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BELOVELY

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I want to have a grown folks conversation about something I have been thinking about lately.

About a year ago I went on a blind date with this guy as a favor to a friend, I really liked him from previous conversations we had and he seemed cool. We went out and we were having a great time and then BAM! Out the blue (I don’t remember how we got on the subject) he goes on a rant about women not knowing what they want in a man. Basically his position was that women needed a “real man” to teach them what they should be looking for in a mate. I immediately got defensive because I was offended. He was so fine too. I completely shut down and it was over. In other words, I was like take me home now! It’s obvious you going through something and ah… I can’t help you. LOL.

We never saw each other again but I always think about him and that night because I keep thinking of all the sh!t I wish I said.

What I want to know is do you agree, disagree, or somewhat agree with his position? WHY?

AND

Do you know what you look for in a mate in terms of mentally, physically, spiritually, xesually, emotionally or even financially? If you have found “the one” what is it about them that attracted you to them?
 

Winehouse.

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COMMUNICATION

I think a part of being grown is having the [maturity] to handle the [truth]

Which leads in being up front.

I think he shouldn't have gone off on you no matter how attractive he is. He should've sat there like an adult and calmly explain what he likes in a female instead of making you feel that way where you had to get on the defensive.


But yeah communicating like adults will make life in xes, dating, spirituality easier for everyone. Even if you don't want to hurt someone, you have to be honest and not keep them in the dark about certain things so they can move on from it.
 

Curvy Jones

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He might have a point. Like you I would not have liked the way the point was made. I can't help you and your rage issues. Now if you want to talk and debate about the state of the union between men and women, we can chat all night. I'm not gonna sit back and be a spectator to your 'women need....' tirade.

NeXT.
 

just kali

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i think it's moreso that i know what i DON'T LIKE in a man... kids, a history of cheating, general wackness, a criminal history...
 

BELOVELY

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The funny thing is I somewhat agree with him. I don't agree with the "real man" statement. Who's to say what defines a real man. I think it's apples and oranges. What one person thinks is a "real man" someone else may not.

So I don't think that comment was fair. Everyone matures differently and at different rates. Everyone doesn't know exactly what they want as soon as they start dating but along the way of meeting new people, dating, and dealing with different personalities you can learn a lot about yourself and your standards for a potential mate. I believe that gradually you come to define your expectations and limitations when dealing with the opposite xes.
 

Londonchica

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I do agree with his statement to a point. I talk to my friends and they are soo contradictory when they are talking about what they want in men. They say one thing but look for something completely different. I have a basic list in what I want from a man because I know that he could come in any colour or creed.
Communication has to be key. If I can't talk to you, there is no relationship. I need to be comfortable enough to be able to tell you my hopes, dreams, and fantasies.
 

TheTicket

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First... I'm absolutely loving your siggy right now, BELOVELY!

Second.... I know exactly what I want... three things:

a. a man who loves GOD

b. a man who is comfortable with and loves himself

c. a man who is comfortable with and loves me...


that is all....


*goes to write it down and place it inside her Bible*
 

labellanoir

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Interesting.

I think most women don't know who they truly are. They don't genuinely love themselves. How can you define love, as it relates to another human being, if you are not clear about how to love yourself?

I would not have gotten upset. When a man talks, I often listen b/c a lot of what is being said is without the frivolous emotion women often carry.

Maybe he appeared in your life to get you to ponder relationships. You know how the universe works - you may think of him often enough to will him toward you. Cheers!
 

indivijewel™

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^^^ i can't agree more with the statement about not loving yourself. in terms of needing a man to show me or any other woman what we should want... they do, in a sense. through our interactions with them, they show us which ones we should avoid, if we're paying attention. but now, do i need a man to sit me down and break it all down... heyal to the nah. i don't need anyone, outside of my own common sense and desires, to tell me what i should want.
 

Queen Vannah

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I think he's right on so many levels. I think a woman needs a man to "teach" her some things, almost like a hands on experiment. The same can be said about a man. He needs a woman to give him that hands on experience..but that's only (like jewel said) if you're paying attention..

I do agree, though. I don't need him to sit me down and give me a lecture..lol cause he can talk until he's blue in the face but if I don't listen then it's pointless.
 

BELOVELY

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Of all the times I thought of that night I never looked at it like that. Maybe it would have turned out differently if I actually listened to what he had to say but on a first date with someone I never met face to face before that just was not happening. I was prepared to go out and have a good time not sit down for a lecture.


And thanks Ticket, I love this pictue.
 

GoddessDianna

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I have come to find that in my short time on earth that like 99.9% of the time whenever a man refers to himself as a "real man" he is usually a coward... Just my experience.
 

indivijewel™

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I have come to find that in my short time on earth that like 99.9% of the time whenever a man refers to himself as a "real man" he is usually a coward... Just my experience.

co-signed. much like the fact that as soon as a man says "i'm different from all the other men", i know that he falls right in line with the majority.
 

Shawn ~

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I think he's right. There was a point in my life when I realized that every man I dated, owned most of the qualities that I had on my wish list. Then I realized that the requirements I had on my wish list were superficial. I really didn't know what I wanted. I didn't realize I needed validation, assurance & understanding. As long has he was financially secure, fit body, no kids, tall, good sense of humor, etc. I was good to go.
 

Loxy

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Yes, we all can learn from men! And like Ticket said, even if it's what we don't want in one. However, I will say that my ex-husband was the first one to help me to define what it is that I want in a man and how a woman should be treated. I wouldn't have been receptive to a man saying to me what Belovely's date said ~ well, the way he said it.

In the past I've compromised what I want for "company." Now that I've been without "company" for nearly a year, I've realized that I don't need to have "company" and, actually, am enjoying peace in my life without the drama that comes with having "company." So, when I decide it's time to throw my hat back into the ring I will not compromise and settle "company" anymore.

We must know what we want or else we'll settle for what we don't want.

Thanks Ticket for keeping it real and simple.
 
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