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Holding single mothers accountable but letting deadbeat fathers off the hook

TGSHeaux

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It’s men period! Let’s not forget the people that do use condoms but poke holes in them and try to trap folks with children and use children as pawns.
 

Winter

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So what's the solution to the baby mama and broken family crisis?

Should we shame them? Should we tell them to wear a condom? Should we teach them tell them it's ok to be a baby mama?

What?

Cuz its not working. I understand how much better xes is when not wearing a condom. No woman wants some piece of latex inside her, but it's a a part of being disciplined.

How about don't have xes period?

Why ya'll need xes so bad? Serious question. Why?

The problem is you don't realize that by giving a piece of trash man xes you're connecting yourself to him. Whether you keep him around for xes or he keeps you around the fact is he still has you in his life. I have a friend like that. One friend told me her man doesn't care about her at all and uses her just for xes. So why you sleeping with him? Tell me why she got a place with him.

I understand shaming the men but women are responsible as well. You can just as easy push the man off and say "No, if you aren't worth giving my time, children, life in marriage then you aren't worth xes" but no, you want to play the game and then get mad when you lose.

Stop giving men the power to begin with then you will truly hold them accountable.
 

Ms Muse

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Have any of you guys noticed how whenever we have conversations about the Black community, Black men have no problem bashing and critiquing single mothers for their mistakes, but they rarely acknowledge the elephant in the room which is Black men who willingly decide to not take care of their children. They'll tell Black women that they should have "chosen better" and kept their legs closed if they didn't want to be a single mother but they never tell Black men that they should have kept their dick in their pants or worn a condom if they didn't want to pay child support. I've come to the realization that Black men stay on code by never holding themselves accountable and attacking the only people who have zero protection and covering in this society.
I think it's sort of a chicken and egg type of debate. Is the fault with the men who leave their families? Or on the women who laid with/didn't use protection with/followed through on pregnancies with ain't sh!t men? There were a lot of mistakes. One could even argue that the pairing shouldn't have existed in the first place (man manipulating the woman or woman choosing the man poorly), or even their parents for not raising them right.

If we know men do not care, and could give two f*cks about change, then we can only protect ourselves. Notice how it's mostly women who even have these conversations, while men just do whatever. Obviously they're not going to listen, so it always gets put on the women.

I do agree that the tone could.be different. Chastise men more, teach women better discernment EARLY before it even gets to the point of blame.
 

Relaunch91

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How about don't have xes period?

Why ya'll need xes so bad? Serious question. Why?

The problem is you don't realize that by giving a piece of trash man xes you're connecting yourself to him. Whether you keep him around for xes or he keeps you around the fact is he still has you in his life. I have a friend like that. One friend told me her man doesn't care about her at all and uses her just for xes. So why you sleeping with him? Tell me why she got a place with him.

I understand shaming the men but women are responsible as well. You can just as easy push the man off and say "No, if you aren't worth giving my time, children, life in marriage then you aren't worth xes" but no, you want to play the game and then get mad when you lose.

Stop giving men the power to begin with then you will truly hold them accountable.
Lord hammercy this needs to be a sticky some place. Because. I. Dont. Get. It.

xes is really not that deep. Women and men lose any type of discernment when it comes to xes. It kills me more with women because most aren’t even getting a orgasm.

Once you stop putting xes on this pedestal life truly becomes easier. The lack of self control is insane between men and women.
 

MsBarbz

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I remember I was talking to a good friend of mine who was raised by a single mother. He has a somewhat estranged relationship with his mother because of her antics, he describes her as being crazy. Apparently his dad left his mother when he was little and never really did much for him. What really shocked me is when he said he didn’t blame him for leaving his mother because he probably didn’t want to put up with her nonsense.

This type of thinking really blows my mind and the fact that I’ve heard the same sentiments from other men is bewildering. I understand that not all mothers are good/perfect, but dead beats really get a slap on the wrist for being sh!tty parents.
I’ve seen numerous post saying how single mothers are ruining the black community with no regard for the dead beat dads who make the conscious decision not to be in their child’s life and it’s just so dumb to me.
 

Abbie Mills

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Misogyny. It all boils down to single mothers being women.
 

AstoldbyWind

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I remember I was talking to a good friend of mine who was raised by a single mother. He has a somewhat estranged relationship with his mother because of her antics, he describes her as being crazy. Apparently his dad left his mother when he was little and never really did much for him. What really shocked me is when he said he didn’t blame him for leaving his mother because he probably didn’t want to put up with her nonsense.

This type of thinking really blows my mind and the fact that I’ve heard the same sentiments from other men is bewildering. I understand that not all mothers are good/perfect, but dead beats really get a slap on the wrist for being sh!tty parents.
I’ve seen numerous post saying how single mothers are ruining the black community with no regard for the dead beat dads who make the conscious decision not to be in their child’s life and it’s just so dumb to me.
Would you blame a stranger or the person verbally abusing you in this situation? Most not all but most kids have valid reasons to hate their parents. It’s not so much a single mother thing but a parenting thing. But in general we have control over our bodies we make the final choice to have a child or not.
 

COMPLEXXX

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It’s because women are seen as nurturers, blah blah blah. Some feel like because we carry the child, there’s a deeper level of commitment involved. It’s a bµllsh!t cop out and justifies men being detached and disregarding responsibility.
 

May Flowers

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A couple reasons

1. There are very low expectations for men with regards to parenting. I swear I see a pic of a man chilling on a couch with his kid and the comments are all kinds of "omg, he's such a great dad!" They get praised for doing the most basic sh!t, so them leaving isn't seen as a big deal or is almost expected.

2. Deadbeat fathers are masters of manipulating people into thinking they have no relationship with the child because of their "bitter" mama. They'll tell everybody they want to be with the kid, but the mom won't let him. Meanwhile he hasn't even reached out to the kid for years.
 

Realteainthecomments

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Because they're (women) in control of their reproduction. In short, we can decide who and who not to have a child with.
 

UGotServed

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Misogyny. It all boils down to single mothers being women.

Definitely Misogyny. I remember a font on LSA was asking for advice on here about how she can communicate with her deadbeat dad's family but things didn't end well especially when she mentioned of how much a deadbeat he was. The family member didn't like it so they didn't wanna deal with her once she mentioned it. It made me think if the roles were reversed and it was a woman being the deadbeat, then they will drag her name through the mud like there's no tomorrow. I think men AND women both enable for misogyny happen within our culture.


Want the proof? The title of this thread is proof. Enabling men to be deadbeats in our culture is true misogyny. It's also promoting poverty in a way. One person households has its effects on kids in certain aspects of life. It eventually shows.


By the way, another proof is the font who was asking for advice here, people told her that she should've never brought it up. That in a way was enabling the situation for the dad to be a deadbeat
 

SoyTres

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The answer to that question is too long to answer.
 

GlamorousOne

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i still dont get the both sides argument.

if the mothers are sticking around to take care of the kid and the father isnt, how tf is that both sides?

talking about how the child who is already here could have been prevented is dumb and is just a deflection for the ppl who just want to come down on single mothers while pretending their dishing their hate out equally. jmo

Exactly. She touched on that in this video. A must watch:

 

JoeDigler

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Both parties are at fault sort of but ultimately i put the majority of the onus on women. Why is that? Because women ultimately make the decision to let the man impregnate and subsequently make the decision to go into labor. When a woman gets pregnant with a man who has 10 other kids than that women is completely aware of she is at fault because the dude is clearly an albatross on society and that still didn't prevent her from having his 11th or some cases 33rd child. When a woman gets pregnant by a man that has even 1 child that he clearly doesn't take of it is 100% her fault. When a woman gets pregnant by a man who engages in felonious activites to make money and becomes a deadbeat it is 100% her fault. When a woman gets pregnant by a man she is not married to and he ends up being an absentee father it is 100% her fault for not requiring marriage. These are all issues that affect the poor community the most. It is the woman's fault because she can substantially reduce the probability of having a baby from a deadbeat.

In the rare cases that a woman has a baby within wedlock and the man is a deadbeat it is 100% the fault of the man. Even if the woman is abusive and disrespectful that should not interfere with him being a father unless she's being manipulative. Even then he should be getting a lawyer

As the father of a daughter I intend on conveying these very sentiments to my little girl. This is why it is important children of either gender grow up with an active father
 

MsBarbz

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Both parties are at fault sort of but ultimately i put the majority of the onus on women. Why is that? Because women ultimately make the decision to let the man impregnate and subsequently make the decision to go into labor. When a woman gets pregnant with a man who has 10 other kids than that women is completely aware of she is at fault because the dude is clearly an albatross on society and that still didn't prevent her from having his 11th or some cases 33rd child. When a woman gets pregnant by a man that has even 1 child that he clearly doesn't take of it is 100% her fault. When a woman gets pregnant by a man who engages in felonious activites to make money and becomes a deadbeat it is 100% her fault. When a woman gets pregnant by a man she is not married to and he ends up being an absentee father it is 100% her fault for not requiring marriage. These are all issues that affect the poor community the most. It is the woman's fault because she can substantially reduce the probability of having a baby from a deadbeat.

In the rare cases that a woman has a baby within wedlock and the man is a deadbeat it is 100% the fault of the man. Even if the woman is abusive and disrespectful that should not interfere with him being a father unless she's being manipulative. Even then he should be getting a lawyer

As the father of a daughter I intend on conveying these very sentiments to my little girl. This is why it is important children of either gender grow up with an active father
There is so much is wrong with this statement. This is NOT rare and being on social media and having friends who are married with children has showed me this is not true. So many married women are with DEADBEATS right now so I don’t understand why you think marriage will ultimately stop a woman from ending up with a deadbeat.

Also, you seem to forget that MEN WILL LIE. Plenty of women have gotten pregnant by men who have lied about their relationship status..whether they have kids or not..the list goes on. I understand that some women do not do their due diligence when picking their baby daddies but that it not the case for ALL women who end up with a deadbeat. To solely place the blame on women is not fair.

People love to preach to women about being help accountable or “pick better men” but you really As bad as you want to put all of the blame on women, you need to point the finger at men too.
 

MsBarbz

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So what's the solution to the baby mama and broken family crisis?

Should we shame them? Should we tell them to wear a condom? Should we teach them tell them it's ok to be a baby mama?

What?

Cuz its not working. I understand how much better xes is when not wearing a condom. No woman wants some piece of latex inside her, but it's a a part of being disciplined.
Yes. We should be preaching to men the importance of practicing safe xes since it takes two to tango. We should hold men just as accountable for their actions. They are not without fault here.
 

JoeDigler

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Young lady we are talking about greatly reducing the probability of procreating with a deadbeat, not eliminating because as you've pointed out people lie therefore 100% certainty is not realistic.

There is so much is wrong with this statement. This is NOT rare and being on social media and having friends who are married with children has showed me this is not true. So many married women are with DEADBEATS right now so I don’t understand why you think marriage will ultimately stop a woman from ending up with a deadbeat.

Also, you seem to forget that MEN WILL LIE. Plenty of women have gotten pregnant by men who have lied about their relationship status..whether they have kids or not..the list goes on. I understand that some women do not do their due diligence when picking their baby daddies but that it not the case for ALL women who end up with a deadbeat. To solely place the blame on women is not fair.

People love to preach to women about being help accountable or “pick better men” but you really As bad as you want to put all of the blame on women, you need to point the finger at men too.
 

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