Chaste/modest church women deserve so much better

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I just don't like how it's shoved down young Christians womans throat to be chaste, modest, patient and a "good" woman and your husband will come. They make money of them by hosting single conferences for women, and writing books, and sadly many eat it up. I've met some Christian women who have stated, "I'm a virgin(enter age), and me and my girlfriends are still single and waiting while women who don't wait are getting married" which is pretty pathetic. I feel like some church leaders use them as mules as well.

I also don't trust pastors like john gray and Devon Franklin. Devon went outside and looked for a wife instead of looking in his church, especially since there was many available Christian woman. Why do many them go outside to look for a wife???? Not just pastors, but the male members as well.

I hate that so much emphasis is on being a good wife and saving saving yourself for a husband that might not come. It took me awhile to unlearn some of the harmful teachings and I want you guys to of course stay in your faith, but put your needs first as well because you guys are the backbone of the church and without you guys these pastors would be nothing.
 
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Girl in general get a different message growing up then boys. This issues plays out badly anyway you slice it. Boys should learn patient and modest . It creates more a healthy dating pool.
 
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I just don't like how it's shoved down young Christians womans throat to be chaste, modest, patient and a "good" woman and your husband will come. They make money of them by hosting single conferences for women, and writing books, and sadly many eat it up. I've met some Christian women who have stated, "I'm a virgin(enter age), and me and my girlfriends are still single and waiting while women who don't wait are getting married" which is pretty pathetic. I feel like some church leaders use them as mules as well.

I also don't trust pastors like john gray and Devon Franklin. Devon went outside and looked for a wife instead of looking in his church, especially since there was many available Christian woman. Why do many them go outside to look for a wife???? Not just pastors, but the male members as well.

I hate that so much emphasis is on being a good wife and saving saving yourself for a husband that might not come. It took me awhile to unlearn some of the harmful teachings and I want you guys to of course stay in your faith, but put your needs first as well because you guys are the backbone of the church and without you guys these pastors would be nothing.
The hope is that women spellbound by patriarchy be set free as they increase their faith.

People keep saying Devon Franklin left the church to find a wife. He did. He isn't SDA anymore. He is a New Thought minister. I thought it was clear that he is a motivational speaker.
 
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I can't stand this about the church either, at least teach the reasons why they are suggesting you wait besides it being wrong. As long as women are fine with possibly never getting married and remaining a virgin, continue to remain chaste. But if they are not fine with that, I suggest they use discernment and find someone solid to enjoy sex with...
 
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I just don't like how it's shoved down young Christians womans throat to be chaste, modest, patient and a "good" woman and your husband will come. They make money of them by hosting single conferences for women, and writing books, and sadly many eat it up. I've met some Christian women who have stated, "I'm a virgin(enter age), and me and my girlfriends are still single and waiting while women who don't wait are getting married" which is pretty pathetic. I feel like some church leaders use them as mules as well.

I also don't trust pastors like john gray and Devon Franklin. Devon went outside and looked for a wife instead of looking in his church, especially since there was many available Christian woman. Why do many them go outside to look for a wife???? Not just pastors, but the male members as well.

I hate that so much emphasis is on being a good wife and saving saving yourself for a husband that might not come. It took me awhile to unlearn some of the harmful teachings and I want you guys to of course stay in your faith, but put your needs first as well because you guys are the backbone of the church and without you guys these pastors would be nothing.
I agree with you. There is no point preaching this to women if you're not also preaching it to men. Because who are these women supposed to end up with? The church preaches chastity and modesty to women not to please God (as it should be) but to please men because no one wants a woman with the power to choose her own lovers. Instead, let's keep women in this vicious cycle where they're always so anxious to get chose, making everything so easy for men.

If a woman wants to be chaste and modest then she should do so for herself, not for the promise of a good or godly husband. Men will do whatever they want anyway.
 
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I just don't like how it's shoved down young Christians womans throat to be chaste, modest, patient and a "good" woman and your husband will come. They make money of them by hosting single conferences for women, and writing books, and sadly many eat it up. I've met some Christian women who have stated, "I'm a virgin(enter age), and me and my girlfriends are still single and waiting while women who don't wait are getting married" which is pretty pathetic. I feel like some church leaders use them as mules as well.

I also don't trust pastors like john gray and Devon Franklin. Devon went outside and looked for a wife instead of looking in his church, especially since there was many available Christian woman. Why do many them go outside to look for a wife???? Not just pastors, but the male members as well.

I hate that so much emphasis is on being a good wife and saving saving yourself for a husband that might not come. It took me awhile to unlearn some of the harmful teachings and I want you guys to of course stay in your faith, but put your needs first as well because you guys are the backbone of the church and without you guys these pastors would be nothing.
I agree, and I too had to (and am still) unlearning a lot of damaging teachings in the church. The church I went to focused so much on the women on being good wives, and with men it was mostly on being masculine, their purpose, business, etc. I had to learn to look at things in a spiritual sense and not just that something is wrong, because the church leaders say so.

Unfortunately, I don't trust most pastors. They're human and fallible like all of us, but some are completely on the wrong track. I learnt quite early on not to put anyone on a pedestal besides Jesus. Be a virgin/chaste because you want to, and not for these other reasons.
 
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But in y’alls religion men don’t have to be chaste. In fact, the pastors are usually some sexual deviants. This is a huge trick honestly. I have a homegirl who is 27 turning 28 and she is drop dead gorgeous (she looks like these sudanese models folks post) and she is pure as the day she was born. She is in med school and is well rounded. She is too good for everyone. Seriously. I just pray she meets another in the books dr but for her it’s slim pickings due to religious beliefs. Not the end of the world but disheartening.
 
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I grew up COGIC and it was really sad to see women live up to those expectations. Some of the young single women in my church who were constantly told God was gonna send them a husband have turned into old ladies, some still wearing long dresses and no make-up while waiting on a husband. It's sad.
 
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But in y’alls religion men don’t have to be chaste. In fact, the pastors are usually some sexual deviants. This is a huge trick honestly. I have a homegirl who is 27 turning 28 and she is drop dead gorgeous (she looks like these sudanese models folks post) and she is pure as the day she was born. She is in med school and is well rounded. She is too good for everyone. Seriously. I just pray she meets another in the books dr but for her it’s slim pickings due to religious beliefs. Not the end of the world but disheartening.

If you don't mind me asking, but is she muslim or part of one of the strict Christian denominations? You're absolutely right because many of these christian men are wolves on sheep's clothing who after putting themselves out in the streets think they deserve to marry virginal women.
 
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I grew up COGIC and it was really sad to see women live up to those expectations. Some of the young single women in my church who were constantly told God was gonna send them a husband have turned into old ladies, some still wearing long dresses and no make-up while waiting on a husband. It's sad.


I wish it was talked about more because this isn't anomaly. You can be modest and still look good. I've noticed with cogic women it can go both ways, they either grow up and continue to be cogic or go wild once they reach college. I had a few friends that grew up cogic and SDA and when they entered college they went WILD! They are well adjusted now, but I feel they were overwhelmed with all of the freedom.
 
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I wish it was talked about more because this isn't anomaly. You can be modest and still look good. I've noticed with cogic women it can go both ways, they either grow up and continue to be cogic or go wild once they reach college. I had a few friends that grew up cogic and SDA and when they entered college they went WILD! They are well adjusted now, but I feel they were overwhelmed with all of the freedom.

One i know had gotten so desperate, that she buys younger men expensive things trying to hold their interest. She has pursued one person that i know in particular who happens to be on the DL. She had been warned to leave the guy alone; i hope she took heed.
 
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I agree with you. There is no point preaching this to women if you're not also preaching it to men. Because who are these women supposed to end up with? The church preaches chastity and modesty to women not to please God (as it should be) but to please men because no one wants a woman with the power to choose her own lovers. Instead, let's keep women in this vicious cycle where they're always so anxious to get chose, making everything so easy for men.

If a woman wants to be chaste and modest then she should do so for herself, not for the promise of a good or godly husband. Men will do whatever they want anyway.

The bolded is the rationale for many, though, and its really unfortunate and one-sided.

They may also see an example on social media here and there and that’ll get their hopes up for themselves as well.
 
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I just don't like how it's shoved down young Christians womans throat to be chaste, modest, patient and a "good" woman and your husband will come. They make money of them by hosting single conferences for women, and writing books, and sadly many eat it up. I've met some Christian women who have stated, "I'm a virgin(enter age), and me and my girlfriends are still single and waiting while women who don't wait are getting married" which is pretty pathetic. I feel like some church leaders use them as mules as well.

I also don't trust pastors like john gray and Devon Franklin. Devon went outside and looked for a wife instead of looking in his church, especially since there was many available Christian woman. Why do many them go outside to look for a wife???? Not just pastors, but the male members as well.

I hate that so much emphasis is on being a good wife and saving saving yourself for a husband that might not come. It took me awhile to unlearn some of the harmful teachings and I want you guys to of course stay in your faith, but put your needs first as well because you guys are the backbone of the church and without you guys these pastors would be nothing.

Devon Franklin is a hypocrite. I never watch any of his videos. I have nothing against Megan Goode but she wasn’t a chaste Christian woman. She wasn’t practicing celibacy or anything like that. She just jumped on the bandwagon and practiced it for a few months when she met Devon. Most of these religious leaders are full of crap. Don’t waste money on any of their books or conferences. I don’t look at what people say but what they do.

Anyway, we have to remember chastity is supposed to be for God and ourselves. We are not keeping chaste for men. So I don’t worry when it appears that women who have slept around are getting chosen for marriage. That’s ok. God blessed them with that.

Those men are not a loss. They are one and the same as the women they marry. If I don’t ever get married, I’m content with with staying single and childfree. I’m not accepting any of these men back after their marriages fail. These men usually want the chaste women and “good” women after they waste their youth and money on certain kinds of women. I’d rather stay single than accept any of them back.
 
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Devon Franklin is a hypocrite. I never watch any of his videos. I have nothing against Megan Goode but she wasn’t a chaste Christian woman. She wasn’t practicing celibacy or anything like that. She just jumped on the bandwagon and practiced it for a few months when she met Devon. Most of these religious leaders are full of crap. Don’t waste money on any of their books or conferences. I don’t look at what people say but what they do.

Anyway, we have to remember chastity is supposed to be for God and ourselves. We are not keeping chaste for men. So I don’t worry when it appears that women who have slept around are getting chosen for marriage. That’s ok. God blessed them with that.

Those men are not a loss. They are one and the same as the women they marry. If I don’t ever get married, I’m content with with staying single and childfree. I’m not accepting any of these men back after their marriages fail. These men usually want the chaste women and “good” women after they waste their youth and money on certain kinds of women. I’d rather stay single than accept any of them back.


You're right, and as first lady I don't think she attends anymore. I know she's had a bad run in with some of the churchgoers, but this is what she signed up for.

Chastity is between you and God and these leaders conflate it with finding a mate. They're all fraudulent.
 
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The bolded is the rationale for many, though, and its really unfortunate and one-sided.

They may also see an example on social media here and there and that’ll get their hopes up for themselves as well.
It's so sad. The odd woman who lives that lifestyle and got chose isn't the norm. What's more normal is those who end up alone well into their 30s and 40s. The men (even the Christian ones) will go find a woman that excites them and if she's not religious, they'll go into overdrive converting her and proclaim to the world "Look...I have a Christian wife!".
 
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It's so sad. The odd woman who lives that lifestyle and got chose isn't the norm. What's more normal is those who end up alone well into their 30s and 40s. The men (even the Christian ones) will go find a woman that excites them and if she's not religious, they'll go into overdrive converting her and proclaim to the world "Look...I have a Christian wife!".


Is this a common trend for men to find women outside the church. I've noticed it in my church.
 
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Those men are not a loss. They are one and the same as the women they marry. If I don’t ever get married, I’m content with with staying single and childfree. I’m not accepting any of these men back after their marriages fail. These men usually want the chaste women and “good” women after they waste their youth and money on certain kinds of women. I’d rather stay single than accept any of them back.

This is something I am tossed with. My hearts desire is to one day get married... but the older I get and the more I see, the less I desire it. Men cheating or simply not loving their wives as they deserve.

And though we shouldn’t concern ourselves with other people’s opinions, there are those “why don’t you have a man” or “why aren’t you married” questions that sometimes feel like judgements.

But when you look at the options available... the things women deal with and tolerate and put up with. Meanwhile the single woman has peace (when she is indeed content).

I don’t know... I am still tossed (personally). I think the OP has a point. Churches should be balanced in their teachings.
 
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Is this a common trend for men to find women outside the church. I've noticed it in my church.
I've seen it many times with my male friends/acquaintances. I guess everyone in the church is told to find someone who is also Christian but what I've noticed is that the women really take it to heart and look for a man who is already a churchgoing Christian (bonus points if he attends their church) whereas the men don't typically choose from within their congregation. They won't limit their dating options to just Christian women either but when/if things get serious, they'll convince the girl to convert or start attending church at least.

I think women should be just as open tbh. Sometimes being so strict in your religiosity is what is getting in the way of finding love.
 
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This is something I am tossed with. My hearts desire is to one day get married... but the older I get and the more I see, the less I desire it. Men cheating or simply not loving their wives as they deserve.

And though we shouldn’t concern ourselves with other people’s opinions, there are those “why don’t you have a man” or “why aren’t you married” questions that sometimes feel like judgements.

But when you look at the options available... the things women deal with and tolerate and put up with. Meanwhile the single woman has peace (when she is indeed content).

I don’t know... I am still tossed (personally). I think the OP has a point. Churches should be balanced in their teachings.

I agree that teachings should be balanced towards both genders. I just believe that some people use religion as a hustle. They take advantage of people’s vulnerabilities to make a profit.

As a woman gets older, the quality pickings of men get slim. The pool is full of men with kids and divorced men. These men usually don’t have lasting marriages with the types of women they choose. The women are usually incompatible with their religious beliefs. They try to change her and it doesn’t work.

Case in point:

It's so sad. The odd woman who lives that lifestyle and got chose isn't the norm. What's more normal is those who end up alone well into their 30s and 40s. The men (even the Christian ones) will go find a woman that excites them and if she's not religious, they'll go into overdrive converting her and proclaim to the world "Look...I have a Christian wife!".

After the men spend their best years on other women, they want to come back broke, old and divorced into the community to marry a good girl. I don’t think these men deserve such a woman after wasting their youth. I won’t accept a used up man just to say I have a husband. I’ve become immune to the people asking me about my marital status. I’ve also noticed some people have ulterior motives. Some of them try to push such men, usually their family members, on you. They want you to cave in under pressure to choose certain types of guys.
 
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I agree that teachings should be balanced towards both genders. I just believe that some people use religion as a hustle. They take advantage of people’s vulnerabilities to make a profit.

As a woman gets older, the quality pickings of men get slim. The pool is full of men with kids and divorced men. These men usually don’t have lasting marriages with the types of women they choose. The women are usually incompatible with their religious beliefs. They try to change her and it doesn’t work.

Case in point:



After the men spend their best years on other women, they want to come back broke, old and divorced into the community to marry a good girl. I don’t think these men deserve such a woman after wasting their youth. I won’t accept a used up man just to say I have a husband. I’ve become immune to the people asking me about my marital status. I’ve also noticed some people have ulterior motives. Some of them try to push such men, usually their family members, on you. They want you to cave in under pressure to choose certain types of guys.


The worst part is the "good girl" usually takes the bait. It truly upsets me and of course there are family members pressuring the young girl.
Emz6j9JXUAUTDKx.jpg
 
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If you don't mind me asking, but is she muslim or part of one of the strict Christian denominations? You're absolutely right because many of these christian men are wolves on sheep's clothing who after putting themselves out in the streets think they deserve to marry virginal women.
She is just Christian but from Africa so she has been ingrained to believe certain things. I encourage her to research and be open minded.
 
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She is just Christian but from Africa so she has been ingrained to believe certain things. I encourage her to research and be open minded.

I understand, I had the same background, but I'm a lapsed catholic so she's probably part of the stricter denominations. My cousins back home are Pentecostal and let's just say it's alot
 
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I completely agree, my mom is a die hard Christian and is always telling me I should save myself and wait for a good Christian man to marry even though I've stopped going to church years ago.

It took a lot for me to unlearn that patriarchal thinking that I should wait for a man to choose me
 
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Devon Franklin is a hypocrite. I never watch any of his videos. I have nothing against Megan Goode but she wasn’t a chaste Christian woman. She wasn’t practicing celibacy or anything like that. She just jumped on the bandwagon and practiced it for a few months when she met Devon. Most of these religious leaders are full of crap. Don’t waste money on any of their books or conferences. I don’t look at what people say but what they do.

Anyway, we have to remember chastity is supposed to be for God and ourselves. We are not keeping chaste for men. So I don’t worry when it appears that women who have slept around are getting chosen for marriage. That’s ok. God blessed them with that.

Those men are not a loss. They are one and the same as the women they marry. If I don’t ever get married, I’m content with with staying single and childfree. I’m not accepting any of these men back after their marriages fail. These men usually want the chaste women and “good” women after they waste their youth and money on certain kinds of women. I’d rather stay single than accept any of them back.

I agree that teachings should be balanced towards both genders. I just believe that some people use religion as a hustle. They take advantage of people’s vulnerabilities to make a profit.

As a woman gets older, the quality pickings of men get slim. The pool is full of men with kids and divorced men. These men usually don’t have lasting marriages with the types of women they choose. The women are usually incompatible with their religious beliefs. They try to change her and it doesn’t work.

Case in point:



After the men spend their best years on other women, they want to come back broke, old and divorced into the community to marry a good girl. I don’t think these men deserve such a woman after wasting their youth. I won’t accept a used up man just to say I have a husband. I’ve become immune to the people asking me about my marital status. I’ve also noticed some people have ulterior motives. Some of them try to push such men, usually their family members, on you. They want you to cave in under pressure to choose certain types of guys.


This is exactly why I have not married or had children. People always told me to lower my standards and I am like for what? Lowering my standards brought many issues that I learned valuable lessons from. Not ever again will I be so simple to do so.

Most of men, young and old, have a lot of baggage in terms of being faux christians and coming to the table with OOW children in many homes, ex-wives, and other issues.
Have dealt with that fact my entire life. They want YOU to be wholesome but they are not and have no intentions of doing so.

I encourage women all the time to live their lives for THEMSELVES, not for a man, or in anticipation of a man or marriage.

My father married three times. Three. My mother is his first wife who is a faux Christian. He treated her like nothing and moved on. His second wife he couldn’t run game on so they split and now he married the one who always wanted him and was his lover through all of his relationships. Now he’s older, retired, can’t run the streets, and has health issues so guess who he chose? The faithful woman who prayed for him. I wouldn’t want a man who has overlooked me for decades to only choose me when there are no other options.

I deserve and will have better than to allow that type of treatment even if it means remaining single. Because I am never alone contrary to what many think.

I can admit that I strayed away from the church and worship services when I was younger for various reasons. I have always fought to keep my faith and build my relationship with God regardless of what I dealt with in life. I have found more peace alone praying to God and reading the Word as opposed to sitting in a congregation where the pastor or minister is trying to have his way with his congregants or listening to people who are just as hypocritical as those that they shun spew their nonsense.

I am celibate for me and God. Not in anticipation of or for a man. You can have a great life while living for God. Do not listen to those who say that you cannot and will project onto you that you must walk around looking and acting like a prudish woman to do so.

Oh, gotcha! I like them together, but I feel he loved her more than she does.

He did love her more. She is more in love with him now but initially you could see that he was more into her than she was him.
 

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