but it's 20 yrs old! I been told him to just look around just in case. So his car breaks down back in October we put his car in the shop so he uses mine to get to work while I'm in school, cool no problem. He goes to work at 1am and there's no way I'm taking him @ 1am. We live in a weird area. Weeks go by the car still isn't fixed, the mechanic was giving him the run around. Now by this time it's almost December! I've been without my car for three months, and I was going through a tough time, my granny passed, my classes were hard and I was stuck in the house.

Any time I bring it up to him like what's going on, he'd lash out at me! Telling me that I make him feel bad and that I constantly bring it up and there's nothing he can do until he saves or gets his car back. So I tell him lets sit down and figure out some numbers to get him a car. I do the math and tell him to go by a strict financial plan (with his money) to come up with down payment money. He does the opposite. Now its January He finally gets his car back then a week later it breaks down. So now It's been 4 months since I've had unlimited access to my car!! I told him it's been 4 months and you don't even have any savings or any money. Mind you I'm not working but I saved all year round. I'm not looking down on him because, I've been there before I got put out once, but I learned from my financial mistakes.

We talked about it last night and he apologized and attempted to LOVE BOMB ME said his pride was hurt and I actually felt like he meant it. He said he was going to change, but then today when I called him to ask him if he can drop a box off in my car to the post office and I'll give him the money when he gets home! So, he got real snappy and asked how much it was I told him $100, he got mad and said I dont have $100. Just like a very nasty attitude all week long. Basically taking everything out on me. But last time I checked he said he had $500 in savings towards his car. I didn't bother to ask because, I'm not trying to be all in his business and him start an argument with me.

Yall I am tired I love this man and can see a future with him but constant money issues is starting to wear me down. I understand we all sacrifice. I've been sacrificing for months and more. I feel unappreciated by everyone in the house. I went out my way for them on Christmas. Just to get a mug, curling irons and hair dyer..... I don't feel appreciated at all. Him just being mean to me all the time and me walking on egg shells, I can't say anything pertaining to my car without him getting super mad. I sometimes feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Idk what to do.

- Please take it light on me I just lost my grandmother, I dont have a support system.... I'm just trying to figure things out .
Leave! Get the fµck out before it's too late. Men used me for money and it left me emotionally drained. If u wana waste money than go buy urself some Gucci prada for ur lselc
 

Winter

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I'm still trying to understand how a man got away with asking for money.

My woman stayed trying to lend me money and I refused. I'm the man. I have pride. I take care of her not the other way around.
 
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Ladies I really need some advice, please don't judge me. I'm a hard working young woman *25 just trying to figure some things out. I don't have friends that I can talk to about this. So I'd appreciate it if you'd give me advice that you would to a dear friend. I've been with my bf for almost two years, he's an amazing guy. He has two teenagers and one stays with us, I don't have any children. He's a good father and a great person overall. However, he is super bad with money, me on the other hand I'm pretty responsible with my money I have savings, but he cannot keep savings in his account and he makes 50k+. Every few months he's asking me for a loan.

Last year I lost my job but, I wasn't tripping because, I have a nice savings and I'm also paying my way through school at the local community college while also helping with small bills. He insisted he pay everything. Ok whatever cool. So we both own our cars. My car is a newer car that I worked very hard to pay off. He also owns his car but it's 20 yrs old! I been told him to just look around just in case. So his car breaks down back in October we put his car in the shop so he uses mine to get to work while I'm in school, cool no problem. He goes to work at 1am and there's no way I'm taking him @ 1am. We live in a weird area. Weeks go by the car still isn't fixed, the mechanic was giving him the run around. Now by this time it's almost December! I've been without my car for three months, and I was going through a tough time, my granny passed, my classes were hard and I was stuck in the house.

Any time I bring it up to him like what's going on, he'd lash out at me! Telling me that I make him feel bad and that I constantly bring it up and there's nothing he can do until he saves or gets his car back. So I tell him lets sit down and figure out some numbers to get him a car. I do the math and tell him to go by a strict financial plan (with his money) to come up with down payment money. He does the opposite. Now its January He finally gets his car back then a week later it breaks down. So now It's been 4 months since I've had unlimited access to my car!! I told him it's been 4 months and you don't even have any savings or any money. Mind you I'm not working but I saved all year round. I'm not looking down on him because, I've been there before I got put out once, but I learned from my financial mistakes.

We talked about it last night and he apologized and attempted to LOVE BOMB ME said his pride was hurt and I actually felt like he meant it. He said he was going to change, but then today when I called him to ask him if he can drop a box off in my car to the post office and I'll give him the money when he gets home! So, he got real snappy and asked how much it was I told him $100, he got mad and said I dont have $100. Just like a very nasty attitude all week long. Basically taking everything out on me. But last time I checked he said he had $500 in savings towards his car. I didn't bother to ask because, I'm not trying to be all in his business and him start an argument with me.

Yall I am tired I love this man and can see a future with him but constant money issues is starting to wear me down. I understand we all sacrifice. I've been sacrificing for months and more. I feel unappreciated by everyone in the house. I went out my way for them on Christmas. Just to get a mug, curling irons and hair dyer..... I don't feel appreciated at all. Him just being mean to me all the time and me walking on egg shells, I can't say anything pertaining to my car without him getting super mad. I sometimes feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Idk what to do.

- Please take it light on me I just lost my grandmother, I dont have a support system.... I'm just trying to figure things out .

hey sista girl. Sorry for your loss. You’re 25 and a pretty girl. Let’s keep it pushing and get your own place. To be blunt, you shouldn’t even be dating a man with kids. Cut your losses short and get your own place.
 

Dani_Blanco

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Broke older man with two teenagers. Are you kidding? Don’t waste anymore time with this man.
He should be ashamed of himself taking advantage. Also using your car for three months no ma’am. With teenagers I assume he’s in his 30’s why is he still not able to manage his money?
 

Dani_Blanco

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Trust me I feel bad for my decision I’ve been trying to leave for months I feel bad because he doesn’t have a car. I really appreciate y’all’s advice
You can’t have more concern than he does though. He shouldn’t drive your car, he can’t even keep up maintenance on his own.
 

incogneato

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I was in this same situation at your age and the dude was just using me. He’s probably out there cheating and having other women in your car. Things will never change. Dump him.
 

Nobunaga

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Happy, fulfilling, healthy relationships should not entail this kind of suffering. He is not going to change his woefully irresponsible financial habits at this point and if you marry him, he will run your joint finances into the ground.

If you were my friend, I'd tell you that you should either a) save up money for your own place, leave and cut off contact with him or b) accept that he's using you and resign yourself to being bilked for money. You have full control over whether or not you choose to endure his shenanigans, and you have to find the inner strength to execute your escape plan. Therapy could help you uncover deep rooted issues (if any) that are causing you to settle.

Then, I would leave it at that, because ultimately this is 100% up to you and no amount of helpful advice will help if you'd rather learn the hard way.
 

SocaPrincess

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This is way too messy. He’s older than you with teenage kids and he doesn’t have his finances together and he’s getting an attitude with you? How can you see a future with a man who always has money issues? In the two years he’s been with you your financial savvy hasn’t rubbed off on him and he doesn’t even have his own place? Major red flags.
 

Keester

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So let me ask you this OP. You live with him and he pays for everything and you only pay small bills??

Because the advice you are getting from others is making it seem as though you are taking care of him. Which way is it?
 

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