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Family uses me for favors and money because I'm single with no kids. Their words. Does not respect my time. Rant.

incogneato

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Im a university student and living away from home. I currently work and go to school full time, as well as doing other activities such as the gym, participating in study groups, and plan to start an internship. Time and time again I have asked them to give me at least a 1-2 day heads up before they try to visit, so I can make sure I am home and do not schedule a visit on a night before a big test or something. .

They completely disregard these requests. I just got a text from my brother saying he'll be here shortly. I literally have a 2 hour class thats going to start soon, as well as a final in a few days that I'm studying for. I texted back and tried to call but no response, so most likely he's driving and already on the way. This is very annoying. They would consider me rude if I logged into my class for the entire 2 hour duration and ignored them. And if I skipped class to entertain them its a mark against participation as well as missing important info for finals.

I previously had a work from home call center job. It was back to back calls without a second in between, and I wasn't allowed to clock out for unauthorized breaks or anything. An aunt knew of mine knew of this and knew what my hours were. Towards the end of my shift, she stopped by unannounced and proceeded to knock on the door for 3+hours while I was inside taking calls. I'd tell her to ask her own daughter, who doesnt work, stays home all day, and her kids are in physical school, but my aunt says she's married with kids. She begged me for my little stimulus check when her daughter's husband is a whole ass engineer who just bought a $500k house, which she bragged to us about. If you can brag about him buying a $500k house I'm sure you can also brag about him giving you $1200. This is an aunt who never calls for holidays, birthdays, or even to say hi, just stops by when she needs something done and to brag about her daughter's lifestyle.

My mother would regularly asks me to go back home and do ridiculous favors for her, things that she refuses to learn to do, like updating an app or how to send an email, and ask me for money, even though I work part time. Mind you I dont have a car and would need to ride the bus back, which would take me 4+hours each way. My brother lives 30 minutes from her and has a car, both he and his wife work full time. She refuses to ask my brother for money or anything because she says he's married and has bills. And I dont?

WWYD in this situation? Ive asked, begged, and even left them sitting outside for hours while I am occupied, but apparently as a single woman with no kids( they point this out to me repeatedly) I have all the time and money in the world to drop everything, empty my bank account for everyone, and do favors for everyone 24/7
 

FinalGirl

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I think that this is emotional and financial abuse. They just see you as a ATM in my viewpoint. It sounds like you’re not financially dependent on your family so what I would do in your situation is tell them exactly what you wrote in this post, then I would tell them that I wouldn’t be giving them anymore money.
 

bsl

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Im a university student and living away from home. I currently work and go to school full time, as well as doing other activities such as the gym, participating in study groups, and plan to start an internship. Time and time again I have asked them to give me at least a 1-2 day heads up before they try to visit, so I can make sure I am home and do not schedule a visit on a night before a big test or something. .

They completely disregard these requests. I just got a text from my brother saying he'll be here shortly. I literally have a 2 hour class thats going to start soon, as well as a final in a few days that I'm studying for. I texted back and tried to call but no response, so most likely he's driving and already on the way. This is very annoying. They would consider me rude if I logged into my class for the entire 2 hour duration and ignored them. And if I skipped class to entertain them its a mark against participation as well as missing important info for finals.

I previously had a work from home call center job. It was back to back calls without a second in between, and I wasn't allowed to clock out for unauthorized breaks or anything. An aunt knew of mine knew of this and knew what my hours were. Towards the end of my shift, she stopped by unannounced and proceeded to knock on the door for 3+hours while I was inside taking calls. I'd tell her to ask her own daughter, who doesnt work, stays home all day, and her kids are in physical school, but my aunt says she's married with kids. She begged me for my little stimulus check when her daughter's husband is a whole ass engineer who just bought a $500k house, which she bragged to us about. If you can brag about him buying a $500k house I'm sure you can also brag about him giving you $1200. This is an aunt who never calls for holidays, birthdays, or even to say hi, just stops by when she needs something done and to brag about her daughter's lifestyle.

My mother would regularly asks me to go back home and do ridiculous favors for her, things that she refuses to learn to do, like updating an app or how to send an email, and ask me for money, even though I work part time. Mind you I dont have a car and would need to ride the bus back, which would take me 4+hours each way. My brother lives 30 minutes from her and has a car, both he and his wife work full time. She refuses to ask my brother for money or anything because she says he's married and has bills. And I dont?

WWYD in this situation? Ive asked, begged, and even left them sitting outside for hours while I am occupied, but apparently as a single woman with no kids( they point this out to me repeatedly) I have all the time and money in the world to drop everything, empty my bank account for everyone, and do favors for everyone 24/7

Put your foot down and stop being a doormat. If they show up uninvited and you are busy don't let them in. If they ask you for money don't give it to them. If they call and you are busy then don't pick up the phone. You don't live at home and it doesn't sound like you rely on them for money so there is no reason for you to continue in this situation. Your continued participation is your choice and it sounds like you have the option to stop engaging. As long as you allow users to use you they will continue using you. Remember that.
 

Nixxgamigao

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I wouldn't speak to them anymore. I cut people off that continuously disrespect me, family or not. They see you as a pushover and will continue treating you as such because they don't see you as someone worthy of respect. You tried setting boundaries in place and they don't care, so why continue talking to people that don't respect you?

I know it's hard to even think about because female children are generally trained since birth to be pushovers and male children are usually coddled, but you don't have to deal with that mess.
 

Realer26

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Leave a message that you have a 2 hour class and don't open the door when he arrives. You shouldn't have to essentially kiss ass, and do things you dont want to do just to live peacefully among them.
 

freckledbruh

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People get away with what you let them get away with. You leave me a message saying you’re coming to my house uninvited? You’ll be faced with a locked door and a call to the police. Ask me for money? The answer is no. Establish your boundaries ma’am!
 

Foxy Brown

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Leave their asses outside if they come over when you are busy. And dont give them sh!t. Tell them you have rent and tuition to pay
 

elisabeta

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ignore them and reduce contact. don't start conversations, don't open doors, don't visit, don't give money. they might start talking negatively about you but oh well. they're being rude.
 

Nixxgamigao

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People get away with what you let them get away with. You leave me a message saying you’re coming to my house uninvited? You’ll be faced with a locked door and a call to the police. Ask me for money? The answer is no. Establish your boundaries ma’am!
They don't care about her establishing boundaries. Their going to go off on her if she does establish them and make her the bad guy. What's the point in even trying to argue and debate with people that don't respect you? I suggest she not further waste her time with those people.
 

Hatshepsut

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Are you African? I only ask because they sound like my relatives lol. They legit think they’re entitled to your time, money, etc., just because you’re related. Show them otherwise. They will say you’re selfish, but you have to be ok with that. You have to be ok with putting yourself first. You shouldn’t have to “pay” for being single and childless.
 

Onyxprincess

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Nobody should be asking a student who works part time for money.

But ppl ask their kids for help with tech/phones all the time, lol. It is annoying tho, idk...
 

freckledbruh

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They don't care about her establishing boundaries. Their going to go off on her if she does establish them and make her the bad guy. What's the point in even trying to argue and debate with people that don't respect you? I suggest she not further waste her time with those people.
I didn’t say anything about arguing with anybody. I said establish boundaries. You try to show up to my house, I’m not arguing. You just won’t be getting into my house and I’ll call the cops if you won’t leave my doorstep. Ask for money? No arguing. I’m saying no and that’s it. Period.
 

Cinnahs

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You have to start saying no. You family is taking advantage of you and you are letting them. They don't respect your boundaries, your time, or your priorities. Stop giving them money. Stop allowing them to enter your home. Just say no.
 

Nixxgamigao

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I didn’t say anything about arguing with anybody. I said establish boundaries. You try to show up to my house, I’m not arguing. You just won’t be getting into my house and I’ll call the cops if you won’t leave my doorstep. Ask for money? No arguing. I’m saying no and that’s it. Period.
Well I know don't them personally, but I have a feeling their going to yell and gaslight her into giving them money and making her feel like trash for her setting boundaries.

If that was me I'm cutting all of those motherfuckers off. I'm not even wasting anymore time saying anything else to them. They can have fun trying to get money from someone else.
 

freckledbruh

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Well I know don't them personally, but I have a feeling their going to yell and gaslight her into giving them money and making her feel like trash for her setting boundaries.

If that was me I'm cutting all of those motherfuckers off. I'm not even wasting anymore time saying anything else to them. They can have fun trying to get money from someone else.
They’d be yelling into a dial tone because once I say no there’s no discussion. If I had to go no contact, oh well. They are the ones who straight up said that they are users so it’s no loss to the OP unless she makes it a loss.
 

Tea Delgado

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You're going to have to not be afraid to hurt some feelings. Your home is now sometimes your school and place of business. They are encroaching on your livelihood and future. Take it seriously! Tell them again not to come unless invited. If they violate that rule, do not answer the door. Let them make a disturbance. Trust, one of your neighbors will call security or the police. Do not intervene. I know that's cold blooded but your future is on the line. When your family tries to guilt you into giving them things because you're childless, let them know it is by choice. You can't afford to support other human beings, especially grown folk. You've got to take this seriously if you expect them to.
 

Honeydripper

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Now when they get that tax refund or stimulus check, do they even look your way? You gotta let them know school is your child, then your condo and house is your child, then your pets are your children, and thats where your money resides. Sorry I don't got it
 

Jsolidus

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You need to lay the law down with folks. They are doing this because they can.

No one in my family would fµck!ng dare. Hell most of them don't even like me and thats fine with me! Hell, I wish they would so I can tell them to go fµck themselves!
 
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ShipAhoy

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No is really a complete sentence. If you drop down tomorrow these ppl will figure their sh!t out soooo
 

ImTheOne

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I swear sometimes family can be worse than people on the street smh. OP if you’re not willing to completely cut them off you need to either reaffirm your boundaries with an explanation of what the consequences will be if they ignore them ie: If you show up after I have told you not to you will stand outside the door and I will not let you in. After that I would put them all on ice and once you’ve decided to entertain them again and they ask (Because they will ask) why they haven’t heard from you remind them as to why. At the end of the day they are resentful of your “freedom” and they are intentionally trying to make you as burnt out and miserable as they are. Don’t let them
 

blakkstarr

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The only way your situation will change is by setting boundaries & sticking to them. Please stop begging others to treat you with respect and consideration, because the fact that you have to ask should tell you everything about how they view you.

I understand how hard this situation is, especially when dealing with older family members because they typically view pushback as disrespect. But they will continue to walk all over you if you don't start TELLING them how you will be treated vs. ASKING.

Let them know that you require advance notice because of your schedule and that it's non-negotiable. You will not be explaining yourself any further or entertaining any last minute show ups or texts. They will simply be ignored.

I'm very familiar with being asked/demanded to do free labor that my family could have easily done themselves. And I didn't stop until I finally accepted that they were using me & would never do the same for me if the situation was reversed. I mean really would your family spend 4+ hours on a bus to complete a minor task for you?

Remember that no is a complete answer and they are not entitled to an explanation. Don't argue or engage in any ensuing drama. Just pay attention to how they respond to you setting boundaries...it is definitely an eye-opening experience. Wish you the best.
 

G0ATALEXIS

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I would very well stop it here now because imagine when you finally get that job you’ve been working hard for and instead of them being happy for you, they see it as an opportunity to get more money from you.

It’s always hard setting boundaries but never in history did anyone regret doing so! Good luck OP!
 

Teddy28

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Im a university student and living away from home. I currently work and go to school full time, as well as doing other activities such as the gym, participating in study groups, and plan to start an internship. Time and time again I have asked them to give me at least a 1-2 day heads up before they try to visit, so I can make sure I am home and do not schedule a visit on a night before a big test or something. .

They completely disregard these requests. I just got a text from my brother saying he'll be here shortly. I literally have a 2 hour class thats going to start soon, as well as a final in a few days that I'm studying for. I texted back and tried to call but no response, so most likely he's driving and already on the way. This is very annoying. They would consider me rude if I logged into my class for the entire 2 hour duration and ignored them. And if I skipped class to entertain them its a mark against participation as well as missing important info for finals.

I previously had a work from home call center job. It was back to back calls without a second in between, and I wasn't allowed to clock out for unauthorized breaks or anything. An aunt knew of mine knew of this and knew what my hours were. Towards the end of my shift, she stopped by unannounced and proceeded to knock on the door for 3+hours while I was inside taking calls. I'd tell her to ask her own daughter, who doesnt work, stays home all day, and her kids are in physical school, but my aunt says she's married with kids. She begged me for my little stimulus check when her daughter's husband is a whole ass engineer who just bought a $500k house, which she bragged to us about. If you can brag about him buying a $500k house I'm sure you can also brag about him giving you $1200. This is an aunt who never calls for holidays, birthdays, or even to say hi, just stops by when she needs something done and to brag about her daughter's lifestyle.

My mother would regularly asks me to go back home and do ridiculous favors for her, things that she refuses to learn to do, like updating an app or how to send an email, and ask me for money, even though I work part time. Mind you I dont have a car and would need to ride the bus back, which would take me 4+hours each way. My brother lives 30 minutes from her and has a car, both he and his wife work full time. She refuses to ask my brother for money or anything because she says he's married and has bills. And I dont?

WWYD in this situation? Ive asked, begged, and even left them sitting outside for hours while I am occupied, but apparently as a single woman with no kids( they point this out to me repeatedly) I have all the time and money in the world to drop everything, empty my bank account for everyone, and do favors for everyone 24/7
Cut them off, and mean it. I wish I would give a family member my stimulus when they are capable of working and your aunt has grown kids, they are who she should seek help from. OP they are not your problem,you'll have to ghost them for a while, plus if I tell you not to come to my place of residence and you just show up unannounced banging on my door while I'm working it'll be the last time, I'd ignore it, then threaten call police for harassment, no I'm not playing they sound like they would steal from you if the opportunity came up.

They are leeches and once you have let them suck you dry they will move to the next host. My mother used to do this, but I put my foot down and stopped talking to her for a good long while and she finally realized I wasn't going to be supporting a grown azz woman with a job of her own and her small children. It's not your problem. You deserve to enjoy your earned money and life in college.

That's on them they had kids and in a position where they are needing financial help, theyll get over it and find a way on they own for money like getting a job or multiple of necessary. They are grown just like you, and best believe if something happens where you need financial help and they had the means, they'd be quick to tell you to get it together and handle it like an adult, do the same to them. This is financial abuse, you can put a stop to it though by refusing to give them your money and advise them to not show up where you live anymore. Just because you have no kids means nothing, you have things to pay for too.

Good luck OP, just stay firm and tell them no when they hit you up for money. It's yours and don't ever feel guilt for using it to buy what you want and need.
 

DreamBlue

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OP I agree with the other posters here set boundaries and stay firm. And another thing, don't let them know when you get money. Your aunt should never have known about your stimulus cheque. When they ask, the response should have been " No. There's probably a hold up." Eventually they'll stop asking. You get a part time job? Don't tell them. Just say that you're busy. Why? School. Keep your income to yourself. They want money? No. That's a full sentence. These folks will drain you dry and then mock you when you have nothing but debt. And then turn around when you're in need and ask you where your money is because you're a single woman with no kids. Don't let these people lead to your ruin.
 

Love Gun

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People can only do what you allow. Once you stop answering and and say no long enough, they’ll stop asking. And as far as everyone is concerned, you’re broke. Put yourself first.

My aunt mentioned that I must be making a lot of extra money seeing as nurses are getting pandemic pay, I said I don’t know nothing about no pandemic pay and kept it moving. What she gon tell me?
 

shishifufu

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What the fµck is wrong with your family? Block them and ignore their calls and text messages. They know they wrong so they will get the message.
 

7thSense

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You're better off then a lot of posters here who have similar boundary issues with family. You live alone and far from them. I think they see you as a pushover, tbh. I agree with the fonts who say, don't explain (even here it seems you're an over-explainer like myself and it most likely goes in one ear and out the other). It doesn't matter if you don't have anything to do, don't explain. Just say, NO. No calling back (they ignored you on purpose) just text No. Purposely don't be there, and not give a fµck how long they drove. If you live in apartments, and they have security detail, let them know. If not, threaten to call the cops next time they knock rudely for hours or sit outside your place.
 

laminx

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I cut most of my family off due to this. I do not miss them — good riddance.

draw your boundaries and ignore their crocodile tears.
 

Thatgirl333

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I can’t even finish this. You need to cut off your family. Forget tradition and all that other stuff these people are driving you crazy. Move and change your number and when you do speak to them keep it brief. When people show up unannounced don’t open the door and tell them to leave. If they don’t leave call the police to say they’re harassing you. I live alone and most of my family is a 20 minute drive from my apartment. Not one person has been invited to my apartment. I do not bother to keep in touch because when I did they would drive me NUTS!!! Cut them off and start therapy because they are taking your kindness for weakness and it is not ok.
 

JasminaRege

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I think that this is emotional and financial abuse. They just see you as a ATM in my viewpoint. It sounds like you’re not financially dependent on your family so what I would do in your situation is tell them exactly what you wrote in this post, then I would tell them that I wouldn’t be giving them anymore money.
Girl, cut these ghetto ass people off. How would you find the husband they claim you don't have anyway, if they're always in your business? They don't respect you. They can go.
 

Sex Momma

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Im a university student and living away from home. I currently work and go to school full time, as well as doing other activities such as the gym, participating in study groups, and plan to start an internship. Time and time again I have asked them to give me at least a 1-2 day heads up before they try to visit, so I can make sure I am home and do not schedule a visit on a night before a big test or something. .

They completely disregard these requests. I just got a text from my brother saying he'll be here shortly. I literally have a 2 hour class thats going to start soon, as well as a final in a few days that I'm studying for. I texted back and tried to call but no response, so most likely he's driving and already on the way. This is very annoying. They would consider me rude if I logged into my class for the entire 2 hour duration and ignored them. And if I skipped class to entertain them its a mark against participation as well as missing important info for finals.

I previously had a work from home call center job. It was back to back calls without a second in between, and I wasn't allowed to clock out for unauthorized breaks or anything. An aunt knew of mine knew of this and knew what my hours were. Towards the end of my shift, she stopped by unannounced and proceeded to knock on the door for 3+hours while I was inside taking calls. I'd tell her to ask her own daughter, who doesnt work, stays home all day, and her kids are in physical school, but my aunt says she's married with kids. She begged me for my little stimulus check when her daughter's husband is a whole ass engineer who just bought a $500k house, which she bragged to us about. If you can brag about him buying a $500k house I'm sure you can also brag about him giving you $1200. This is an aunt who never calls for holidays, birthdays, or even to say hi, just stops by when she needs something done and to brag about her daughter's lifestyle.

My mother would regularly asks me to go back home and do ridiculous favors for her, things that she refuses to learn to do, like updating an app or how to send an email, and ask me for money, even though I work part time. Mind you I dont have a car and would need to ride the bus back, which would take me 4+hours each way. My brother lives 30 minutes from her and has a car, both he and his wife work full time. She refuses to ask my brother for money or anything because she says he's married and has bills. And I dont?

WWYD in this situation? Ive asked, begged, and even left them sitting outside for hours while I am occupied, but apparently as a single woman with no kids( they point this out to me repeatedly) I have all the time and money in the world to drop everything, empty my bank account for everyone, and do favors for everyone 24/7
In the end your family will drop you once they’re finished using you. Don’t kid yourself. You teach people how to treat you.....and if you wanna’ be push-over so be it. Otherwise put your foot down once and for all and fo not backtrack.
 

AstoldbyWind

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Im a university student and living away from home. I currently work and go to school full time, as well as doing other activities such as the gym, participating in study groups, and plan to start an internship. Time and time again I have asked them to give me at least a 1-2 day heads up before they try to visit, so I can make sure I am home and do not schedule a visit on a night before a big test or something. .

They completely disregard these requests. I just got a text from my brother saying he'll be here shortly. I literally have a 2 hour class thats going to start soon, as well as a final in a few days that I'm studying for. I texted back and tried to call but no response, so most likely he's driving and already on the way. This is very annoying. They would consider me rude if I logged into my class for the entire 2 hour duration and ignored them. And if I skipped class to entertain them its a mark against participation as well as missing important info for finals.

I previously had a work from home call center job. It was back to back calls without a second in between, and I wasn't allowed to clock out for unauthorized breaks or anything. An aunt knew of mine knew of this and knew what my hours were. Towards the end of my shift, she stopped by unannounced and proceeded to knock on the door for 3+hours while I was inside taking calls. I'd tell her to ask her own daughter, who doesnt work, stays home all day, and her kids are in physical school, but my aunt says she's married with kids. She begged me for my little stimulus check when her daughter's husband is a whole ass engineer who just bought a $500k house, which she bragged to us about. If you can brag about him buying a $500k house I'm sure you can also brag about him giving you $1200. This is an aunt who never calls for holidays, birthdays, or even to say hi, just stops by when she needs something done and to brag about her daughter's lifestyle.

My mother would regularly asks me to go back home and do ridiculous favors for her, things that she refuses to learn to do, like updating an app or how to send an email, and ask me for money, even though I work part time. Mind you I dont have a car and would need to ride the bus back, which would take me 4+hours each way. My brother lives 30 minutes from her and has a car, both he and his wife work full time. She refuses to ask my brother for money or anything because she says he's married and has bills. And I dont?

WWYD in this situation? Ive asked, begged, and even left them sitting outside for hours while I am occupied, but apparently as a single woman with no kids( they point this out to me repeatedly) I have all the time and money in the world to drop everything, empty my bank account for everyone, and do favors for everyone 24/7
What would I do? I would leave my fµck!ng brother outside my house until I finished my class. I would let my aunt knock on the door until her hands are sore. I would put their texts on do not disturb and I Damn sure wouldn’t give them sh!t.

I love my family but fµck them. My family loves inviting themselves and their friends to wherever I live and I just ignore them. Stop being a push over or they will continue to do so. Start being selfish. We (everyone) give too much for people just because they are related to us. Unless they are on the street and there are no homeless shelters in a 50 mile radius they aren’t in need.

I don’t want to assume your race but I know a lot in the black (my) community we tend to guilt people with no real responsibilities into going into debt helping our family. Hell no, a gift once a year should be good enough. Not constant giving of our time, energy and money!!!
 

TheRealNikkiO

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Why are so many fonts so stunted? No is a complete sentence. No one can make you a door knob, it’s a choice from many of you.
 

Kira Kira

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I’m almost 100% sure you’re talking about an African family, lol. Only because the emphasis on being unmarried and having no children. Been there, done that. I would set boundaries, but it seems as though your family doesn’t even respect that. The first time I didn’t answer my door for my mom when we both knew I was home, was the last time she tried the pop by. Now she calls to make sure I’m free. I wish I had advice for you, I just wanted give you moral support.
 

AstoldbyWind

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To add on to my rant: it’s not natural that we have to Constantly reach back to financially support people. We should be giving to the children in our family not draining our resources on adults who are lazy. That’s why so many athletes and rappers go broke. They want to help EVERYONE. They have to buy their mom a house because she didn’t buy herself one, (not just any house one that’s too expensive to keep) they have to buy her a car, pay her cousins bills, buy new clothes for all of your nieces and nephews. It’s too much.
 

stillagoodgirl

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WWYD in this situation? Ive asked, begged, and even left them sitting outside for hours while I am occupied, but apparently as a single woman with no kids( they point this out to me repeatedly) I have all the time and money in the world to drop everything, empty my bank account for everyone, and do favors for everyone 24/7
I'd stop being so available and telling them my whole schedule. Don't always respond to calls or texts ASAP. Take your time or start turning your phone off.

If someone pulls up unannounced act busy. You could be sleep, taking a bath, grocery shopping, etc. When they show up tell them you're not home. Start going out for a run or something.
 

rayaee

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Ik good and damn will you didn't give your aunt bragadocious ass your stimulus check!!! Pls tell me you told that heffa "no" & to go ask her children??!!

Stop giving these people $$ YOU DON'T HAVE [for them], it's FOR YOU ONLY. Leave them hanging outside your home & tell any roommates you have NOT to let them in whatsoever. They'll learn then.
 

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