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Coping With Jealousy - Friend Gets Attention I Literally Get None

incogneato

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I’m a bi black male college senior with a gay black male friend also in school

we’ve both been on and off dating apps, but he gets dates and has been in relationships, and I never get any mutual attraction.

he can literally download an app today, get matches and dates within the day

and I can be on that same app and not get a match or match that actually replies in months or years

even if I get a match it never makes it to a date.
it just feels so unfair
And it’s not like he’s a supermodel or i’m an ogre either

our looks aren’t that different for him to get all this attention I never can

how do you deal with your friends getting attention and dates using the apps you have used but never get anything out of

especially in a Non-lgbt populous area

It just feels so unfair, and it’s hard to not resent the people in your circle who do find dating success as time passes you by with no progress whatsoever for years.

It makes me feel jealous and not good enough
 

Badassery xx

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Do you have 'bi' on your profile (not to sound biphobic) but I know for some Lg people 'bi' people can be a huge turnoff because [most] usually tend not to be as 'secure' in their sexuality vs somebody that is fully gay. And most [straight] women do not want to date a bi man.

If it is on your profile, I'm not saying that you should remove it, but I'm just telling you to be cautious of perceptions that might come with it. If you can I would suggest gay clubs/bars if they are open around you.

Also you should avoid doing comparisons based on online dating. They are incredibly superficial and filled with plenty of time wasters.
 

Megumi Aoki

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Interesting to have a male post this is as most of the time I see women complaining of jealousy.

To answer your question it is not always about looks. Your friend may be witty and funny and have that special something that attracts women to him.

Many times if I match with a person and the conversation is dry as fµck or they come off like they hadn't graduated high school or they read social awkward I usually then just ignore them. Also if they come off too eager that also gives me red flags.
 

incogneato

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Do you have 'bi' on your profile (not to sound biphobic) but I know for some Lg people 'bi' people can be a huge turnoff because [most] usually tend not to be as 'secure' in their sexuality vs somebody that is fully gay. And most [straight] women do not want to date a bi man.

If it is on your profile, I'm not saying that you should remove it, but I'm just telling you to be cautious of perceptions that might come with it. If you can I would suggest gay clubs/bars if they are open around you.

Also you should avoid doing comparisons based on online dating. They are incredibly superficial and filled with plenty of time wasters.
Thanks for reading! I do have bi in my profile. ATP, I’d rather filter out people who won’t date bi men than have it be an issue later on, but like you said, that might cause for some rejection before it happens, so I might reconsider.

there is 1 “gay” bar or friendly bar around where I go to school but I mainly see people I didn’t match with online multiple times

maybe my options will improve when I relocate someday
 

Kingshady

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Maybe your friend is using these apps to hook up easily. Depending on the app, a lot of guys use them for easy sxxx.
 

bottle

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Uh, it might be a sensitive topic, but are you overweight? We know that among gay men there's quite an extreme weight prejudice.

Also how active is he on these apps? Could be that he's casting a wide net.
 

PrimaDonnaDiva

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Thanks for reading! I do have bi in my profile. ATP, I’d rather filter out people who won’t date bi men than have it be an issue later on, but like you said, that might cause for some rejection before it happens, so I might reconsider.

there is 1 “gay” bar or friendly bar around where I go to school but I mainly see people I didn’t match with online multiple times

maybe my options will improve when I relocate someday
Please don't stop being honest about your sexuality. Women have the right to know what they are getting themselves into, and make an informed decision.
 

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