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How to let go of anger

incogneato

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I’ve been through a several traumatic events in the span of a couple of years and of developed a rage that is just continuous. So much so that I am starting to dislike people that I loved and fantasizing about being away from people.

I remember what it was like being patient and slow to anger and I miss it so much. Most of the time I don’t even express my anger and I just get a pain in my stomach or a nauseous feeling.

How can I get that back? Honestly counselling is not an option for me so any advice is appreciated.
 

funnywithfierce

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I'm sorry to hear this OP, it's better to release this anger than bottle it in. Maybe you could do some kind of activity that allows you to release it by going to a gun range, or do some kind of physical activity like kickboxing, brazilian jiu-jitsu... etc. I like to go for a run, or do something that allows me to physically hit something (in a controlled environment) and that's usually gets my rage out of the way.
 

incogneato

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Girl I understand you completely. I'm trying to let my hurt go and have turned to drugs to fill my heart emptiness. You just gotta find something that makes you happy
 

Sydenyoz

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What happened? Can you give details? Knowing can help with getting specific ideas to help you heal.
 

Remy Newport

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Buy a bunch of. Cheap plates and cups and smash them when you feel the rage. Buy a punching bag. Beat it while toning your upper body!
 

Zephyr

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What happened? Can you give details? Knowing can help with getting specific ideas to help you heal.

My parents died suddenly and I had to adopt my younger sister. Neither side of my family helped me instead they attacked me and a whole bunch of drama with that. And then my fiancé broke up with me two months before the wedding. I also had a cancer scare.

Writing that all down I didn’t realize how much stress I’m under. No wonder.
 

Mantis33

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Really go see a therapist. Or start to write. You gotta be able to get down to the root cause and being able to comprehend why you're mad and your own emotional state. I used to black out and fight. I'm learning how to catch my feelings now so I can understand them and express them in an intelligent way rather than flipping out like I always did.
 

NoOneSpec

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I can relate to your situation. Therapy has only began to be an option for me since last year.

Things that are helping me:

Yoga (I follow videos on youtube. I can't do everything but I try, plus it relaxes me and gives peace of mind.)

Exercise

Eating healthier

Writing (keep a journal)

CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy, which is mainly writing fo me. It teaches you to be aware of your thoughts and emotions.)

Find someone trustworthy to talk to (my grandmother in this case who is a very wise woman)

Distance myself from toxic situations and/or people (it doesn't matter whether they are family)

Dedicate myself to things I enjoy doing (and have fun doing it)


I still struggle with rage and resentment but all of this helps. You just have to take it one day at a time.
 

Willia

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I think the first thing you can do is be vulnerable and open. Understand where it comes from and don't stop being aware of this.

I don't know what else to suggest but you have my unwavering support. I truly wish you the best and want you to know that you are already miles ahead. Self-awareness is beautiful.
 

Thessaly

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Remember to give yourself time or, really, space. The space to heal. Recognize that your feelings of anger are totally valid and normal considering all you've been through. Acknowledge that and validate yourself first. Then try to express your anger in some of the positive ways other posters have noted. But healing is like climbing a very steep staircase; you have to put a foot on every step to get to the step beyond. Skipping stairs will result in a fall and starting over, if that makes any sense. Good luck to you!
 

Yaki1B

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Anger rarely comes to the party alone. I think the root of your rage is that you feel out of control and that is quite enraging. Feeling out of control comes along with feeling fearful. Your fiance felt safe and solid and the breakup felt like it was snatched from you and the ending was out of your control. Your parents dying is terribly scary. We know that we all must go but bundled with your grief is now the responsibility of caring for and providing a space for another human being and that was not in your plans.

I am no therapist but I know what it feels like to want to have a handle or grip on something in your life and feeling like everything is being taken away from you and simultaneously thrown at you.

I would take the other suggestions of hitting a punching bag, screaming into a pillow or alone in your car. Dance as much as you can and just move your body. Express your grief over the loss of the relationship and also your parents. Pull up a chair (gestalt method) and pretend they are in front of you IF you must.

Do not suppress what you are feeling. Do not hold this in. You must get it out in a productive way. You must tell yourself that everything you are feeling is valid and it is o.k. because IT IS.
 

THEDARKVIXEN

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The people you are mad at do not know you are angry or they do not cre. Holding onto anger is like hoarding your house with stuff people for people that do not want it.
 

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