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I’m struggling with my sexuality and I can’t take it.

incogneato

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I’m a woman. 20’s. I thought I was straight my whole life, but recently I’ve found my xesual and romantic attraction to men dramatically decreasing and I’m beginning to feel a reignited attraction to women. As a little girl, I thought girls were cuter than boys but kept it quiet because all my friends liked boys so I thought something was wrong with me.

I’m battling with thinking it’s wrong. I’ve been with 3 women xesually, yet I can’t stop thinking that’s not enough. Every time I think about my romantic future, I see myself with a woman - walking down the aisle with a woman and seeing her in a dress, having children with a woman and holding her hand whilst we walk to the park as well as making love to her and I can’t see myself doing this with a man anymore and it’s driving me crazy.

From the LGBTQIA+ community, how did you come to terms with your sexuality?

Thanks in advance.
 

Lordfunkbox

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I decided to be happy instead of wanting to be. You just have to take the leap. Don't let your fear hold you back. You may wake up one day full of regret.

Truth be told, most people really don't care all that much about your sexuality. So find those people that can be supportive and you will learn to be comfortable with your sexuality.
 

incogneato

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I decided to be happy instead of wanting to be. You just have to take the leap. Don't let your fear hold you back. You may wake up one day full of regret.

Truth be told, most people really don't care all that much about your sexuality. So find those people that can be supportive and you will learn to be comfortable with your sexuality.

Thank you.
 

incogneato

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If you like women, then just date women. It's not that complicated.

I get that. But I just wanted to hear how other people coped with something so big. It’s big to me because I have very religious family and was brought up in the church, so it’s hard to just shake it off and jump in the deep end. Thank you though.
 

Kingofkings

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When I was about 15. I had a girlfriend in high school but had no desire to go any further than kissing lol. It was one of those, ALLLLL my friends knew or suspected situations, but they were just waiting on me to confirm. I was popular and cute lol so I didn't catch much hell other than the occasional comment. At the time, I tried to convince myself I was "bi." I couldn't say I was gay for the longest.

After I moved away for college at 17 it was a wrap though lmao.
 

incogneato

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When I was about 15. I had a girlfriend in high school but had no desire to go any further than kissing lol. It was one of those, ALLLLL my friends knew or suspected situations, but they were just waiting on me to confirm. I was popular and cute lol so I didn't catch much hell other than the occasional comment. At the time, I tried to convince myself I was "bi." I couldn't say I was gay for the longest.

After I moved away for college at 17 it was a wrap though lmao.

haha thanks for responding. It’s so massive for me because it is a fight I have been having for a long time:

Is it normal? Why do I feel like this? Am I straight? Am I bi? Am I gay?

I am more spiritual than religious now but I find my religious ‘programming’ snapping back in, telling me its not normal to like girls and I am going to hell.

thank u, i am happy you are confident in who you are
 

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Pretending to be heterosexual is wrong. Pretending to love someone when you never could/or can is wrong. People deserve to know what they're getting into. It isn't fair to you or any male future partners to pretend to be straight.

There is nothing wrong with homosexuality or loving another woman. If a woman is who you need and want, then you should be with another woman.

Frankly I think I'm pansexual. Honestly, I'd give anyone who I had a connection with a chance because I rarely have romantic interests/feelings towards anyone. So if I found someone on my wavelength and was attracted to them, then I'd give them a chance as long as we shared the same beleifs, etc.

However I identify as straight because I've only ever been with men. And I'm currently in a LTR with a man. And if our relationship ends, then I seriously have zero interest in being xesually or romantically involved with another human being. Most people disgust me at the end of the day. I really don't think romantic relationships are worth the time or effort at the end of the day.

I'm not asexual, but not enough people practice safe xes for me to be comfortable in casual xes relationships. I think I'm aromantic since I never feel emotionally or mentally connected or attracted to others romantically. And i have never had an interest in romance or romantic relationships.
 

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Pretending to be heterosexual is wrong. Pretending to love someone when you never could/or can is wrong. People deserve to know what they're getting into. It isn't fair to you or any male future partners to pretend to be straight.

There is nothing wrong with homosexuality or loving another woman. If a woman is who you need and want, then you should be with another woman.

Frankly I think I'm pansexual. Honestly, I'd give anyone who I had a connection with a chance because I rarely have romantic interests/feelings towards anyone. So if I found someone on my wavelength and was attracted to them, then I'd give them a chance as long as we shared the same beleifs, etc.

However I identify as straight because I've only ever been with men. And I'm currently in a LTR with a man. And if our relationship ends, then I seriously have zero interest in being xesually or romantically involved with another human being. Most people disgust me at the end of the day. I really don't think romantic relationships are worth the time or effort at the end of the day.

I'm not asexual, but not enough people practice safe xes for me to be comfortable in casual xes relationships. I think I'm aromantic since I never feel emotionally or mentally connected or attracted to others romantically. And i have never had an interest in romance or romantic relationships.

I'm sort of the same. I'm attracted to both men and women and they are to me but I don't consider myself "Bisexual" even though many would.

I'm 33 years old and NEVER dated either men or women, never. I'm a loner introvert, so I wouldn't mind opening to tell my partner my "sexuality" if I but I can't picture a partner in the future, I only picture myself single. I don't have casual xes and when I did it was years in between (like 6 years, then 3 years etc).

I don't know what my title would be but I just don't have a label in my eyes.
 

incogneato

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Pretending to be heterosexual is wrong. Pretending to love someone when you never could/or can is wrong. People deserve to know what they're getting into. It isn't fair to you or any male future partners to pretend to be straight.

There is nothing wrong with homosexuality or loving another woman. If a woman is who you need and want, then you should be with another woman.

Frankly I think I'm pansexual. Honestly, I'd give anyone who I had a connection with a chance because I rarely have romantic interests/feelings towards anyone. So if I found someone on my wavelength and was attracted to them, then I'd give them a chance as long as we shared the same beleifs, etc.

However I identify as straight because I've only ever been with men. And I'm currently in a LTR with a man. And if our relationship ends, then I seriously have zero interest in being xesually or romantically involved with another human being. Most people disgust me at the end of the day. I really don't think romantic relationships are worth the time or effort at the end of the day.

I'm not asexual, but not enough people practice safe xes for me to be comfortable in casual xes relationships. I think I'm aromantic since I never feel emotionally or mentally connected or attracted to others romantically. And i have never had an interest in romance or romantic relationships.

Thank u.

I understand you completely. It’s just me battling my church upbringing and how I truly feel. I’m not even religious anymore, but I can’t get rid of the feeling like I’m doing something wrong.
 

JustKeepin

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Thank u.

I understand you completely. It’s just me battling my church upbringing and how I truly feel. I’m not even religious anymore, but I can’t get rid of the feeling like I’m doing something wrong.

To be fair the bible doesn't mention lesbians, only gay men, so have fun sis!

Also the bible condones xes slavery, raping women, pillaging, and murder. It isn't a good resource to dictate your life, if you want to live morally or happily.
 

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I’m a woman. 20’s. I thought I was straight my whole life, but recently I’ve found my xesual and romantic attraction to men dramatically decreasing and I’m beginning to feel a reignited attraction to women. As a little girl, I thought girls were cuter than boys but kept it quiet because all my friends liked boys so I thought something was wrong with me.

I’m battling with thinking it’s wrong. I’ve been with 3 women xesually, yet I can’t stop thinking that’s not enough. Every time I think about my romantic future, I see myself with a woman - walking down the aisle with a woman and seeing her in a dress, having children with a woman and holding her hand whilst we walk to the park as well as making love to her and I can’t see myself doing this with a man anymore and it’s driving me crazy.

From the LGBTQIA+ community, how did you come to terms with your sexuality?

Thanks in advance.

From the LGBTQIA+ community, how did you come to terms with your sexuality?


Coming to terms is just about being open to living that life, that's how really.

Letting go of fear and be open to see what is YOUR truth and be that. If you like BOTH, then be that truth, if not you have to decide but not be afraid.

However, I get that it's hard because I tell myself that constantly and as I replied to someone else...

I'm attracted to both men and women and they are to me but I don't consider myself "Bisexual" even though many would.

I'm 33 years old and NEVER dated either men or women, never. I'm a loner introvert, so I wouldn't mind opening to tell my partner my "sexuality" if I but I can't picture a partner in the future, I only picture myself single. I don't have casual xes and when I did it was years in between (like 6 years, then 3 years etc).

I don't know what my title would be but I just don't have a label in my eyes, but I still try to be who I am as far as just being "me" with liking both men and women and I think you are just having fear of having probably a label or society, which is keeping you from being YOU (your truth of being a lesbian or perhaps bisexual).
 

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I've always had crushes on both, even in kindergarten, preschool tbh. I'm black and was raised Christian so of course most of my childhood I spent feeling abnormal, and hoping I'd wake up one day and only liked boys. Around 14 i realized that wasn't going to happen so I accepted myself, and came out to a few close friends.

I'm bisexual but I'm more xesually attracted to women, women for me are the full package, but I'm also very attracted to men.

I think the hardest part of my sexuality is excepting that I didn't have to "pick one side". The lesbian and straight community will try and put you into a closet all over again because they can't comprehend the idea of firmly being attracted to both sexes. Its hurtful, especially coming from my own "community", so self acceptance is really important because outside support for bisexuals is slim.
 

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I’m a woman. 20’s. I thought I was straight my whole life, but recently I’ve found my xesual and romantic attraction to men dramatically decreasing and I’m beginning to feel a reignited attraction to women. As a little girl, I thought girls were cuter than boys but kept it quiet because all my friends liked boys so I thought something was wrong with me.

I’m battling with thinking it’s wrong. I’ve been with 3 women xesually, yet I can’t stop thinking that’s not enough. Every time I think about my romantic future, I see myself with a woman - walking down the aisle with a woman and seeing her in a dress, having children with a woman and holding her hand whilst we walk to the park as well as making love to her and I can’t see myself doing this with a man anymore and it’s driving me crazy.

From the LGBTQIA+ community, how did you come to terms with your sexuality?

Thanks in advance.
Op, you are going to end up miserable. Whatever you do, PLEASE do not get with a guy and bring children into this! You will ruin so many lives. You’ll end up staying with someone you really don’t want in order to raise a child/children that you love with a person that you don’t.

Quietly explore this part of yourself and see if it’s for you. Don’t go out and get married. Don’t go out and have children. Don’t bring more people into this thinking they will “cure” you of your attraction to women. You are who you are. Accept yourself.
 

incogneato

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To be fair the bible doesn't mention lesbians, only gay men, so have fun sis!

Also the bible condones xes slavery, raping women, pillaging, and murder. It isn't a good resource to dictate your life, if you want to live morally or happily.

haha, you’re right, thank u.
Coming to terms is just about being open to living that life, that's how really.

Letting go of fear and be open to see what is YOUR truth and be that. If you like BOTH, then be that truth, if not you have to decide but not be afraid.

However, I get that it's hard because I tell myself that constantly and as I replied to someone else...

I'm attracted to both men and women and they are to me but I don't consider myself "Bisexual" even though many would.

I'm 33 years old and NEVER dated either men or women, never. I'm a loner introvert, so I wouldn't mind opening to tell my partner my "sexuality" if I but I can't picture a partner in the future, I only picture myself single. I don't have casual xes and when I did it was years in between (like 6 years, then 3 years etc).

I don't know what my title would be but I just don't have a label in my eyes, but I still try to be who I am as far as just being "me" with liking both men and women and I think you are just having fear of having probably a label or society, which is keeping you from being YOU (your truth of being a lesbian or perhaps bisexual).

yeah, I just want to be me rn. I guess it is going to take me time to accept my self. thank u, blessings.
 

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There is nothing shameful in being attracted to women as a woman. I think that somewhere in your mind there is a disconnection between who you really are and who you want to be. I'd say start figuring out why you don't want to accept this part of you. What is so bad about it?
 

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Well can I give you another perspective on your church upbringing? Aren't we all sinners and God still loves us? Sometimes who we love or why cannot be explained by human answers. Live your truth! I personally couldn't imagine going through that tug of war in your mind every day! Let your mind be at peace!
 

incogneato

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I've always had crushes on both, even in kindergarten, preschool tbh. I'm black and was raised Christian so of course most of my childhood I spent feeling abnormal, and hoping I'd wake up one day and only liked boys. Around 14 i realized that wasn't going to happen so I accepted myself, and came out to a few close friends.

I'm bisexual but I'm more xesually attracted to women, women for me are the full package, but I'm also very attracted to men.

I think the hardest part of my sexuality is excepting that I didn't have to "pick one side". The lesbian and straight community will try and put you into a closet all over again because they can't comprehend the idea of firmly being attracted to both sexes. Its hurtful, especially coming from my own "community", so self acceptance is really important because outside support for bisexuals is slim.

I am sorry for how u feel. I was brought up the same and struggle with not feeling normal. I don’t know what I am. I like women so much more than guys, but I might see a cute guy and be like hmmm. I think I am searching for acceptance, so thank u for suggesting that. blessings xxx
 

incogneato

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There is nothing shameful in being attracted to women as a woman. I think that somewhere in your mind there is a disconnection between who you really are and who you want to be. I'd say start figuring out why you don't want to accept this part of you. What is so bad about it?

i think it’s to do with my upbringing. I’ve denounced most of my christian beliefs, but the one surrounding the fact homosexuality is wrong is stuck with me. It feels internally wrong
 

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There is nothing shameful in being attracted to women as a woman. I think that somewhere in your mind there is a disconnection between who you really are and who you want to be. I'd say start figuring out why you don't want to accept this part of you. What is so bad about it?
Most of this thinking comes from religion. People never stop to think that there have been THOUSANDS of religions before the Abrahamic religions which are staunchly anti-woman and anti-Gay.

All of these religions have come and gone. People lived and died for those religions and the tenets of those religions, and most of those religions are no longer around today, in fact we laugh at the thought of what other people believed and did in the name of their now defunct and forgotten Gods. Those people and those religions are dust now, and that is what will happen with the world’s current religions one day.

You can allow these relatively new religions to dictate your life or you can live your life in truth. Our current religions have been around about 2000 years, as far as we know homosexuals have been a part of humanity for as long as recorded history.
 
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Attraction is a matter of chemistry. It’s not something you choose. Intrigue is not wrong; to deny yourself the love and connection to another due to fear is the exact opposite of what love is. Fear and love can’t co-exist. Anyone who encourages that fear does not understand love.

xesual attraction is a byproduct of the brain’s response to chemical/neurological stimuli. It takes a mature person to entertain the brain’s individual desires and functions versus just running on script.

There is nothing more human and normal than being attracted to an amazing individual. Anyone who tries to put you in a box based on the variable physical criteria of someone you’re attracted to is trying to project their fears, angst and monotony on to you. Ask yourself, if folks have so much to say about relationships, love and the choices that other’s should make, why isn’t it reflective in their own lives? People who are happy don’t dwell in the rhetoric of judging others. It’s contrary to their energy.

Family is going to see you the way that they need to see you in order to keep the image of what your family is supposed to look like alive. Anything outside of that image will cause a stir. Don’t take it personal; remember the dynamics of family.

Most important, you have to be confident and comfortable in yourself. Other people are not and they want you to feel the same way because it’s comfortable and easy for them; you have to decide if you want to invest your energy into the misery and control of convention or into the not so conventional life that you choose and get to create the emotional climate for? Just look around you and you’ll likely have your answer. You only get to do this life sh!t one time.
 

ASYMMETRICAL BOB

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No incog for this because this is speaking on some real sh!t and hits home.

I almost lost my life fighting myself. It was that bad. I had began self harming. I had to get into therapy and have a sit down with myself and release everything. I was internalizing other's hate. I owe it to myself to be happy. I come from a very religious family and all my life had heard how being gay was so wrong and disgusting. All these people who had told me these things and were saying these things have no right to judge me. Why should I deny myself of what I want to make others happy and comfortable.

I got tired of being tired. I rejected everything about being a lesbian. The thought of it would disgust me. I thought that if I didn't say I was gay or act on it, then it didn't exist. I couldn't fight my feelings though. I was lying to myself.

I fully accepted my sexuality this year, at age 29. I have never dated or been in a relationship or had xes...I have only ever masturbated. Not trying to be explicit but I was holding myself back from exploring that side of me from shame, guilt, feeling that I was a burden. I saw my entire existence as a burden because of something I can't control. Liking other women feels natural to me. It's something I don't have to wonder about. No one has a right to tell me how to live my life especially when they're not paying my bills.

I see other people who are gay and they are dating and living their lives and are enjoying their lives so why shouldn't I?

I put distance between me and my family (they are very homophobic and religious) and that has helped. My family doesn't know that I am a lesbian. Well, I think deep down they know but they won't ask me about it because they don't want to face that reality.

This year, I am making an effort to date.

I am so amazed at my progress. My blockage has been removed. I have began to dream about me being with a woman and feel nice about it. I can say out loud I am gay and not feel "dirty" about it. I feel that such a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I can just be free xesually.

I have 1 life to live that I know of. No one is going to tell me how the fµck to live my life.

I can't believe I ever doubted myself. I am awesome. I am amazing. I can't believe I thought that I wasn't worthy of love and happiness because I am gay. How crazy does that sound?!

Being gay is a BLESSING. I really believe that. I am blessed. This is a part of who I am but it's not ALL of who I am.

Remove toxic people and things from your life. fµck them!

Live for you and no one else.

My biggest challenge has always been self acceptance and having unconditional love for myself.

I stopped asking "why" and started to just ask "why now?". I don't question why "i'm like this". That's like asking why am I black and why was I born female. Because that's how it's supposed to be.....for me.

I would cry myself asleep. I had such anxiety, mainly fueled from my rejection of my sexuality. It was that bad. I didn't feel safe in my own body.

NEVER AGAIN will I allow myself to feel that way. It's literally self hate. I don't deserve to feel that way and neither does anyone else.

You are worthy of all the love, joy, and happiness! You do.

Connect with other lgbt people. Have a support system. Live your life. I'm working on all of these things right now.

I'm so excited at the thought of marrying a woman. I want that for me. I accept it. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Women are BEAUTIFUL. So beautiful. Women bring life into this world literally. Why wouldn't I want that?!

I can tell you more about my experiences and my journey if you want, just PM me.

Don't deny yourself. Be kind to yourself. You are a blessing, not a burden.
 

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Thank u.

I understand you completely. It’s just me battling my church upbringing and how I truly feel. I’m not even religious anymore, but I can’t get rid of the feeling like I’m doing something wrong.
this was me for the majority of my adult life. I'm finally free!
 

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haha thanks for responding. It’s so massive for me because it is a fight I have been having for a long time:

Is it normal? Why do I feel like this? Am I straight? Am I bi? Am I gay?

I am more spiritual than religious now but I find my religious ‘programming’ snapping back in, telling me its not normal to like girls and I am going to hell.

thank u, i am happy you are confident in who you are

At this point, Hell is going to be REALLLLLYYYY overcrowded lol. I'm spiritual as well, raised Baptist, but as I grew older I became more spiritual and less religious. I refuse to be told I'm doomed based on a book that's been flipped, turned, reversed, rewritten and THEN interpreted in a million different ways based on whatever sin they want to condemn that day.

I think you have to choose to be happy. I could have spent years dating women to please everyone else, but for what? I'm LITERALLY not attracted to them in that manner. If he wanted me to be straight, he would've made me straight.
 

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Most of this thinking comes from religion. People never stop to think that there have been THOUSANDS of religions before the Abrahamic religions which are staunchly anti-woman and anti-Gay.

All of these religions have come and gone. People lived and died for those religions and the tenets of those religions, and most of those religions are no longer around today, in fact we laugh at the thought of what other people believed and did in the name of their now defunct and forgotten Gods. Those people and those religions are dust now, and that is what will happen with the world’s current religions one day.

You can allow these relatively new religions to dictate your life or you can live your life in truth. Our current religions have been around about 2000 years, as far as we know homosexuals have been a part of humanity for as long as recorded history.

No incog for this because this is speaking on some real sh!t and hits home.

I almost lost my life fighting myself. It was that bad. I had began self harming. I had to get into therapy and have a sit down with myself and release everything. I was internalizing other's hate. I owe it to myself to be happy. I come from a very religious family and all my life had heard how being gay was so wrong and disgusting. All these people who had told me these things and were saying these things have no right to judge me. Why should I deny myself of what I want to make others happy and comfortable.

I got tired of being tired. I rejected everything about being a lesbian. The thought of it would disgust me. I thought that if I didn't say I was gay or act on it, then it didn't exist. I couldn't fight my feelings though. I was lying to myself.

I fully accepted my sexuality this year, at age 29. I have never dated or been in a relationship or had xes...I have only ever masturbated. Not trying to be explicit but I was holding myself back from exploring that side of me from shame, guilt, feeling that I was a burden. I saw my entire existence as a burden because of something I can't control. Liking other women feels natural to me. It's something I don't have to wonder about. No one has a right to tell me how to live my life especially when they're not paying my bills.

I see other people who are gay and they are dating and living their lives and are enjoying their lives so why shouldn't I?

I put distance between me and my family (they are very homophobic and religious) and that has helped. My family doesn't know that I am a lesbian. Well, I think deep down they know but they won't ask me about it because they don't want to face that reality.

This year, I am making an effort to date.

I am so amazed at my progress. My blockage has been removed. I have began to dream about me being with a woman and feel nice about it. I can say out loud I am gay and not feel "dirty" about it. I feel that such a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I can just be free xesually.

I have 1 life to live that I know of. No one is going to tell me how the fµck to live my life.

I can't believe I ever doubted myself. I am awesome. I am amazing. I can't believe I thought that I wasn't worthy of love and happiness because I am gay. How crazy does that sound?!

Being gay is a BLESSING. I really believe that. I am blessed. This is a part of who I am but it's not ALL of who I am.

Remove toxic people and things from your life. fµck them!

Live for you and no one else.

My biggest challenge has always been self acceptance and having unconditional love for myself.

I stopped asking "why" and started to just ask "why now?". I don't question why "i'm like this". That's like asking why am I black and why was I born female. Because that's how it's supposed to be.....for me.

I would cry myself asleep. I had such anxiety, mainly fueled from my rejection of my sexuality. It was that bad. I didn't feel safe in my own body.

NEVER AGAIN will I allow myself to feel that way. It's literally self hate. I don't deserve to feel that way and neither does anyone else.

You are worthy of all the love, joy, and happiness! You do.

Connect with other lgbt people. Have a support system. Live your life. I'm working on all of these things right now.

I'm so excited at the thought of marrying a woman. I want that for me. I accept it. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Women are BEAUTIFUL. So beautiful. Women bring life into this world literally. Why wouldn't I want that?!

I can tell you more about my experiences and my journey if you want, just PM me.

Don't deny yourself. Be kind to yourself. You are a blessing, not a burden.
At this point, Hell is going to be REALLLLLYYYY overcrowded lol. I'm spiritual as well, raised Baptist, but as I grew older I became more spiritual and less religious. I refuse to be told I'm doomed based on a book that's been flipped, turned, reversed, rewritten and THEN interpreted in a million different ways based on whatever sin they want to condemn that day.

I think you have to choose to be happy. I could have spent years dating women to please everyone else, but for what? I'm LITERALLY not attracted to them in that manner. If he wanted me to be straight, he would've made me straight.

Thank you so much sisters.
 

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