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Does anyone else struggle with their bisexuality? Plus random Stacy Abrams story.

incogneato

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I’m currently a college student with a African background. I’ve known that I’ve been into girls since maybe middle school but since then I’ve also had this weird cognitive dissonance with it as well (which is probably due to my family's thoughts on it). While some of my closest friends were coming out in high school as bi, pan, lesbian, I just sat back and watched them and never personally disclosed about my own xesual identity because I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it. I noticed that for them, their queerness is an identity trait (they’re the indie/boho femme, vegan, “I’m so different” type) which is cool, but I personally don’t want my sexuality to be the first thing people remember about me and I know it will be if I do come out to everyone.

Being in college has given me some freedom to be my true myself. Granted I’m still not out out, but my friends know I like girls too, and I’ve had a couple romantic connections with some girls but they didn’t work out, and I’ve never been with one physically (which is okay bc it’s more than a xes thing for me).

To this day, I still don’t feel comfortable talking about my sexuality to some friends, especially the femme ones because they see it as a personality trait and I don’t, but maybe I should. I know I should own this part of me, but I have very advanced career goals and I know that once I come out fully because I am black and a black woman at that, it is something that will disadvantage me even more in my pursuit of my goals.

Maybe I should make a separate thread about this, but when I was in highschool right before Stacey Abrams announced that she was running for governor in Georgia, my language arts teacher told me and a friend that her and her husband (our history teacher) met Stacey while they were at dinner in Atlanta. This skinny ass old white woman then proceeded to state that “she thought Stacey Abrams was a lesbian” with a straight ass face. At the time I didn’t think much of it (sad ik so dumb of me) but I’ve been thinking a lot about this story recently with the election and how ignorant it was of her to say that.

Was it because of how she looked? Her short 4c hair? Her dark skin? Her un-married status?

I don’t know, but I know that she would have never said that if she wasn’t a black woman. I want to do big things like Stacy and I’m scared of some sh!t like that happening to me, especially if there’s some truth behind it (if I’m out).
 

Justa

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Stacey Abrams is a beautiful woman with an interesting and accomplished life! She's amazing.

It sucks that people make assumptions off of how people look.

The less we worry about the superficial and the more we focus on the heart and efforts (of good people) will be the day we actually allow more kindness, understanding, and good things to flow.
 

Justa

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You shoulda retorted back to the geriatric yt with, "And I thought you were a cryptkeeper."

Father forgive me. :cry:

I’m currently a college student with a African background. I’ve known that I’ve been into girls since maybe middle school but since then I’ve also had this weird cognitive dissonance with it as well (which is probably due to my family's thoughts on it). While some of my closest friends were coming out in high school as bi, pan, lesbian, I just sat back and watched them and never personally disclosed about my own xesual identity because I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it. I noticed that for them, their queerness is an identity trait (they’re the indie/boho femme, vegan, “I’m so different” type) which is cool, but I personally don’t want my sexuality to be the first thing people remember about me and I know it will be if I do come out to everyone.

Being in college has given me some freedom to be my true myself. Granted I’m still not out out, but my friends know I like girls too, and I’ve had a couple romantic connections with some girls but they didn’t work out, and I’ve never been with one physically (which is okay bc it’s more than a xes thing for me).

To this day, I still don’t feel comfortable talking about my sexuality to some friends, especially the femme ones because they see it as a personality trait and I don’t, but maybe I should. I know I should own this part of me, but I have very advanced career goals and I know that once I come out fully because I am black and a black woman at that, it is something that will disadvantage me even more in my pursuit of my goals.

Maybe I should make a separate thread about this, but when I was in highschool right before Stacey Abrams announced that she was running for governor in Georgia, my language arts teacher told me and a friend that her and her husband (our history teacher) met Stacey while they were at dinner in Atlanta. This skinny ass old white woman then proceeded to state that “she thought Stacey Abrams was a lesbian” with a straight ass face. At the time I didn’t think much of it (sad ik so dumb of me) but I’ve been thinking a lot about this story recently with the election and how ignorant it was of her to say that.

Was it because of how she looked? Her short 4c hair? Her dark skin? Her un-married status?

I don’t know, but I know that she would have never said that if she wasn’t a black woman. I want to do big things like Stacy and I’m scared of some sh!t like that happening to me, especially if there’s some truth behind it (if I’m out).
 

Ragerrunner

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Lol stacey definitely pings for me. She apart of that blue check, black feminist, love all things audreLord, group, I don't believe shes straight at all. Probably get a beard though.
 

DrippingCrystal

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Nothing to be scared of, bc no one needs to be in your business like that. Keep your business to yourself until you meet people in the same boat as you. Don’t be afraid. If you do make it big, people are going to believe whatever they want to about you. If the worst they can say is “I think she’s a lesbian”, you’d be doing pretty good.
 

dopamine

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I’m currently a college student with a African background. I’ve known that I’ve been into girls since maybe middle school but since then I’ve also had this weird cognitive dissonance with it as well (which is probably due to my family's thoughts on it). While some of my closest friends were coming out in high school as bi, pan, lesbian, I just sat back and watched them and never personally disclosed about my own xesual identity because I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it. I noticed that for them, their queerness is an identity trait (they’re the indie/boho femme, vegan, “I’m so different” type) which is cool, but I personally don’t want my sexuality to be the first thing people remember about me and I know it will be if I do come out to everyone.

Being in college has given me some freedom to be my true myself. Granted I’m still not out out, but my friends know I like girls too, and I’ve had a couple romantic connections with some girls but they didn’t work out, and I’ve never been with one physically (which is okay bc it’s more than a xes thing for me).

To this day, I still don’t feel comfortable talking about my sexuality to some friends, especially the femme ones because they see it as a personality trait and I don’t, but maybe I should. I know I should own this part of me, but I have very advanced career goals and I know that once I come out fully because I am black and a black woman at that, it is something that will disadvantage me even more in my pursuit of my goals.

Maybe I should make a separate thread about this, but when I was in highschool right before Stacey Abrams announced that she was running for governor in Georgia, my language arts teacher told me and a friend that her and her husband (our history teacher) met Stacey while they were at dinner in Atlanta. This skinny ass old white woman then proceeded to state that “she thought Stacey Abrams was a lesbian” with a straight ass face. At the time I didn’t think much of it (sad ik so dumb of me) but I’ve been thinking a lot about this story recently with the election and how ignorant it was of her to say that.

Was it because of how she looked? Her short 4c hair? Her dark skin? Her un-married status?

I don’t know, but I know that she would have never said that if she wasn’t a black woman. I want to do big things like Stacy and I’m scared of some sh!t like that happening to me, especially if there’s some truth behind it (if I’m out).

I have a very similar experience as you. Like almost the exact same including friends who now centralize their sexuality to their identity...it's so strange to me bc they weren't that way just a couple years before. Like how does being bi change your whole personality into a fairy/hipster femme lol.

A couple of my friends know & I've def had xesual encounters with women but until I'm actually in a relationship with a woman (if that ever happens), I don't think it's necessary to "come out" to my parents/family. Like why does anyone other than me need to know who I'm xesually attracted to? I have never understood "come out" culture. Sexuality is something so personal and private, why does everyone need to know?

Personally I believe that the United States is obsessed with xes and sexuality and that's part of the reason why come out culture exists in the first place. I also think bisexuality is a unique experience bc unless you are explicitly dating a woman, every assumes that you're xesually normative.

I have big aspirations as well and a I have never felt the need to disclose my sexuality in any professional environment. I am a private person in the first place so ppl won't ever know if or who I'm dating; male or female.

Stick to your guns, do what makes you comfortable.
 

SpirtualDiva

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That’s sad I remember when Stacey was running for governor she kept getting clowned for her looks during the race and while she lost, it broke my heart how cruel people can be in life. I think she is a strong, confident women, who wants to make great changes in the world. As for your sexuality, I would live my life and not worry what others think of me. You only have one life and you need to do what makes you happy. You want to surround yourself with people who love the real you.
 

Honey4

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um no, nothing on how she looks screams lesbian...I think the biggest assumption people make is because she doesn't have kids, majority of people in this world want kids ( not me) and usually by that age they have them even if its not with a stable partner.
 

siiberia

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To this day, I still don’t feel comfortable talking about my sexuality to some friends, especially the femme ones because they see it as a personality trait and I don’t, but maybe I should. I know I should own this part of me, but I have very advanced career goals and I know that once I come out fully because I am black and a black woman at that, it is something that will disadvantage me even more in my pursuit of my goals.

this is a real thing; it's deemed a personality trait, a "less respectable" personality trait.

gay = happy,

so less of a threat in politics... times are changing tho. It's actually refreshing when I meet someone gay and I didn't know before, these types are usually too serious though.

It's even rarer to find someone "balanced" not out there completely but also doesn't take themselves seriously.

However,
I don’t know, but I know that she would have never said that if she wasn’t a black woman. I want to do big things like Stacy and I’m scared of some sh!t like that happening to me, especially if there’s some truth behind it (if I’m out).

this is called fear, and this will paralyze you from even getting to your goals.

my opinion is if Andrew Gillum owned who he was, he would've been way more successful in the future.
 

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Interesting post OP. Get a strong support group and live your truth. It sounds like you are still figuring out how you want to approach the world but your sexuality shouldn’t hinder your path to success.



also y’all in here saying SA is definitely not straight or and “pings” are ignorant fckery. BW really live in a such a lose lose world. It’s really sick the hate we get constantly.
 

funkyfreak89

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um no, nothing on how she looks screams lesbian...I think the biggest assumption people make is because she doesn't have kids, majority of people in this world want kids ( not me) and usually by that age they have them even if its not with a stable partner.
I wouldn't even say majority of people want kids. Many people have kids because society has told them that's the thing to do. Get a job, get married, have kids, travel in some remote locations, get your 401k and then die
 
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Mooooooo

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First of all, *hugs*.

Second, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told one of my friends who was coming out: you don't see straight people making all things straight their identity. You don't see them seeking acceptance for who they are and who they like (even when our taste is questionable, lmaoo). Just do you. Just be you. If you start dating a girl, you introduce her "hey yall, this is x my gf." you just DO YOU. Don't wait for people to approve, accept, cosign just do like the straights and DO YOU. You don't even necessarily need to "come out," since that doesn't even sound like it interests you. You can just pop up talking to another girl or dating someone.

As far as your goals go, same thing. At the job interviews, they shouldn't be like "oh so what's your husband/bf's name" so it just simply is not a thing unless you make it one. (Also, more and more workplaces are very LGBTQ+ friendly, so it's less likely it'll matter anyway).
 

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Interesting post OP. Get a strong support group and live your truth. It sounds like you are still figuring out how you want to approach the world but your sexuality shouldn’t hinder your path to success.



also y’all in here saying SA is definitely not straight or and “pings” are ignorant fckery. BW really live in a such a lose lose world. It’s really sick the hate we get constantly.

I don’t think it’s necessarily hateful, it’s just an opinion. There’s nothing wrong with being a lesbian, or even being mistaken for one.
 

SuburbanGangsta

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I'm similar. I don't find sexuality to be the most important thing about me so I don't talk about it. If someone asks, I'll be honest. Aside from that, let's talk about something else.

I also don't believe in COMING OUT. I don't have a responsibility to make some big announcement for other people's comfort. I just believe in living my life. If that happens to reveal my sexuality, so be it.
 

dopamine

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Interesting post OP. Get a strong support group and live your truth. It sounds like you are still figuring out how you want to approach the world but your sexuality shouldn’t hinder your path to success.



also y’all in here saying SA is definitely not straight or and “pings” are ignorant fckery. BW really live in a such a lose lose world. It’s really sick the hate we get constantly.

How is being gay an insult tho?...you should check that line of thinking
 

funkyfreak89

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First of all, *hugs*.

Second, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told one of my friends who was coming out: you don't see straight people making all things straight their identity. You don't see them seeking acceptance for who they are and who they like (even when our taste is questionable, lmaoo). Just do you. Just be you. If you start dating a girl, you introduce her "hey yall, this is x my gf." you just DO YOU. Don't wait for people to approve, accept, cosign just do like the straights and DO YOU. You don't even necessarily need to "come out," since that doesn't even sound like it interests you. You can just pop up talking to another girl or dating someone.

As far as your goals go, same thing. At the job interviews, they shouldn't be like "oh so what's your husband/bf's name" so it just simply is not a thing unless you make it one. (Also, more and more workplaces are very LGBTQ+ friendly, so it's less likely it'll matter anyway).
In all fairness, you can't compare the straight experience with the LG experience. Straight has been established as the acceptable standard. Let's not act like homosexuality wasn't classified as a mental illness until recently and that gay conversion therapy isn't a reality until today and that some people are still dealt the death penalty in some parts of the world because they are different.

However I agree LGB shouldn't seek acceptance. Only having our rights acknowledged and respected matter
 

2Seksi

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Interesting post OP. Get a strong support group and live your truth. It sounds like you are still figuring out how you want to approach the world but your sexuality shouldn’t hinder your path to success.



also y’all in here saying SA is definitely not straight or and “pings” are ignorant fckery. BW really live in a such a lose lose world. It’s really sick the hate we get constantly.


Don't know if you have skin in the game or not, but EVERYBODY BEEN KNEW about Miss Stacey years ago. Only those of a certain age range question it.
 

Acash

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Don't know if you have skin in the game or not, but EVERYBODY BEEN KNEW about Miss Stacey years ago. Only those of a certain age range question it.
Okay grabdma
I'm not the only font who responded to your comment in this way
Proving the ignorance BW face based on how we look and lack of reading comprehension. Sounding exactly like this ignorant ass teacher.
 

CocoaLuckyCharm

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Accepting yourself and being out are not the same thing. [Repeat that]!

You like girls, so you already know you are somewhere on the LGBTQ spectrum. You should not wait for or expect approval from anyone else on that. Accept and love that part of you.

As far as being "out" is concerned, that should be up to you. No one can tell you whether to come out. However you must always be prepared that someone may out you. If that happens don't freak out, just have a plan for how you will handle it. There are no rules. This is your business and up to you to decide how you want to handle it. If someone cannot handle you being you, that is on them. I think you will be surprised though, for many people it will not matter. Regardless, love yourself.

You already know you will have some bumps in the road on this whether you are out or not, because a lot of society is still ignorant, but keep in mind many lesbians are doing "great things" as you say. For example, Lori Lightfoot is a lesbian and doing a great job as Mayor of Chicago.

As far as Stacey Abrams is concerned, she is an amazing woman and she may be a lesbian. So what if she is? So what if you are? Someone could be married with 4 kids and still be called a lesbian. Again, so what? No one can ever define you unless you allow them to. Always control your own narrative. You need to think like this: "They may say I am a lesbian, but they will also have to say I am XYZ because I am gonna make those things also a part of my story." People are always going to speculate on your sexuality. At the very least, it keeps you relevant! :). Good luck!
 

TooSharp

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I have a very similar experience as you. Like almost the exact same including friends who now centralize their sexuality to their identity...it's so strange to me bc they weren't that way just a couple years before. Like how does being bi change your whole personality into a fairy/hipster femme lol.

A couple of my friends know & I've def had xesual encounters with women but until I'm actually in a relationship with a woman (if that ever happens), I don't think it's necessary to "come out" to my parents/family. Like why does anyone other than me need to know who I'm xesually attracted to? I have never understood "come out" culture. Sexuality is something so personal and private, why does everyone need to know?

Personally I believe that the United States is obsessed with xes and sexuality and that's part of the reason why come out culture exists in the first place. I also think bisexuality is a unique experience bc unless you are explicitly dating a woman, every assumes that you're xesually normative.

I have big aspirations as well and a I have never felt the need to disclose my sexuality in any professional environment. I am a private person in the first place so ppl won't ever know if or who I'm dating; male or female.

Stick to your guns, do what makes you comfortable.
:love::love::love::love::love::love:
 

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