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Guilt after ending a relationship

incogneato

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Do not ever entertain a long distance relationship ever again until/unless you or the other party agree to move within 6-12 months with a solid plan in place to physically be together . Otherwise IMO it’s an insane amount of time, emotions, and resources wasted that ultimately lead to nothing but hurt feelings and deception.
You’ll get over this much sooner than you think and good luck with your exams.
There was a plan tbh, I was meant to finish uni this year and mo but things between us started to crumble.
I told myself over and over that I blindsided my ex by breaking up with him, and I felt so guilty about it. t But did I really blindside him? Hadn't I asked him to stop doing X behavior because it upset me? Didn't I allow him to continue disrespecting me and dished out weak consequences when he did so? Does this sound familiar OP?
Too familiar, sis. It was exactly like you said but even worse is the fact that most times I genuinely tried to talk to him about things I wasnt fine w, he would tell me I'm on some bs or what i say it's bs. Which I find so infuriating. When I realised that anything would be dismissed as unimportant, bs or a lie, I knew we would not go far. Like on his part there wasn't even the acknowledgement that he should listen because what he does affects me. He's done a lot for me and patiently waited for me to be done w my studies etc so that we could move in together etc etc but this plus many other problems including crippling trust issues on his part (funny right) have absolutely turned me off. I dont think he was blindsided because he told me many times he thinks I'm definitely involved w other men etc which is a lie and he says that because I have little time because I'm studying non stop and want to graduate and where I live things have only started to open now so I wonder how he thinks I'm cheating. Like even before covid I didn't have a social life and my IG is dead, I have literally 4 old pics but he claims I don't post him because I'm hiding him..? Sorry this is so confusing but it's just to give you a little glimpse into the chaos this was for me.
I'm relieved I've not been the only going through this and I'm not crazy for feeling this way.
Your message and also the messages from the other fonts were so helpful so thank you for your time
 

Toocoolforschoo

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You feel guilty because you've been conditioned to put men's needs before your own.

You BEEN knew this relationship was over, and he probably did too, which is why he's entertaining other women in his house.

Don't suppress your own happiness and freedom worrying about his feelings. Take care of yourself and realize that you should not carry the burden of a relationship that has run its course. It was time to move on, and you're doing that.
That’s the sermon and the conclusion. Amen @LaVieBoheme
 

Jay Trene

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I can relate. I once held on to a relationship that I knew from the beginning it was not going to work. I spent years trying to make it work instead of just trusting my instincts. There were many break ups and make ups. I realize now that I held on the relationship because he was first and to date the only person I ever came close to loving. Fear ruled me, what if I never feel this way again, what if this is good as it gets for me, what if I am the problem.

I was holding on to a dead situation because of fear. I have now learned my purpose in this world is not tied to whether I get a partner or not. Now I move on when I feel like I don't belong, I move when I am being disrespected, I remove myself were I feel like I am not wanted.
 

fertilemyrtle

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You feel guilty because you've been conditioned to put men's needs before your own.

You BEEN knew this relationship was over, and he probably did too, which is why he's entertaining other women in his house.

Don't suppress your own happiness and freedom worrying about his feelings. Take care of yourself and realize that you should not carry the burden of a relationship that has run its course. It was time to move on, and you're doing that.
This is an excellent answer, right here!
 

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