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Friends With Benefits - Yes or No?

SunGod

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This is random but I've been doing quite a bit of thinking lately regarding xes, men, relationships, etc. What came across my mind was the whole "Friend With Benefits" situation. I've had many of them in the past, and it never really turned out happily ever after. In the moment, I say to myself "fµck it, it's just xes. We are just having fun!" but then my emotions start getting involved...ALMOST ALWAYS. At this point in my life, I'm not by any means trying to rush into a relationship either. I'm still in school, still finding myself, and still young. But at the end of the day, I do long for something real. I love having xes as much as the next woman, but I don't want to feel or look stupid after the fact.

I want to be treated with respect, showered with attention, and genuinely cared about. Nothing wrong with having xes at all, and I'm not knocking anybody who is into the FWB thing. My thing is, if I agree to a situation like that, I need to know what will I be getting in return? Besides hard dick? I mean come on. I feel like if I sleep with you, we may not have a 'title,' but you can still treat me like we do. Which means, I either need your TIME or for you to be spending some type of money. Or both. And if you can't agree to that, then I won't be fµck!ng you.

xes is enjoyable to me, and I am definitely no Virgin Mary lmao but at the same time, I want something to show for it. I want to train myself to "think like a man," to be able to fµck and go about my business without getting in my feelings. When I do have xes, I only do it with one man at a time, so I am not the type of girl to have multiple partners. I am very passionate, traditional, and emotional. I am just terrified of getting hurt and played again because I have made so many mistakes in the past. Sorry to get all deep lol, just had to vent for a minute.

Thoughts?
 

Kire

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Not everyone is mentally built to just "fµck and let go", if it's not you then personally it's something that I wouldn't change about myself. As far as finding out how a specific man treats a woman you just gotta take time and eventually it will show in his behavior depending on how bad he wants you in particular
 

Helga G.Pataki

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Tried it twice. 1 guy I didn't catch feelings we just stopped talking. 2nd guy I caught feelings then I broke it off..then we got together and dated..cause I guess he felt the same.
But I realized it wasn't for me. I'm too old for hookups anyways and they aren't fulfilling to me. + no use in upping my xes # with a man I don't intend to be serious with

But if you can do it then more power. No judgment here!
 

Killa

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Not for me. I need an emotionally connection with someone to enjoy xes 100% and let myself go.
 

SunGod

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Not for me. I need an emotionally connection with someone to enjoy xes 100% and let myself go.

So do you wait until you are in a relationship to have xes?
 

WldBrvHeart

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Although you say you don't want a relationship you mention that the person needs to spend their time and/or money on you as well as treat you like you have a title. You basically described exactly what a relationship entails. Don't sell yourself short. I think you really do want a relationship. FWB usually always ends up with someone wanting more and I think you may already want more out the gate and think that after xes will lead you to a relationship. This rarely happens. Everybody isn't cut out for being FWB. You can still focus on school and be in a relationship. Your wording is spelling out that you want one. Just remain true to yourself and if you feel like you're getting too deep or losing yourself pull out.
 

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I can do a FWB situation rather easy. i just look at him as a piece of meat. i have a high xes drive so i can easily keep things juicy. I have fun with my FWBs. i call when I want the dack and he drops it off like pizza hut delivery. my FWB gotta be FINE (to me) tho. so i usually pick someone under 25 who aint sh!t anyway.

FWB are easy cause you dont have high expectations and that really does take the pressure off of u. typically when u are dating someone u like, u are stressed trying to do everything right. and a FWB is way less stressful and can be fun if u open yourself up and u also have to like xes. otherwise its pointless
 

Real247

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I want to be treated with respect, showered with attention, and genuinely cared about. Nothing wrong with having xes at all, and I'm not knocking anybody who is into the FWB thing. My thing is, if I agree to a situation like that, I need to know what will I be getting in return? Besides hard dick?
Sound like you dont want fwb when its based on xes, you want to be treated like a girlfriend etc, just have a open relationship,fwb for the non- emotional people who can xes you and just leave afterwards not these confused on the fence peeps who want to hug , hold hands,brunch types.....
 

Killa

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So do you wait until you are in a relationship to have xes?

I do. I love xes and I've tried a FWB thing but I felt used and would feel some type of way when I saw him talking to other girls and I realized that ish is not for me. I didn't like feeling like just a hole. I haven't had xes in awhile but I'm focused on school/career/myself so my mind doesn't go there.
 

Azuraaa

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I can do FWB but it's not particularly satisfying. Honestly thoughts about my previous xesual behaviour are what really led me to escorting which has given me a whole new set of parameters for dating.

xes does not come into dating IMO. It CAN, but if it's coming up before other things that are important to you... that relationship is probably not going anywhere.

I'm a bit of hypocrite for saying this but men have it far too easily xesually. When it comes to dating is really what I'm referring to. Too many people end up in FWB situations compromising themselves because they think it will go somewhere it won't, men have mastered taking advantage of this. Take them on face value, their actions will tell you what they want from day one.

My most recent interest asked me to dinner first at his flat, then at mine. I declined, then a few days later he asked if I was free (at that moment in time) and offered to buy me dinner because he was sat in a restaurant. Convenience, no effort. Take it for what it is... not worth my time or effort unless he wants to pay me as an escort.
 

Need a Drank

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There's nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. For me right now(and the past few years), the FWB has worked best for me. I was working crazy hours and raising my daughter, so I just liked to hang out, drink, relax and have xes every once in awhile. It was really no big deal; these were men that were friends and we knew each others' history. Did they sleep with other women? Yes, they were cuz they told me. My current situation is similar; a good friend with great xes. He's cute and we have a good time together. Is he talking to other women? Yes. Is he sleeping with other women? He says if he does, he'll let me know and we'll go from there. That's fine with me; I'm talking to other men too.
 

SunGod

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I guess my thing is I've never really dated multiple men at a time, I always just focus on one man. I think I need to learn how to date more than one person so I can get different benefits from each one? Idk. Maybe that's the problem... I fool myself into thinking it's "just xes" until I find myself wondering who he's with, talking to, etc. I can't help that I'm really passionate with intense emotions. I will probably just be abstinent until someone worthy and deserving of me comes along. I'm getting too old for meaningless xes...I want the whole package!
 

stillagoodgirl

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It's ok at least you're trying to change and learn from past mistakes. I personally couldn't do FWB caz I know I'd catch feelings and I can't put my self through that torture. Just set boundaries if a man can't respect them then move on and DON'T SETTLE
 

Angels4me

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I think at the age of 23 and up that sh!t is just silly. Real grown folks don't do that.
 

Nana Peazant

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I want to be treated with respect, showered with attention, and genuinely cared about. Nothing wrong with having xes at all, and I'm not knocking anybody who is into the FWB thing. My thing is, if I agree to a situation like that, I need to know what will I be getting in return? Besides hard dick? I mean come on. I feel like if I sleep with you, we may not have a 'title,' but you can still treat me like we do. Which means, I either need your TIME or for you to be spending some type of money. Or both. And if you can't agree to that, then I won't be fµck!ng you.


The return for casual xes is casual xes. That's the exchange of an FWB arrangement.

After some experiences, you've realized that you prefer xes within an exclusive relationship. Now that you're clear about your boundaries, you can communicate them to future xesual partners.

So you can grown in confidence and not worry about "getting hurt and played again because I have made so many mistakes in the past" because now you know that honoring yourself means you will no longer have casual xes. That's what works best for you.

Don't compromise your values; communicate them.
 

Nana Peazant

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IToo many people [women] end up in FWB situations compromising themselves because they think it will go somewhere it won't, men have mastered taking advantage of this.

I don't even know if it's a mastery moreso than it's joyous acceptance, LOL.

Young women have been socialized to offer casual xes as almost a dowry for an exclusive relationship.

Men accept the free casual xes.
 

Jinger

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I tried the whole FWB / xes friends thing and it didn't work for me at all.
The minute I got intimate with the guy, I somehow felt entitled to his D and when he got into a relationship I was so mad. I realized I had caught feelings.
At least I know it's not for me, but for a year I struggled with my feelings for the guy.
Sounds like you want an actual relationship so don't do it OP. Just my two cents.
 

Gull

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Not for me. I need an emotionally connection with someone to enjoy xes 100% and let myself go.
as a man, this goes for me too....and when looking for a woman to have a relationship with, this is a requirement too regarding her history....

my view is a person has to have special meaning to her for her to open her legs to him or else i might feel our relationship wasn't all that special to her...
 

MrMagnificent89

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I'm a bit of hypocrite for saying this but men have it far too easily xesually. When it comes to dating is really what I'm referring to. Too many people end up in FWB situations compromising themselves because they think it will go somewhere it won't, men have mastered taking advantage of this. Take them on face value, their actions will tell you what they want from day one.

.

How do men have it easy when at the drop of a dime you can get 100 dudes to smash and men can't do the same? Men that have it easy have to play women and sell them lies.
 

Covfefe

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How do men have it easy when at the drop of a dime you can get 100 dudes to smash and men can't do the same? Men that have it easy have to play women and sell them lies.

Ugh, you're so dense. Men have it easy because they will happily play a woman so he can get xes from her by promising a relationship etc., and then he'll just up and bounce when a woman he truly wants comes along.
 

JustKeepin

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This is random but I've been doing quite a bit of thinking lately regarding xes, men, relationships, etc. What came across my mind was the whole "Friend With Benefits" situation. I've had many of them in the past, and it never really turned out happily ever after. In the moment, I say to myself "fµck it, it's just xes. We are just having fun!" but then my emotions start getting involved...ALMOST ALWAYS. At this point in my life, I'm not by any means trying to rush into a relationship either. I'm still in school, still finding myself, and still young. But at the end of the day, I do long for something real. I love having xes as much as the next woman, but I don't want to feel or look stupid after the fact.

I want to be treated with respect, showered with attention, and genuinely cared about. Nothing wrong with having xes at all, and I'm not knocking anybody who is into the FWB thing. My thing is, if I agree to a situation like that, I need to know what will I be getting in return? Besides hard dick? I mean come on. I feel like if I sleep with you, we may not have a 'title,' but you can still treat me like we do. Which means, I either need your TIME or for you to be spending some type of money. Or both. And if you can't agree to that, then I won't be fµck!ng you.

xes is enjoyable to me, and I am definitely no Virgin Mary lmao but at the same time, I want something to show for it. I want to train myself to "think like a man," to be able to fµck and go about my business without getting in my feelings. When I do have xes, I only do it with one man at a time, so I am not the type of girl to have multiple partners. I am very passionate, traditional, and emotional. I am just terrified of getting hurt and played again because I have made so many mistakes in the past. Sorry to get all deep lol, just had to vent for a minute.

Thoughts?

Everyone is different. You have to do what is best for yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically. I've only had one FWB relationship, and he tried to turn it into a relationship, and I wasn't having it, we argued, but eventually our friendship went back to normal. I'm not the type of person who gets emotional over xes. xes can be initmate and romantic, but my feelings for someone depends on how they treat me, what they do for me, and what they bring to my life. A little dick just ain't enough to to get me falling head over heels.

You make people TREAT YOU how YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. If you want a man to treat you like a goddess before you fµck him, you damn well have that right. It is your body, and if you consent to xes, it should be on your TERMS. You get whatever it is that you need emotionally, mentally, and physically, before you engage xesually or romantically with ANYONE! You know what is best for you. Learn from your mistakes, and demand that your body as well as your mind be treated to the standards that you set for yourself. And don't let a single mother fucker judge you or attempt to treat you less than.
 

Mrs.G

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This is random but I've been doing quite a bit of thinking lately regarding xes, men, relationships, etc. What came across my mind was the whole "Friend With Benefits" situation. I've had many of them in the past, and it never really turned out happily ever after. In the moment, I say to myself "fµck it, it's just xes. We are just having fun!" but then my emotions start getting involved...ALMOST ALWAYS. At this point in my life, I'm not by any means trying to rush into a relationship either. I'm still in school, still finding myself, and still young. But at the end of the day, I do long for something real. I love having xes as much as the next woman, but I don't want to feel or look stupid after the fact.

I want to be treated with respect, showered with attention, and genuinely cared about. Nothing wrong with having xes at all, and I'm not knocking anybody who is into the FWB thing. My thing is, if I agree to a situation like that, I need to know what will I be getting in return? Besides hard dick? I mean come on. I feel like if I sleep with you, we may not have a 'title,' but you can still treat me like we do. Which means, I either need your TIME or for you to be spending some type of money. Or both. And if you can't agree to that, then I won't be fµck!ng you.

xes is enjoyable to me, and I am definitely no Virgin Mary lmao but at the same time, I want something to show for it. I want to train myself to "think like a man," to be able to fµck and go about my business without getting in my feelings. When I do have xes, I only do it with one man at a time, so I am not the type of girl to have multiple partners. I am very passionate, traditional, and emotional. I am just terrified of getting hurt and played again because I have made so many mistakes in the past. Sorry to get all deep lol, just had to vent for a minute.

Thoughts?

You cannot have things both ways. A FWB is not required to treat you like his girlfriend because your dalliance is purely without xes. It is typical for women to catch feelings when we have xes because we are driven by emotions.

I had a FWB who wrote me poetry, cooked candlelit dinners for the two of us and helped me when I was sick. We also spoke on the phone often. It was very enjoyable and I still have fond memories. We knew we would never be a couple but we appreciated our love affair for what it was. Later on, I learned that most men don't make that much of an effort when they are only having xes with a woman.

Since you want to be in a relationship with a man, it would make sense to stop participating in FWB arrangements. It is also best to make sure that a man is showing that he wants a relationship before having xes with him. It will save you a lot of heartache. You're only hurting yourself by sleeping with men outside of a committed relationship when you want more. I don't judge you for having FWBs as I have done it myself. Just like you, I realized that I prefer relationships and that's why I stopped having casual xes agreements.
 

diamondsnthesky

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I won't do it again. I need a man to treat me like a princess before I even think about opening these legs. I can't just get dick and be ok with it I need more


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IMO FWBs are not intended or designed to turn into "happily ever after". You have to know that going in and carry yourself in that manner. You have to either be able to keep your feelings in check or end it when you notice your feelings getting the best of you. Of course you hear the stories about somebody who's in a relationship now who started out that way but those stories are few and far between. It's a tough transition to make. OP you said "just because you don't have a title doesn't mean he can't treat you like you do". Why would he treat you like you do? Just because yall fµck and hangout doesn't mean he values you and/or sees you as anything beyond what you have. If you want to be treated like you're in a relationship, be in a relationship and make it clear from the gate. If you want to have fun and enjoy xes, do that! There's nothing wrong with that! Just have realistic expectations about what your doing.

I hope this doesn't sound mean. Lol! Definitely not my intention.


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Sunken Palace

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As long as you go into the situation knowing what it is about (just xes only) then by all means go ahead. If you are expecting a relationship out of this then no because 9 times out of 10, one person will end up hurt because it didn't turn out the way they expected it to turn out because they expected more from their fwb partner.

Don't go in to it with anything other than just xes and no emotions attached to it if you can do it. It's not for everyone so should you move forward with this, you better come up with a list of pros and cons about it and proceed with caution.
 

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It's supposed to be all the fun without the drama of a relationship. Outside of xes, you're not supposed to be all that close. And the term "friend" is used very loosely. It's purely FOR xes. It's not for everybody. If you cannot separate xes from emotion tied to relationships/love, then don't fµck!ng do it. Save yourself the heartbreak. Either demand a relationship from jump street, or let it go.
 

Gull

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Ugh, you're so dense. Men have it easy because they will happily play a woman so he can get xes from her by promising a relationship etc., and then he'll just up and bounce when a woman he truly wants comes along.
i read both your comments and it sounded like you were both saying the same thing....
 

King B Giselle

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This is random but I've been doing quite a bit of thinking lately regarding xes, men, relationships, etc. What came across my mind was the whole "Friend With Benefits" situation. I've had many of them in the past, and it never really turned out happily ever after. In the moment, I say to myself "fµck it, it's just xes. We are just having fun!" but then my emotions start getting involved...ALMOST ALWAYS. At this point in my life, I'm not by any means trying to rush into a relationship either. I'm still in school, still finding myself, and still young. But at the end of the day, I do long for something real. I love having xes as much as the next woman, but I don't want to feel or look stupid after the fact.

I want to be treated with respect, showered with attention, and genuinely cared about. Nothing wrong with having xes at all, and I'm not knocking anybody who is into the FWB thing. My thing is, if I agree to a situation like that, I need to know what will I be getting in return? Besides hard dick? I mean come on. I feel like if I sleep with you, we may not have a 'title,' but you can still treat me like we do. Which means, I either need your TIME or for you to be spending some type of money. Or both. And if you can't agree to that, then I won't be fµck!ng you.

xes is enjoyable to me, and I am definitely no Virgin Mary lmao but at the same time, I want something to show for it. I want to train myself to "think like a man," to be able to fµck and go about my business without getting in my feelings. When I do have xes, I only do it with one man at a time, so I am not the type of girl to have multiple partners. I am very passionate, traditional, and emotional. I am just terrified of getting hurt and played again because I have made so many mistakes in the past. Sorry to get all deep lol, just had to vent for a minute.

Thoughts?


U having xes with men who don't do the bolded. That's the issue. Someone can respect you and show you attention and still just be there for xes.


You are emotional. Bae, us emotional people can't do FWB. I couldn't when I was younger anyway. You want more than xes so stay away from FWB.
 

Caramelskin

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This is random but I've been doing quite a bit of thinking lately regarding xes, men, relationships, etc. What came across my mind was the whole "Friend With Benefits" situation. I've had many of them in the past, and it never really turned out happily ever after. In the moment, I say to myself "fµck it, it's just xes. We are just having fun!" but then my emotions start getting involved...ALMOST ALWAYS. At this point in my life, I'm not by any means trying to rush into a relationship either. I'm still in school, still finding myself, and still young. But at the end of the day, I do long for something real. I love having xes as much as the next woman, but I don't want to feel or look stupid after the fact.

I want to be treated with respect, showered with attention, and genuinely cared about. Nothing wrong with having xes at all, and I'm not knocking anybody who is into the FWB thing. My thing is, if I agree to a situation like that, I need to know what will I be getting in return? Besides hard dick? I mean come on. I feel like if I sleep with you, we may not have a 'title,' but you can still treat me like we do. Which means, I either need your TIME or for you to be spending some type of money. Or both. And if you can't agree to that, then I won't be fµck!ng you.

xes is enjoyable to me, and I am definitely no Virgin Mary lmao but at the same time, I want something to show for it. I want to train myself to "think like a man," to be able to fµck and go about my business without getting in my feelings. When I do have xes, I only do it with one man at a time, so I am not the type of girl to have multiple partners. I am very passionate, traditional, and emotional. I am just terrified of getting hurt and played again because I have made so many mistakes in the past. Sorry to get all deep lol, just had to vent for a minute.

Thoughts?

I think your leaning more towards a relationship and not a FWB type situation. It's easy to get into one but as long as your both on the same page with EVERYTHING then a FWB is what some folks want.

I LOVE xes as well but if he's not into you emotionally either then your always going to feel unwanted by him. If your in agreement and don;t need that from him then you're fine.

I'm busy so the guy I'm dealing with we're pretty much on the same page as far as the relationship we're looking for. W're not the average FWB type though. We talk everyday and hang out. He's told me more then once I'm the only person he's dealing with.... Why we're not together... IDK...
 

Wyldeflower

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This is random but I've been doing quite a bit of thinking lately regarding xes, men, relationships, etc. What came across my mind was the whole "Friend With Benefits" situation. I've had many of them in the past, and it never really turned out happily ever after. In the moment, I say to myself "fµck it, it's just xes. We are just having fun!" but then my emotions start getting involved...ALMOST ALWAYS.

This is normal ......... :)

At this point in my life, I'm not by any means trying to rush into a relationship either. I'm still in school, still finding myself, and still young. But at the end of the day, I do long for something real. I love having xes as much as the next woman, but I don't want to feel or look stupid after the fact.

I want to be treated with respect, showered with attention, and genuinely cared about. Nothing wrong with having xes at all, and I'm not knocking anybody who is into the FWB thing.

I've always said that at some point, you either have to know what you want or in absence of that, what you DO NOT want. 'Tis the grown way to be.

My thing is, if I agree to a situation like that, I need to know what will I be getting in return?

Like some previous fonts said....FWB is friends who have xes....period. That is the benefit. That is what you get....a friend who will give you xes when you want it, without expectation or something in return. As you have stated what you don't want.....I can't think of a situation where you would agree to be a FWB based on what you have said.

Besides hard dick? I mean come on. I feel like if I sleep with you, we may not have a 'title,' but you can still treat me like we do. Which means, I either need your TIME or for you to be spending some type of money. Or both. And if you can't agree to that, then I won't be fµck!ng you.

LOL....after getting hard dick from a FWB, should still treat you like the friend you are....vice a jump-off or trick. You remain friends- no commitment or expectation other than that you can call again to see if they are available and willing later down the line.

xes is enjoyable to me, and I am definitely no Virgin Mary lmao but at the same time, I want something to show for it. I want to train myself to "think like a man," to be able to fµck and go about my business without getting in my feelings.

Do you really? I am not sure anyone can train themselves to "think like a man" or in other words, "think with your clit." Those, males and females, that can xes without emotions are those who have disengaged to protect their heart or maybe have never engaged to begin with for various reasons. Someone who is traditional and terrified of hurt feelings is someone has engaged and....dare I say it?.....wants to engage again because they recognize that the risk is still worth the payoff. Getting into that mode may mean that you may be 'unavailable' and not be emotionally open to the one you could be permanent with.

When I do have xes, I only do it with one man at a time, so I am not the type of girl to have multiple partners. I am very passionate, traditional, and emotional. I am just terrified of getting hurt and played again because I have made so many mistakes in the past. Sorry to get all deep lol, just had to vent for a minute.

FWB does not mean multiple partners. You can have a FWB while in between relationships. I think that is the most common practice. Just saying'. :)

Thoughts?

PS - I like what that font Nana Peazant said. Communication is key with self and a potential partner.
 

Mz. Judgement

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You shouldn't be having xes with your friend in the first place. FW almost always led to issues, it's just not a good idea.
 

Peter Petrelli

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No, don't do it. It's not what you really want and you'll get your feelings involved. And men are cold and will disregard your feelings or break your heart without a second though.
Don't do it!
 

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