I can't let go of this memory. She ridiculed me in front of everyone

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I had just turned 18 , 2 months prior(my birthday is in December). At the time I took an interest in painting and was being homeschooled for most of my high school life. So I didn't leave the house much, I didn't have any friends and fell into depression cause we had to move back to my hometown to care for my grandma. After a couple of months my mom put me into this art class a couple of miles away from home. The lady was a professional painter named Svetlana. Most of the class consisted of kids.. literally from 5 to maybe 12 years old.


On the second week of class, I realize my art teacher has an off way toward me but I was so used to it that I just didn't care and stuck to my work. Then she had gotten the idea to ask me , "you're beautiful. You're beautiful because you're young, yes? "

And I didn't understand what she meant at the time. I was still a kid, child minded cause I was actually mentally stunted since I barely interacted with people my age. I had never been called beautiful by a stranger before nonetheless people mention anything about my face at the time, so I was thrown off. After the question she turns around immediately to ask the class if I was pretty. Most of the girls refused to answer and one little boy(10), abrasive f_cker goes, "no! she's ugly!". Some of the girls go, " hey!" but said it while laughing. Once that happened, she turned around and just left.

I never went back to her ever again.

Till this day I don't understand why she did it. I just met her. During my teenage years, it was if I were a magnet for people to try and come after me about my appearance one way or the other. If I wasn't this, then I was that. Something was always wrong with me and people had a bad habit with not keeping their thoughts to themselves. People just always wanted me to know how they felt about my appearance. I knew that if I left my home that I'd be subjected to meeting people who didn't mind putting me in traumatic positions.

Then another time I had an allergic reaction. I ate a piece of fish thinking it didn't bother me anymore since some food allergies went away. My mom protested that she wasn't going to take me to the emergency room if it had gotten any worse and told me to call my sister in case it did because "I should've known better" and to go find some Benadryl around the house. And for some reason, my grandma says matter of factly,
" your lips look better that way. They look fuller", and my mom confirms it, "yea it do". Meanwhile I'm struggling to breathe.

I now think back at the blows I really took from people making comments about my looks.
 
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It doesn’t sound to me like you’re an unattractive person. It sounds like you’ve encountered some ugly people who wanted to make themselves feel better by taking advantage of your insecurities. When I say ugly, I don’t mean externally, I mean ugly souls. Family can often be the worst when it comes to making us feel badly about ourselves.

I’m sorry that you had to go through those nasty times. And I wish we could train our brains to forget that kind of stuff. Hoping things are better for you now. Xoxo
 
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How old are you now? Maybe you need a therapist.

These 2 things are bad but not so bad to be overwhelmed or obsessed with it the rest of your life. Everyone has had at least one time where we have felt humiliated or embarrassed. It doesn't mean you should forget those things happened just that you shouldn't be fixated on it or base an identity around it.
 
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I have a don't care give fuck attitude-if you are too emotional,too hung up,too sensitive-this world will chew you up.you have to be strong-you have to rise..if not,you will continue to go over these memories which will eat away at you and affect your confidence.
I have my own issues with racism but I continue to pray and strive to be stronger..
 
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next time someone tries to say something slick, just give them the finger. or point out one of their physical flaws. they won't bother you again. ppl suck, don't be afraid to put them in their place
 
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Feel the feelings, cry and then let this shit go. I’m sorry to hear about this but you’re not the only woman who has been dished out unscolicited comments about their looks. Easier said than done, but don’t allow people to make you feel ugly
or bad about yourself to this extent. Use these situations to build your self esteem up so next time it happens you can handle people’s meanness with ease.

I would’ve laughed in their faces lol but that’s just me
 
Strong independant intelligent stan and thinker
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How old are you ? If you are an adult now , work on looking the best you can (without exagerrating with make up and all ) Just dress stylish , clean , eat healthy , why not practice some sport ? Work on your intelligence , professional side , it will strengthen your confidence .
 
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I make you feel that dont i? Good.
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Are you a capricorn? If so you will need to feel it all honestly, in all it’s intensity, deal that it happened and that it’s out of your control now & then drop it. And never pick it up again.

Trauma manifests multiple ways, this is emotional trauma. You can reclaim power back from your mom by having an open raw convo about your feelings, how that moment impacted you and what you wont deal with moving forward.

As for self esteem only you can change that. Working out, dressing up all the time, positive affirmations while dancing in the mirror. 3+ hours of self care, being soft with yourself (if you are a cap you know what i mean) Do alll that
*Brown heart Emoji*
 
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I'm sorry for your experiences OP. Many truly ugly people in this world internally. From my two cents, your art teacher was a Slavic woman as presumed by her name and if there's one thing I know about Slavic culture toward women - they are utterly and absolutely obsessed with youth in women and criticizing appearances in all females regardless of age and on a whole the culture is not particularly kind toward people of color or minorities. It's normal if not encouraged to police your own appearance to an insane degree - looks matter on the deepest level. And naturally this behavior extends to other women as well. When we're young, we tend not to realize the disrespect from others and minimize it due to just not knowing otherwise. Focus only on yourself and your vision of what looking good for YOU is. I know from experience, when you're truly satisfied with the version of you - everybody else be damned. Beware of losing yourself and feeling so utterly unfulfilled trying to fit into others view of "pretty." You seem like a nice person and you're gonna need to tell more folks to stfu quite frankly all throughout life and not even entertain their mess. The fact they feel this comfortable to give their unasked for opinion shows they're not afraid of backlash and they fuxng should be. Sending love and light your way, expeditiously lol
 
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there are some really MESSED up people in this world. Ive come across some really horrible teachers, bosses, many people in power. Who utilize their position to diminish and degrade the innocent. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Some people are just damaged, evil, or both.
 
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I've come to terms with the fact that most people are insecure. Don't let the posturing fool you.
They are projecting their insecurities onto you.Learn to read or call them out. Are you shy or self conscious ? You will always be a magnet for butt holes.

Carry yourself with confidence.Be unapologetic about who you are.I know it's easier said than done but you're going to have to take charge of your life or be a victim forever.
 
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How old are you now? Maybe you need a therapist.

These 2 things are bad but not so bad to be overwhelmed or obsessed with it the rest of your life. Everyone has had at least one time where we have felt humiliated or embarrassed. It doesn't mean you should forget those things happened just that you shouldn't be fixated on it or base an identity around it.

How old are you ? If you are an adult now , work on looking the best you can (without exagerrating with make up and all ) Just dress stylish , clean , eat healthy , why not practice some sport ? Work on your intelligence , professional side , it will strengthen your confidence .

Are you a capricorn? If so you will need to feel it all honestly, in all it’s intensity, deal that it happened and that it’s out of your control now & then drop it. And never pick it up again.

Trauma manifests multiple ways, this is emotional trauma. You can reclaim power back from your mom by having an open raw convo about your feelings, how that moment impacted you and what you wont deal with moving forward.

As for self esteem only you can change that. Working out, dressing up all the time, positive affirmations while dancing in the mirror. 3+ hours of self care, being soft with yourself (if you are a cap you know what i mean) Do alll that
*Brown heart Emoji*

I'm sorry for your experiences OP. Many truly ugly people in this world internally. From my two cents, your art teacher was a Slavic woman as presumed by her name and if there's one thing I know about Slavic culture toward women - they are utterly and absolutely obsessed with youth in women and criticizing appearances in all females regardless of age and on a whole the culture is not particularly kind toward people of color or minorities. It's normal if not encouraged to police your own appearance to an insane degree - looks matter on the deepest level. And naturally this behavior extends to other women as well. When we're young, we tend not to realize the disrespect from others and minimize it due to just not knowing otherwise. Focus only on yourself and your vision of what looking good for YOU is. I know from experience, when you're truly satisfied with the version of you - everybody else be damned. Beware of losing yourself and feeling so utterly unfulfilled trying to fit into others view of "pretty." You seem like a nice person and you're gonna need to tell more folks to stfu quite frankly all throughout life and not even entertain their mess. The fact they feel this comfortable to give their unasked for opinion shows they're not afraid of backlash and they fuxng should be. Sending love and light your way, expeditiously lol

I've come to terms with the fact that most people are insecure. Don't let the posturing fool you.
They are projecting their insecurities onto you.Learn to read or call them out. Are you shy or self conscious ? You will always be a magnet for butt holes.

Carry yourself with confidence.Be unapologetic about who you are.I know it's easier said than done but you're going to have to take charge of your life or be a victim forever.
I'm currently 22 and yeah, I'm a Capricorn to the font that asked. I know people are going to mention how that was a long time ago but it was a really sensitive period for me. My self esteem was everywhere beside where it needed to be, I didn't have anyone to talk to and I kept getting kicked while I was already at my worse. There were other times of ridicule aside from that and it seemed like the punches just kept coming. Trying to drag me out of my comfort zone to fight with them or argue. People always tell me that I look young and innocent ...and closed off to myself, sort of a loner. I guess they sense the lack of support and somehow they know I don't have people that have my back so they target me. When I do fight back, its made to look like I'm doing too much or they try to purposely undermine my point, or make me look crazy and as if I'm overreacting- gaslighting basically.

I have been around a lot of people that really try to work on dragging me down unprovoked or starting shit with me that I've just gone tired. I want to get my strength back but its hard.
 
Meow meow.. Get yo own sh!t... Joi!!
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Time for therapy. There’s no way around obsessing over something like this into adulthood. We all realize that people do things we don’t always understand, even shitty things. We should have this understanding.
 

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