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Do people seriously expect you to delete/deactivate your online dating profile after a great date?

stillagoodgirl

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I think that's dumb! You should keep your options open because a great first date doesn't mean you'll end up in a relationship. We just meet once and you think we should be exclusively dating Oh no I don't think so.
I haven't been in this situation yet because I'm too much of a scaredy cat to meet someone who I met online.

Anyways I recommended OKCupid to one of my friends and she had a great date with him. She told me today that his account is deactivated. She's thinking about deactivating hers too so he won't feel like she's still looking and what they have isn't promising enough.
Like isn't it a red flag that he's already stopped online dating after meeting just 1 time (and they've both never met anyone from online until they met each other)?

Maybe I should mind my own business but I feel like she's gonna put all her effort and hope into one guy while there's no guarantee of something worthwhile. So I told her to keep her options and keep hers up unless things get serious between them.


If a guy tried to get me to deactivate mine I wouldn't until we're actually in a relationship. I don't like talking to one guy at a time. Maybe I should just stay out of it and stop offering advice when she didn't ask for it :bashful:
 

Monika

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It's not a red flag ... it means he really likes her or someone else he met on the dating site.

Your friend should keep her options open until they have more dating and become a couple.

Second your friend doesn't know for sure he hasn't met anyone from there.

Your acting like he is pressuring her ... this is something your friend wants to do. She can just hide his ass or block him.
 

Marquett

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Its not unusual. Somebody deactivates their account it means they're serious. Its kinda weird that he did it right away, but if they hit it off like that its not that weird.

At the end of the day its not really hard for people to hide online dating accounts/cheat if thats what they wanna do. So i say just keep your profile up. If you're not looking you won't be checking anyway whats the big deal.
 

Mariahs Chariot

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That_Wench

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I would not deactivate the account if I was her. He might have deactivated his account after his date with her but it does not mean that it was her that he deactivated the account for.

He could be dating a few girls from the website. Another one of those girls, who feels really connected to, found out about his other dates and asked that he deactivate and focus on her.
 

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I used to do it but hell nahhh not anymore. it says 'I'm taking myself off the market'. Men take that as a cue to get lazy because they 'got you'.

Nah, you have a great date, go home and post cuter pics on the site. After one date, you met a representation of that person not the actual person. Its not games, just subconsciously letting that person know options are still open and they have to put in work.
 

hood_farmer

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my bf took his pof account down without telling me, then wanted to talk about why mines was still up.

i mean, it's therapeutic to peruse messages when he gets on my nerves. it's not like i'm giving out my number or anything :eyeroll:
 

tysandsnyc

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No. Until we are long term, then no...

Some people even said their spouses or others want them to delete all FaceBook and Twitter accounts. And I just think that's taking things too far.
 

Lalah

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She would be a fool if she deactivated about hers and I do think it is a red flag. It's a try hard gesture. Those are the ones you have to watch the most. ooh, he deactivated his page, who's to say he did it for her? Like I said, she'd be a fool. I had someone deactivate their page for me before and they made a new one I had no track of...maybe that's what he's doing.
 

nubiennze

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I've seen guys complain about this in their profiles. No mention of a date, even--just "POF/OKCupid got these females heads gassed w/ 2 many options why u still inbox other dudes when I'm tryna talk 2 u & get 2 kno u better?"

Needless to say this type is avoided, and my profile (if I still did online dating, that is) would go nowhere before I were in an explicitly monogamous relationship. I also like the suggestion to upload more/cuter pics after a good date. :laugh:
 

Eminem

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some guy I was talking to on okc (the talking progressed to phone calls) was a bit miffed that I was still using OKC when I was talking to him. we hadn't even met in person.
anyway, OP, your friend can always reactivate if she didn't delete her page.
 

NZURI

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I was going to say she's possibly jumping to conclusions because I turn my account off all the time, but it's never been because I've found someone I like. It's whenever I've collected enough numbers to get me through the next week or two or when I'm burnt out from juggling so many men (most of whom prove to be literal idiots).

But there are a lot of men who do expect exclusivity pretty much immediately. I thought it was foolish to go along with this up until about a month ago, but after a few years of on and off binge dating, I think I'd rather focus on one guy I really like than juggle three that I only kinda sorta like.

I had reasoned that dating more increased my odds of meeting the right guy but really it detracts from developing a real bond and relationship with anyone. That makes me even more distant and slow to warm to them, which can be frustrating, but the worst has been when I mix them up, which can discourage or piss off most men when you do it repeatedly.

I didn't see this clearly until after I ran the most recent guy off, even though I was tempted to place the blame entirely on him, except that the guy before him got so mad at me he kinda yelled at me and told me off. I thought he was just being an asshole, and I'd made a close call, but now I'm seeing my own part in this and it sucks to know I've fxcked up a good thing not once or twice but three times in less than two years, yet b1tch and moan about still being single.

Anyways, I'll get off my soapbox now. :)
 

stillagoodgirl

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I used to do it but hell nahhh not anymore. it says 'I'm taking myself off the market'. Men take that as a cue to get lazy because they 'got you'.

Nah, you have a great date, go home and post cuter pics on the site. After one date, you met a representation of that person not the actual person. Its not games, just subconsciously letting that person know options are still open and they have to put in work.

Lmao ima have to try that and tell all my friends!! :laugh: :yes:

I've seen guys complain about this in their profiles. No mention of a date, even--just "POF/OKCupid got these females heads gassed w/ 2 many options why u still inbox other dudes when I'm tryna talk 2 u & get 2 kno u better?"

Needless to say this type is avoided, and my profile (if I still did online dating, that is) would go nowhere before I were in an explicitly monogamous relationship. I also like the suggestion to upload more/cuter pics after a good date. :laugh:

I know right! Not gonna lie, I like going on OkCupid for an ego boost or to cure boredom.
That's why I can't take online dating seriously, too many options. I don't mind talking/texting but I don't intend to meet up with any. I'd rather find a guy in RL but nowadays it seems hard to find a good quality guy.
 

Amanirenas

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I met my fiancé on OKCupid. We were so caught up in our relationship, we didn't update our statuses for a good three months after we started seeing each other. We kind of forgot about our profiles, TBH.
 

Covfefe

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I was going to say she's possibly jumping to conclusions because I turn my account off all the time, but it's never been because I've found someone I like. It's whenever I've collected enough numbers to get me through the next week or two or when I'm burnt out from juggling so many men (most of whom prove to be literal idiots).

But there are a lot of men who do expect exclusivity pretty much immediately. I thought it was foolish to go along with this up until about a month ago, but after a few years of on and off binge dating, I think I'd rather focus on one guy I really like than juggle three that I only kinda sorta like.

I had reasoned that dating more increased my odds of meeting the right guy but really it detracts from developing a real bond and relationship with anyone. That makes me even more distant and slow to warm to them, which can be frustrating, but the worst has been when I mix them up, which can discourage or piss off most men when you do it repeatedly.

I didn't see this clearly until after I ran the most recent guy off, even though I was tempted to place the blame entirely on him, except that the guy before him got so mad at me he kinda yelled at me and told me off. I thought he was just being an asshole, and I'd made a close call, but now I'm seeing my own part in this and it sucks to know I've fxcked up a good thing not once or twice but three times in less than two years, yet b1tch and moan about still being single.

Anyways, I'll get off my soapbox now. :)

Could you go in to this a little more? Did you run them off just because you mixed them up, or was your head not really in it? Thanks :)
 

chineke

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I think it's too early to deactivate her profile. They aren't even official yet so she should keep her options open.
 

E L M O

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This reminds me of someone I know. His girl made him delete his OkCupid profile because she said she did as well.

3 months later they break up. Come to find out she simply disabled hers. He's back on there with a new one and she reactivated hers.

Disabling it is fine, but not after one date. Is she sure he decided to disable it just because they had a great date and no other reason?
 

CelebGossip

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I don't know which is worse. My friend went on a date this weekend and the dude started talking about marriage on the first date and copped an attitude when she was ready to go home. Dudes are crazy!
 

AllLashes

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its waaay tooo soon and she could have a damn chronic stalker dater on her hands.. seems like he has done this before...


AND slick dudes do this, but are registered on a different site, smdh.
women fall for crap so damn easy and it pisses me off.


cause if he is clingy n crazy--she could say, she is keeping her options open (which she should) but if she signs off--she signifies she is smitten and ready to fall for some dumb sh!t.


he could be married/got a chick and wants to be low key from his wife--he got him one and he is good & on the low.


ONE date? yeah, good luck w/that one.

OP you told her correctly, so damn frantic to be loved and WE fall into traps and BS so readily, it amazes me.

like in 4 weeks, he cannot click on crazy when she does not answer the phone or something.
 

AllLashes

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I don't know which is worse. My friend went on a date this weekend and the dude started talking about marriage on the first date and copped an attitude when she was ready to go home. Dudes are crazy!


LOL!! trust me, its a bad sign. I met a attractive guy that was going to divinity school and he started asking me about "how would you feel about being a first lady?"


like I was gonna jump all over it--I told him "I am not interested"
he was salty and crazy after our 2nd damn date...I finally told him "I am not interested in marrying so stop trying to bait me, you don't have a thirsty bish on your hands, you are not scoring points nor attracting me to you"


his face was on the floor


talking about some Nurse bought him a diamond ring---but he did not ask her to do it ---side eye


that guy was pissed off because he could NOT bait her w/marriage like a carrot..she did not fall for game. he lost. LOL
 

Jodie Landon

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That doesn't necessarily mean anything. A guy I once dated deactivated his profile after one date, which I thought was odd. After a few dates he decided not to meet me again.
This whole coming off the website thing will always become an issue when meet some online. My friend was dating a guy for 6 months that still had his profile up on Match, which I personally would not be OK with.

At some point when both become official it needs to also be agreed to come off the site.
Question is if the guy doesn't mention it, should the girl mention it? I find discussions like that awkward.
 

Jodie Landon

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I met my fiancé on OKCupid. We were so caught up in our relationship, we didn't update our statuses for a good three months after we started seeing each other. We kind of forgot about our profiles, TBH.

When/how did you finally decide to delete your profiles?
 

Zaila

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my bf took his pof account down without telling me, then wanted to talk about why mines was still up.

i mean, it's therapeutic to peruse messages when he gets on my nerves. it's not like i'm giving out my number or anything :eyeroll:

So you've actually met a normal person on POF?
jcc.gif
 

cocochanel319

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It's way too soon. One date...really? SMH Profiles should come down if they get into an exclusive relationship.
 

stillagoodgirl

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its waaay tooo soon and she could have a damn chronic stalker dater on her hands.. seems like he has done this before...


AND slick dudes do this, but are registered on a different site, smdh.
women fall for crap so damn easy and it pisses me off.


cause if he is clingy n crazy--she could say, she is keeping her options open (which she should) but if she signs off--she signifies she is smitten and ready to fall for some dumb sh!t.


he could be married/got a chick and wants to be low key from his wife--he got him one and he is good & on the low.


ONE date? yeah, good luck w/that one.

OP you told her correctly, so damn frantic to be loved and WE fall into traps and BS so readily, it amazes me.

like in 4 weeks, he cannot click on crazy when she does not answer the phone or something.
Actually she said she's the one imitating text but he's always responding. He always seems too busy to start a text yet has time to quickly respond when he gets a text....I've been in situations like that but I met the guy in RL and we we're kinda friends not dating.

I'm gonna stop being negative Nancy and just stop meddling :disdain:
 

AllLashes

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Actually she said she's the one imitating text but he's always responding. He always seems too busy to start a text yet has time to quickly respond when he gets a text....I've been in situations like that but I met the guy in RL and we we're kinda friends not dating.

I'm gonna stop being negative Nancy and just stop meddling :disdain:


be there for her...smdh. it just baffles me, face to face dating is tricky enough but internet is when you really SHOULD have your guards up but many don't and just go with it and complain later.


keep your opinions to yourself and let her do her, I guess.
 

hood_farmer

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So you've actually met a normal person on POF?
jcc.gif

no he's not normal tbh. but our bond is pretty tight, we're both dating for marriage, we're long distance so we're forced to build communication & understanding, he fine as hell, and i don't scare easy sooo yeah. lol.
 

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How serious can you be, after one in-person meeting? I most definitely wouldn't deactivate because of a date... Who's to say he deactivated his because he likes her that much? It could be any number of reasons... She should just stay the course until they have a concrete relationship. At this point, it's not even really a friendship...
 

Cocona

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Him deactivating his account should have no bearing on hers. Personally, I don't think having one good date is reason enough to deactive a dating profile. I don't think that should occur until both parties agree to be in an exclusive relationship,
 

NZURI

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Could you go in to this a little more? Did you run them off just because you mixed them up, or was your head not really in it? Thanks :)
I was definitely totally serious, but they'd probably all say yes to both. I know it bothered them because they mentioned it, and I do think that made them doubt my intentions and sincerity, but I did like them. I'm talking almost infatuation like. I saw them all as potential husbands. I wouldn't have kept trying if I didn't. I just expected them to keep trying, too.

The reason I think they'd doubt my sincerity is because I'm a prude so not easily affectionate. I am eventually annoyingly affectionate, but none of them stuck around long enough for that. The longest was 5 months and the shortest 3 months.

All they saw was that I was really nice and agreeable but kept them at a distance. Add to that the other men they probably imagined I was dating and they probably thought I was a player or a h0e or (worse) trying to friendzone them.
 

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[MENTION=166933]247Diva[/MENTION] Here's a tip when dating multiple men. Rank them after each cycle of dates. So if you're dating 3 men, after you've gone on your first date with them - rank them 1 to 3. Do it again the next week and on and on.

After about 4 cycles, drop your #3 . Then you're only dating 2 and have more time for multiple dates per week with them.

Also when multiple dating like this, limit your texting, phone conversations and social media connections. Your availability is on dates, not outside of it. One man will emerge as the one who pursues you the hardest. If you like him, then enter into an exclusive relationship with him.
 

Covfefe

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I was definitely totally serious, but they'd probably all say yes to both. I know it bothered them because they mentioned it, and I do think that made them doubt my intentions and sincerity, but I did like them. I'm talking almost infatuation like. I saw them all as potential husbands. I wouldn't have kept trying if I didn't. I just expected them to keep trying, too.

The reason I think they'd doubt my sincerity is because I'm a prude so not easily affectionate. I am eventually annoyingly affectionate, but none of them stuck around long enough for that. The longest was 5 months and the shortest 3 months.

All they saw was that I was really nice and agreeable but kept them at a distance. Add to that the other men they probably imagined I was dating and they probably thought I was a player or a h0e or (worse) trying to friendzone them.

Ahh ok! Thanks for taking the time to respond to me. I'm a little similar, if a guy isn't affectionate with me, I most likely won't be very affectionate with him, mainly because I don't want to be all over someone who doesn't want me to be!

I used to see this one guy who wasn't affectionate with me at all, so I assumed he just wanted to be friends (I did like him!). Not once did he make a move, it was always just a hug goodbye. Well, he invited me to his friend's birthday one night and his friend told me that the guy I had been seeing was pretty much in love with me but was afraid to make a move. I was thinking "EH??". So maybe the guys you were seeing really did just think you didn't want anything more than friendship with them.
 

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To each their own. When you are in a good place with someone you already know. If you feel like you still need your profile let it be. My profile on badoo is on but I don't go to chat with anyone. My new bf has still his profile where we met (different place than badoo) I guess and I don't care. I know we are in an exclusive relationship and he knows I will not play when it comes to commitment and health. He is into me and I am into him. Simple as that.

Desperate Soul
 

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☕ I took my POF profile down after 3 or 4 dates with the same person.......







7 months in...so far, so good! 😸😹😻

**Get right or get left**
 

stillagoodgirl

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UPDATE: They had their 2nd date and now he says that he'd like to go on a double date to meet her friend(s)
I'm not sure if I should go. I'm not even talking to any guys right now (not counting classmates who might be interested) so I don't have anyone to bring.
I wanna stay out of it but iif I go I think I might grill this guy harshly because I feel like he's trying to rush things.

Isn't it too soon to meet friends?
 

CurlyDessie

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I've been on several dates from people met online, I never delete my account although this idiot I talked to did after he said he was "over it" because I guess he thought he was going to hook up when I was looking for something serious. But I have my first OkCupid date today so I'll see how it goes but I'm not deleting my profile. I deleted it before and then I brought it back when I got bored. That's when the guy I'm going out with today decided to send me a message.
 

CurlyDessie

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Although I met one guy on Tinder that I really liked and then I met an OKCupid guy I like. I'm really confused. I was talking to them on the phone at the same time telling the other one "my mom is on the other line"
 

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I think it shows a sign of immaturity. Now if you dated for awhile and you two had the talk. Then fine. Take your profile down.

But it is impossible to know somebody after one date.
 

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