Cutting off your only friend ?

SungQueen's B*tch
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I have a friend that I feel is hindering my progress of bettering myself. I've been trying to quit smoking but our friendship is heavily based on that shared interest. I don't think there is much of a friendship without it, because we don't have that much in common. She's a good person, and has done so many kind things for me but I really want to quit this bad habit. My fear is that since summer is coming, I won't have anyone to hang out and make plans with. I fear feeling isolated and alone this summer & I really want to make the most out of it. I plan to take myself out as much as possible and hopefully meet new people somehow someway but I still feel fearful. I can't help but feel like I'll be alone for the foreseeable future, but I want to trust that God will bring more positive influences and better people into my life. What would you do ? Should I cut her off now ? Should I ride it out until summer is over ? I want to do what is best for me.
 
COLLECTOR
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Smoking what? Weed?

You said she’s done many kind things for you. Do they all involve smoking? If not, she may actually be a friend like... for real lol.

I guess a way you could find out is to invite her out to do things without smoking with her at the end of the night. Or you could just tell her you wanna take a break from smoking and see if she gives you the cold shoulder.
 
Keeping You Pressed
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Why can't you just tell her that you're trying to quit smoking and you'd appreciate her help in doing so by not smoking when she's around you?

Your post comes off pretty selfish and like you're the problem with only one friend (but you may be leaving out some key details)
 
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You make it pretty clear that you don’t want to be friends with her, you don’t even seem to like her. You disrespect her and call her a negative influence even though she’s been kind to you, you only want to use her for company in the event you don’t find a replacement, and your main concern is deciding on a timeline. Do her a favor and just walk away now and then lose her number.
 
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You aren't taking accountability for your own behavior and instead are placing the blame for your choice to smoke weed on what sounds like a pretty okay friend. Instead of just cutting her off, why not explain to her that you won't be smoking with her anymore and see what she says. It's also sorta gross you only keep her around until you find 'better' friends to be with. Own your crap. Good luck finding new friends that will want to put up with that.
 
SungQueen's B*tch
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Are you going to at least see if the friendship will last without you smoking or are you afraid that being around her is going to tempt you?
Our friendship started based on smoking together. That's all we really do lol. I like her but I can't see myself just chilling and being normal friends without weed involved. We live in the same area, so she always calls me to ball up with her, and it's fun I can't lie. especially with the summer coming, I loved just chilling and blazing outside las summer. But I can't seem to limit myself to just smoking with her, I start craving it and end up buying some for myself. She's also married and has a kid so it's not like she can come partying with me that often.
 
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You aren't taking accountability for your own behavior and instead are placing the blame for your choice to smoke weed on what sounds like a pretty okay friend. Instead of just cutting her off, why not explain to her that you won't be smoking with her anymore and see what she says. It's also sorta gross you only keep her around until you find 'better' friends to be with. Own your crap. Good luck finding new friends that will want to put up with that.
I've already taken accountability. I know I wouldn't be back here if I hadn't allowed myself to smoke with her after a month of not smoking at all. She knows I've been trying to quit, but still calls me and urges on anyways. I don't think she wants me to quit.
 
SungQueen's B*tch
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You make it pretty clear that you don’t want to be friends with her, you don’t even seem to like her. You disrespect her and call her a negative influence even though she’s been kind to you, you only want to use her for company in the event you don’t find a replacement, and your main concern is deciding on a timeline. Do her a favor and just walk away now and then lose her number.
But that's why I'm struggling. Because I do like her & I do see her as a good friend to me and she's been there when I was going through stuff. Maybe it's really the weed I have an issue with & not her. Idk. Maybe I should just leave it until summer is over.
 
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you blaming her, OP?
She's definitely plays a role. If a friend told me they were quitting I would not encourage them to do it anyways and quietly watch them sink back into the habit. Obviously the responsibility falls on me to uphold my decisions but keeping someone around that makes it harder doesn't make sense to me. The struggle I have with that is that she is my only friend atm. It's hard to make genuine friends that bring positive vibes and don't disturb your peace which is why I only have one. I will say that besides smoking together, she is a very positive person and always uplifts and compliments me. She's also very giving and thoughtful.
 
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just stop smoking. if you two really don’t have anything in common other than that then why call her a friend? your choice to quit doesn’t have anything to do with her does it? does she know you’re trying to quit?
 
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She's definitely plays a role. If a friend told me they were quitting I would not encourage them to do it anyways and quietly watch them sink back into the habit. Obviously the responsibility falls on me to uphold my decisions but keeping someone around that makes it harder doesn't make sense to me. The struggle I have with that is that she is my only friend atm. It's hard to make genuine friends that bring positive vibes and don't disturb your peace which is why I only have one. I will say that besides smoking together, she is a very positive person and always uplifts and compliments me. She's also very giving and thoughtful.
Tell her all of this, if not in person, in a text
 
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I can relate because I became acquainted with a coworker based on our dislike of certain aspects of our job. Once I left, I tried to maintain a connection with her but I realized we didn’t have much to talk about besides work. I wanted to move on from that experience and she wanted to talk about it because she was still employed there.

Ultimately you’re allowed to end a friendship for whatever reason you want. It sounds like you’re not invested in the friendship so I wouldn’t drag it out especially if you say she’s an overall good person.
 
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a whole damn user smdh. you dont see a friendship but prob be smoking her shit. You blame her for your problem... talking bout she do things for you but she aint a friend smh. you dont care about losing her friendship but you scared your lonely ass wont have no friends to hang out with lol. drop her so she can move on and find better friends. i understand not wanting to be in a situation to tempt you but you are deflecting like a motherfucker
 
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a whole damn user smdh. you dont see a friendship but prob be smoking her shit. You blame her for your problem... talking bout she do things for you but she aint a friend smh. you dont care about losing her friendship but you scared your lonely ass wont have no friends to hang out with lol. drop her so she can move on and find better friends. i understand not wanting to be in a situation to tempt you but you are deflecting like a motherfucker
i get where op is coming from to a certain extent. sometimes people are really dead weight that hold you back rather than being the support you need to move forward— but you have to take responsibility for yourself first and foremost. op can’t be blaming her friend if she ultimately can’t resist the urge to spark up. if she can’t resist temptation, what’s gonna happen when the pandemic is over and she’s just out at the park or something and smells some loud? who is to blame then? cutting people off is so extreme but if this person is nudging her to smoke after she said she’s trying to quit, that’s the only justifiable reason to cut ties. nobody needs that type of energy in their lives.
 
I make you feel that dont i? Good.
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I know people like you, that sees something in others that you want to be around but you don't really like them so you stay around them because they are beneficial but look for reasons to dislike them or pick them apart to appease how they make you feel

i stepped into 2021 solo dolo changed number because i was tired of feeling like i give more than i get, tired of friends competing with me, tired of being the therapist for people who dont give back that same energy. The shit felt lonely at first but im more at peace, leveling up & using my energy for myself. You can make new friends but you’ll always have this problem if you dont see yourself clearly. Be GENUINE.
 
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I understand where you’re coming from because I also feel like if she was a real friend she would respect your wishes to stop smoking and wouldn’t bring it up. That’s what I would do for a friend. I think you should talk to her about it first then see if you guys can form a friendship based on other things. I’ve walked away from many friends and close relatives over the year for similar reasons and i just feel like my life would be easier if i dialed down my expectations a little you know? Maybe you’re the same way. OR you know you have friends for different things work friends, going out friends, friends friends, maybe she was just your “smoking friend” and it’s time to part ways.

It can go either way it really just depends on what you value
 
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Just tell her you’re not smoking weed anymore. If she’s a real friend she’ll respect that and maintain the friendship. If not then yes cut her off.
 
sleeping pretty
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I have a friend that I feel is hindering my progress of bettering myself. I've been trying to quit smoking but our friendship is heavily based on that shared interest. I don't think there is much of a friendship without it, because we don't have that much in common. She's a good person, and has done so many kind things for me but I really want to quit this bad habit. My fear is that since summer is coming, I won't have anyone to hang out and make plans with. I fear feeling isolated and alone this summer & I really want to make the most out of it. I plan to take myself out as much as possible and hopefully meet new people somehow someway but I still feel fearful. I can't help but feel like I'll be alone for the foreseeable future, but I want to trust that God will bring more positive influences and better people into my life. What would you do ? Should I cut her off now ? Should I ride it out until summer is over ? I want to do what is best for me.

...from an addiction standpoint, you should get away from people, places, and things. Tell her why you are cutting off the friendship as a courtesy but cut her off now. With that said, if you choose to go back to smoking/continue smoking and reconnect with her, all bets are off.
 
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You sound codependent and weak. Take responsibility for yourself and stand on your own two legs. Nobody can force you to smoke with them and maintain a friendship based on that if there's nothing else to it as you claim.
 

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