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I don’t get what the problem is (friendship/sisterhood issue)

incogneato

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So my longtime sisterhood group seems to be crumbling. One in the group (I will call her Friend A), I have never really warmed up to. I am really only cool with her because she is a friend of my friend who is also in the group so I tolerate her. I had issues with her a few years ago when we went on vacation and every time we would go out to eat, she would be nasty and rolling her eyes at the waiter/waitress and she always finds something wrong. Then she had nerve to tell me which way to go on our road trip and looking at my gas hand when she did not put in on any gas as she was having hard times. So fast forward to a few months ago, she wanted to have a gathering and the rest of us were not quite comfortable as covid was still floating around. It was her birthday and she wanted to do high contact activities (nail salon, etc) and we were not feeling it and we told her upfront so we did not go but of course wished her happy birthday. We were also going to have a meet up two weeks ago at a restaurant but one of the girls couldn’t make it and she told us upfront because she had to go out of state. So now one of the other ladies birthday is coming up and we are doing a small lunch and we are feeling a little bit safer since we are vaccinated. Friend A has all of a sudden got quiet and told one of the other girls that she isn’t feeling any of us anymore and how she doesn’t like how people cancel.

I don’t get it as we are all women in our 30’s with lives. I have no problem when friends cancel as long as they tell me upfront and do not stand me up. If they cannot make it, I do something for me. I’m just venting.
 

Brown Skin.

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So y’all didn’t try to do anything for Friend A birthday at all and now you’re wondering why she is feeling some type of way about another friend birthday celebration? Y’all coulda came up with another alternative but y’all said sorry can’t make it and that was it? Y’all coulda did a zoom and send her some money for uber eats and did a lunch over video but y’all don’t really like the girl so y’all didn’t care just be honest lol Smh. I’d probably back away as well so you get a win either way cause you don’t like her
 

incogneato

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So y’all didn’t try to do anything for Friend A birthday at all and now you’re wondering why she is feeling some type of way about another friend birthday celebration? Y’all coulda came up with another alternative but y’all said sorry can’t make it and that was it? Y’all coulda did a zoom and send her some money for uber eats and did a lunch over video but y’all don’t really like the girl so y’all didn’t care just be honest lol Smh. I’d probably back away as well so you get a win either way cause you don’t like her
One of the ladies did make it to friend A’s bday gathering. I did reach out to her and wished her a happy birthday. My whole thing is the rest of us did not have birthday gatherings in 2020 and the rest of us did not expect anything in 2020 from anyone. How did she know we had money back then? I had just made a big purchase and did not have it like that for her birthday. Personally I do not get offended especially during a pandemic. We are talking about her September 2020 birthday.
 

Urbest

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I would feel a certain way if no one did sh!t for my birthday, but expect me to for theirs. Did you give her a gift or just a happy birthday text? You said you had a gathering but 1 person couldn’t come so y’all canceled. Why didn’t you guys just proceed without that 1 person?
 

llsgurl

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This is a form of gaslighting. You know exactly why she's distancing herself, but want to pretend other wise. If I was her I wouldn't fµck with yall either.
 
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LaVieBoheme

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Why don't y'all just have a joint birthday celebration for everyone whose birthday y'all missed during the pandemic?

Everyone gets a gift, some recognition, and nobody has to act like anyone else was treated better than another person.

Set a $ limit, half of the group pays for food and alcohol, the other half buys gifts for everyone and each other.
 

Bossgal509

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I agree with the posts above. You should have done something (outside of texting her) for her. Sent flowers, gift card, something! I have a feeling that you’re manipulating the situation in your favor. This post is one sided. You mentioned that you don’t even like her, you just tolerate her. Do you think she can’t sense that?
 

Stantonlikzaddy

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Why don't y'all just have a joint birthday celebration for everyone whose birthday y'all missed during the pandemic?

Everyone gets a gift, some recognition, and nobody has to act like anyone else was treated better than another person.

Set a $ limit, half of the group pays for food and alcohol, the other half buys gifts for everyone and each other.
You're a good friend...very thoughtful
 

Stantonlikzaddy

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LOL you were mad she gave you directions? Sounds like you're one of those women who "tolerates" women but finds any excuse to let them know you "tolerate" them..I promise you, it's less energy to just not deal with them.

She's right to feel a way.
 

Cakeums

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Why do y’all hang out with a girl
You obviously don’t like? I don’t get it. I say this because y’all have known each other for years and only sent a happy birthday text. I send my college friends birthday and Christmas gifts and we haven’t seen each other since way before covid. They do the same for me.

Cut the dead weight if you don’t like her, I also wouldn’t care if she cut me off if I were you because you say you dont.
 

Radiance

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I know exactly what you mean about tolerating the mutual friend, of a friend group.
I ended up dropping all of them!

On a social service work trip, the one that I didn't like, brought a dude to the hotel and fµcked in the bed of the lady that I did like, who had not arrived yet. She noticed her bed was messed up. I told her who it was because her ass had herpes from college.

And was also the one who went behind the mutual friend with the same guy in the office, after they read one of Zane's books.
They knew each others husbands and remained phony friends in their presence.
giphy.gif
 

Kirakuni

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Can't you hang out with your friends without her? Try hanging out separately from now on so you don't have to deal with her.
 

Mrs.Smooth

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OP.....you don’t like her. Accept it move along accordingly. You already said that you only tolerate her cuz she’s a friend of a friend so why the long story.
 

Carolina_Barbie

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Why post about a friend separating herself that you don’t even like, wouldn’t that be a win for? You want her around so you can continue to be fake as hell. Grow up please!
 

Mrs.Smooth

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Why post about a friend separating herself that you don’t even like, wouldn’t that be a win for? You want her around so you can continue to be fake as hell. Grow up please!
Exactly....y’all are in your 30s too. I don’t get it. People just love keeping a toxic social circle to seem popular
 

CatThot

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So my longtime sisterhood group seems to be crumbling. One in the group (I will call her Friend A), I have never really warmed up to. I am really only cool with her because she is a friend of my friend who is also in the group so I tolerate her. I had issues with her a few years ago when we went on vacation and every time we would go out to eat, she would be nasty and rolling her eyes at the waiter/waitress and she always finds something wrong. Then she had nerve to tell me which way to go on our road trip and looking at my gas hand when she did not put in on any gas as she was having hard times. So fast forward to a few months ago, she wanted to have a gathering and the rest of us were not quite comfortable as covid was still floating around. It was her birthday and she wanted to do high contact activities (nail salon, etc) and we were not feeling it and we told her upfront so we did not go but of course wished her happy birthday. We were also going to have a meet up two weeks ago at a restaurant but one of the girls couldn’t make it and she told us upfront because she had to go out of state. So now one of the other ladies birthday is coming up and we are doing a small lunch and we are feeling a little bit safer since we are vaccinated. Friend A has all of a sudden got quiet and told one of the other girls that she isn’t feeling any of us anymore and how she doesn’t like how people cancel.

I don’t get it as we are all women in our 30’s with lives. I have no problem when friends cancel as long as they tell me upfront and do not stand me up. If they cannot make it, I do something for me. I’m just venting.
I understand why your "friend" feels a certain way, it's normal. I also understand why you did what you did, we are in a pandemic so it's important to be cautious.

Just rid of the friend. Don't try to force anything.
 

Locanokalala

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stories like this is high key why i don't do friend groups how you friends with someone you barely like?
 

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