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Cutting off siblings

Abstract Poetic

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Thank you for acknowledging the part parents play in the split. My mom stayed "choosing" my brother no matter what fµck sh!t he said or did. He was a nasty abusive drunk. I finally kicked him out and that woke him up like nothing else. Keep in mind he had many warnings, we had several come to Jesus talks and nothing improved. He re-nigged on every financial agreement we had - housing, food, bills, our mother's care. This fool once told me he wouldnt mop the floor in our home because he "didn't use it." He had an endless line of bµllsh!t.

Before I kicked him out, I made sure he had a place to go even. My mom and him still got pissed. I told her, "I am emotionally healthier and stronger than I've ever been. I'm not regressing for either one of you. I don't deserve it and I'm not putting up with it."

My mom never stands up for me. She just throws her hands up and says: "I' not taking sides." Well, that's bµllsh!t. There is right and wrong and you not taking sides? Is all the answer. I have no one who stands up for me and rides for me in my family. NO one.

After I kicked him out, He found a woman to carry his ass till he got it together and now they are married. I was happy for him (still find it fascinating he married someone who is a combo of me and his mother but whatev). He is one of those dudes that loses himself in whatever woman he's with and then acts like that is who he is and always has been. He's a fµck!ng fraud.

Ever since they got married we will be fine one minute and he was having heat flashes the next. sh!t was bizarre and I wasn't going to apologize when his ass is too simple to actually articulate his problem and he's not mature enough to have a conversation about it. He'll just say "Oh, you dont get it."

Nope. Sure don't. fµck off.

I used to really love him and hope we would rebuild our relationship. I was willing to forgive. I don't anymore. I don't respect him and I don't like him.

Your mother is to blame for this too. Smh. Let’s hold these parents accountable because they play a huge role when it comes to sibling relationships. I’m glad you moved on.
 

HongKongho

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Do what makes you happy I’ve cut off my aunt and my grandma is close to getting cut off too


I need to do so to save my sanity
 

BABY IN THE WOODS

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He has a problem with my boyfriend because he’s an Arab and refers to him as ‘oh how is your isis member boyfriend these days. I’m not even religious and neither is my man .

This is psychotic immature behavior from someone who is so called educated .

.

DO NOT I take anything he says seriously there's a lot of black men that want to squash and destroy any act of Love for black women.

It's a form of abuse. so I would say for pursue your relationship whole heartedly. more than that and avoid someone who is looking to hurt you and see you alone because unfortunately black men see black women as their favorite whipping posts and not as human beings.

love your man and gave him NONE OF YOUR BAGGAGE.
stay blessed
 

Cocokisses88

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I moved away and so that helped cut her off some. I wanted to not talk to her again, but I did go back when she had another baby b/c of guilt and just wanting to meet my nephew. I really have no desire to communicate with her, but every other month or so I respond to her and exchange no more than a few messages. She has text me and sent pics of the kids amd asked me how I am. I don't trust her b/c I kinda feel like she's just asking not b/c she genuinely wants to know how I am, but just wants to know for competitive purposes. I don't trust her at all and my niece and nephew are as far as our relationship will go. I don't ask about her life or any friendly stuff.
 

Makaya

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Your mother is to blame for this too. Smh. Let’s hold these parents accountable because they play a huge role when it comes to sibling relationships. I’m glad you moved on.

This is so true. I remember when my brother and I was younger he’d steal from my mom and from other ppl in the house. My mom would still “ask” me if I was the one who stole, giving him the “benefit of doubt”. It used to piss me off so bad because come on everyone knows their relatives and I’ve NEVER stole a penny from her. Until this day when he does something she never really holds him accountable, she would say she isn’t taking sides. However, I don’t get it. Right is right and wrong is wrong. Almost 2 years I haven’t dealt with him and I feel no remorse. He messaged me at the beginning of the pandemic stating he hope all is well and my reply was literally.... Thanks, likewise. I have nothing left to say to him.
 

Abstract Poetic

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This is so true. I remember when my brother and I was younger he’d steal from my mom and from other ppl in the house. My mom would still “ask” me if I was the one who stole, giving him the “benefit of doubt”. It used to piss me off so bad because come on everyone knows their relatives and I’ve NEVER stole a penny from her. Until this day when he does something she never really holds him accountable, she would say she isn’t taking sides. However, I don’t get it. Right is right and wrong is wrong. Almost 2 years I haven’t dealt with him and I feel no remorse. He messaged me at the beginning of the pandemic stating he hope all is well and my reply was literally.... Thanks, likewise. I have nothing left to say to him.

Do you still deal with your mother?
 

incogneato

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Why do not you practice low contact and establish boundaries before you go no contact.

He has no boundaries and oversteps it every time , however , I have established low contact .

Eveytime he engages in a convo with me , he always degrades . It’s always about my weight (I’m skinny but not thin enough for him ), my job isn’t good enough. It isn’t normal to constantly attack and degrade someone . Anything I tell him he uses against me in a future conversation. He is sick

OP I tried the same thing with my brother but he denied being abusive. First he said he was just playing and that's how brothers are then that I'm too soft and need tough love. Now it's I'm too sensitive and shouldn't try to play the victim because I've fought back so it wasn't that bad. I didn't always fight back though since it was useless as it'd add more fuel to the fire. He's bigger and stronger than me so it was a losing battle just about everytime. He said it wasn't fair and cheating for me to defend myself with kicks, nails or throwing objects. He said that I should use my hands like him knowing darn well I blocks well any hand movements.

I noticed that he loves to spar and fight because he wants to win. I've told him to leave me alone but he doesn't. He'll do this outta nowhere because it's fun for him and he claims to see me as a little brother.

I didn't realize he was that abusive until I got older and started standing up for myself more and more. Took me a while to realize he didn't care to change. I still have problems with wanting to figure out WHY and what I did wrong. It's exhausting and confusing because a lot of the times I don't do anything or I'm unaware. He says that I annoy or bother him and that's mostly why he hits or teases me. I could be eating in the kitchen or cooking and then he comes over from the living room and bothers me. Later he says I started it. He never tells me and just reacts so I often never know when he's about to pop off. It could be a conversation and suddenly he gets mad and insults me. I've tried to walk with eggshells but that didn't work either.


I used to look up to him but now I barely respect him. He hates the latter and will call me all kinds of nasty names and said he misses the sweet little sister I once was. I used to be a people pleaser all the time but that was mostly out of fear. I was scared if I said the wrong thing he'd hit me. I'm still jumpy and flinch when he's in close proximity. It's embarrassing because outside of home I flinch around men a lot. My brother thinks it's hilarious that if he so much as lifts his hand or acts like he's about to hit me I flinch. I try to act unbothered but he'll say things like "you're not saying anything because you're bothered, huh". He says it's bad that I flinch but also says it's good so I know better than to talk back to him. Apparently he thinks I should go back to my old self and just take all his insults and attacks. I haven't cried in his precense for years to appear strong and unbothered. I don't think it's helped because by not crying he concludes it must not be that bad.


This shelter in place has reminded me how much I don't get along with my brother. I've had school and work to distract me and thought things had gotten better. I don't hate and resent him as much as I used to when I wasn't standing up for myself. Sometimes I'm mad at myself for allowing his mistreatment and still being kind towards him. I've tried to be mean back but it just doesn't make me feel good. It's not in my nature to be continually cruel, I'd rather have no contact at all.

He's nice once in a while which is why it took me years to not want any contact. He thinks that I'm the problem and bring it upon myself. I remember trying to stand up to him in the beginning and asking why he disrespects me while I respect him. He said that I disrespect myself. I thought about it and concluded that he's right. Not in a gas lightning way but that I shouldn't respect him since he doesn't respect me. I don't like to be tit for tat but he does so I tried to beat him at his own game. It never worked of course since he always wants to be right.

We both live at home but if one of us moves out I don't think either of us will make an effort to keep in touch. I worry about if I do and start a family he'd abuse me in front of them. He tends to do it one on one because other people will defend me. He gets mad that they take me side and sometimes it's his own male friends. Anyways I wouldn't want my future kids to see me like that or worse get treated like that. I wish I wasn't so passive but it seems to be the only way since fighting back isn't working. I seem to attract abusive men who neg or are emotionally distant but I don't cease contact with them even though I know better. I try to figure out why. Our dad isn't like my brother but is emotionally distant and our mom is so kind. I think I got my people pleasing from her.
 

BeautyNBrains99

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I haven’t rocked with my older sister in almost 19 years. It’s fµck that b!tch all day everyday. I don’t speak to her when we are around family because when it’s her, our mom, and I, I’m a b!tch and everything but a child of God. So keep that same energy that you have in private in public.
I don't blame you and I'm sorry you had to go through that I truly am.
I hope you've since healed.

Thank you for acknowledging the part parents play in the split. My mom stayed "choosing" my brother no matter what fµck sh!t he said or did. He was a nasty abusive drunk. I finally kicked him out and that woke him up like nothing else. Keep in mind he had many warnings, we had several come to Jesus talks and nothing improved. He re-nigged on every financial agreement we had - housing, food, bills, our mother's care. This fool once told me he wouldnt mop the floor in our home because he "didn't use it." He had an endless line of bµllsh!t.

Before I kicked him out, I made sure he had a place to go even. My mom and him still got pissed. I told her, "I am emotionally healthier and stronger than I've ever been. I'm not regressing for either one of you. I don't deserve it and I'm not putting up with it."

My mom never stands up for me. She just throws her hands up and says: "I' not taking sides." Well, that's bµllsh!t. There is right and wrong and you not taking sides? Is all the answer. I have no one who stands up for me and rides for me in my family. NO one.

After I kicked him out, He found a woman to carry his ass till he got it together and now they are married. I was happy for him (still find it fascinating he married someone who is a combo of me and his mother but whatev). He is one of those dudes that loses himself in whatever woman he's with and then acts like that is who he is and always has been. He's a fµck!ng fraud.

Ever since they got married we will be fine one minute and he was having heat flashes the next. sh!t was bizarre and I wasn't going to apologize when his ass is too simple to actually articulate his problem and he's not mature enough to have a conversation about it. He'll just say "Oh, you dont get it."

Nope. Sure don't. fµck off.

I used to really love him and hope we would rebuild our relationship. I was willing to forgive. I don't anymore. I don't respect him and I don't like him.
Yes! I'm glad y'all mentioned that. I've experienced this as well, and have learned to just not say anything as much as I want to because nothing will ever be done about it.
And you're right, it does seem like family in general don't get it until you literally want nothing to do with them no Communication, no NOTHING!
I already know by the time I start my own family communication is going to be slime to none for specific members of my family on both sides because as most have mentioned it gets tiring. And I refuse to raise my children around people who act that way towards me.

I cut everyone (except my Dad) off when I left for college. I started off calling my Mom once a month or so. It quickly went to calling only on holidays to only on Mother's Day and some Christmas's. My siblings were dead to me, even my little sister who was a teenager at the time. But after I left she became the scapegoat and then followed in my footsteps by leaving for college and cutting them completely off. She reached out to me one Thanksgiving and we have been tight ever since. But the rest of them.....please! I moved half way across the country so I don't see them except for an occasional funeral. And even then I pay them dust. They send their kids (the ones I know) over to speak and I hug and speak to them, but that doesn't soften me up one bit towards their parents, and they know it. I walk pass them like I don't know them, my eyes glaze over them like strangers.
Do I feel bad? Absolutely not. I was suicidal and ashamed of myself for years after being their victim. It took years of therapy to get me together. I love them. I pray for them and their families but I'm grown now. I know better. I understand loving & protecting me means keeping my distance from people who tear down others just for fun. According to my Dad they're scapegoating one of my niece and one of my nephews now. Miserable bunch!
Wow..... I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I hope you continue to heal. Having to deal with catching the blame for things is never easy. Best of wishes to you.
 

NOEFinest

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I don't blame you and I'm sorry you had to go through that I truly am.
I hope you've since healed.


Yes! I'm glad y'all mentioned that. I've experienced this as well, and have learned to just not say anything as much as I want to because nothing will ever be done about it.
And you're right, it does seem like family in general don't get it until you literally want nothing to do with them no Communication, no NOTHING!
I already know by the time I start my own family communication is going to be slime to none for specific members of my family on both sides because as most have mentioned it gets tiring. And I refuse to raise my children around people who act that way towards me.


Wow..... I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I hope you continue to heal. Having to deal with catching the blame for things is never easy. Best of wishes to you.
I’m healed for the most part. I half the time forget I have an older sister. I’ve been gone from home for so long and only see her when I go home. I refuse to also allow someone to have hold on my life and emotions. Like the other poster you quoted said I act like I don’t see her and keep it moving.
 

BeautyNBrains99

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I’m healed for the most part. I half the time forget I have an older sister. I’ve been gone from home for so long and only see her when I go home. I refuse to also allow someone to have hold on my life and emotions. Like the other poster you quoted said I act like I don’t see her and keep it moving.
That's what sucks though because I'm sure nobody wants to go through and experience that with their siblings but it's life. I already know I'm gonna have to do a few family members this way even though I don't want to. It's whatever though a peace of mind is what anybody deserves.
I understand people have disagreements, but folks can go overboard sometimes and really don't know the proper boundaries.
 

Blubyrd

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Yes. I havent talked to one of my younger sister in a year and a half. Everyone i my family enables her toxic ways and I got to the point where I was done with her
 

Cocokisses88

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Yes. I havent talked to one of my younger sister in a year and a half. Everyone i my family enables her toxic ways and I got to the point where I was done with her
I feel like my parents enabled my older sister too. Horrible attitude and very manipulative, but my mom let's her run over her and my dad has become a pushover as well.
 

GwenShamblin

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Since 2016 I’ve cut out 4 family members.

Just recently my younger half sister.
Broke my heart but strange thing is,I feel LIGHTER AND STRONGER.
I’ve realized that you can’t hold onto what is already dead and our relationship has been dead for 25yrs.

Too much resentment,non forgiveness, bitterness and lack of sympathy (for me) on her part. Competition (which I just realized) and major disrespect.
 

Humbled

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It came naturally for me with one of my brother's, I got fed up. When I found myself crying and blaming myself for me being the reason my brother was treating me like garbage, I knew I had to do something to protect my peace and overall mental health. It does hurt, something people won't openly admit. But I do feel better.
 

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