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Fonts who have given up on romance, when did you make this discussion and why?

TheCluesIleftForYou

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I work with a lot of older black women, and many (not all) have long given up on love. Most stated it happened in their late 20's early 30's, and they never looked back. Yesterday while working with some ad a woman said "I had to think real long and hard, and I decided men are a waste of everything including my time." For those fonts who have give up on romance, love, dating, and relationships why? And when did you decide this, does this decision sadden you?
 

GoldHeart

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I’m free not sad. I’m 42 and I don’t see myself dating again ever. The last time I attempted was six months ago and the guy was a complete mess after divorce even though he claimed he had therapy and all this. Most men are broken babies. Since I have stopped giving any time towards men, I started (recently ended due to change of direction from God) My own business, got my real estate license so I could sell my house, and numerous other things I have done to improve my life. Without a man. After 20+ years of ‘romance’ and a cheating ex-husband under my belt, I decided I had enough. And I never looked back and I’m happy about that. No sadness here just joy and peace! I do admit it took many years of me contemplating being alone before I committed fully. I still have my heart open but I am not anticipating it nor is it a goal of mine to be in a relationship again. I have a very strong relationship with God and He will never lie to me
 

yunalesca

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No, I'm in my late 30s and it's actually freeing. It's not that I've given up on love per say, more that I'm now choosing to live my life to the fullest, rather than waiting on a magical someone to come and "complete" me.

I would have loved to have a family, children with a loving and supportive partner but I realised through seeing the mistakes of others that many men are not worth a damn. I am truly content and consider myself blessed.
 

Makeupmuva

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I'm 26 and i have not given up on love but i feel like I have given up on men and actively finding a partner. I still look at men romantically but I would honestly like to have a male best friend with no xes involved over a relationship.
 
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I’m not there YET. But I am thinking about it. I have two kids so I checked that box lolz. I’m just tired of the emotional bs and I don’t see anything out there, dating wise, that makes me want to make myself or my children emotionally available to a man. I really just want peace at this point. I’m pretty close to saying “f it”. But the part of me that never envisioned being permanently single is still struggling with the decision. I think once I get over that mental hurdle I’ll be fine...ALONE.
 

astrogalaxy

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I made this decision very young. After seeing the kind of sh!t (straight) women go through behind relationships - my grandmothers, mothers, aunts, friends, peers, and everyone else - I made the decision that I'm not interested in going through all the weeds to find the needle. There aren't that many good ones to begin with. I believe this decision was also partially because I consider myself on the asexual spectrum (though I do crave romance, and kinship).

I'm a whole person without a man, and I know what kind of person I am. I am a sensitive person and love very hard, so having to date around, sift through the ain't-sh!ts to get to "the one", and everything else that involves would definitely harm me emotionally and mentally.

In a way, it's sad because society and biology does tell us we are supposed to have a partner, continue bloodlines, etc., but it's not for everyone and that's okay. Now if I find someone who really blows my mind and meshes well with me, that's perfectly fine. But if I don't, it is what it is.
 

MaterialMeg

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I seem to attract men like my father.
So, I am done until I meet someone who is the opposite of my father. If I don't then I am okay with being single.
 

TheCluesIleftForYou

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I’m free not sad. I’m 42 and I don’t see myself dating again ever. The last time I attempted was six months ago and the guy was a complete mess after divorce even though he claimed he had therapy and all this. Most men are broken babies. Since I have stopped giving any time towards men, I started (recently ended due to change of direction from God) My own business, got my real estate license so I could sell my house, and numerous other things I have done to improve my life. Without a man. After 20+ years of ‘romance’ and a cheating ex-husband under my belt, I decided I had enough. And I never looked back and I’m happy about that. No sadness here just joy and peace! I do admit it took many years of me contemplating being alone before I committed fully. I still have my heart open but I am not anticipating it nor is it a goal of mine to be in a relationship again. I have a very strong relationship with God and He will never lie to me
How long did it take for the sadness to subside, and the blissful joy to come in?
 

TheCluesIleftForYou

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No, I'm in my late 30s and it's actually freeing. It's not that I've given up on love per say, more that I'm now choosing to live my life to the fullest, rather than waiting on a magical someone to come and "complete" me.

I would have loved to have a family, children with a loving and supportive partner but I realised through seeing the mistakes of others that many men are not worth a damn. I am truly content and consider myself blessed.
Do you ever feel lonely and or desire that partnership still? If not what did you do to stop that feeling?
 

GoldHeart

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How long did it take for the sadness to subside, and the blissful joy to come in?
Probably when my mom got diagnosed with terminal cancer last October and I realized that having a useless man around would make things much much worse. That sounds so messed up… LOL! But it’s true. I focused on my family entirely and I was very happy to have the opportunity to do so without also having to try to meet the needs of a man baby
 

Anohana

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I made this decision very young. After seeing the kind of sh!t (straight) women go through behind relationships - my grandmothers, mothers, aunts, friends, peers, and everyone else - I made the decision that I'm not interested in going through all the weeds to find the needle. There aren't that many good ones to begin with. I believe this decision was also partially because I consider myself on the asexual spectrum (though I do crave romance, and kinship).

I'm a whole person without a man, and I know what kind of person I am. I am a sensitive person and love very hard, so having to date around, sift through the ain't-sh!ts to get to "the one", and everything else that involves would definitely harm me emotionally and mentally.

In a way, it's sad because society and biology does tell us we are supposed to have a partner, continue bloodlines, etc., but it's not for everyone and that's okay. Now if I find someone who really blows my mind and meshes well with me, that's perfectly fine. But if I don't, it is what it is.
Similar to how I decided. Seeing what the women in my life dealt with growing up was unappealing, and restrictive. Even taking love out of it, I can’t deal with marrying someone solely out of hypergamy (though common in my culture and I don’t knock those that do). I also was never taught to make romance a significant part of my life so I was always satisfied with making it optional. I think I was more upset with not achieving that milestone than not having a partner.

When I really asked myself if I wanted a relationship, the answer ended up being a strong negative. I like myself better single. I love my free time, I value friendship and family exponentially more than romance. I feel that whatever I’m missing from being in a romantic relationship can be substituted. Do I feel lonely sometimes? Yes, but I think the positives of being single vastly outweigh the benefits of being in one. I don’t like feeling that I’m not “complete”, or good enough because I’m single and not fµck!ng.

If I do engage in romance again, I see myself being in flings or short-term, casual things. Don’t have the time or patience to engage and vet men long-term. Too much sh!t to sift through to find a good LTR prospect.
 
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bigheadgirl

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I made this decision very young. After seeing the kind of sh!t (straight) women go through behind relationships - my grandmothers, mothers, aunts, friends, peers, and everyone else - I made the decision that I'm not interested in going through all the weeds to find the needle. There aren't that many good ones to begin with. I believe this decision was also partially because I consider myself on the asexual spectrum (though I do crave romance, and kinship).

I'm a whole person without a man, and I know what kind of person I am. I am a sensitive person and love very hard, so having to date around, sift through the ain't-sh!ts to get to "the one", and everything else that involves would definitely harm me emotionally and mentally.

In a way, it's sad because society and biology does tell us we are supposed to have a partner, continue bloodlines, etc., but it's not for everyone and that's okay. Now if I find someone who really blows my mind and meshes well with me, that's perfectly fine. But if I don't, it is what it is.
You better git outta my head Sis lol
Verbatim!
 

MosaicHeart

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I wouldn't say I've given up on romance/relationships, it's just not that important, at least not at the moment. I've already experienced being in relationships and it's not that great to be honest. I already had the experience of being in love, falling out of love, had the high school sweetheart and college sweetheart, had my heart broken, and I broke a few hearts as well etc. Those were fun times, but that curiosity has worn off. I have no bad feelings towards any of my exes and I wish them the best. If I happen to meet someone that adds tangible and emotional value to my life, then I have no problem being in a relationship that leads to marriage. But, I don't think I'll actively seek out a relationship. I think men are just too much work to see the added benefit of making them a priority in my life, especially as a childfree woman. I think alot of people (especially women) romanticize marriage in their younger years and don't realize how much hard work it is to make a marriage healthy, functional, and happy and they don't consider how much sacrificing a woman is expected to go through in order to make the marriage work; and if you don't sacrifice enough you're considered selfish for not being willing to accept everything men throw at you.

I started questioning the unbalanced dynamics of relationships/marriages between men and women at about 26-27.

I probably stopped caring too much about relationships once I hit about 28-29 (I'll be 34 this year).
 

Angel212

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if they aren’t worth the effort. Most men I’ve met don’t have their lives together and need help some sort of help. I don’t help men, they need to help or add value to my life because I’ve got too much too lose.
 

877CashNow

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I think I have given up. Men are just so unnecessarily pathetic and petty. Many of them have a problem with just the basics of providing, protecting and leading their households even if its spiteful to them when doing so.
 
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badgirl lala

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Is this all dating in general, or just marriage/long term relationships?

I still like men and although I'm on a dating break right now, I will date in the future. I like xes and masculine company. But it will solely be about me enjoying myself and I won't allow a man to not treat me the way I want to be treated. I will never get married. I don't want a man all up in my house and life. I'm not sad about it. I feel free and happier than before. My life is about me (and my kid, of course). Men will suck the life out of you. Why on Earth would I want one long term and in my life? I'm almost 40 and still look young and attractive. I credit that to not having a man sucking up all my youth, energy, and emotion.

There's a reason why the order is to fall in love, get married, and have kids. Bc after you have kids, you realize what a waste of time, energy, and resources men are. Love and the extensive divorce process are the only things that would make you stay after that.

ETA: I think a lot of women are like this, too. Esp after we get older and start prioritizing ourselves. We just don't really talk about it bc people like to insult us about it and act like something is wrong with us. It's easier to just be happy and move in silence.
 

PoeticPisces

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I'm 26 and i have not given up on love but i feel like I have given up on men and actively finding a partner. I still look at men romantically but I would honestly like to have a male best friend with no xes involved over a relationship.
my brother says you'll find it when you're not looking, when you're just out there living your best life and doing you it'll come along. but if you go looking for love, it'll evade you
 

AwareNTired

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I don't want kids. It's a waste of time, energy, and emotions. I don't believe there is such a thing as a good man.I have yet to see one. And no the dude you've been seeing for 1 year doesn't count, and neither does your dad or uncle or Bill Gates. You end up 60 and getting divorced. Not worth it.
 

mslee21

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Everybody isn’t meant to follow the same path . If you don’t want romance than that’s you . I know I’m more into companionship with men who love to spend money on me . Marriage is too much for me . I’ve engaged numerous times . I can’t see that life for me
 

mslee21

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I don't want kids. It's a waste of time, energy, and emotions. I don't believe there is such a thing as a good man.I have yet to see one. And no the dude you've been seeing for 1 year doesn't count, and neither does your dad or uncle or Bill Gates. You end up 60 and getting divorced. Not worth it.
Yep all these women bragging on their husbands and meanwhile old pop pop divorcing you . I’ve met a lot of older woman who husband filed on them out of nowhere
 

GoldHeart

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Yep all these women bragging on their husbands and meanwhile old pop pop divorcing you . I’ve met a lot of older woman who husband filed on them out of nowhere
Yes this is a good point, I watched my father turn into someone I no longer want to have a relationship with as a result of my mothers cancer diagnosis. I won’t get into it but it truly made me see what’s what.
 

Intellx2lVxn

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Probably when my mom got diagnosed with terminal cancer last October and I realized that having a useless man around would make things much much worse. That sounds so messed up… LOL! But it’s true. I focused on my family entirely and I was very happy to have the opportunity to do so without also having to try to meet the needs of a man baby

I am so sorry to hear that! Sending hugs, and my blessings and good thoughts to you, your mom and family. Please take care.
 

GenocideJill

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When I was younger, I had considered marriage to be a possibility if the man was of means. Now, I don't think there's enough money in the world that can make me deal with a man. I've never had an interest in dating or romance, so for me to even consider the thought, there must be benefits.
 

saywhatyouwant

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I am > < this close to giving up on relationships entirely. I'm 32 and every guy I've taken seriously has ended up lying to or hurting me. Not even in a 'woe is me, everyone is mean to me' way, but the respect I have for them is rarely reciprocated.

I'm realising a lot of people/men don't know how to be decent or loyal, even if they act decently 99% of the time. The problem is when their loyalty/decency is tested, they fail.

I've dated since and what's pushing me further into abandoning romance is there hasn't been any guy I'm super into. I don't feel like I'm missing out by being single and no man has challenged that thought. When things end I rarely see it as a loss. If anything I feel lighter because I don't have those anxieties of them doing me wrong one day or being heartbroken.
 
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In January of this year I decided after a horrible dating experience that I was done with dating and men

The moment I decided to stop making men and finding love the centre of my focus, my life started thriving

I’m the happiest that I’ve ever been, my career is blossoming skin is clearer than ever. I decided to date myself and just focus on the people and things that truly make me happy
 

MissDeee

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I will be honest, I would have loved to have found a life partner, but most of these men at my age (39) only have dick and kids, nothing else. I am not taking care of your kids or help raise them. I have achieved a life on my own that I am very proud of. While I may miss the companionship at the end of the day, as I said in a previous thread, they are good for xes only and even that they can't do right.
 

AwareNTired

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I will be honest, I would have loved to have found a life partner, but most of these men at my age (39) only have dick and kids, nothing else. I am not taking care of your kids or help raise them. I have achieved a life on my own that I am very proud of. While I may miss the companionship at the end of the day, as I said in a previous thread, they are good for xes only and even that they can't do right.
Truth!!!
 

Portable_Panda

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I haven’t given up but I’m not looking. A lot of men either need a caretaker or they want helpless broken women.
 

SnowFlower

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I work with a lot of older black women, and many (not all) have long given up on love. Most stated it happened in their late 20's early 30's, and they never looked back. Yesterday while working with some ad a woman said "I had to think real long and hard, and I decided men are a waste of everything including my time." For those fonts who have give up on romance, love, dating, and relationships why? And when did you decide this, does this decision sadden you?

I am 40 now and I have not given up on love. I know to my heart and soul that I will meet the guy that is a good match for my life. However I am not actively trying to date. I know sitting at home is counterproductive. But my plan is to move to Thailand next year. With that goal in place I don't feel it will be worth it to get into a relationship now.

I've been single and celibate now for fours years. I spend most of my days alone. It's been that way since I was a kid. So if I never find the right man for me, I am fine with staying the way I am. It is a waste of time to be with a man who is not going to make me happy.
 

Bakhita

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Romance is a lie and just glorified lust/infatuation. I have always been someone who cared deeply about others to point I cry if others cry. Men don't love they lust or are infatuated. Love requires having compassion, empathy and selflessness that men will never have but will happily take advantage of. It would be nice to be able to be in a guys company without it having to lead to xes or a reward. But I've accepted men are incapable of that and I rather be by myself than be in a empty, transactional relationship.
 

badgirl lala

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I will be honest, I would have loved to have found a life partner, but most of these men at my age (39) only have dick and kids, nothing else. I am not taking care of your kids or help raise them. I have achieved a life on my own that I am very proud of. While I may miss the companionship at the end of the day, as I said in a previous thread, they are good for xes only and even that they can't do right.
Damn, I felt that. This is nothing but facts.
I actually don't mind kids in some cases, but these men also want us to mother them, too. I absolutely refuse to mother a grown ass man.
 

just11412

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I am on hiatus right now.

But I am close to giving up.

If I don't get married again by 40 then I will not. He would have to be really special for me to consider it.

I think what will happen is i will be the fly fabulously dressed auntie who travels and has brief fun love affairs.
 

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