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Found something on phone

incogneato

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So my father died a while ago and little did I know when my daughter stayed at my mom's house she let her play with my father's old phone.

No problem, right? Well I didn't know but when I found out she was playing with his phone I was devastated. My dad was a pδrn addict, he watched pδrn all day and all night. When I was younger he would call me in his room to talk while still having the pδrn pulled up on his phone. I remember I became really xesual around that time as well. That coupled with being molested destroyed me and totally changed the trajectory of my life.

I don't care what no one says pδrn harms kids.

Now I'm so mad, I get the phone and lo and behold in the videos there is pδrn. I cried for two days because I know she saw it. I want to ask her about it but I just feel like a failure now. I feel like my dad is haunting me from beyond the grave.

How should I handle this, or am I overreacting?

(My daughter is 9)
 

Dollface4evs

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Wow that is so sad. Well number one confiscate the phone but don’t make it seem like she did anything wrong or it’s her fault, tell her there’s a glitch and you need to take it to the Apple Store or something and don’t give it back. Second, it’s okay to have a conversation. You can safely educate her without being lewd. I remember being that age and nasty pop ups coming up on the screen. Your daughter probably saw a glimpse and clicked out.
 

MsBIGChoc

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So wait your daughter is 9 and your dad was watching pδrn on the phone? Op how old are you? Were phones even developed enough to watch pδrn videos when you were a kid???

Huh?
 

GigiLaMoore

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You are not a failure. Yes, talk to your daughter about it. A one time exposure to pδrn isn't going to ruin your daughter's life but lack of communication and openness can. Just makes your talk appropriate for a child.
 

incogneato

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Thank you, but what would be an appropriate way to talk about this stuff. I definitely planned on talking to her about xes and stuff but later. This topic scares me soo much, I hate pδrn with a passion.
 

Barryglock

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You're not a failure. Age 9 is a totally normal age to start talking about xes. Her body will start changing soon and as we all know, it's not always the most comfortable process.

I think it's important to emphasize that she should not be ashamed of what she saw. Also, it might be important to tell her what she saw isn't usually how xes goes.

It's better she hears the truth from you, versus a whole ton of crap that she'll start to hear about xes the next few years.

The following link is pretty helpful, it splits the "xes talks" into age groups:

Bliss Counselling | Talking To Your Kids About xes and Sexuality
 

Realer26

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Your mom should've known better than to give the phone to your 9 year old without it being reset. She knows better than anyone the crap that was on there. Have you ever spoken to her about your dad exposing you to pδrn? Did you ask her why she gave phone to your daughter? Like your dad, she may see nothing wrong with exposing kids to pδrn.
 

DanyGurl

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I talked to my daughter at a very young age about it because she came up with some questions so i've never made a big deal out of it and told her how it is ... kidfriendly of course .. so talk to her about it .. let her know that she can come up to you if she's having some questions.


And i would talk to my mom why the f*** she gave my kid the phone knowing my dad was a pδrn addict with pδrn on his phone. I would take the phone delete all this stuff and then would give it back to my girl to play with it.
 

M Vanity

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That’s tough. One thing I will say is kids always know more than what we think they know and she’s not going to tell you about it because of what it was. I remember being in third grade and kids would draw pictures of their stuff on notebooks so as a kid there’s already an “awareness” to it even though I still didn’t know much about it. If I was in your shoes I would prob start preparing for the birds and bees talk and about boyfriends in general. Let her know she can talk to you about anything while still having boundaries and rules but honestly, at some point a kid will inevitably stumble across that accidentally. That happened to my one friend. Her boyfriend kids was using his phone and came across some pictures of them doing not so nice things... it was awkward to say the least.
 

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