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Getting Diagnosed with ADHD + Autism as an adult feels like a waste

incogneato

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This is more of a rant but I am hella salty about being diagnosed so late in life with my ADHD and ASD. There's so much that I feel like I've lost or forgot or didn't get to do and I feel like a chunk of that is because I was constantly trying to be 'normal' and spending all my time just trying to tread water to do things like everyone else. I've been with my psychotherapist for 2 months and finally got some meds. I'm angry about it. I'm upset that I spent my whole life fighting myself when I didn't have to. I look at videos of me as a child and I see all these signs that my parents tried to beat out of me. I see all these gifts and focus that I had for things that my family told me to ignore. And I did bc I really didn't know. Now I do and I'm playing a game of catch up that just hurts. Like I opened a Coinbase account in 2015. But I obviously forgot about it and never finished registration bc it needed bank info and I had to remember to call the bank to get that bc I couldn't access my account bc I forgot my username and password but then by the time I probably needed to do that, I probably got distracted by like washing dishes or some dumb sh!t. I know this is rambling and whatever but I'm just upset that this clarity and confidence in myself was here but I didn't get to experience it until I missed the boat on so many opportunities that are popping now and it's almost like FOMO but stings a little more bc I was there....I just wasn't able to focus enough to complete anything to be with everyone else. This is my TEDTalk lol.
 

hadassah

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This is more of a rant but I am hella salty about being diagnosed so late in life with my ADHD and ASD. There's so much that I feel like I've lost or forgot or didn't get to do and I feel like a chunk of that is because I was constantly trying to be 'normal' and spending all my time just trying to tread water to do things like everyone else. I've been with my psychotherapist for 2 months and finally got some meds. I'm angry about it. I'm upset that I spent my whole life fighting myself when I didn't have to. I look at videos of me as a child and I see all these signs that my parents tried to beat out of me. I see all these gifts and focus that I had for things that my family told me to ignore. And I did bc I really didn't know. Now I do and I'm playing a game of catch up that just hurts. Like I opened a Coinbase account in 2015. But I obviously forgot about it and never finished registration bc it needed bank info and I had to remember to call the bank to get that bc I couldn't access my account bc I forgot my username and password but then by the time I probably needed to do that, I probably got distracted by like washing dishes or some dumb sh!t. I know this is rambling and whatever but I'm just upset that this clarity and confidence in myself was here but I didn't get to experience it until I missed the boat on so many opportunities that are popping now and it's almost like FOMO but stings a little more bc I was there....I just wasn't able to focus enough to complete anything to be with everyone else. This is my TEDTalk lol.


I feel for you. I'm going through a similar situation. I have schizophrenia. I've never really been able to do anything on my own. I depend on my mother for almost everything and I'm in my early 30's.
 

quietlurker

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I'm so sorry OP. I cant imagine how upsetting that must be to feel that you wasted a lot of time being undiagnosed. But to flip a similar point on its head, isnt it better to know now that you have these differences? With meds, therapy and putting various systems in place, you can work to change your life starting today.
 

greatnana

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I got diagnosed with Adhd as an adult as well. I def understand where you are coming from. I feel like my life could have been way better had I been diagnosed as a child. I struggle/struggled a lot in life.
 

Tabitha

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Sorry OP. There was a running joke growing up about white parents over medicating their kids or running them back and forth to the doctor for ADHD but there is something to be said about being attuned enough to your kids to know something is wrong and doing whatever is necessary to address it. So many black kids have unaddressed personality and mood disorders. Healing is so much easier when you are younger and have a better chance at positive outcomes in adulthood.
 

Honeydripper

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Are you sure meds would have made you better? A child put on meds isn't anymore successful anyway. Maybe in college they could have helped. Nothing is stopping you now
 

The0ne

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Don’t waste another day hun! Be grateful you found out the issue. Start living today don’t live in regret you can’t get that time back anyway so why dwell on it? Onward and upward! Life is about to get better
 

burymealive

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Sorry OP. There was a running joke growing up about white parents over medicating their kids or running them back and forth to the doctor for ADHD but there is something to be said about being attuned enough to your kids to know something is wrong and doing whatever is necessary to address it. So many black kids have unaddressed personality and mood disorders. Healing is so much easier when you are younger and have a better chance at positive outcomes in adulthood.
yeah its really sad that in the black community the response to your kids' problems is mostly church, ignoring them, or disciplining them with violence.
 

BreeHoneyBee

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I'm in the same boat. Diagnosed at 24 and now back in school at 25. Since my diagnosis, I have been able to get the accommodations that I need to succeed in school, and my grades have never been better.

I do beat myself up about it too sometimes, but the only thing you can do is accept it and move forward.
 

makemeproud

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yeah its really sad that in the black community the response to your kids' problems is mostly church, ignoring them, or disciplining them with violence.
True and wouldn’t God want ppl to get help/therapy? That wouldn’t cancel your faith.
 

Scorpion

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I know how you feel as I am going through something similar... I'm trying to be positive and just take control of my life and the things I was procrastinating on before. Chile I could have written the part about coin base and then going off to do the dishes. It's so annoying. I have started writing to do lists and using the Reminders app in my iPhone. It's been sooo helpful and I no longer feel powerless or lazy for being unable to complete simple tasks
 

mossshearted

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This is more of a rant but I am hella salty about being diagnosed so late in life with my ADHD and ASD. There's so much that I feel like I've lost or forgot or didn't get to do and I feel like a chunk of that is because I was constantly trying to be 'normal' and spending all my time just trying to tread water to do things like everyone else. I've been with my psychotherapist for 2 months and finally got some meds. I'm angry about it. I'm upset that I spent my whole life fighting myself when I didn't have to. I look at videos of me as a child and I see all these signs that my parents tried to beat out of me. I see all these gifts and focus that I had for things that my family told me to ignore. And I did bc I really didn't know. Now I do and I'm playing a game of catch up that just hurts. Like I opened a Coinbase account in 2015. But I obviously forgot about it and never finished registration bc it needed bank info and I had to remember to call the bank to get that bc I couldn't access my account bc I forgot my username and password but then by the time I probably needed to do that, I probably got distracted by like washing dishes or some dumb sh!t. I know this is rambling and whatever but I'm just upset that this clarity and confidence in myself was here but I didn't get to experience it until I missed the boat on so many opportunities that are popping now and it's almost like FOMO but stings a little more bc I was there....I just wasn't able to focus enough to complete anything to be with everyone else. This is my TEDTalk lol.
Can I just give you your props on getting to this diagnosis, though? I'm assuming you sought it out on your own, and it's a testament to your tenacity and resourcefulness that you were able to take the reins and get yourself help.

I was diagnosed with ADHD late in life as well. I understand your frustration because I felt the same way at first. I couldn't help but grieve for all the missed opportunities and misunderstandings and...needless suffering I experienced as a child. BUT I also felt such gratitude! Finding out I had ADHD explained soooo much of my childhood. It was such a gift to know that I was never lazy or stupid or broken--just wired a bit differently. And this is going to sound like such a cliché, but I really did feel like I'd been given a new lease on life.

I hope that at some point you'll get to a place where your diagnosis feels less like a loss and more like an opportunity to approach life in an entirely new way. Good luck to you, OP.
 

Honey4

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idk, I think I might have ADHD because I was always one of if not last person to hand in my exams in college. I did well on the subject exams. However I'm a low performer in standardized test. IDK if I just need to study how to be more efficient testing or is it something more.
 

hatakedreams

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I have the same diagnosis as you. Autism and ADHD. I was angry at first but I had to keep going. I’m lucky that I’ve been successful in spite of these disorders. They might have actually helped me. Yes, I’m different from others but it’s ok. I had many missed opportunities but the fact that those opportunities were even within my reach is amazing knowing that I had undiagnosed Autism and ADHD. You’ll be ok, I promise.
 

Baba Tundai

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OP, hey. I hope what I say doesn't upset anybody buy I'mma just reason sh!t away as follows......

We are all in our 20s, 30s, 40s or perhaps even older. Most likely we are all black so I'll just speak with that in mind. Most of us on this sight will more than likely be diagnosed for things as an adult. Sad to say. We are people who can say we grew up/got older watching society as a whole change the way they not only speak about mental illness/conditions along with therapy but we have also seen a huge shift in people acknowledging therapy, the need for it and pushing for more access to it. Just 10 years ago speaking of ADHD was not common like it is now. Whenever we heard of schizophrenics we always saw them in movies/tv shows and they just were the epitome of crazy as sh!t and never portraying the condition properly. If you are old enough to remember, back in the 90's if a kid couldn't sit still enough they would chuck ritalin at children who probably didn't even need it(who am I kidding, they were egregious and dangerous with their ritalin prescribing and other mental health services back in the day). The way those (children or adults) were treated who had mental illness that didn't accompany some physical disability was ignoring it or complaining or hospitalizing. Let's be real. White people with access did think to go seek out therapy but the average person, especially poor minorities, just didn't get proper help and would be grouped in with the scourge of society and probably thrown in jail or a hospital if things escalated to a certain point. It wasn't just us as black people who were dismissive. Everybody was, including white folks. Also, the treatment of black folks when it comes to medical professionals is a whole 'nother topic that also played a part in a whole generation of children who just got drugged irresponsibly or thrown into a group home and probably thrown into society as adults with no care with many of them ending up in jail, struggling to function or drug addicts. Let's not even bring up the kids who were in foster care.

We are in the era/generation(which actually encompasses many age ranges) who are getting diagnosed, considering therapy, caring about our mental health, making life for those with any condition easier and dignified.

I know that feeling of perpetually playing catch up and feel left back and upset. Girl, comparison is the thief of joy. You keep wallowing in that feeling and you will always be left back and playing catch up. It hurts, I get it. Make this a subject you tackle with your therapist so you can work thru your emotions and get over that hurdle. At this point, take control of your life, with the new understanding of how you function, and do better. I know you can do it....just don't let anything become a blockade for you. At least you know. There are people who are young adults out here still struggling because they either can't afford mental healthcare or think something is just wrong with them that can't be fixed or they are being ignored by those who should care to help.

Now is the time to do all the work required to make moves.

That was my lil Ted Talk. Grammatical errors and all.
 

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