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Children taking mother’s surname?

Sugar Kane

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A family friend is pregnant. She’s been married for a few years but didn’t take her husband’s surname.

Their child is going to take her surname. No double-barreling, just hers. She said for three reasons:

A — She has the better career.
B — Her surname is “prettier” and flows better with the child’s name.
C — She’s going to push out the child, so she can name it whatever she wishes.

4% of families (according to a babycenter.com survey) give their children the mother’s surname but I want to know what LSA thinks.

Under good circumstances where the parents are married and the father is going to be actively involved in the child’s life:

LADIES, would you give your child your surname?
MEN, what would your reaction be if your wife wanted to give your child her surname? Would you be fine with it?

ETA: I don’t know what the father’s opinion was. I agree with the mother and her reasons. I want to do the same as her in the future, though as it’s uncommon from the people I know, I just wanted to hear the general consensus.
 
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ArtemisUniverse

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I have my mother's surname and literally everyone else in the family does as well except one. I thought this was common? A lot of people have their mother's surnames, or they hyphen it.
 

CodenameNo5

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I have my mother's surname. It sounds better with my first name, my mother didn't even consider giving me my father's. I think it's for the best, though.

I have a relative who has two sons by different fathers. Both of the sons took their father's surname. No one in the family sounds related. If I had my father's surname, I would have sounded like I'm part of a different family when my parents' broke up.

I've also known girls in my school who tried and change their surnames to their mother's because their parents broke up and they weren't close to their fathers.
 

RoseCake

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I've always gone by just my mother's surname although legally my name is hyphenated. I didn't even realize my legal name was hyphenated until I had to apply to get a driver's license when I was 16. Now that I'm older I have to use my legal name all the time and it annoys me a lot because it doesn't feel like my real name to me. I'm planning on getting my name changed legally next year to just my mom's surname.
 

cquiller1

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I don't have an issue with it. It's up to the parents to decide which surname their child(ren) will take.

My personal opinion is I don't think a woman should give her child(dren) the father's surname is if she's not married to the father.
 

Shianethedetective

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I think it should be the mothers than the fathers but hey whatever rocks their boat , when I get married I am deff giving my kids my husbands last name and I am throwing away my last name and taking his full name but I think thats because of the relationship with my father I remember the ***** gave me $2.45 in childhood support at the Walmart money center and I aint been the same since.
 

Sekh

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I know a guy who married a woman who had a child from a previous relationship. He took his wife's last name to help the child become more comfortable with him since he is the one joining their already established family. He didn't want the child to have to change their last name or feel left out if their mom had taken his last name.

 

Roberta Warren

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I'm married (only mentioning this because the situation changes my decision) and I took my husband's last name so our child will have our last name.

If I was unmarried, my child would definitely have my surname. If the child's father and I got married, I guess we'd change their last name. I'd have to research it. If the child was old enough, I'd ask what they wanted to do.

It's funny, I took my husband's last name but in reality, I kind of compromised. I love my maiden name, it flows so well with my very uncommon first and middle. It sounds silly, but it was a part of my identity, since I was born. I always wanted to keep it. But I hate hyphenated names. So I made my maiden name part of my middle name. When my children are born, I plan to make my maiden name part of their middle names. I'm sure they won't do it if they have children, but I feel such an attachment to my maiden name. My mother hid everything about my father to spare me grief (he died suddenly very shortly after I was born) that I felt this hole all my life. Stepdad was great but for my entire life, I felt like i didn't know half of myself. So when I finally discovered it, I felt nothing when I learned his surname, I felt nothing for him. Which is what she wanted, I suppose, but it was incredibly damaging to me. I felt more for my husband's last name than his.

So I guess i wrote out all of those feelings because a surname is very important to me because of the legacy and family that comes with it. I want my kids to have a chance to feel a connection with it. It's weird. I know lol most people don't even care what first name they pick for their children. But your first and last names are what you introduce yourself to the world with. I don't want them to introduce themselves with the same awkward uncertainty that I did.

Edited to fix "shame" to "same"
 
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fashionfreak

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That is emasculating and no man is going to be ok with that unless he's a simp. There's nothing wrong with keeping your surname but your children should have their fathers surname UNLESS he's a deadbeat.

I don't care if my husbands last name is kookoocachoo, my kids are going to have it as well.
 

niecy

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My daughter has my surname. Her dad wasn't there for her birth or to sign the birth certificate so *shrugs*
 

Philly_Chick

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I feel if you're married and both agree, it isn't a problem.

I know someone who has 7 kids, 7 fathers and EACH child has their father last name. She never married.

I feel if you have a child out of wedlock, he/she should have mother's last name.
 

froggyluv2

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Why do you care?

Are you paying the hospital bill?

Did your penis impregnate her?

If it's a negative on both counts, then why do you care?

ETA: You should also know that in many cultures, the child takes on the surname of both mother and father...y'know since they BOTH contributed to the baby.
 

CharlaBih

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I have my mothers name but only because she didn't have any boy children and wanted one of her kids to pass the name on.

I use my dad's name sometimes (hyphenated). When i get married i'll have 3 last names. My child will be getting my mom's surname hyphenated with my married last name, my hubby will deal :ROFLMAO:
 

Goonica

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People can do whatever they want with their children, doesn't matter if you're married or not, if you want to give YOUR child their father's last name or your last name then that's YOUR choice.
 

Sugar Kane

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Why do you care?

Are you paying the hospital bill?

Did your penis impregnate her?

If it's a negative on both counts, then why do you care?

Firstly, I don’t have a penis. Second, I agree with her and would do the same if I had a child in the future, but my siblings disagree, though agree it’s her choice. This is a forum, we’re having a conversation...
 

froggyluv2

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First of, I don’t have a penis. Second, that’s actually three counts. Third, I agree with her and would do the same if I had a child in the future, but my siblings disagree, though agree it’s her choice. This is a forum, we’re having a conversation...

Good.

I thought you were taking issue with it and were going to use the thread as an opportunity to launch respectability grenades (as is often done on this board) at a woman who dared to do something with her own body or reproductive choices including the children she birthed that was different from the patriarchal norm.

I'm so used to the misogyny on this board masquerading as mere opinion that I tend to jump the gun.

It's like the fonts already running in here to say "as long as she's married."


*roll of eyes*

If she isn't/wasn't married what are they going to do? Send money? Begin a trust fund for the baby's college tuition?

They're not going to do nothing but pass judgement to feel better about their own sick sad lives. It gets old...and on a board that is predominately women no less.
 

Sugar Kane

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Good.

I thought you were taking issue with it and were going to use the thread as an opportunity to launch respectability grenades (as is often done on this board) at a woman who dared to do something with her own body or reproductive choices including the children she birthed that was different from the patriarchal norm.

I'm so used to the misogyny on this board masquerading as mere opinion that I tend to jump the gun.

It's like the fonts already running in here to say "as long as she's married."


*roll of eyes*

If she isn't/wasn't married what are they going to do? Send money? Begin a trust fund for the baby's college tuition?

They're not going to do nothing but pass judgement to feel better about their own sick sad lives. It gets old...and on a board that is predominately women no less.

Oh no, I would never! Even if I didn’t agree, which I do, it’s totally her choice. If I carried a child for nine months I would absolutely want it to carry my surname, a surname I’ve been working so hard to clear of my family’s mistakes and turn into something positive. I know any children I might have, raised with or without the help of a father figure, would only add to that positive change.

Glad we’re on the same page because you know... looking at your avi... we’re Kermit and Miss Piggy lol
 
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N A M E

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I know a guy who married a woman who had a child from a previous relationship. He took his wife's last name to help the child become more comfortable with him since he is the one joining their already established family. He didn't want the child to have to change their last name or feel left out if their mom had taken his last name.
I like this a lot! I think it is so raggedy when a woman gets married and has children with her new husband that her previous children are left out in the cold, especially if its just one child.

To the OP I don't have a problem if that works for them. Families ultimately revolve around the woman 99% of the time so this move to more matrilineal surnames is A-okay in my book, regardless of martial status.
 

HongKongho

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I hate my guys surname it doesn’t not flow with mine

I hate his dad PERIOD

And my name has a nice ring to it and babies belong to their mothers so yeah I’ll take give the child my surname Alex
 

Ms. Stewart

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I'm married and took my husband's last name so our baby will have our last name. My parents however weren't married and my surname is my dad's.
 

LazyDaisy

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I'd give my child my surname. But I'd be open to hypenating it if he wanted to... still would put mine first though because my surname cool and very unique. :)
 

Love Gun

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If I’m married I will take my husband’s last name and our children will have our last name. If I’m unmarried then the child will take my last name.

It’s crazy that you guys know a lot people with their mother’s surname, I don’t know a single one.
 

GummyBearJuice

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I don’t see the problem and if I could turn back time my kids would have my last name . Their father turned out to be horrible and a deadbeat (which is an understatement)

ETA : Thank you all for the hugs; it has not been easy . :heart:
 
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pet

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I have my father's last name and when i have kids they will have their father's last name. If i ever need a stage name or i want to be known professionally by another name, ill use my mothers maiden name.

I also dont really see a problem with kids having their mothers maiden name. If both parents want their names represented, there is always an option to hyphen.
 

sugarwraith

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My child will have my last name... And the other parent's (e4).

My name holds just as much importance to me as his does to him, and because none of us know just how involved he'll be to begin with...

At least my LO will be able to decide in the end with which side they'd like to be recognized as, assuming he ever wants to drop one of the names.
 

Go-Go Girlie

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A family friend is pregnant. She’s been married for a few years but didn’t take her husband’s surname.

Their child is going to take her surname. No double-barreling, just hers. She said for three reasons:

A — She has the better career.
B — Her surname is “prettier” and flows better with the child’s name.
C — She’s going to push out the child, so she can name it whatever she wishes.

4% of families (according to a babycenter.com survey) give their children the mother’s surname but I want to know what LSA thinks.

Under good circumstances where the parents are married and the father is going to be actively involved in the child’s life:

LADIES, would you give your child your surname?
MEN, what would your reaction be if your wife wanted to give your child her surname? Would you be fine with it?

ETA: I don’t know what the father’s opinion was. I agree with the mother and her reasons. I want to do the same as her in the future, though as it’s uncommon from the people I know, I just wanted to hear the general consensus.
What does her career have to do with whose last name the baby has and why marry someone who you wouldn’t be proud to name your child after (last name)? A wife making those type of decisions based solely on what she wants doesn’t sound like a healthy marriage.

I don’t know any man that would be cool with that and I hopes he conveyed all of that to him before they got married.
 

sugarwraith

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If the parents are married this wouldn't be an issue.

There's a number of us who will never give up our name, married or not.

We're still small, in time we'll gain traction again.

I might consider hyphenating, but my name is my name and will remain as such.
 

AngelicaPickles

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Why is this such a big deal? In some countries, men take the woman's name and children have their mother's name. My child will have my last name or it will be both names
 

THEDARKVIXEN

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I plan to blend our names. So if his last name is brown and my last name is june our last names can be the brunes or we can just hyphenate it to the june-browns. I want our kids to have hyphenated last names. Whatever they choose to do is up to them when they become legal adults.
 

mimihatesyou

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my son has my surname! my husband took mine as well after marriage, of his own volition. there are plenty of smiths out here so he wasn’t concerned about passing it.
 

StrawberryShake

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I wish I had my mother's surname (she kept hers after getting married) because it's prettier and flows better with my first name.
 

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