Quantcast

Embarrassed to say I am envious of type 3 hair or even silky shiny 4a

Lovingme1

Team Owner
Joined
Jul 26, 2011
Messages
5,537
Reaction score
Reactions
23,061 557 321
25,996
Alleybux
90
I feel you op...I have 4b mixed with some 4a. I wish it were all 4a. My edges are kinky and refuse to lay. My density isn't consistent through out my head. I can't do the big fluffy afro people think all type 4s can do and I can't do a slick back hairstyle with baby hair and wispy little curls coming out of the side because when I try to pull out wispy little pieces for a style, the stick straight out instead of falling down. I would love the below hair:

Bantu-Knot-Curls.jpg


31ed2506728f94ff0e5c860cb758ca9e.jpg


Long, medium density all over, uniformed 4a hair. But I have various textures, various densities, medium to short length hair.
 

gemstone44

This that and the third
Joined
Jul 12, 2014
Messages
987
Reaction score
Reactions
6,067 165 68
7,177
Alleybux
32,000
No. Tried that. The first time is fine and you will be so happy but after a while it Jacks your hair up... uninformed, stringy, damaged, scalp scabs etc.

That depends on application. I am a hairstylist and recently did a texturizer on a client and it came out soooo good. This is still a chemical so you have to do treatments and keep it moisturized.
 

Sweetiepiie

I'm walking on sunshine
Joined
Sep 12, 2016
Messages
16,888
Reaction score
Reactions
155,929 4,475 2,414
165,655
Alleybux
738,255
I won't bash OP at all because I've definitely felt like this at one point. I even made a thread a about this.

I don't know what happened, but overtime I really learned to love my type 4 hair. Type 4 hair is the most beautiful hair texture to me. No other texture has body and volume like ours.

If you want your hair shiny, you could always try clay washes. That really made my hair shiny
 

simplymina

in my bag
Joined
Dec 20, 2017
Messages
13,564
Reaction score
Reactions
156,133 6,832 2,212
193,868
Alleybux
675,142
Awe sis :cry: I know exactly how you feel

The self hate is just on another level when your family have looser textures and you're the odd one out. I have coarse stranded, very dense 3c/4a hair and most of my family have the loose curl, silky 2c/3a/3b type hair and I felt salty about it for a LONG time. My thought process was "why do I have this hair texture when I should have had better hair". My mom struggled to care for my hair growing up and decided to just put a relaxer on it so she could brush it easier which didn't help at all with how I felt about it.

It took me YEARS, I kid you not, to learn to love my own hair texture. A major part of learning to love my hair came from learning how to properly care for it. And that came from seeking resources and tutorials from people that actually shared my hair texture. For a long time I would watch hair tutorials from people with 3a/3b hair, try to emulate their techniques and feel like sh!t when my hair didn't come out the same.

Watching people with your own hair texture caring for their hair, being able to manage it and loving their hair really does wonders for helping you feel the same. Our hair is SO versatile and can do so much that silkier textures cannot, beautiful intricate braids being one of them.

Hopefully this feeling eventually passes and you learn to love the crown that is your hair :heart:
 

Koshrsalt

Bench Warmer
Joined
Mar 23, 2020
Messages
10
Reaction score
Reactions
22 2
32
Alleybux
0
I’ve been natural for 10 years and I’d trade my 4a to 4b or c any day.
 

Toocoolforschoo

Team Owner
OLDHEAD
Joined
Jul 5, 2007
Messages
40,039
Reaction score
Reactions
96,939 1,770 409
103,298
Alleybux
1,175,627
OP I think you’ve gotten some good advice. Hair is a journey, but what those OP videos show is proper care can bring out your best hair
 

CariCat

Starter
Joined
Mar 8, 2020
Messages
382
Reaction score
Reactions
2,135 41 7
2,216
Alleybux
3,874
Thank you to everyone who replied! I took the advice of YouTuber and starting styling my hair in the shower when dripping wet, it tamed most of my frizz and made my hair defined and more shiny. I’ve come a long way with my hair and am starting to appreciate my hair.
I'm glad you shared this advice. I have basically the same hair issues as you and hopefully, this works for me. If you get any more tips please share.

I also get where you're coming from with your feelings about your hair. It's a fight. More than once I've been possessed by the scissors and almost cut it all off. Then, I see the shape of my face in the mirror and remember how terrible I'll look with short hair.
I've had a hairstylist, fellow salon customer, my friend and relatives compliment my 4a/b (?) hair. But, I still am not into it and wish I had my grandfather's wavy hair. He just combs a little water through and it stays slick the whole day.

I think part of my problem is that I don't have the patience to tame my hair and it's hard finding a good product for it. If I can do this, define my curls, and get it to grow down instead of out I'll start feeling differently.
 

Giggles2cute

Keeping it gully 24/7
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
Messages
2,417
Reaction score
Reactions
16,970 1,795 2,294
15,431
Alleybux
410,235
I struggled with hair acceptance too, but now I think of type 4 hair as the PERFECT braiding hair.

Some people will say “Well you can wear your hair out and in any style” or what not, but thinking of type 4 hair as the best braiding hair makes it unique, valuable and enviable in its own right.

Straight hair is lauded by society, but braids look regal, intricate and exotic and the loser textures can’t hold it like we can.

Don’t think of what it can’t do, think of what it can do.


View attachment 1421500

View attachment 1421501

View attachment 1421502
Agreed 100%! So true! Now that I’ve been growing mine out...it’s super long and my braid outs are so unique and beautiful!
 

MASja2

♋️ T E R F extraordinaire ♋️
Joined
Dec 17, 2020
Messages
1,702
Reaction score
Reactions
18,592 1,495 441
18,783
Alleybux
68,609
Same OP. Got tired of it so just relaxed it and a good braid out with perm rods makes it look like shiny 3c.
 

O.o

Black Women Disproportionately @ Risk For Homicide
Joined
Feb 23, 2014
Messages
59,470
Reaction score
Reactions
401,375 11,864 9,185
442,629
Alleybux
11,900
I still find my self envious of those with looser patterns. Less time spent styling and people fawn over it. Sister and mom are both type 3a and it has always bothered me, a lot less now that I’m older but still not truly over it. How to not give a f*ck? All my friends has are black both most are in the 3’s while I’m type 4a but very coarse and frizzy and even when my hair is moisturized. The links are very similar to my hair. Any advice? I was thinking about relaxers but I sweat more than the average person and feel like it would be super difficult to keep new growth looking okay plus I do want to embrace myself. I’ve accepted a lot of things about myself but my hair is really trying me. Please no judgment.




That's what the anti-Black apartheid hair typing system wants you to feel.

Liberate yourself from hair typing

It's literally just featurism and a fancy way of saying good hair vs bad hair.

Because that's the real issue here

Your family members have so-called good hair and you don't

And as long as you're referring to hair by a number that's associated with Afro textured hair being at the least desirable end of the scale, you'll feel this way.

If anyone's still using hair typing in 2021 after KNOWING the truth about the man who invented, then they're anti-Black AF.

Save your time and if you're using number/letter combinations and just say what the hair typing system really means GOOD HAIR or BAD HAIR

All this so-called progress just to end up right where we fcking started. SMDH

Hair typing is ignorant AF
 

O.o

Black Women Disproportionately @ Risk For Homicide
Joined
Feb 23, 2014
Messages
59,470
Reaction score
Reactions
401,375 11,864 9,185
442,629
Alleybux
11,900
Same OP. Got tired of it so just relaxed it and a good braid out with perm rods makes it look like shiny 3c.
So now you have "good hair" ?

What in the bluest eye hell?
 

Keepingup

Rookie
Joined
Nov 16, 2017
Messages
99
Reaction score
Reactions
293 6 2
412
Alleybux
14,818
Start looking for new hair styles or product to experiment and start really trying new things with your hair. Eventually you if you mirror styles you like that suit YOUR hair and not others you might just start to be surprised and like what you see! Also find and follow social media of gals you can admire with your actual hair pattern. Sometimes just feeling less alone in it is the only thing.

If all else fails you can try a semi-Brazilian blow out where they just put it on the roots or something. Not sure if the effects will be like that of a perm but it is less damaging and more reversible if you don’t like it.
 

OceanBreeze9

You kept Beating Me Down; Still, I Stand!
Joined
May 16, 2018
Messages
29,563
Reaction score
Reactions
124,897 2,724 701
154,187
Alleybux
1,518,430
I struggled with hair acceptance too, but now I think of type 4 hair as the PERFECT braiding hair.

Some people will say “Well you can wear your hair out and in any style” or what not, but thinking of type 4 hair as the best braiding hair makes it unique, valuable and enviable in its own right.

Straight hair is lauded by society, but braids look regal, intricate and exotic and the loser textures can’t hold it like we can.

Don’t think of what it can’t do, think of what it can do.


View attachment 1421500

View attachment 1421501

View attachment 1421502
Beautiful braids. I love the styles.
 

BarbieDream

#DOWEHAVEAPROBLEM!?
Joined
May 14, 2015
Messages
12,942
Reaction score
Reactions
116,103 9,108 13,012
104,503
Alleybux
367,782
honestly, i didn't truly like my 4b/4c hair until it got long. it's at apl now going to bsl and it really made me love my hair. my hair used to be just at my shoulders and could never go far so i always disliked it. now that it is longer, it makes me feel more feminine, confident and my hair is thick, so overall i feel good about my hair.

trust me, we all want what we don't have. i bet many type 3 girls see some type 4 girls and get jealous. i remember i had a lightskin friend who said she wished she was my color, and i am darker than her. she said the way the sun shined on our skin and the way highlighter looked was soo much better and she wanted to be darker. i personally never had a lightskin girl tell me she wanted my color and it made me realize that the times are changing lol. the beauty standards are also changing.
 

IrisOsiris

Last friday night
Joined
Jan 28, 2015
Messages
20,272
Reaction score
Reactions
101,863 3,302 3,198
110,006
Alleybux
248,067
honestly, i didn't truly like my 4b/4c hair until it got long. it's at apl now going to bsl and it really made me love my hair. my hair used to be just at my shoulders and could never go far so i always disliked it. now that it is longer, it makes me feel more feminine, confident and my hair is thick, so overall i feel good about my hair.

trust me, we all want what we don't have. i bet many type 3 girls see some type 4 girls and get jealous. i remember i had a lightskin friend who said she wished she was my color, and i am darker than her. she said the way the sun shined on our skin and the way highlighter looked was soo much better and she wanted to be darker. i personally never had a lightskin girl tell me she wanted my color and it made me realize that the times are changing lol. the beauty standards are also changing.
i honestly think a lot of the resentment for their hair type 4s often feel is them just wanting longer hair. they think it's that they hate their texture, but i really think it's their frustration about their hair being short. most if not all of the ones who've managed to grow their hair down their back LOVE their hair. so i always try to remind people (when i remember, myself) that if it were longer, they wouldn't be complaining about it.
 

K4n7upbub

General Manager
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
1,188
Reaction score
Reactions
5,599 1,568 251
5,453
Alleybux
340
I think that black women like myself with "type 4" hair tend to get harsher messages when it comes to haircare and hair appearance. So I understand where the hair envy comes from and that loving your hair can be difficult. Like another person said, hair acceptance is a more reasonable goal. You don't have to love your hair any more than you have to love another aspect of your physical appearance. But it is a part of your body, so you should learn some way to take care of it. Or even just shave it off if that's what you want to do. But don't become imprisoned by ideals you cannot realize. Accept yourself as the way you are so that if you do try something to change some aspect about yourself you won't be disappointed if it doesn't pan out the way you imagined. As black women we deal with varying degrees of colorism, sexism, ageism, ableism, fatphobia and especially texturism. So it is understandable to envy something that is put on a pedestal or privileged over other things. We are judged and treated based on physical appearance. So most people try to find some way to assimilate just to be treated better. But some things you can't change in a real or healthy way. We can't change our DNA to grow different hair. But you can always experiment with different techniques and products to give new meaning to your hair.
 

Similar Threads

The Culture

News Alley

Ask LSA

Top Bottom