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Winter

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People make mistakes. I have nothing to do with those past relationships. Just as long as he doesn't try it with me then we're gucci.

Cheating is not a mistake OP.

It ain't a mistake if the man did it in his prior relationships. It's a habit. When things don't go the way he wants he cheats. If you do something and he isn't amused he will cheat. The man has told you what's good. You just ain't listening.

BTW, you're setting yourself up. You gave him xes. You took xes away. Be honest with yourself. You think anybody would like that? Never mind your reasons because they don't matter. It's whether or not he likes it because he's the cheater. Don't be surprised if you get cheated on.
 

Beaming

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You asked a man to be your man in two months? Sounds creepy and desperate
No amount of pussy gonna fµck a man into a relationship

When you have xes you do it because you want to, not because you want a man.
 
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Ethereal Spirit

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Cheating is not a mistake OP.

It ain't a mistake if the man did it in his prior relationships. It's a habit. When things don't go the way he wants he cheats. If you do something and he isn't amused he will cheat. The man has told you what's good. You just ain't listening.

BTW, you're setting yourself up. You gave him xes. You took xes away. Be honest with yourself. You think anybody would like that? Never mind your reasons because they don't matter. It's whether or not he likes it because he's the cheater. Don't be surprised if you get cheated on.
But I also think he is trying to not make the same mistakes. He told me that he ends up hurting everyone he gets close to, and we said we're going to break that cycle.
 

Ethereal Spirit

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You asked a man to be your man in two months? Sounds creepy and desperate
No amount of pussy gonna fµck a man into a relationship

When you have xes you do it because you want to, not because a want a man.
Why is that desperate to you? He told me we were building towards a relationship either way, but anyway, thanks for letting me know. I was trying to see if Maybe I rushed into the relationship discussion with him.
 

MelinaRollins

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I don't know what or how his last relationships are toxic because I told him from the jump that I didn't want to hear about any of his exes when he brought them up. The only thing I know is that he said he doesn't want to make the same mistake jumping into another toxic relationship like he did in the past. He also told me he was so unhappy with those relationships that he eventually cheated on them, but he said he would never want to hurt me in that way, which is why he wants to take things slow... So that we could build something healthy and organic. At least, that's the answer according to him.

Sis...he's a walking red flag.

1. He cheated, instead of leaving. He has POOR conflict resolution skills.

2. He doesn't even value commitments he's made because he's chosen to cheat.

3. I bet he didn't start of wanting to "hurt them in that way" either. He still did. He has a lack of integrity. People who are against cheating as strongly as they believe they are DON'T do it. His morals will flip flop whenever he feels it's justified. And that doesn't mean it's actually justified. Just that he will make up an excuse to absolve himself of whatever he just did.

4. We STILL don't even know why he was unhappy. It could be a situation where he wasn't into these women like that but they gave him the ultimatum or put their foot down and stopped having xes with him. Much like you are about to do. So he hopped in the relationship knowing he didn't like them like that. Of course that's my speculation but who knows?

5. Like I told you, toxic relationships take TWO to tango. He's pretty much admitted to you that HE was the more toxic one (or the more "outwardly" toxic one).

6. He's also admitted he'll stick around even if he's not happy. Which is why I don't understand why you believe in his words so much regarding how he won't just leave once he stops getting xes. Even if he doesn't, he'll just stick around unhappy as sh!t and probably start doing things that don't treat you in a dignified manner.


This man is NOT the dream man you think he is. A man who cheats is your dream man? A man who isn't brave enough to end relationships when he's unhappy is your dream man? A man who has a record of toxic relationships where he HEAVILY contributed to the toxicity is your dream man?

Quite frankly, you deserve better.
 

Winter

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But I also think he is trying to not make the same mistakes. He told me that he ends up hurting everyone he gets close to, and we said we're going to break that cycle.

You're justifying.

Stop calling it a mistake. It is a willing choice. This man cheated on women because he was unhappy. This is not a mistake. You are about to make him unhappy by taking xes from him. I don't understand why you don't see that you're setting yourself up for the fall. It's like you want him to be Prince Charming but he's trash.
 

MelinaRollins

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I'm not playing games. I'm dead serious. I've done things to appeal to him, which I've never done for any other man in my life. Men like him do not exist in the real world. Most women settle because their man is missing a few things off their checklist but this guy literally checks off every last box on my checklist. He is really the man of my dreams... he's the type of guy I prayed to God for. He feels heavensent and makes me really happy when we're together.

OK so here's my advice based on this particular post. Keep dealing with him until you are too fed up to keep dealing with him.

There's an easy way and a hard way to learn things. As harsh/mean spirited as LSA can be sometimes, LSA is the EASY way. The advice I just gave is the hard way. Seems like many women can only learn the HARD way when it comes to men. So good luck.
 

Amanda Woodward

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He's been saying to be patient with him because he also doesn't feel like he can commit to a relationship right now because of his work schedule. Pretty much he's saying that he wants to get to know me more but also that his work schedule don't make it easy right now for us to build a relationship, but who really knows?
Let me help you out here.

He is trying to let you down easy. As soon as you stop sleeping with him, he's going to repeat these excuses again and start ghosting you. He doesn't want to look like the bad guy so he'll use his work schedule as a reason to back out.

Men do this all the time. They'll end things and then tell you, "It's not you, it's ME."

Next time don't sleep with anyone until you have a commitment. If a guy tells you he's too busy for a relationship, wants to take things slow, his work schedule is too hectic or any other excuse, just walk away.
 

hankertron

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I literally almost found myself in this situation like yours! I mean, I had a man tell me that he solely hooked up with ladies that he saw the potential for a relationship.
With that been said, of course, xes would come first, and if he did not view me as a potential girlfriend, I guess we would solely have xes or would break it off.
Needless to say, I saw red flags and cut it off; It is quite challenging to transition from only xes to a relationship when there is no conversation at the beginning about this very crucial part of a relationship.

Anyhow follow your heart and be honest with him.
But even if he says he’s committed his approach is manosphere in reality, or very much 80/20. They taste women until they are bored. Then they get another woman to taste. The dish must be very rare to commitment in a genuine way. You must vet ruthlessly and don’t by any means offer xes UNLESS you are as close to 100% as you can be he really wants you for wifey.
 

vaguebeaut

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I don't know what or how his last relationships are toxic because I told him from the jump that I didn't want to hear about any of his exes when he brought them up. The only thing I know is that he said he doesn't want to make the same mistake jumping into another toxic relationship like he did in the past. He also told me he was so unhappy with those relationships that he eventually cheated on them, but he said he would never want to hurt me in that way, which is why he wants to take things slow... So that we could build something healthy and organic. At least, that's the answer according to him.

You have so many excuses for this man. You don’t have to worry about him cheating, since he doesn’t even want to claim you in the first place. You obviously want to learn the hard way. Smh.
 

Issawifenow

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You have so many excuses for this man. You don’t have to worry about him cheating, since he doesn’t even want to claim you in the first place. You obviously want to learn the hard way. Smh.
Lmfao he cant cheat if hes single
1623547198084.gif
 

The Throne

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But I also think he is trying to not make the same mistakes. He told me that he ends up hurting everyone he gets close to, and we said we're going to break that cycle.
Yikes. Would have aborted mission immediately if a dude told me that…
 
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The Throne

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You have so many excuses for this man. You don’t have to worry about him cheating, since he doesn’t even want to claim you in the first place. You obviously want to learn the hard way. Smh.
Op gonna go what she wanna do. Sit and wait to be chosen when she should do the choosing.
 
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That's true, but it felt right at the time. I know I made the mistake of sleeping with him without a commitment. I don't wanna cry over spilled milk, nor do I wanna beat myself up about it, so I'm currently trying to right those wrongs. I've asked him about the possibility of starting a relationship a few times, and he kept saying he felt like it was too soon so I don't even wanna bring it up again. I'm not sure if he's 100% sold on starting a relationship with me, so for my sanity, I feel like I need to cut off the xes and see where things go from there.

Too soon for a relationship but not too soon for xes? Lol.

Men these days have really spun everything in their favor, and I don't see how more women don't realize this.
 

Neuro

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That's true, but it felt right at the time. I know I made the mistake of sleeping with him without a commitment. I don't wanna cry over spilled milk, nor do I wanna beat myself up about it, so I'm currently trying to right those wrongs. I've asked him about the possibility of starting a relationship a few times, and he kept saying he felt like it was too soon so I don't even wanna bring it up again. I'm not sure if he's 100% sold on starting a relationship with me, so for my sanity, I feel like I need to cut off the xes and see where things go from there.
I’m sorry but it was done the first time you asked and got an answer that wasn’t yes. Men really reject women straight up especially if xes is involved so we need to better understand when we are getting that “dressed up” no. Anything about timing, career obligations, emotional/mental health (especially those last two) etc is a no. If it ain’t yes it’s no. Believe me I had to hit my head with this twice before it clicked. A guy can xes, wine, dine, and gift you down and still not want a relationship. Yes it’s weird but it’s happened to me before and the result was the same.

it’s okay not a fatal mistake just move on and don’t lie to yourself that you can ‘accept’ just xes you will get real hurt (luckily I haven’t been in this situation - I just learned through observation)
 

Chinxz

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But this is not the same situation though so how is this a case of not learning from past mistakes? I wasn't even complaining either. All I did was ask if it is possible to get a commitment from a man after withholding xes even though the deed has already been done. There is nothing for me to really complain about.
Complaining or asking questions about how to maneuver your way around a man that does not want to be with you, all the same to me. Either way, you should know better at this point. From life experience and because you’ve been on LSA long enough to know how to deal with men who are not enthusiastic about being with you. Come on already.
 

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He told me that he ends up hurting everyone he gets close to, and we said we're going to break that cycle.
Daaaaammmnnnn!

He quotes the ain’t sh!t handbook verbatim!

the two of you are perfect for each other. You are the perfect, rationalizing receptacle for his toxic, unhealed and untreated mistreatment of women.

you will be another one on the long list of women he fcks over. Just like you don’t believe in healong before dating, neither does he.

A GOOD man doesn’t accept a woman “helping him break cycles” he does the work on his own so he doesn’t drag other people into his sh!t.

he’s just a checklist ***** that women go gaga over because he ticks boxes even though his character is trash.
 

Incokneegrow

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But I also think he is trying to not make the same mistakes. He told me that he ends up hurting everyone he gets close to, and we said we're going to break that cycle.
lmao. do what you feel work for you. just come back and update the thread though
 

BABIH

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No, I don't think he will go anywhere even if I do cut off xes. I don't think he's that type of guy. I just want a relationship with him. And thank you.
for such a reasonable font, you sound VERY delusional in this thread. This dude has you hypnotized and he clearly doesn’t care about you beyond your vagina yet you’re on here making statements like this. I hope you come to your senses soon.
 

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No, I don't think he will go anywhere even if I do cut off xes. I don't think he's that type of guy. I just want a relationship with him. And thank you.
I used to make excuses for my ex like this… “he would never…” “he’s one of the good ones…” “he’s not leaving me…” then he kissed his ex and I dumped his ass!

You should really consider if you actually believe this, or if you’re just trying to convince yourself because you’re afraid to get hurt.

I highly doubt this man is going this hard for you and the fact you’re here questioning what will happen, and making excuses for him, means you know exactly what will happen. You need to take this loss and move on before your feelings get hurt.
 

Lifeiseazi

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That's true, but it felt right at the time. I know I made the mistake of sleeping with him without a commitment. I don't wanna cry over spilled milk, nor do I wanna beat myself up about it, so I'm currently trying to right those wrongs. I've asked him about the possibility of starting a relationship a few times, and he kept saying he felt like it was too soon so I don't even wanna bring it up again. I'm not sure if he's 100% sold on starting a relationship with me, so for my sanity, I feel like I need to cut off the xes and see where things go from there.
There’s no such thing as to soon. If a man wants to be with you he will be with you. So if he saying that now just keep it moving he’ll continue to waste your time. Try not to have xes until you know what’s up.
 

Issawifenow

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There’s no such thing as to soon. If a man wants to be with you he will be with you. So if he saying that now just keep it moving he’ll continue to waste your time. Try not to have xes until you know what’s up.
Yup my dude made it official after first. He even expressed he wished we waited longer to have xes cuz he knew I was special and wanted to make it special.
 

Kenny Cash

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He is literally the man of my dreams. It is not easy to find a man as handsome as him, who is also hardworking, ambitious, gentle, and considerate. He was also raised in a 2 parent home and his parents are still married. Black men like this are unicorns, so yes I'm trying to keep him. Forgive me for that.

the danger in this kind of of thinking OP is that you have to be a very Lucky woman to be the women of the dream of a guy who is the man of your dream in fact the biggest problem in today relationship is deciding if you want to be with the man who loves you or the one that you loves,

all those baby mama dramas, toxic relationships and hardships most women go through with men nowadays are the result of women giving their all to the man of their dream while this man were fµck!ng arround in search of the woman of his dream

men are known for their accomplishment OP you should never put a man on a pedestal just because they are a good and attractive

the man of your dream is the one who brings all that you you want in your life and who has proven himself to you, this man is just a dude who check on all your list and now has to prove himself to you to become the man of your dream, that's the kind of mindset you need with men
 

sankofaa__

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He is literally the man of my dreams. It is not easy to find a man as handsome as him, who is also hardworking, ambitious, gentle, and considerate. He was also raised in a 2 parent home and his parents are still married. Black men like this are unicorns, so yes I'm trying to keep him. Forgive me for that.
LMAO this was me in 2015-2018 back when I was clueless and desperate. These men are not all that rare, I've dealt with more than 1 Black American man like this.

I'll tell you straight up that none of this means anything and it will not lead to the relationship that you desire. If he was such an upstanding gentleman (and if he felt the same way), he would have made you his by now.
 

Ezra Miller

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I literally almost found myself in this situation like yours! I mean, I had a man tell me that he solely hooked up with ladies that he saw the potential for a relationship.
With that been said, of course, xes would come first, and if he did not view me as a potential girlfriend, I guess we would solely have xes or would break it off.
Needless to say, I saw red flags and cut it off; It is quite challenging to transition from only xes to a relationship when there is no conversation at the beginning about this very crucial part of a relationship.

Anyhow follow your heart and be honest with him.

A lie from the pits of hell. Basically what he said is if I want to have xes with you, then you're potentially good enough for a relationship. Keep fµck!ng me and maybe we'll get there. What a dangling carrot!

Gahdamn these men are wild af out here.
 

Issawifenow

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A lie from the pits of hell. Basically what he said is if I want to have xes with you, then you're potentially good enough for a relationship. Keep fµck!ng me and maybe we'll get there. What a dangling carrot!

Gahdamn these men are wild af out here.
The fact that women actually take that as a compliment is baffling
 

Juny.B.Jones

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When a man tells you he’s not ready believe him because guess what he will say to when you bring a up a relationship to him. “I told you I wasn’t ready” you’re gonna be hurt and shocked but he will be thinking you knew what it was….

I personally feel like when you stick around after a guy tells you he isn’t ready but you are he has the upper hand and that ain’t what dating should be you both of you should be getting what you need out of the situation. It shouldn’t be one sided.
Amen! Listen to these men
 

BABIH

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Yup my dude made it official after first. He even expressed he wished we waited longer to have xes cuz he knew I was special and wanted to make it special.
I was throwing myself at my man on the first date (because it had been a loooooooong dry spell), had my hands around his neck all pressed up against his package, ready to RISK IT ALL. He removed my hands from around his neck, put me in my car, and told me to go home and meet him next weekend for a second date. He later admitted that was hard af for him to do (and he may or may not have vigorously masturbated as soon as he got home lmao) but her knew he had to send me home ASAP if we had any chance of a real long-term relationship leading to marriage (i.e. he already put me in the mother of my kids category).

These dudes be knowing upfront what they want from you. Literally, at first sight. It has nothing to do with how good or bad of a person you are. Hoes get wifed up everyday. They just know what they want.
 

Amanda Woodward

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Daaaaammmnnnn!

He quotes the ain’t sh!t handbook verbatim!

the two of you are perfect for each other. You are the perfect, rationalizing receptacle for his toxic, unhealed and untreated mistreatment of women.

you will be another one on the long list of women he fcks over. Just like you don’t believe in healong before dating, neither does he.

A GOOD man doesn’t accept a woman “helping him break cycles” he does the work on his own so he doesn’t drag other people into his sh!t.

he’s just a checklist ***** that women go gaga over because he ticks boxes even though his character is trash.
I know right?!

He hit her with the, "you're going to help me become a better man" speech. Don't fall for it OP! He hasn't changed.

There's an amazing man out there who will love you AND want a relationship with you. This one ain't it.
 
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