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Does Anyone Else Feel Like Their Sense Of Self Is Gone After Becoming A Mother?

incogneato

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I currently have a 2 year old who I love with all my heart :love

But I’ve been struggling with getting back to MYSELF since.

At times I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m always in mommy mode and rarely ever have any time to myself. My relationship with friends have faded and I am EXHAUSTED all the time.


Are there any mothers that can relate?
 

MsBIGChoc

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I currently have a 2 year old who I love with all my heart :love

But I’ve been struggling with getting back to MYSELF since.

At times I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m always in mommy mode and rarely ever have any time to myself. My relationship with friends have faded and I am EXHAUSTED all the time.


Are there any mothers that can relate?
I am not a mom but plenty of women said this. How old are you
 

AlexisHurts

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Yes. It’s normal, at least it was for me. It also took about 15-18 months to get over my post partum depression. My husband started making me take “self care” days, either during the week or weekend. I get my nails and toes done, sometimes sleep all day, shop, do whatever I want. He and I both have noticed a difference in my overall mood and I’m much happier. Now with baby #2 coming soon, our dynamic will change a little but he keeps reassuring me that I will continue to have my monthly self care days.

We have to learn how to take care of ourselves too. A happy mom is a good mom!
 

MoneyOverLove

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I currently have a 2 year old who I love with all my heart :love

But I’ve been struggling with getting back to MYSELF since.

At times I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m always in mommy mode and rarely ever have any time to myself. My relationship with friends have faded and I am EXHAUSTED all the time.


Are there any mothers that can relate?
YES! I became a mom when I was a teen. I realized at 29 that I didn't know who the hell I really was. I have spent the last couple of years trying to really get to know me. You really do lose your identity being everything to everyone while giving yourself bread crumbs. You can't pour from an empty cup so there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first.
 

Haveablessedday

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It is completely natural to feel this way when you are a young mother. I felt the same way.

But over time, we get very comfortable with transitioning from our own youth, to being responsible for nurturing our babies to adulthood.

It's the natural cycles of life.
 

Sin Verguenza

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They tell women that once you have a baby that any and everything you do is supposed to be for them, and you are supposed to be in sacrifice mode for the rest of your life.

Do not listen to them, if you need time away, drop the baby off with someone who loves you and you trust them and go get your hair done, pamper yourself. Your kid probably has a million toys, buy yourself that cute shirt or outfit, you'll keep it longer than the kid will play with any toy you'd get.

Mothers need to learn to do for themselves without the guilt taking over their lives, it's how they keep a balance and perspective
 

SunnnyL

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It’s so hard bc we want to be the Best Mom we can be.

In my case, I didn’t want to make the same mistakes my mom did with me.

It’s a little harder for me since my youngest has an intellectual delay so I’m always trying to squeeze in more lessons so that she can catch up.

I know it’s not my fault but you read these stories of kids who beat the odds and more often than not, they have moms who really believe in them.

So yes, it’s exhausting. But I tell myself it will pay off later bc I want a healthy r/ship with my kids when they are adults and I don’t want them resenting me (yeah, I kinda low-key resent my mom).
 

MoleOlie

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Maybe social media is becoming overwhelming. It can make you miss doing things you really prob wouldn't have fun doing anyway.

Many of my friends have become introverts/super busy after having kids and its ok.
As long as you make time for yourself in the process.

Because kids take at least 18 yrs out of your life.
 

MsBIGChoc

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Im 26 currently. I was 22 when I found out I was pregnant and 23 when I gave birth.
Yes, that's why. You had children during your exploratory years when we are supposed to be finding ourselves and you still are in those years.
 

MariahonFiyya

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I can TOTALLY relate. I have twins....5 years old. Hang in there and take time for yourself! The older they get, the easier it is to spend more time focusing on you. It will get better. It's a good sign that you're recognizing it NOW so you can attend to your needs too. It seems like sometimes mothers put their ALL into their children and are even more lost once the kids have grown up and moved on into adulthood.
 

my_marlon

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It's normal, especially if you don't get any time to yourself.

See if you can get someone to watch your baby for 1 day or weekend once or twice a month. Make sure it's someone you're comfortable leaving them with so you don't spend the whole time worrying lol. Once you have that regularly, you will get back to yourself.

Like another font said, you can use that time to sleep, pamper yourself, or really just see what it is that makes you happy.

The best thing you can give your child is the healthiest, happiest version of yourself so you can love and care for them with joy and abundance.
 

SashaySkanks

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They tell women that once you have a baby that any and everything you do is supposed to be for them, and you are supposed to be in sacrifice mode for the rest of your life.

Do not listen to them, if you need time away, drop the baby off with someone who loves you and you trust them and go get your hair done, pamper yourself. Your kid probably has a million toys, buy yourself that cute shirt or outfit, you'll keep it longer than the kid will play with any toy you'd get.

Mothers need to learn to do for themselves without the guilt taking over their lives, it's how they keep a balance and perspective


I completely agree with all of this. I have a two year old son and I love him to pieces. I struggled with depression and always being in sacrifice mode. I started taking care of myself again literally a few months ago and not feeling guilty for doing little things for me.
 

For The Culture

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Yes and it takes a lot to get it back... The first time around I didn't have this issue but this time... It's a struggle.

Since we both work remotely my husband didn't even talk to me about the possibility of being a sahm he just assumed it would be me...

It's rough.
 

GigiLaMoore

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I currently have a 2 year old who I love with all my heart :love

But I’ve been struggling with getting back to MYSELF since.

At times I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m always in mommy mode and rarely ever have any time to myself. My relationship with friends have faded and I am EXHAUSTED all the time.


Are there any mothers that can relate?

Yes. My son is 23 now, but there were many moments like that. Are you depressed at all? Just asking because that is common and can affect how you feel. My advice would be to parent the child, don't let her/him parent you. A 2 year old is old enough to follow simple commands such as, "Sit right here while mommy uses the bathroom." You can also do things like set a 2 minute timer and teach your child to do play or color until the timer goes off.

Other ideas is to set a schedule for your child, including a bedtime between 7 and 7:30 p.m. Read parenting books for ideas. The light is there, you just have to find ways to reach it.
 

2020username

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Yes. It’s normal, at least it was for me. It also took about 15-18 months to get over my post partum depression. My husband started making me take “self care” days, either during the week or weekend. I get my nails and toes done, sometimes sleep all day, shop, do whatever I want. He and I both have noticed a difference in my overall mood and I’m much happier. Now with baby #2 coming soon, our dynamic will change a little but he keeps reassuring me that I will continue to have my monthly self care days.

We have to learn how to take care of ourselves too. A happy mom is a good mom!

That's a good husband!
 

sonoko

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I hear a lot of moms feel this way. I feel this way sometimes but on the weekends in the afternoon my husband takes our son and I go out an just do grocery shopping or just walk around by myself outside (I would get my nails done but I am waiting on my covid shot).

My son is 3 months almost though. I also have a lot of support. My mom watches him while I work and offers some weekends to look after him but I haven't take her up on the weekend offer yet. I think it is important to let each other have a couple of hours to themselves whether that be mom or dad.
 

sonoko

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This makes me not want kids... Mothers scare me with this
I feel like it really depends on your support system (husband, family, etc....) and how many you have. My coworker has 2 kids but they do multiple sports each and I can tell she is tired but she goes to everything and even travels out of state for their events. I only have 1 kid and he is 3 months. I feel like that will be all for me because again I do want to have me times sometimes and not be all about him. I also think it would be easier to travel with just him instead of multiple kids.

Other people are different though.
 

kem1209

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I have 7 month old twins and I’m honestly miserable inside. I also work & am in school for my doctorate so I literally have no time or even mental space for anything. Oh and I’m a single mom. I hate it here :cry: I love my kids, I do & I don’t think God makes mistakes, but baaabbbyyy, if I had a glass ball to see into the future, I wouldn’t be a mother. I pray it gets better as they get older. I’m trying to be the best mom I can be bc that’s just me. I don’t half step on sh!t my name is attached to, so I won’t half step on being a mother, but I don’t think it’s for me. I hope I don’t get judged too hard lol
 

maxwell1984

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Yes. It’s normal, at least it was for me. It also took about 15-18 months to get over my post partum depression. My husband started making me take “self care” days, either during the week or weekend. I get my nails and toes done, sometimes sleep all day, shop, do whatever I want. He and I both have noticed a difference in my overall mood and I’m much happier. Now with baby #2 coming soon, our dynamic will change a little but he keeps reassuring me that I will continue to have my monthly self care days.

We have to learn how to take care of ourselves too. A happy mom is a good mom!

You have such a beautiful marriage, it is a rarity for such women to find something close to this. Very happy for you.
 

sweetfusion™

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I can relate to this. My baby is the same age. I'm learning to do things I enjoy whether it is during his nap time, waking up early or etc so I can just pour into me. Happy mom=happy baby so it is integral that you practice self care/love and find something you enjoy. Also, if you are married, have a date night alone (with a trusted baby sitter) so you two dont lose the connection. Same for single moms (I found out some places have a mommy night out night/afternoon where they baby sit for you while you have some time for yourself as long as your child is potty trained.) Check it out in your area. Also, there is care.com, 24 hour day care centers and etc that will do the same. Pick a place you trust.

I think what you are experiencing is normal. Motherhood is another part of our identity but it does not mean we cannot be the person we were before kids. We have to find a way to merge both.
 

2phat

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I went through it too. It's normal, because you're so focused on your baby(ies) that you kind of forget who you really were before. They will get bigger and less needy, so that there's more room to re-cultivate yourself.

But try to take self-care days until that time comes.
 

Amill

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Yes, that's why. You had children during your exploratory years when we are supposed to be finding ourselves and you still are in those years.
Here’s the double edge sword. I feel like as women we are put on a timeline because it’s like a stigma oh don’t have a baby past 30 or having a baby once you hit your 30s is risky . I had my baby girl at 27 and i still feel like i lost who i was of thst I’m living a incomplete life ...
 

Kermit Frogg

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Many mothers' sense of self is gone because they try to get back to how they used to be, when in, in fact, they're not the same person. Their whole world changes when they become moms and they should be better than they once were.

A lot of women view the changes that come with motherhood as negatives, such as losing friends and not having time to themselves anymore. They need to change with the circumstances, which may take time.
 

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