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He slept with his baby mama, now is asking for forgiveness

incogneato

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I have been friends with this man for two years prior to use starting a romantic relationship. In love with each other and everything. This man is almost 46 and his baby mother is 50. They have a kid who is 23

Him and I have been together romantically for the last 2.5 years. I love him so much that I’m heartbroken. He actually came to me and told me that he had slept with her and all this bµllsh!t. Blaming her and all of this nonsense.

He was NOT (trigger warning) xesually assaulted by her. He did this willingly and says he fell into it. I reacted calmly. Yes, I was heartbroken but I also appreciated him telling me so we can move on separately and go my separate way as he goes his separate way.
She has never been anything but nice to me and loving but clearly this wasn’t an act of kindness.

It’s an L for me. Now, he will not leave me alone. I have told him that I’m trying to find peace in it because for me it was betrayal. I am not holding it against him because I’m bitter, it’s because I genuinely loved him. He has spoken to me about marriage, but I speaking about those things don’t always mean much.

He cried and apologized for an hour, telling me he is sorry and he still wants to be friends in the future if I can find forgiveness for him. I am only upset because he and her have had a thing for years. Even though she has been with multiple men since him when they were young, she loves him. I’m a younger woman but I know this. She may claim that it has been over and he’s like a brother, at times, but she has been in love with him since they dated in the 90s.

I am a bit younger than him, by 15 years. To some that’s an L in itself. Basically, I love him but I’m even more hurt the woman he slept with is his baby mother of 23 years. That stings for multiple reasons.

Now, he’s sending me, “I want you to know that in my heart and beyond this is one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made.” Slam poetry song styled texts, so I told him to go fµck himself, or better, her. And told him record it next time because I’m sure multiple people would love to see it.

I know I’m not being harsh because I respect this man a lot, but this really hurt, especially because he slept with her when he was visiting near where she lives. I told a friend, she claims I don’t have grounds to get upset because that’s his ex and they have a history because of their son. In no way did that make sense to me? I respected her. I think she’s a great woman, and still do, but as a woman who preaches all this sisterhood and bs.. I am shocked she could do that to me. And worse, him. I contemplated hurting myself when I was by myself the night he told me.

Please let me know if I am going crazy? I am surely not missing something here.
I am stuck on the fact my friend said they have history. I know that, everyone does. Everyone with a coparent situation knows that but is this normal? It can’t be. .
 

Mskstrong

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I don't know what view you have, but one look below in similar threads tells you your situation isn't unusual and that your current path is best. Stay strong and move on.
 

Way to Love

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I am a bit younger than him, by 15 years. To some that’s an L in itself. Basically, I love him but I’m even more hurt the woman he slept with is his baby mother of 23 years. That stings for multiple reasons.
Yes, it is an L in itself.

People don’t just slip up after 23 years, they more than likely have been sleeping together on and off for years. Probably still in love.

Move on and find someone age appropriate without the baggage, good luck.
 

Trinidad205

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I swear the baby mama/baby daddy drama doesn't stop no matter the age. 46 and 50 is too old to still be playing those games...just get away from the both of them, because if they are still messing around after having a pretty much adult son then they probably won't ever stop.
 

Crown Lulu

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Why are you allowing your 'friend' to gaslight you? Your man doesn't respect you or your relationship which is why he cheated. Of course he'd blame her. Men hate taking responsibility for their fµck ups.

It also sounds like your ego is bruised. Who cares if it was his baby mama or a random? Point is, he stepped out and betrayed your trust.

Please stop thinking about this man and find someone faithful who cares about your mental and physical well being.
 

GigiLaMoore

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People are always sorry AFTER the fact. I would forgive him and wish him well on his way out of my life. I sure wouldn't be fooled by his tears, because that is a tool of manipulation designed to make you feel sorry for him. The fact that you are writing about this shows me that it's working.
 

Way to Love

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I swear the baby mama/baby daddy drama doesn't stop no matter the age. 46 and 50 is too old to still be playing those games...just get away from the both of them, because if they are still messing around after having a pretty much adult son then they probably won't ever stop.
Girl hand to God I once met an 80 year old black man who had been married three times with five kids but he was still trying holla at wife #1.
 

AgnesGooch

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I'm sure he has been sleeping with her for a while as well as other women. Just leave that old man alone and find a dude in his 30s.
 

mymoonmystars

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I told a friend, she claims I don’t have grounds to get upset because that’s his ex and they have a history because of their son.

Okay, so that gives them to right to do what they're doing (with him cheating on you)? I think not. : unamused:
 

TGSHeaux

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He said if you forgive him he hopes to be friends in the future.. say what!! A man who loves you don’t want to be friends. Just cause you have a kid with someone doesn’t give you free grounds to free sess for life. He knew what he was doing and will do it again. You’re not crazy! You have every right to be upset. He let you get emotionally invested and played you. Red flag : he blamed it on her. He has no accountability for his actions. He might be feeding his bm lies about you as well. You’re young, exit ASAP! Don’t reply to none of his messages
 

Dr.Girlfriend

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That man is for the streets now. Block and ignore, he's free to sleep with his ex without hurting you or anyone else.
 

Bonnieboop

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The son they share is damn near old as you, ain't no co-parenting going on, they've been sleeping together for years and will continue to. He's banking on you being gullible and naïve to let him back in. Your so called "friend" is setting you up for failure so she can have something to ki ki about. I would re evaluate that friendship and let granddaddy swing those dusty balls at his ex until they fall off. Lmao at him sending you slam poetry style text.
 
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Amandabby22

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You messed up by thinking his child’s mother that he’s known since the 90’s was gonna view you as someone of importance compared to herself.

As someone who is coparenting.. we’ve contemplated getting back together once after the relationship ended but never went through with it. We’re known each other since we were 14 and I know that man like the back of my hand & vice versa. We genuinely have no interest in each other but get along very well. But our situation is very rare sis. I haven’t come across too many coparenting situations where both parties are platonic and not sleeping with each other.

Most of the men I know that age almost always go back to their baby mothers..The relationship usually ended because of them and the woman got tired of their sh!t. They’ll spend years playing the field, getting it out of their systems.. pick up a few temporary girlfriends along the way but once that man decides he’s ready for marriage they’ll eventually go back to what they know due to the familiarity. If you can look at his BM and can’t figure out why he didn't settle down with her and she’s single. More likely than not he’s going back. I used to be friendly with a lot of old heads and I’m telling you what I’ve seen and heard them say verbatim.

I’m sorry you had to find out this way. If you’re gonna date a older man it’s usually better to find a childless one.
 

The Justicar

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Let me say this to remind you why you should cut him off.

#1. That was NOT the first time they had xes
#2. He has and still is having xes with her
#3. He will do it again.

Yes, it hurts. We’ve all been there. It’s ok to feel like it’s an L, but it will be and even bigger L if you keep engaging.

You are young and don’t need this mess. Cut him off, completely!

#4. Your “friend” is a pick-me (respectfully)
 

incogneato

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The son they share is damn near old as you, ain't no co-parenting going on, they've been sleeping together for years and will continue too. He's banking on you being gullible and naïve to let him back in. Your so called "friend" is setting you up for failure so she can have something to ki ki about. I would re evaluate that friendship and let granddaddy swing those dusty balls at his ex until they fall off. Lmao at him sending you slam poetry style text.
Thank you. Because that’s what I had to say. His son is grown. I wholeheartedly understand this whole situation was an L in many ways. If he wasn’t who he is as a man, sleeping with his son’s mom aside, I wouldn’t be with a man his age. It happened to work out because of who he is. I really loved the man. I agree and thank you for being honest about my friend.

She has never gave me such lousy ass commentary. I never ask her relationship advice because I did not need to, but now when I needed it... she said that. And she is a loyal person but she is the type to ki about stuff like this.
He’s a fµck!ng artist which makes this stuff even worse, that’s why he thinks it’s normal to send those deep texts. It’s so childish. Funny how these sides come out when something goes wrong. Thanks for your advice
 

MochiMaven

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Are they still called baby daddies when the kids are grown?? I've legit never thought about this, but it felt weird to read.
 

SheCold89

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I learned this from Tony G....if he wanted to stay with you or be with you, he wouldn’t have even told you he cheated. Take it as a big red flag and move on.

Men admit they’ve cheated when they want an easy out. You staying would show you don’t value yourself and will settle for anything.
 

JustSapphire

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The son they share is damn near old as you, ain't no co-parenting going on, they've been sleeping together for years and will continue too. He's banking on you being gullible and naïve to let him back in. Your so called "friend" is setting you up for failure so she can have something to ki ki about. I would re evaluate that friendship and let granddaddy swing those dusty balls at his ex until they fall off. Lmao at him sending you slam poetry style text.
Gotta think why they are meeting up privately to begin with.
 

Righteous27

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Correction they have a young man this "kid" is 23. If they are still in a place where they can even do the do then there is something still there. Sorry this happened to you, I don't have anything else.
 

Legs

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That’s def not their first time sleeping together. Their kid is 23. There is no “coparenting”.. the kid is grown.

“She’s been in love with him since the 90’s” lol. It’s always “she’s still in love with me” or “she’s crazy”
 

SheCold89

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As someone who is coparenting.. we’ve contemplated getting back together once after the relationship ended but never went through with it. We’re known each other since we were 14 and I know that man like the back of my hand & vice versa. We genuinely have no interest in each other but get along very well. But our situation is very rare sis. I haven’t come across too many coparenting situations where both parties are platonic and not sleeping with each other.

Most of the men I know that age almost always go back to their baby mothers..The relationship usually ended because of them and the woman got tired of their sh!t. They’ll spend years playing the field, getting it out of their systems.. pick up a few temporary girlfriends along the way but once that man decides he’s ready for marriage they’ll eventually go back to what they know due to the familiarity. If you can look at his BM and can’t figure out why he didn't settle down with her and she’s single. More likely than not he’s going back. I used to be friendly with a lot of old heads and I’m telling you what I’ve seen and heard them say verbatim.

I’m sorry you had to find out this way. If you’re gonna date a older man it’s usually better to find a childless one.

Yeah, many men won’t admit it but they still consider the baby mama as an easy plan b or accessible s3x at anytime since the bm usually still has feelings for them.
 

incogneato

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Let me say this to remind you why you should cut him off.

#1. That was NOT the first time they had xes
#2. He has and still is having xes with her
#3. He will do it again.

Yes, it hurts. We’ve all been there. It’s ok to feel like it’s an L, but it will be and even bigger L if you keep engaging.

You are young and don’t need this mess. Cut him off, completely!

F-ck him!
(respectfully)
No, thank YOU.
I think my friends gaslit me because she has never given me such odd advice in my life, I usually don’t even seek life advice from her. But she is usually level headed. I was distraught and all she had to say was what I shared. It was disturbing. Very disturbing. She made it seem like him having a lot of money made this acceptable.

I know it’s all an L. Yes I had amazing times with him and I’m probably not even completely being honest about how I feel regarding it. I think I’m somewhat in a state of shock, still. He also is the man I “lost my virginity to” LOL what a mess. I’m actually now proud I told him to go fµck himself and her, either way, he would probably like either choice.
The woman has a few child fathers, one being him and she’s close to all of them but now it has been said here, maybe it was happening behind my back. I can’t trust a word he has ever told me now.
 

incogneato

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That’s def not their first time sleeping together. Their kid is 23. There is no “coparenting”.. the kid is grown.

“She’s been in love with him since the 90’s” lol. It’s always “she’s still in love with me” or “she’s crazy”
Theyre good friends. I never expected that to change and I had no issue with that. At all. Their son is grown. As you said there was no more coparenting in a traditional way because he’s an adult. Them being close wasn’t a problem.
If you love someone, you don’t want to do something like this. The only reason why I said it hurt worse to hear it was her is because of how she treated me and the fact it’s known despite having kids with multiple men, she wanted to be with him and have her family. That never happened. That man was everything to her. i feel blinded by a lie or delusion.I’m definitely gonna get better but this is hurtful for sure. I know I’m not the first or last but it all makes me see him as pathetic. Because he has been to where she lives multiple times, saying he’s visiting their son who stays with her at times when he’s back in town.
 

stewpeas

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I learned this from Tony G....if he wanted to stay with you or be with you, he wouldn’t have even told you he cheated. Take it as a big red flag and move on.

Men admit they’ve cheated when they want an easy out. You staying would show you don’t value yourself and will settle for anything.
All of this! He doesn’t even want to be with OP meanwhile OP is taking slick corny digs at the BM out of spite! That man and his BM been having relations with each other!

I usually don’t pick up for BMs but in this case you definitely overplayed your hand. Move forward with your life.
 

incogneato

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What made him tell you? I wonder if she threatened to tell you if he didn’t.....

Good luck.

I really don’t know but I was being affectionate when I saw him and he wouldn’t really touch me back in the same way. Kept doing this thing where he was staring at me intensely. It was all just weird. And he just told me. I think the crying made me more upset. It’s okay, but don’t go on a campaign to ensure your mistakes are forgiven. I am no one to him clearly. God forgives, I hope to forgive too, but I really am just humiliated. He was very good to me but the thought of him being in her state so much has me wondering if they were just doing this for a while. Was there a kiss ever? Was there touching? All these thoughts because to me, it’s a shock. That’s how far removed from eachother they have been intimately. At least so I thought.
Idk if she threatened him but she doesn’t seem like that. I’d imagine if she’s worth a salt, she feels guilty too.

Sorry I’m replying out of order, it’s not on purpose. I’m on a phone.
 

Thiqcuemus

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I really don’t know but I was being affectionate when I saw him and he wouldn’t really touch me back in the same way. Kept doing this thing where he was staring at me intensely. It was all just weird. And he just told me. I think the crying made me more upset. It’s okay, but don’t go on a campaign to ensure your mistakes are forgiven. I am no one to him clearly. God forgives, I hope to forgive too, but I really am just humiliated. He was very good to me but the thought of him being in her state so much has me wondering if they were just doing this for a while. Was there a kiss ever? Was there touching? All these thoughts because to me, it’s a shock. That’s how far removed from eachother they have been intimately. At least so I thought.
Idk if she threatened him but she doesn’t seem like that. I’d imagine if she’s worth a salt, she feels guilty too.

Sorry I’m replying out of order, it’s not on purpose. I’m on a phone.
All of this! He doesn’t even want to be with OP meanwhile OP is taking slick corny digs at the BM out of spite! That man and his BM been having relations with each other!

I usually don’t pick up for BMs but in this case you definitely overplayed your hand. Move forward with your life.
How is she taking corny “digs” at his son’s mother when she’s basically calling this man a loser? Which he is for cheating, cheating with his son’s mother of all people Lol. That is definitely more hurtful considering that means there was always feelings there.
Am I missing something because in all of the posts I am reading it seems she’s more hurt it was her than anything else. I think it’s good OP seems to know that the woman had probably really loved him since they dated back in the day. I don’t see that as a dig, though.
 

rayaee

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Time to dump that "friend" for that bs "advice" & block his "sorry" ass! If the tables were turned & you told him you slept with your child's father, he'd be out the door & there would be NO forgiveness to speak of. There's nothing to discuss or think about, move on with life & find somebody with less baggage & age appropriate.
 

Golden Brown

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These men know what they're doing while they're penetrating, & aren't thinking about you (or whatever woman in question) in the process.
 

redbud tree

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I have been friends with this man for two years prior to use starting a romantic relationship. In love with each other and everything. This man is almost 46 and his baby mother is 50. They have a kid who is 23

Him and I have been together romantically for the last 2.5 years. I love him so much that I’m heartbroken. He actually came to me and told me that he had slept with her and all this bµllsh!t. Blaming her and all of this nonsense.

He was NOT (trigger warning) xesually assaulted by her. He did this willingly and says he fell into it. I reacted calmly. Yes, I was heartbroken but I also appreciated him telling me so we can move on separately and go my separate way as he goes his separate way.
She has never been anything but nice to me and loving but clearly this wasn’t an act of kindness.

It’s an L for me. Now, he will not leave me alone. I have told him that I’m trying to find peace in it because for me it was betrayal. I am not holding it against him because I’m bitter, it’s because I genuinely loved him. He has spoken to me about marriage, but I speaking about those things don’t always mean much.

He cried and apologized for an hour, telling me he is sorry and he still wants to be friends in the future if I can find forgiveness for him. I am only upset because he and her have had a thing for years. Even though she has been with multiple men since him when they were young, she loves him. I’m a younger woman but I know this. She may claim that it has been over and he’s like a brother, at times, but she has been in love with him since they dated in the 90s.

I am a bit younger than him, by 15 years. To some that’s an L in itself. Basically, I love him but I’m even more hurt the woman he slept with is his baby mother of 23 years. That stings for multiple reasons.

Now, he’s sending me, “I want you to know that in my heart and beyond this is one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made.” Slam poetry song styled texts, so I told him to go fµck himself, or better, her. And told him record it next time because I’m sure multiple people would love to see it.

I know I’m not being harsh because I respect this man a lot, but this really hurt, especially because he slept with her when he was visiting near where she lives. I told a friend, she claims I don’t have grounds to get upset because that’s his ex and they have a history because of their son. In no way did that make sense to me? I respected her. I think she’s a great woman, and still do, but as a woman who preaches all this sisterhood and bs.. I am shocked she could do that to me. And worse, him. I contemplated hurting myself when I was by myself the night he told me.

Please let me know if I am going crazy? I am surely not missing something here.
I am stuck on the fact my friend said they have history. I know that, everyone does. Everyone with a coparent situation knows that but is this normal? It can’t be. .


I'm so sorry, OP.

Your friend has some bottom-of-the-barrel standards. I mean, plenty of people forgive cheaters, but she acts like what he did wasn't "really" cheating. Damn that!

Your response sounds perfectly normal to me.
 

SheCold89

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All of this! He doesn’t even want to be with OP meanwhile OP is taking slick corny digs at the BM out of spite! That man and his BM been having relations with each other!

I usually don’t pick up for BMs but in this case you definitely overplayed your hand. Move forward with your life.

Exactly! We women have to know when a man is blatantly telling us he doesn’t want us and to move on. No need for long threads and begging.
 

IndigoKnows

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I know I’m not being harsh because I respect this man a lot
Y'all she's gonna go back to him.

She respects him after he disrespected her.

What's new in these LSA streets? They write long paragraphs but end up saying things like this that are telltale signs of going back to their disrespectful, cheating partners. You should have gotten a diary instead.
 

incogneato

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Why are you allowing your 'friend' to gaslight you? Your man doesn't respect you or your relationship which is why he cheated. Of course he'd blame her. Men hate taking responsibility for their fµck ups.

It also sounds like your ego is bruised. Who cares if it was his baby mama or a random? Point is, he stepped out and betrayed your trust.

Please stop thinking about this man and find someone faithful who cares about your mental and physical well being.
Honestly, I’m glad at least a few people think this was gaslighting. So thank you. She tried to make it seem his status made this acceptable. It’s not. He’s not an athlete or anything like that. And in his career, his heyday is over. He’s not 25 or 30 anymore.
If I could sit and tell you all of the good times, we would be here forever. I just don’t like to be played with. And I won’t be entertaining his communication anymore at all for the foreseeable future. I told him I will mail him his items to his address and just requested he didn’t stop by. I’m not gonna move on just to go back to him. I hope it works out for him and her or whoever he is with in the future. I just don’t like people victimizing themselves. He trying to mistify this whole ordeal instead of saying he pulled his draws down and did that.

My friends statements confused me and I’m just glad to know I’m not crazy. I will definitely move on and continue to. Ill get some therapy in the interim because this hurts maybe more than it should. I don’t think I’ll be having xes anytime soon again either.. probably a really good thing. I didn’t mention that he slept with her without a condom. I asked him if he wore protection, he said no. Yes she is 50 but anything is possible.
 

incogneato

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Y'all she's gonna go back to him.

She respects him after he disrespected her.

What's new in these LSA streets? They write long paragraphs but end up saying things like this that are telltale signs of going back to their disrespectful, cheating partners. You should have gotten a diary instead.
Please screw yourself and I mean this politely, This is a serious situation. I respect him as a person because he had been my friend for years prior to being in a relationship. I don’t want to be with him romantically or even be friends with him ever again. He has betrayed me in every way possible so politely fµck off.
 

incogneato

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Gotta think why they are meeting up privately to begin with.
I never really did. Honestly. Because she was so sweet to me and I respected her. She never made me feel unwelcome in her home and she never made me feel less or him. I never thought of anything like this at all because this man was up my ass. Sorry to say it like that but metaphorically, he was. We had what I thought was the best relationship. We loved each other. I was naive to not think about stuff like this with her specifically. Had it have been another ex? Oh I absolutely would be questioning “WHY?” But I
 

incogneato

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This was your “friend” at first and you couldn’t figure out what type of person he was before y’all started dating
That’s the thing, he wasn’t like that. This is a shock to me and probably to him too. He has never been this sort of person to do something to betray anyone, especially not me. But now, I feel maybe this could have been going on. Why should I believe him? Truthfully I guess it matters none at all now but it’s only on my mind because I’m being gaslit to think I’m over reacting.
 

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