Do you feel like your environment makes you anxious and underperform?

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Just a rant, chip in if you want.

I am really hard on myself and I'm trying to change that. However, my environment makes me uncomfortable and the mixture of fear...makes me underperform. Sometimes it's like my thought process stops when being asked something.. but I just think it's fear of speaking my mind.

I think I'm dumb sometimes because of my actions, lack of reaction. However, my dad tends to yell and we've had a lot of incidents where we don't see eye to eye.

I think my current environment effects how I operate internally and externally.. it would be different if I was with people I feel comfortable and open with.
 
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I can understand where you're coming from OP. I think a lot of people think I am stupid because I react to things late or my mind doesn't work as fast. I think its mostly my anxiety and stressing about coming off perfect at all times. When I slow down I have a quicker response time to things and my brain works "properly". And when I am around people I am comfortable with I don't mess up with my speech as often.

I watched that video on Twitter and talked to my therapist about my experiences and they think it might be because of childhood trauma. Based on what you said you seem to have some trauma as well OP


 
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Wow, that video fits me to a T on all points. Really the whole thread so far. Very relatable, OP.

Sometimes I feel scared into doing nothing. It feels easier to take no action than risk failing. Then it just creates a loop of self doubt and shame. I hope you can get the change of environment and the right people around you, it does work wonders when you get it.
 
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Your relationships with people around you can become so toxic that just being in their presence makes you unproductive.

Your brain and body has gone into survival mode because a threat is nearby, therefore you're too overwhelmed to concentrate on anything else.
 
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I know exactly how you feel. I'm a perfectionist and I'm very hard on myself. My parents have somewhat problematic parenting styles. My dad would belittle me and make me feel like I'm stupid constantly and he didn't spend a lot of time with me throughout my life. Because of that, I made sure not to tell him about all the mistakes I've made in my life and I tried not to make mistakes in the first place. My mom, although nurturing at times, was a very anxious person and always tried to instill fear in me, and unfortunately it worked. I became too fearful of a person. I developed what's called "perfectionism procrastination paralysis" where you're so afraid of performing a task in a less than perfect way that you prevent yourself from doing it. I've been dealing with it for years now. I'm in therapy right now and it's helpful but I'm still struggling. It's going to take time for me to overcome my problems.
 
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I can understand where you're coming from OP. I think a lot of people think I am stupid because I react to things late or my mind doesn't work as fast. I think its mostly my anxiety and stressing about coming off perfect at all times. When I slow down I have a quicker response time to things and my brain works "properly". And when I am around people I am comfortable with I don't mess up with my speech as often.

I watched that video on Twitter and talked to my therapist about my experiences and they think it might be because of childhood trauma. Based on what you said you seem to have some trauma as well OP


High Functioning Anxiety, thanks
 
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yes, but it’s literally my environment. I live at home with my family and it is so cluttered and nasty here no matter how much I clean and get rid of things. They yell at me when I try to declutter the place. I can’t wait to leave, I am so ashamed to say I live here.
 
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I can understand where you're coming from OP. I think a lot of people think I am stupid because I react to things late or my mind doesn't work as fast. I think its mostly my anxiety and stressing about coming off perfect at all times. When I slow down I have a quicker response time to things and my brain works "properly". And when I am around people I am comfortable with I don't mess up with my speech as often.

I watched that video on Twitter and talked to my therapist about my experiences and they think it might be because of childhood trauma. Based on what you said you seem to have some trauma as well OP


She was spot on. I would love to hear more of what she has to say. How do I find her if she I am not on TikTok?
 
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I can understand where you're coming from OP. I think a lot of people think I am stupid because I react to things late or my mind doesn't work as fast. I think its mostly my anxiety and stressing about coming off perfect at all times. When I slow down I have a quicker response time to things and my brain works "properly". And when I am around people I am comfortable with I don't mess up with my speech as often.

I watched that video on Twitter and talked to my therapist about my experiences and they think it might be because of childhood trauma. Based on what you said you seem to have some trauma as well OP


If anyone would like to hear more of her stuff, she is at:

 
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I can understand where you're coming from OP. I think a lot of people think I am stupid because I react to things late or my mind doesn't work as fast. I think its mostly my anxiety and stressing about coming off perfect at all times. When I slow down I have a quicker response time to things and my brain works "properly". And when I am around people I am comfortable with I don't mess up with my speech as often.

I watched that video on Twitter and talked to my therapist about my experiences and they think it might be because of childhood trauma. Based on what you said you seem to have some trauma as well OP


DATS ME!

Like the tweeter I went to therapy for this and she told me I need to work on saying NO and creating boundaries. And yes it stems from my childhood.

My mom as a child called me a bitch, selfish, whatever if I didn't want to do things for her. Or she would guilt me into doing things (mind you I wasn't older than about 8 or 9). For a long time I thought she hated me because I looked like my dad and every time she looked at me she saw him (kid logic lol). I don't really blame her, it was the same things her mother did to her (and worse), so I don't think she even did it consciously.

Anyway, I grew up hearing the same damn story about how my grandma spoiling me bit her in the butt because I refused to do things for her that she could do herself. And she constantly called my parents to handle me because I wouldn't mind her. And when she died, for 10 years, I thought I was the one who killed her (heart failure due to obesity and emphysema) and I felt so guilty towards my mom because of it. I remember breaking down with my brother when we reconnected and telling him that and he pushed me to tell our mom and she apologized for not noticing that I was feeling this way and set me straight lol.

So my ability to set boundaries and say no was taken from me at a young age and I overcompensated until now because I didnt want that "selfish" image on me. But it's causing a lot of issues now because of the stress of trying to get everything done.

And it's really causing a mess at work, because my boss is using me as her own therapist/best friend. But it's much harder to say no at work than it is in my personal life.
 
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I have adult ADHD and what helps me is getting out of the house. Before Covid, I used to take to the bus to this local coffee shop and get some work done or read. I generated a lot of ideas while away from home. Unfortunately, that coffee shop closes at 1 pm now and I used to stay there all day lol. For most of 2020, I was inside my room. Even though I was able to get some stuff done, it didn't last too long and I had moments when I was doing really great and longer moments of not doing anything because I was too anxious to get started (now add anxiety and executive dysfunction into the mix lol).

I still live with my parents and my environment isn't really hostile, the tension can be high every now and then but it still helps to get out. My therapist told me that deep breathing (I do it for 3 minutes) and listening to music can help with low-level anxiety. When it's high, use a cold pack on your forehead and get moving. I usually go for a bike ride.

Right now my anxiety is pretty high and I'm waiting for my folks to come back so that I can ride my bike to the park and stay there for a little bit to clear my mind lol. It starts in my gut and gradually rises.

But I encourage you to get out if you can. Even if it's for a short while. Find a place where you can work outside if you can ask a friend if you can hang out with them for a bit!
 
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I feel the same way sometimes. One way that helped me was to type everything out in an email or a text. Because often times if I respond too quickly, it might go one or two ways. I would either suppress my response and not say anything, or I might respond in a way that makes me sound not so smart due to anxiety. And yes. I do believe environment plays a big part in this. My mother never used many words, but when she did they were mainly curse words when we did something she didn’t like. I really think this had stunted me and how I communicated with others. If your issues are work related and you do not feel comfortable with raising your hand in meetings. Try to get a better understanding of the agenda before hand, gather your questions or topics you’d like to ask so that you are prepared in case someone poses a question to you. Or even after a meeting you could follow up with email with points that you need clarification on. This seemed to work for me, because my fear of speaking prevented me from being engaged.
 
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1. When I lived in a small studio apartment with toxic family in a small town I felt this way. Lazy and sluggish. Unmotivated.
2. When I moved to a big hustle/bustle city in a bigger spaced apartment there was more motivation for productivity
I think this is definitely true
 
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I can understand where you're coming from OP. I think a lot of people think I am stupid because I react to things late or my mind doesn't work as fast. I think its mostly my anxiety and stressing about coming off perfect at all times. When I slow down I have a quicker response time to things and my brain works "properly". And when I am around people I am comfortable with I don't mess up with my speech as often.

I watched that video on Twitter and talked to my therapist about my experiences and they think it might be because of childhood trauma. Based on what you said you seem to have some trauma as well OP


Woah I think I have this
 
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Thank you for this video!

I identify with all of these symptoms, for years. I was so rigid, depressed, worried, afraid, perfectionist, people pleaser. I was miserable. I kept having fight or flight feelings/fear---I just wanted to plan my escape and run away. It felt like feelings of urgency. It was awful.

I'm 31 years old and with weekly therapy and buspirone 5 mg, my anxiety has FINALLY went away!!!!

I feel so much peace right now.

That fear is gone and I'm so much happier!!!
 
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Apparently, it's healing day for Black SM

My relatives were/are good at this bullshit. And not just this. Using kids as maids/butlers in general. Relatives who are not old, are fully able-bodied, have no problem moving, and yet will NOT fucking move if a child is in the house, unless they have to go the bathroom. Bring me this, bring me that. Get me this, get me that. The kids are literally little personal maids/butlers "at your service" type shit to the adults.
 
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My relatives were/are good at this bullshit. And not just this. Using kids as maids/butlers in general. Relatives who are not old, are fully able-bodied, have no problem moving, and yet will NOT fucking move if a child is in the house, unless they have to go the bathroom. Bring me this, bring me that. Get me this, get me that. The kids are literally little personal maids/butlers "at your service" type shit to the adults.
Literally my life until one day I grew the courage to open my mouth and say I’m not your slave.
 

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