Quantcast

Do you work with people who have kids or supervise people who have kids? I need some advice..

StayTrue

Team Owner
Joined
Jul 23, 2013
Messages
7,313
Reaction score
Reactions
104,853 2,941 2,425
110,843
Alleybux
381,136
I'm a mom with a young child that will soon be entering a new work environment where of a team of more than 10 people in their 30's and 40's, I'll be the only one who is a parent. Most of everyone else has one or several cats/dogs.

Any advice to me as a mom? Do you have pet peeves that your coworkers and subordinates with kids do that I should avoid? What biases should I be aware of and how can I navigate them/avoid them? Any advice in general in terms of dos/donts or things I should expect?

I really like this position and would like to position myself to move up quickly if possible.
 

MZJazzmine

General Manager
Joined
Sep 16, 2009
Messages
3,223
Reaction score
Reactions
13,780 243 206
14,283
Alleybux
178,174
I would probably say don't talk about your child, let them talk about their pets all they want, just say you're an animal lover (if you are) and leave it at that.

Pets and people are not the same even though I know some people try and act like they are. Just respect other people's choices, don't gossip, think before you speak, and you should be fine.
 

Mary620

General Manager
Joined
Sep 18, 2018
Messages
2,676
Reaction score
Reactions
43,957 774 187
48,946
Alleybux
203,401
I don’t even mention my child. I have a good support system so besides my direct supervisor, no one knows. I’m also pretty young and unmarried though so it’s more so it’s to protect myself from unnecessary bias or judgement.

I keep it super brief — “I’m spending time with family this weekend” or “I have a family emergency” if I need to pick her up or keep her home.
 

Lushlife123

Team Owner
Joined
Feb 14, 2017
Messages
8,673
Reaction score
Reactions
112,220 1,491 71
120,446
Alleybux
7,117
My only advice would be to be easy on yourself. My manager’s child is quite boisterous but he doesnt work in the same room that she’s in and he apologises if she barges in to the office.

i wish you all the best at your new job
 

BorisNatasha

General Manager
Joined
Jun 19, 2011
Messages
2,254
Reaction score
Reactions
15,527 656 27
17,004
Alleybux
194,420
Don't talk about your kid all the time.
Don't assume your coworkers have free time or don't have responsibilities because they don't have kids
Don't expect your coworkers to cover for you because you need to pick up your kids, take them to an appointment, attend a recital, etc.

Best of luck at your new position!
 

StayTrue

Team Owner
Joined
Jul 23, 2013
Messages
7,313
Reaction score
Reactions
104,853 2,941 2,425
110,843
Alleybux
381,136
I would probably say don't talk about your child, let them talk about their pets all they want, just say you're an animal lover (if you are) and leave it at that.

Pets and people are not the same even though I know some people try and act like they are. Just respect other people's choices, don't gossip, think before you speak, and you should be fine.

Thank you. Yes, my supervisor has already mentioned that people often have their pets in on virtual meetings (one person has 5 pets). This is new for everyone on the team (working with someone who is a parent) and I get the feeling that they are okay with it, but that they also feel a bit weird about it if that makes sense as in they don't know what to make of it. I didn't even consider before starting that it could be a potential bias there.

I just want to be seen as capable and competent and not be defined professionally in terms of being a mom (while also not acting ashamed of my kids if that makes sense!). Also, I didn't expect a lot of people to have kids but I was shocked to find out I was the only one.
 

StayTrue

Team Owner
Joined
Jul 23, 2013
Messages
7,313
Reaction score
Reactions
104,853 2,941 2,425
110,843
Alleybux
381,136
I don’t even mention my child. I have a good support system so besides my direct supervisor, no one knows. I’m also pretty young and unmarried though so it’s more so it’s to protect myself from unnecessary bias or judgement.

I keep it super brief — “I’m spending time with family this weekend” or “I have a family emergency” if I need to pick her up or keep her home.

I completely understand. I used to do that with my last position before I became a mom, I would be super private about my life and keep everything very general. But at least in terms of my career field, it started to feel like it was hindering my networking to be so private so I thought maybe I would try to be just a tad bit less private this time around. Ughh... I hate all of this navigating work politics stuff because it just doesn't come naturally to me...
 

Shy Vy

Shy
Joined
Feb 5, 2018
Messages
10,348
Reaction score
Reactions
81,733 2,681 178
95,911
Alleybux
48,025
Don't talk about your kid all the time.
Don't assume your coworkers have free time or don't have responsibilities because they don't have kids
Don't expect your coworkers to cover for you because you need to pick up your kids, take them to an appointment, attend a recital, etc.

Best of luck at your new position!


Yep, all this. Congrats on your new job op and hope all goes well :)
 

StayTrue

Team Owner
Joined
Jul 23, 2013
Messages
7,313
Reaction score
Reactions
104,853 2,941 2,425
110,843
Alleybux
381,136
Don't talk about your kid all the time.
Don't assume your coworkers have free time or don't have responsibilities because they don't have kids
Don't expect your coworkers to cover for you because you need to pick up your kids, take them to an appointment, attend a recital, etc.

Best of luck at your new position!

Thank you! I have a good support system so I don't plan on needing anything extra from my coworkers and wouldn't dream of asking anyone to cover my work. I do think I'll need occasional sick time to attend a doctor's appointment for my kid but that's about it (even then my husband could go, but I would hate to miss it if I don't have to). I'm moreso nervous about conscious and subconscious biases toward me and just not wanting to be offputting to others.
 

LoveSupreme

01/06/21 - Planet of the Apes Day -
Joined
Feb 8, 2011
Messages
34,308
Reaction score
Reactions
134,305 8,452 7,808
146,148
Alleybux
6,560
I'm a mom with a young child that will soon be entering a new work environment where of a team of more than 10 people in their 30's and 40's, I'll be the only one who is a parent. Most of everyone else has one or several cats/dogs.

Any advice to me as a mom? Do you have pet peeves that your coworkers and subordinates with kids do that I should avoid? What biases should I be aware of and how can I navigate them/avoid them? Any advice in general in terms of dos/donts or things I should expect?

I really like this position and would like to position myself to move up quickly if possible.
Keep your mouth shut about your private life and children.

That’s all the time, for everybody!
 

Rere84

Team Owner
Joined
Sep 5, 2015
Messages
59,156
Reaction score
Reactions
581,030 19,675 2,219
668,257
Alleybux
709,288
Whatever you do try not to bring your kids into the office....I worked with two mothers that did this-would have their kids at work for a few hours until their husbands could get off work and pick them up...., and while the kids were not misbehaving per se they were acting like "kids" and it got on everyone's nerves, my boss put an end to it and said they can't be there for more than an hour
 
Joined
May 13, 2021
Messages
635
Reaction score
Reactions
4,179 82 26
4,153
Alleybux
360
I am one of only two people in my division who does not have any kids. I am also the second youngest (a few months older than my other childless co-worker). I think I want kids in the future and I'm not against the idea of one day having kids. I don't mind if my co-workers talk to me about their kids. However, I'm sure the average childless person does not want to hear about other people's kids everyday or all day. One thing that I do admire about my co-workers with kids is that they never allow their personal life or children to interfere with important projects or presentations we have as a group and other prominent responsibilities we have within our division.

Emergencies happen to all of us. Everyone needs to call out every once in a while. That's what PTO is for. But I know of other divisions where co-workers have completely healthy children, but use them as an excuse to often "bail out" of responsibilities and their fellow co-workers have complained so much that the rumors have funneled into my division about them. Good luck with your new position!
 

Justa

Facsimile of God | Megan Thee Samaritan
Joined
Aug 22, 2019
Messages
48,021
Reaction score
Reactions
285,319 4,977 407
379,287
Alleybux
1,195
be friends with the mute button and have blur backgrounds for video calls haha.
 

screena

Team Owner
Joined
Feb 11, 2011
Messages
27,219
Solutions
24
Reaction score
Reactions
311,871 5,214 824
351,215
Alleybux
1,497
I am one of only two people in my division who does not have any kids. I am also the second youngest (a few months older than my other childless co-worker). I think I want kids in the future and I'm not against the idea of one day having kids. I don't mind if my co-workers talk to me about their kids. However, I'm sure the average childless person does not want to hear about other people's kids everyday or all day. One thing that I do admire about my co-workers with kids is that they never allow their personal life or children to interfere with important projects or presentations we have as a group and other prominent responsibilities we have within our division.

Emergencies happen to all of us. Everyone needs to call out every once in a while. That's what PTO is for. But I know of other divisions where co-workers have completely healthy children, but use them as an excuse to often "bail out" of responsibilities and their fellow co-workers have complained so much that the rumors have funneled into my division about them. Good luck with your new position!

This. And never bring your child to work. One of my coworkers (who's only been there since Jan) had her son at the office after school everyday for about 4mos. He was disrespectful (putting his feet on top of workspaces and running like a lunatic on the 2nd floor) and unsanitary (would use the staff bathroom and either not wash his hands or not dry his hands with a paper towel). It was annoying and grated on my nerves.

And this same person has missed 20 days of work (since Jan) taking her kids to the doctor, etc, which means others have to pick up the slack.
 
Last edited:

The CEO

HBIC
Joined
Oct 17, 2018
Messages
7,244
Reaction score
Reactions
82,333 1,667 439
91,061
Alleybux
787,657
Unfortunately in the workplace, there is a bias against mothers, and especially single mothers. I don’t even mention my children. I am currently interviewing for a new position and don’t even plan on telling them I have children. Work is work, and I keep my private life extremely private.
 

Quiet Storm

Candy Rain
OLDHEAD
Joined
Apr 18, 2006
Messages
7,345
Reaction score
Reactions
30,224 600 75
33,600
Alleybux
37,149
Use buzzwords like work/home life balance. Encourage it and embrace it as long as their work is done, let them use their leave. Always have your team's back, encourage open communication and they will in turn return the favor when you really need them.

Be open-minded of what work/home life balance means. To me it = Elderly parent, children, fur baby or self care
 

Pandoras Box

Team Owner
Joined
Mar 14, 2008
Messages
10,996
Reaction score
Reactions
60,289 1,932 2,341
65,757
Alleybux
939,948
The poster who said being so private hindered her growth is spot on. I’m not saying go thru your kids medical history or how bad the kid is, but you have to be able to make small talk and be authentic. Being at work is also about building relationships. About work and about other things you have in common. I’m not saying he best friends, but there is a balance.

As a parent, I also would be leery if any work environment that doesn’t acknowledge this or makes you hide it. Why did your boss tell you no one has kids? That seems like an odd thing to share with a new employee.

I also lead a team with parents and right now folks are getting grace and if the company is worth anything they will be continually evaluating how they support working parents.

be professional, be open to others and be authentically you. Good luck.
 

Ms Muse

General Manager
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
4,668
Reaction score
Reactions
44,328 1,532 718
45,482
Alleybux
313,000
Pretty much all of the advice fonts have mentioned already is spot on! I would like to say though that my coworker recently had a baby and we're all ecstatic for her! We love to see the baby, and when he starts to cry she just mutes herself or hands the baby to whoever's helping her watch him. I have another coworker whose kid will play behind her or look at us on the screen. When she leaves to attend to her other kid, sometimes it looks like he takes over in her place! My point is, I've yet to meet someone who isn't at the very least understanding of the current circumstances/the regular responsibility of having kids. My coworkers who are parents still do their jobs well and carry their weight.

I completely understand the possible professional/social risks that could come with making it known you have children, but I hope these fonts haven't scared you too much! Lol
 
Last edited:

Similar Threads

The Culture

News Alley

Ask LSA

Top Bottom