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How to tell a guy you're not interested?

SheaButterGirl

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So, I'm a beginner at all of this dating stuff. I recently started college and guys have been asking me for my number. While I'm flattered, none of these guys are my type and I really don't feel like putting time and energy into talking to them :weary_face:

So let me backtrack and start with a recent case that has come back to bite me in the ass. This dude ran up on me and asked for my number. Now, I admired the fact he was being upfront to me, but he just isn't my type. I tried to tell him that I'm focused on school and don't have time to go on date but he insisted. He kind of caught me off guard and I was a little anxious so I stupidly gave him my number.

He doesn't call me for two days and I forget about it, but then today he called me. I didn't know it was him and called him back because I had been waiting for a call from someone else.

I realized I fµcked up when he answered the phone and then he immediately proceeded to ask me out for coffee next week and I was so shook at the fact that it was his number that I said, "I have to see when I'm free, I'll get back to you this week." So now this boy is waiting on me to 'get back to him.'

Ya'll I don't know what to do! This isn't the first time this has happened to me and usually I just block them, but I'm scared of seeing some of the dudes on campus. Especially this guy because our routes are the same. Plus, I don't like hurting people's feelings. If I was like Rae Sremmurd and didn't have a type than I would give every guy a chance, but unfortunately, my type is Killmonger/90s Depp and these dudes are NOTHING. OF. THE. SORT.

Just really skinny nerds, which is cute for some, but again, NOTHING. OF. THE. SORT. to me.

How do I let him down easy?

Also, does anybody have any advice on attracting some dominant/confident men cause this ain't it.
 

Selina Kyle II

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I remember that basically the same thing happened to me my freshman year. When I finally told him that I wasn't interested in a relationship he cursed me out.


That being said, I don't do easy any longer. I just tell them no and keep it moving. I can't be out here worrying about all of that extra sh!t.
 

QueenOfWallets

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"I'm not interested."
tenor.gif


How is expressing your feelings hurting his? That's his feelings and his problems, not yours.

You need to be more assertive with yourself and decisions. If not, people are going to take you for a ride especially the dominant man you seek.
 

gracie13

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So, I'm a beginner at all of this dating stuff. I recently started college and guys have been asking me for my number. While I'm flattered, none of these guys are my type and I really don't feel like putting time and energy into talking to them :weary_face:

So let me backtrack and start with a recent case that has come back to bite me in the ass. This dude ran up on me and asked for my number. Now, I admired the fact he was being upfront to me, but he just isn't my type. I tried to tell him that I'm focused on school and don't have time to go on date but he insisted. He kind of caught me off guard and I was a little anxious so I stupidly gave him my number.

He doesn't call me for two days and I forget about it, but then today he called me. I didn't know it was him and called him back because I had been waiting for a call from someone else.

I realized I fµcked up when he answered the phone and then he immediately proceeded to ask me out for coffee next week and I was so shook at the fact that it was his number that I said, "I have to see when I'm free, I'll get back to you this week." So now this boy is waiting on me to 'get back to him.'

Ya'll I don't know what to do! This isn't the first time this has happened to me and usually I just block them, but I'm scared of seeing some of the dudes on campus. Especially this guy because our routes are the same. Plus, I don't like hurting people's feelings. If I was like Rae Sremmurd and didn't have a type than I would give every guy a chance, but unfortunately, my type is Killmonger/90s Depp and these dudes are NOTHING. OF. THE. SORT.

Just really skinny nerds, which is cute for some, but again, NOTHING. OF. THE. SORT. to me.

How do I let him down easy?

Also, does anybody have any advice on attracting some dominant/confident men cause this ain't it.


Be wise.
Tell them you're in relationship.

And tell them you don't have time date.

I got cussed out and phone stalked by this very tall scary dude.


Also if you feel pressured to give your number. Use a Google voice!
 

Omniscience

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It sounds like you're easily caught off-guard and end up agreeing to things you didn't really want to do for xyz reasons. Really what that does is make you vulnerable, especially when dealing with men. You need strong personal boundaries. Asserting yourself and saying no should not be exhausting. If you are not interested, you cannot be afraid to say so or afraid to walk away/block. You have to stand up for yourself, and it can be as simple as saying 'no' and leaving it at that. What other people want from you will never, ever matter more than what you want for yourself. There is ZERO intersection there.

You can't keep internalizing men's feelings and their actions as your problem to sort out. That causes unnecessary stress and burden for you. Since you have accidentally spoken to him and said you would get back to him, just let him know you're not interested in him, block, and move on. Don't let him keep you on the phone for any reason, he will likely try that. Next time just say no, don't give these guys all this time and space in your head or drag it out.
 

Some Girl

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Go no contact, say you're pregnant, say you have a boyfriend, be honest and tell him you're not interested
 

KelOverKenan

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Tell him you're dealing with things on top of school so you're too busy to date. And that isn't a lie because you have to deal with the people-pleasing issue you have because you will get taken advantage of; both by dominant men and nerds.
 

stillagoodgirl

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I used to be like you OP when I started getting male attention. Eventually I stopped being so nice after I got tired of the (messy) situations I kept getting in.

Careful with giving a fake number because some guys will call your number on the right then and there on the spot!
The boyfriend line but never worked for me. They just say "we can be friends."

You can try those common tactics but I suggest being honest. For example, when they ask for your number you could say, "I'm flattered and I enjoyed talking with you but no sorry. Have a nice day!" Then walk away and don't look back.

Or simply smile when a guy approaches and say "I'd love to talk but I'm running late for a class!"
 

callicat

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Tell him you're dealing with things on top of school so you're too busy to date.

This is good advice. And it will be better if you tell him as soon as possible so he doesn't start imagining he has a chance with you. And you can can still say hi if you happen to cross paths on campus because you didn't do anything wrong and told him the truth!
 

ildergreier

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Drink coffee with him and tell him there you are not interested in wasting time because you don't like him like that.
 

POROSITY

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"Maybe we can be friends"

"I don't have time for friends right now. I really have to go!"

I ALWAYS 'really have to go' when I don't feel like speaking to someone in the street.
 

LoveyDove

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You can't keep internalizing men's feelings and their actions as your problem to sort out.

This is the absolute TRUTH. There are so many relationship issues and just general interactions between men and women that come down to this.
 

B. Leigh

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Or simply smile when a guy approaches and say "I'd love to talk but I'm running late for a class!"
Honestly this is what I would say from now on...you don't need to explain your life or lie to someone you don't know and/or aren't interested in...
 

B. Leigh

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In terms of this issue with this guy call him back and say you aren't interested and then block his number...you don't need to be mean about it but you also don't owe anyone your time...also be careful with the dominate guys you want or learn to speak your mind because if nerds are pressuring you then...:sleep:
 

S O S Y E

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Start with "I'm not interested in dating right now, but thanks for the compliment."

If that doesn't work, "I'm actually on man cleanse for the next year. I hope you understand."
 

SheaButterGirl

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I messaged the guy and told him I have a boyfriend. Hopefully he doesn't run up on me today.

I'm gonna compile a list of lines to say so this never happens again!
 

PutaPorFavor

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That's so weak. You should've just been honest and told him that you were not interested. This is how unrealistic expectations and orbiters are created.
I messaged the guy and told him I have a boyfriend. Hopefully he doesn't run up on me today.

I'm gonna compile a list of lines to say so this never happens again!
 

IrisofNeptune

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"I'm not interested in taking this any further." Its a way to say you're not interested in a straightforward fashion without coming across as a "rude" individual (if you care about that sort of thing). You could even send this through text
 

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