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How do I become assertive and bold?

incogneato

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I have been in many positions where I wasn’t a strong woman and let other people steal my intellectual rights.

My friend just told me today that I need to be an Iron Lady and take charge and lead. I have been undermined in a group I created.

All of this stems from being such a people pleaser of my strict parents and being a doormat and not ruffling feathers

HOW DO I CHANGE AND TAKE CHARGE IN MY LIFE? HOW DOES ONE BECOME BOLD?
HOW DO I TAKE A STANCE AND KEEP AT IT?
 

Nitpickr

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stop living to please other people
make it a point to be more honest with yourself/others
realize that nothing truly matters in life as much as you think it does
say "fµck it" more
 

Nitpickr

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My friend just told me today that I need to be an Iron Lady and take charge and lead. I have been undermined in a group I created.
be strategic in your takedown strategy and be somewhat calculated. don't go to 100. slowly go to 30, then 40, then 50 and maintain your pace. Slowly but surely, you will know yourself and never be undermined and disrespected. Use whatever power you have as leverage over others and your situation. if you are not in a place of power, make it your goal to be so.

Treat this as a war. A true warrior may be defeated in the battle to win the war as a whole. Remember that!
 

Kamehameha

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stop living to please other people
make it a point to be more honest with yourself/others
realize that nothing truly matters in life as much as you think it does
say "fµck it" more
This. Plus you have to do things that put you in a position to get you out of your comfort zone. That'll give you a lot of confidence.

Also be consistent in your efforts. Don't do it for one day and think you can take a break for weeks, do a little more each day.

The quote is so cliché but you honestly can't expect different results while doing the same thing you've been doing.

But always remember you can do it!
 
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Ooooh, girl. I’m with you on that “people pleaser” and “strict parents” thing. Sounds like we had similar upbringings and are now in the same boat. Everyday I try to do at least one thing that makes me feel uncomfortable—big or small. I try and do one thing to put myself out there, whether it’s posting personal photos on social media or tackling a new goal—I do it. Do I feel scared and insecure as hell as doing it? Yes? Do I feel silly for feeling insecure about these things? Yeah. Nevertheless, I still do it until I learn to be comfortable doing the uncomfortable.
 
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Layani

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Just do it. -nike

In all seriousness though, I was just like you. Shy and timid. For me, it took personal experiences forcing me to step up and be assertive. I also don't give a fµck about what people say and violence doesn't scare me but I know that's not realistic for everyone

I would say just say how you feel that's a good start and get comfortable with knowing some people will dislike you for that
 

Queen Lili

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Dont live in fear, fear of what could happen can break you and keep you stagnant. Never tolerate disrespect, you dont have to curse people out, having confidence in your words goes along way. People will see you trying to change and test you to see if they can put you back in that position. Dont let them do that.

Review how you grew up, if your family shut you down and wanted their word to be final. Break that, and realize your voice is just as important. Family can help create people who get taken advantage of, if you are into bible belief that a women should be meek. Thats a con, because jesus was one of the kindest people in the world. Yet he never let anyone disrespect him, be that example. Help others who have been in your position and stand up to people who are bullies. Encourage others to stand up for themselves and tell them to end their cycle of pain. You may not be their kick to change at that time but you can inspire them to change on their journey.
 

Makeupmuva

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Start with inner work, understand why you are a people pleaser, and take baby steps to change it. Build up your self-esteem and your outlook in the world. Understand there are situations you can control some situations you cannot and do not give your power away.
I felt I wasn't assertive when I was younger and did a 180 and became very aggressive. Now I am still finding that middle ground.
 

Morticia A

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Become confident.

Remember it's 7 billion on this planet so if you fµck off a few, then you just fµck off ah few. Everybody should be replaceable in your eyes.
 

SAIHAA

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I have been in many positions where I wasn’t a strong woman and let other people steal my intellectual rights.

My friend just told me today that I need to be an Iron Lady and take charge and lead. I have been undermined in a group I created.

All of this stems from being such a people pleaser of my strict parents and being a doormat and not ruffling feathers

HOW DO I CHANGE AND TAKE CHARGE IN MY LIFE? HOW DOES ONE BECOME BOLD?
HOW DO I TAKE A STANCE AND KEEP AT IT?

take initiative! Being bold and assertive is a attitude you have to possess. It helps when you take charge without being asked to. That alone can help you build confidence.
 

GenocideJill

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You can weigh the pros and cons. Can you deal with the potential losses and feelings of regret that may come with not speaking up? What is that worse that can happen if you do speak up? What are you afraid of, and are your fears realistic?

I can tell you that once you start being assertive, it's hard to stop. Assertiveness helps remove and prevents stress. It's a lifestyle change you won't want to give up.
 

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