Quantcast

DMX as a father

Coco K. Flo

Being nosy, thanks.
Joined
Feb 15, 2009
Messages
16,721
Reaction score
Reactions
85,601 1,066 238
88,316
Alleybux
805,571
This is the best clip. Where he tells his son I’ll see you at my funeral.



This is so sad because his son broke when he said that. His ask was so pure and well intentioned, but X didn’t like people telling him what he could and could not do. That was also why he went off on Tashera for talking about how much his cheating hurt her. X was overwhelmingly selfish in his addiction and almost seemed to hide within his pain.
 

LaLaLalaLa

Team Owner
Joined
Jan 16, 2009
Messages
12,417
Reaction score
Reactions
78,897 3,288 2,758
77,637
Alleybux
841,420
Drug addicts are selfish and destructive. Of course X wasn't a good father or partner, hell he wasn't even good to himself hence his demise. He also had 15 or 17 kids in homes spread out across the US, which is beyond irresponsible.

It's always strange to me the way fonts on here love to throw on capes for these men. I can understand feeling a connection to the music or mourning the loss of life, but some of y'all do the most with the defending. DMX was a brilliant artist who was also a drug addict. I hope his children and Tashera are allowed peace and healing.
 

NY_Mami

Not Desus DAMMIT!
Joined
Jun 24, 2007
Messages
82,588
Reaction score
Reactions
465,389 8,909 2,622
491,997
Alleybux
225,487
Drug addicts are selfish and destructive. Of course X wasn't a good father or partner, hell he wasn't even good to himself hence his demise. He also had 15 or 17 kids in homes spread out across the US, which is beyond irresponsible.

It's always strange to me the way fonts on here love to throw on capes for these men. I can understand feeling a connection to the music or mourning the loss of life, but some of y'all do the most with the defending. DMX was a brilliant artist who was also a drug addict. I hope his children and Tashera are allowed peace and healing.

No one is throwing up a cape for him... none of us knows what his home situation was like or whether or not he was present enough for all 15 of his kids lives... It is ultimately up to his children to determine what type of a parent he was to them because they are the only ones who have that genuine insight to that....
 

NY_Mami

Not Desus DAMMIT!
Joined
Jun 24, 2007
Messages
82,588
Reaction score
Reactions
465,389 8,909 2,622
491,997
Alleybux
225,487
Also stop with the notion that a non blended two parent household with 5 or fewer children automatically equals stability... there are smaller households that are just as much if not more dysfunctional as a larger blended family household... all type of families have problems...
 

madness116

Harsh Truth Teller
Time Out
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
49,754
Reaction score
Reactions
308,133 26,249 31,726
299,006
Alleybux
588,808
It is ultimately up to his children to determine what type of a parent he was to them because they are the only ones who have that genuine insight to that....
it’s really that simple. If most of his kids have positive memories of him then who is anyone on this site to dispute that?
 

LaLaLalaLa

Team Owner
Joined
Jan 16, 2009
Messages
12,417
Reaction score
Reactions
78,897 3,288 2,758
77,637
Alleybux
841,420
No one is throwing up a cape for him... none of us knows what his home situation was like or whether or not he was present enough for all 15 of his kids lives... It is ultimately up to his children to determine what type of a parent he was to them because they are the only ones who have that genuine insight to that....
You must have felt "hit" because I didn't quote anyone.

His eldest son and ex-wife have literally documented how difficult it was for them having to deal with X and his addictions, selfishness and aggressive demeanor. They spoke with their own words. He was not winning any father of the year awards. Surely would not have even been in the running. X knew that better than anyone, he spoke out of his own mouth he did the best with what he had, but he wasn't a "good" father to his children. NO good man disrespects his kids' mother in front of them. No good father does that.

Anyone with a grain of sense or who has ever dealt with an addict or dealt with addiction is aware of the turmoil and dysfunction.

Again, revere the artist. Mourn the loss of life. But y'all be on some other sh!t when it comes to these men.
 

LaLaLalaLa

Team Owner
Joined
Jan 16, 2009
Messages
12,417
Reaction score
Reactions
78,897 3,288 2,758
77,637
Alleybux
841,420
it’s really that simple. If most of his kids have positive memories of him then who is anyone on this site to dispute that?
Of course. When someone passes it's best to remember the good moments and use that to keep keeping on. That's all one can do.
Every sinner has a family that prays for them and the so on and the so forth.

Even if a parent is dysfunctional or abusive or unavailable the child still mourns for what was and what could've been.
 

NY_Mami

Not Desus DAMMIT!
Joined
Jun 24, 2007
Messages
82,588
Reaction score
Reactions
465,389 8,909 2,622
491,997
Alleybux
225,487
You must have felt "hit" because I didn't quote anyone.

His eldest son and ex-wife have literally documented how difficult it was for them having to deal with X and his addictions, selfishness and aggressive demeanor. They spoke with their own words. He was not winning any father of the year awards. Surely would not have even been in the running. X knew that better than anyone, he spoke out of his own mouth he did the best with what he had, but he wasn't a "good" father to his children. NO good man disrespects his kids' mother in front of them. No good father does that.

Anyone with a grain of sense or who has ever dealt with an addict or dealt with addiction is aware of the turmoil and dysfunction.

Again, revere the artist. Mourn the loss of life. But y'all be on some other sh!t when it comes to these men.

And that is up to them to say that and determine for themselves because they are the ones that experienced how he truly was at home... Not any of us because none of us were there...

Tashera just wrote how difficult it was to celebrate her 50th Birthday without him because he was the “most important person in the world” to her... so despite their trials and tribulations she still thinks very highly of him... his other children have also come forward to say that he was a great father... many of his children might feel different ways depending on their closeness to him but it is still up to them...

You can have all of the opinions on drug addicts and how their actions could affect their families but ultimately it is up to his children to determine what type of father he was to them...
 

madness116

Harsh Truth Teller
Time Out
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
49,754
Reaction score
Reactions
308,133 26,249 31,726
299,006
Alleybux
588,808
Of course. When someone passes it's best to remember the good moments and use that to keep keeping on. That's all one can do.
Every sinner has a family that prays for them and the so on and the so forth.

Even if a parent is dysfunctional or abusive or unavailable the child still mourns for what was and what could've been.
Exactly. What could’ve been is just that, what could’ve been. Earl Simmons was a bright, intelligent child who “could’ve been” anything in the world but was cursed by sh!tty parents and he ended up getting kicked out to the streets where he picked up a drug habit which contributed to him being a sh!tty father. So someone who had sh!tty parents ended up being a sh!tty parent. Here’s my surprise face!
 

Oliveoilsheen

Team Owner
OLDHEAD
Joined
Jun 8, 2006
Messages
8,546
Reaction score
Reactions
34,244 3,527 673
34,858
Alleybux
843,155
Xavier witnessed his father cheating, his mom in pain and his father being verbally abusive. There are many accounts that the abuse was so bad that Xavier expressed that he wanted to kill his father to protect his mom. That pain, confusion, probably guilt isn't something he just snapped out of due to his age or his father saying " I tried my best".

It does seem like there were eventually efforts made to heal despite the ultimatums made on the show. I do think Xavier can be at peace.
 

miss chief

Team Owner
Joined
Dec 6, 2013
Messages
22,694
Reaction score
Reactions
219,868 12,104 8,064
216,703
Alleybux
1,068,182
I suspect most of his baby mothers were big fans of him so of course they would say he’s a great dad. A dad is supposed to lead by example.
His life shows that he was all over the place impregnating women and in and out of jail or rehab. That doesnt make for good fathering or a good husband at all.
 

madness116

Harsh Truth Teller
Time Out
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
49,754
Reaction score
Reactions
308,133 26,249 31,726
299,006
Alleybux
588,808
I suspect most of his baby mothers were big fans of him so of course they would say he’s a great dad. A dad is supposed to lead by example.
His life shows that he was all over the place impregnating women and in and out of jail or rehab. That doesnt make for good fathering or a good husband at all.
If they say he was a good dad I’m taking their opinions as gospel. Because if they were to say he was a bad dad, y’all would take their opinions as gospel.
 

LaLaLalaLa

Team Owner
Joined
Jan 16, 2009
Messages
12,417
Reaction score
Reactions
78,897 3,288 2,758
77,637
Alleybux
841,420
Exactly. What could’ve been is just that, what could’ve been. Earl Simmons was a bright, intelligent child who “could’ve been” anything in the world but was cursed by sh!tty parents and he ended up getting kicked out to the streets where he picked up a drug habit which contributed to him being a sh!tty father. So someone who had sh!tty parents ended up being a sh!tty parent. Here’s my surprise face!
This is why it is necessary to get the help (especially when one has the means to do so) to break those cycles, so that our children can have a better future.
We simply cannot continue to excuse dysfunction as a "generational curse" as if we cannot control it. I also feel when people become parents they have the obligation to do the necessary work on themselves to give that life a chance. Imagine if Tashera wasn't the resilient person she was for her kids? Imagine the hell those 4 kids would have grown up in? Imagine what kind of adults they would be?

Everybody has sh!t to overcome (granted, some have more) but we all need to seek healing and do the work (and not in a bottle, vial or pill). We owe it to each other, ourselves and our kids (the future).

Not to be on the soapbox, but this sh!t truly gets me tight. We can't keep passing the buck and living in trauma for generations. It's keeping too many of us sick.
 
Last edited:

LaLaLalaLa

Team Owner
Joined
Jan 16, 2009
Messages
12,417
Reaction score
Reactions
78,897 3,288 2,758
77,637
Alleybux
841,420
Xavier witnessed his father cheating, his mom in pain and his father being verbally abusive. There are many accounts that the abuse was so bad that Xavier expressed that he wanted to kill his father to protect his mom. That pain, confusion, probably guilt isn't something he just snapped out of due to his age or his father saying " I tried my best".

It does seem like there were eventually efforts made to heal despite the ultimatums made on the show. I do think Xavier can be at peace.
I hope so for him and his siblings. Tashera has done an amazing job with those kids.

She is truly an amazing woman who has been through so much. People will never understand what she's dealt with. I do pray Xavier is at peace. He was put in positions as a young child that no child should ever be put in. NO little boy should ever be afraid for his mom due to his father. I've been thinking of him often since the news of X's passing.
 

creole mami G

Swamp Witch
Joined
May 22, 2009
Messages
15,126
Reaction score
Reactions
104,309 2,736 653
116,272
Alleybux
941,947
I looked on his son's page and there are pictures of them together after that show. His son plays guitar and they're pics of them in the studio. My heart goes out to kids whose parents battle addiction. They never stop loving them no matter what. I hope that all of his children can meet bond and heal.
 

LaLaLalaLa

Team Owner
Joined
Jan 16, 2009
Messages
12,417
Reaction score
Reactions
78,897 3,288 2,758
77,637
Alleybux
841,420
And that is up to them to say that and determine for themselves because they are the ones that experienced how he truly was at home... Not any of us because none of us were there...

Tashera just wrote how difficult it was to celebrate her 50th Birthday without him because he was the “most important person in the world” to her... so despite their trials and tribulations she still thinks very highly of him... his other children have also come forward to say that he was a great father... many of his children might feel different ways depending on their closeness to him but it is still up to them...

You can have all of the opinions on drug addicts and how their actions could affect their families but ultimately it is up to his children to determine what type of father he was to them...
I didn't type that they hated him. Do you understand nuance? Do you understand emotional bonds? Have you ever dealt with an addict?

You write sh!t as if the world is black and white. It's not. A father not being a good parent, does not mean the child doesn't love him. It means the relationship was difficult and delicate and painful. Having a relationship with an addict is difficult. There is resentment and anger there. It does't mean you write them off.

You grieve addicts long before they physically die. You grieve them for years before they physically die. If you've never been there, you can't really understand what those kids or Tashera have been through. I think those of us who have known addicts and loved addicts can understand the road they've walked (even X's own road).
 

NY_Mami

Not Desus DAMMIT!
Joined
Jun 24, 2007
Messages
82,588
Reaction score
Reactions
465,389 8,909 2,622
491,997
Alleybux
225,487
I didn't type that they hated him. Do you understand nuance? Do you understand emotional bonds? Have you ever dealt with an addict?

You write sh!t as if the world is black and white. It's not. A father not being a good parent, does not mean the child doesn't love him. It means the relationship was difficult and delicate and painful. Having a relationship with an addict is difficult. There is resentment and anger there. It does't mean you write them off.

You grieve addicts long before they physically die. You grieve them for years before they physically die. If you've never been there, you can't really understand what those kids or Tashera have been through. I think those of us who have known addicts and loved addicts can understand the road they've walked (even X's own road).

YES! and this is why I’m saying that is solely up to them to determine what and how their relationship with them as a parent was because we have no insight to it... they are the ones that experienced him IRL not us.... and what they say and how they view him as a parent is the only thing that matters despite any outside opinions...
 

madness116

Harsh Truth Teller
Time Out
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
49,754
Reaction score
Reactions
308,133 26,249 31,726
299,006
Alleybux
588,808
This is why it is necessary to get the help (especially when one has the means to do so) to break those cycles, so that our children can have a better future.
We simply cannot continue to excuse dysfunction as a "generational curse" as if we cannot control it. I also feel when people become parents they have the obligation to do the necessary work on themselves to give that life a chance. Imagine if Tashera wasn't the resilient person she was for her kids? Imagine the hell those 4 kids would have grown up in? Imagine what kind of adults they would be?

Everybody has sh!t to overcome (granted, some have more) but we all need to seek healing and do the work (and not in a bottle, vial or pill). We owe it to each other, ourselves and our kids (the future).

Not to be on the soapbox, but this sh!t truly gets me tight. We can't keep passing the buck and living in trauma for generations. It's keeping too many of us sick.
DMX was born into this screwed up world, he didn’t ask to have a sh!tty childhood and sh!tty absentee/abusive parents and become a drug addict. He did the best he could with the extremely limited resources he was given and granted it wasn’t enough, but he tried. By the time he became rich and famous the damage had already been done, there was no saving him. Everyone’s books don’t have happy endings. There was going to be no fairytale “he lived happily ever after” ending for him. Like you said thankfully he married someone who had a good head on her shoulders who has done a great job raising her kids to hopefully break that cycle.
 

Chalant

1111
Joined
Nov 5, 2010
Messages
31,221
Reaction score
Reactions
195,850 9,376 8,604
194,955
Alleybux
265,600
Drug addicts are selfish and destructive. Of course X wasn't a good father or partner, hell he wasn't even good to himself hence his demise. He also had 15 or 17 kids in homes spread out across the US, which is beyond irresponsible.

It's always strange to me the way fonts on here love to throw on capes for these men. I can understand feeling a connection to the music or mourning the loss of life, but some of y'all do the most with the defending. DMX was a brilliant artist who was also a drug addict. I hope his children and Tashera are allowed peace and healing.
Exactly. And if you put a magnifying glass to the rest of these deadbeats, abusers, jail birds, etc men they drag, you will see that they have a similar background to DMX. Too bad they can't rap so no one currs (not that they should).
 
Last edited:

IcciElle

Starter
Joined
Oct 24, 2019
Messages
247
Reaction score
Reactions
688 63 9
979
Alleybux
19,093
Since the passing of DMX I have seen a lot of people become very hypercritical of DMX, with statements such as he was a horrible father. I wonder if his son has ever gotten closure, and so forth and so on.
In this clip


as well as this one



DMX expresses his love for his son, but his son expresses how even though DMX constantly tried to pursue a relationship with him it was the infidelity to his mother as well as just his naturally aggressive nature(which he admits was never towards him) that caused a rift. To which DMX genuinely replied he didn't know how to be a father but he genuinely and wholeheartedly tried. That in combination with DMX's traumatic childhood left me with the question as to why at his son's older age has he not given his father the grace, and accepted that is the best he could do ?

I see a lot of people in efforts to deal with their trauma become very hypercritical and I am not talking about in instances where they were beaten and starved. Granted I do not have the authority to tell someone what to and what not to get over however, since becoming a parent I realized how difficult it is, and even when you think you are doing everything perfectly your child may think otherwise which in return gave me more grace with my parents and my upbringing although it was not bad.

I watched these clips and was truly heartbroken for his son. Tried to find the full episode but couldn’t however I did come across a few clips of Iyanla talking about how she will never interview him again because of his offensive nature towards her calling her all kinds of b!tches: ie his deep rooted mommy issues.

Currently reading his autobiography and it’s a sad tale of moms jumping on different men catering to their needs even making X fetch food from the store wit their food stamps to make breakfast for them the next morning but he could never get anything for himself not even his favorite cereal; Frosted Flakes. Yet she’d take out her frustrations on him with heavy beatings and would encourage the different men in her life to “discipline” him even worse. Reminded me a bit of the Gabriel Fernandez story. Just heartbreaking! This very thing is truly the demise of a lot of black men. The ill-equipped mothers that break them first.
X was the scapegoat and his sister Bonita the Golden child.

When will things change?? I pray that the kids he left behind continue to bond with one another sad that it took this for them to come together.
 

Ddott

Team Owner
Joined
Feb 3, 2018
Messages
9,887
Reaction score
Reactions
94,711 6,115 1,729
99,705
Alleybux
904,749
DMX was born into this screwed up world, he didn’t ask to have a sh!tty childhood and sh!tty absentee/abusive parents and become a drug addict. He did the best he could with the extremely limited resources he was given and granted it wasn’t enough, but he tried. By the time he became rich and famous the damage had already been done, there was no saving him. Everyone’s books don’t have happy endings. There was going to be no fairytale “he lived happily ever after” ending for him. Like you said thankfully he married someone who had a good head on her shoulders who has done a great job raising her kids to hopefully break that cycle.
A lot of people are born into a screwed up world lol LSA kills me with the picking and choosing. Most rappers grew up growing through things that traumatized them but y’all are only sympathetic to whoever you like only. Even if X tried his best that doesn’t mean be dismissive towards Xaviers feelings
 

Stormy_Weather

“You Bit**es Ain’t Humble Enough”
Joined
Sep 28, 2012
Messages
22,175
Reaction score
Reactions
478,251 8,519 2,296
564,458
Alleybux
103,264
In what universe is a crackhead with 17 kids by multiple women who spent multiple years in prison a good father?

tenor.gif
 

madness116

Harsh Truth Teller
Time Out
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
49,754
Reaction score
Reactions
308,133 26,249 31,726
299,006
Alleybux
588,808
A lot of people are born into a screwed up world lol LSA kills me with the picking and choosing. Most rappers grew up growing through things that traumatized them but y’all are only sympathetic to whoever you like only. Even if X tried his best that doesn’t mean be dismissive towards Xaviers feelings
No one is being dismissive towards his feelings. All I said was if X can forgive his mother for the hell she put him through, I don't see why Xavier can't do the same. "In order to be forgiven one must learn how to forgive" or some sh!t.
 
Joined
Mar 30, 2019
Messages
532
Reaction score
Reactions
1,936 107 151
1,884
Alleybux
15,505
For someone who never had a father himself and was abandoned at a group home by his own mother as a young child.... I mean, he was robbing people at 11 yrs old to feed himself. Then to be tricked into smoking crack at 14 and being an addict ever since...Im sure he gave all he had to give to them kids, I do not believe he was equipped with much to begin with. It's a wonder he even stuck around or even claimed all his random kids... being a rap star and having alot money doesn't change his upbringing.
 

Psalm

I groan back and sometimes I do so viciously
Joined
Dec 16, 2013
Messages
34,524
Reaction score
Reactions
283,912 18,832 4,093
315,385
Alleybux
76,424
Since the passing of DMX I have seen a lot of people become very hypercritical of DMX, with statements such as he was a horrible father. I wonder if his son has ever gotten closure, and so forth and so on.
In this clip


as well as this one



DMX expresses his love for his son, but his son expresses how even though DMX constantly tried to pursue a relationship with him it was the infidelity to his mother as well as just his naturally aggressive nature(which he admits was never towards him) that caused a rift. To which DMX genuinely replied he didn't know how to be a father but he genuinely and wholeheartedly tried. That in combination with DMX's traumatic childhood left me with the question as to why at his son's older age has he not given his father the grace, and accepted that is the best he could do ?

I see a lot of people in efforts to deal with their trauma become very hypercritical and I am not talking about in instances where they were beaten and starved. Granted I do not have the authority to tell someone what to and what not to get over however, since becoming a parent I realized how difficult it is, and even when you think you are doing everything perfectly your child may think otherwise which in return gave me more grace with my parents and my upbringing although it was not bad.

I read once we are to pray our kids remember the good more and not the bad/mistakes we made. Sometimes we amplify that when thinking of certain people but it’s a true purposeful exercise to focus on the good and not everyone can do that.
 

Dreydaypac

Until I got that thug life tatted on my chest
Joined
Jun 2, 2018
Messages
9,198
Reaction score
Reactions
95,392 5,806 4,011
102,768
Alleybux
36,056
No she didn’t, his son literally said he seen his dad treat his mother like sh!t with his own his eyes. X was kissing other women in front of this boys face with no regard to how he may have felt. Tashera was a great woman who went through a lot she is not to blame for X treating her like trash in front of the children
He said he loved ha
 

Ddott

Team Owner
Joined
Feb 3, 2018
Messages
9,887
Reaction score
Reactions
94,711 6,115 1,729
99,705
Alleybux
904,749
For someone who never had a father himself and was abandoned at a group home by his own mother as a young child.... I mean, he was robbing people at 11 yrs old to feed himself. Then to be tricked into smoking crack at 14 and being an addict ever since...Im sure he gave all he had to give to them kids, I do not believe he was equipped with much to begin with. It's a wonder he even stuck around or even claimed all his random kids... being a rap star and having alot money doesn't change his upbringing.
That’s great that you’re being so understanding and sympathetic but it would be nice if people had this same sentiment for other rappers
 

Similar Threads

The Lounge

General Alley

Top Bottom