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Can’t let go of high school & put it behind me

incogneato

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I finished high school last year. I’ve had a sh!tty school experience since 12 years old that led to me having low self-esteem, depression, now anxiety.. I was in therapy specifically for this, but in the long run, it’s effective but it hasn’t been helping.

School is behind me, but it’s like my brain is stuck in school. I have become very “vain”, conscious and even obsessed with my appearance since I have the idea in my head that if I were pretty and looked like the popular girls, my friends wouldn’t have mistreated me & people wouldn’t disrespect me (idk, like feeling patronised, looked down upon and xesual harassment).

I know it’s not necessarily true because there were regular-looking (or not very pretty/very handsome) people in that group who weren’t treated badly. But idk.

I’m always having flashbacks to moments where I felt ashamed in school. Or fantasising about being back in school except being popular and ‘pretty’ and having a good time.

I’m planning on getting a nose job as soon as I can save up enough money. I know it’s bad, and I was insecure about my nose regardless; but I feel as though I’m doing it to finally be good enough for everybody in high school. Even though they obviously aren’t around to even see it.

I don’t know how I can even overcome this except accept reality and try to be as attractive as humanly possible. Like once I’m a knockout, I can finally pretend like they never even existed.
 

Huelva

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Have you tried talking to people close to you?
Edit:
Here are some videos. I'm not saying they will make you feel better but they are motivational.
 
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sugarsweet92

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Someone I know is in their 30's and still can't let negative high school experiences go. Don't be like them. I mean this person has literally lost their mind because they can't let the past go. Let it goooo girl...
 

incogneato

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Have you tried talking to people close to you?
Doesn’t help. Their words are nice but don’t change anything. They don’t really understand anyhow, they know how to focus on the important things in life & somehow ignore all the bad stuff. I cannot do that no matter how hard I have tried.
 

incogneato

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Someone I know is in their 30's and still can't let negative high school experiences go. Don't be like them. I mean this person has literally lost their mind because they can't let the past go. Let it goooo girl...
I don’t know how to do it. I’ve been in therapy for months. I feel like if you can’t beat em, join em. That’s my only option I can foresee.
 

blkgurl

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Don't waste anymore of your life on that ish. You need to focus on your future. NOBODY is perfect.

I recommend writing down all of your goals and making a plan to reach them, practicing self love and self care. Also positive affirmations daily.

I used to have insecurities about my body and I swore that I was going to have all of this surgery once I had the money. Now my entire perspective has changed. I learned to love myself and most importantly I forgave myself for mistakes I made in the past.

If you want to have surgery in the future go for it, just make sure it's for you and that you aren't doing it to please others.

Good luck!
 

Brandon Fallis

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Do you still live in the area where your high school is located? It might be that there are a lot of emotional "triggers" around that are making it harder for you to move on. I would recommend living away for a few weeks, a few months, a few years. Get it out of your system so you can properly heal.
 

MusicGal22

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It sounds to me that we have a similar backstory. I’m 26 years old & although I’ve forgiven some of my former bullies, I still can’t stand a few of them due to them triggering my current insecurities & I’m still insecure about my looks (just like you) to the point I want plastic surgery.

I was told I was ugly, looked like Whoopi Goldberg & Forrest Whittaker, and bullied by many black dudes. Females didn’t like me for my lackluster social skills & bullied me for that.

All the hate I’ve gotten back when I was a teenager (& even as an adult) has caused me to hate myself, so it will take time to undo the damage.

Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s a good idea to get surgery simply because of other people’s opinions. You should do it if you really think surgery will help you feel better about how you look.

I had to realize that there’s nothing we can do to change the past, & all you can do is live in the present. Therapy will also help, & blocking them on EVERY social media platform also helps you because they can’t hurt you anymore.
 
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rubyhikesamile

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Do you still live in the area where your high school is located? It might be that there are a lot of emotional "triggers" around that are making it harder for you to move on. I would recommend living away for a few weeks, a few months, a few years. Get it out of your system so you can properly heal.

This can be so true. I can't even listen to music from time periods that were bad for this reason.
 

Brandon Fallis

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This can be so true. I can't even listen to music from time periods that were bad for this reason.

I'm exactly the same lool. A few of Beyonce's songs were terrible triggers for 4+ years. I'd start to feel dizzy lmao.

Now, i can enjoy them in peace.

I still haven't been able to hear a few Elle Varner tunes. But, that's ok.
 

TrueTeaTrueLife

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Please pm me so we can talk. I really won't judge because I'm in the same situation. What's even worse is that these people have found my social media even after highschool watched me make several accomplishments either physically or work wise. I had a guy try to constantly flirt with me via dm then try to call me bummy within the same hour. I went off to the point I got my cousin to fight him at his job.

After blocking him after the entire incident he still tried to get a mutual friend to ask me why I'm mad at him. I don't even know why these people watch me if they don't like me.
 

AstoldbyWind

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I have nightmares every now and then about high school. But I also dont care about anything that happened then. That was 5 years ago and I didnt peak in high school.

I hated my high school experience but please LET IT GO. Go about your life, seek therapy. That was not y(our) best years.

Move away from your high school town and start life somewhere else.
 

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Being 'popular' in high school is NOT an accomplishment. Even if you get a bunch of surgery and become 'pretty', you haven't gained anything.

I notice there are quite a few people that have never matured passed high school age and are forever preoccupied trying to fulfill that aspect of their life. But the reality is: you CANT. Not only that, but it's not worth anything.

You need to seek a professional to help you work through these things.
 

Choseyylover

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wow, I am sorry to hear that. I surely also didn't have a good highschool experience neither. I've dealt with bullying and even being called ugly one time by a major douche bag. You know how we all have your rough patches? That time was during my first two years in highschool. So, the day I graduated was the day I left them and all the memories behind. Do you go to college op? Maybe that will help you forget. I say this because my college experience is the complete opposite of my highschool. Get called beautiful way more and just enjoyed my exprience there. So, its like what happened in highschool doesn't matter because you are no longer there and you are no longer dealing with the same thing now. I will say keep that in mind. Think about how differently your life is now from highschool, and focus on that. Thats what really matters anyway. Also keep in mind you are only 19, you still have time to glow up NATURALLY trust me I know. Don't count yourself out yet, plenty of people reach their prime when they are older anyway, you're still so young. Too young to consider rhinoplasty
 

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OP you are never gonna see these people again. It is hard, I've been there but it will get better only if you allow it to. You wanna waste your life mad at people who you spent 4 years with?

Self esteem is about you. Don't let it eat at you. Bullying is inevitable sometimes, but I am sure you will be good.
 

incogneato

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Do you still live in the area where your high school is located? It might be that there are a lot of emotional "triggers" around that are making it harder for you to move on. I would recommend living away for a few weeks, a few months, a few years. Get it out of your system so you can properly heal.
I live somewhere different but I’m going back. Ive deleted social media and I rarely keep up w/ anything related to that school or the people from it.

It’s just etched in my head from repeating it in high school. So even though the people & environment are gone, the memories are not.
 

incogneato

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wow, I am sorry to hear that. I surely also didn't have a good highschool experience neither. I've dealt with bullying and even being called ugly one time by a major douche bag. You know how we all have your rough patches? That time was during my first two years in highschool. So, the day I graduated was the day I left them and all the memories behind. Do you go to college op? Maybe that will help you forget. I say this because my college experience is the complete opposite of my highschool. Get called beautiful way more and just enjoyed my exprience there. So, its like what happened in highschool doesn't matter because you are no longer there and you are no longer dealing with the same thing now. I will say keep that in mind. Think about how differently your life is now from highschool, and focus on that. Thats what really matters anyway. Also keep in mind you are only 19, you still have time to glow up NATURALLY trust me I know. Don't count yourself out yet, plenty of people reach their prime when they are older anyway, you're still so young. Too young to consider rhinoplasty
Starting college in a few months. I hope it is better! I’m 17 (turning 18). Was put a grade up when I was younger.
 

CerebralRecess

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Well if it helps, know that the people you were in high school with were victims of underdeveloped amygdalas and frontal lobes leaving them not quite ready to make “smart” decisions. This effects impulsiveness and other social behaviors. In other words, young people are literally unequipped to grasp the depth of themselves (usually) and how they relate to others.

In short, don’t take it personally. If you have the resources, find a life coach or specialist to help you cultivate new skills for the next phase of your life.

Can’t drive a car and simultaneously focus on the rear-view.
 

Choseyylover

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Starting college in a few months. I hope it is better! I’m 17 (turning 18). Was put a grade up when I was younger.

Yeah, wait on that girl. You're very young. You're still growing and glowing. Wait on it to load before having any procedure. Some people are late bloomers, but when they glow, they glow. I am an example, and I am sure it will also happen for you
 

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