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I don’t like my parents. (Long read)

Jessica Mur

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Your fake father is a con man and a fraud using your desire for family to get close to you, spy on you and manipulate you FOR HIS OWN BENEFIT!!!!

He asked to use YOUR home as a crash pad to fck your
mother!!!

Let that marinate!!!

He was incarcerated?

He's broke?

And he's using his "daughter" for a fcking crash pad for his booty calls???

Where the fck they do that at?

Your mother hates you and probably always has WHICH IS WHY SHE IS SABOTAGING your life!!!!

She is the most dangerous of all three because she's willing to call YOUR JOB and fµck up your bag!!!

She's willing to fµck up your ability to earn money!!!!

What kind of mother would do this????

NO KIND OF MOTHER!!!!

And your brother is your rapist/abuser!!!!

Stay away from HIM and HIS CHILDREN!!!!

You cannot risk being around these monsters at all!!!

@Bella8933 can tell you more about cutting off toxic family

YOU DON'T OWE NONE OF THEM sh!t!!!
I can tell he’s manipulative. Funny how my mom said for years that he’s manipulative and used women yet she took him back as soon as he got out of jail. Him swearing on his mothers grave made me kinda sad but now that I think about it, him and his mother never got along. He said she abandoned him so I guess him swearing on her grave means nothing.
 

Jessica Mur

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you cannot force or plead a sexist woman, failed men, nor a sexist family into loving you in a functional and healthy way until they realize how their internalize misogyny and generational dysfunction impairs and poisons themselves and the people around them, namely you.

there are some had truths about your family you need to accept - flaws and all - in order for yourself to heal and be protected.

at this point, it is time for your to prioritize your self-preservation. what is your plan of action to become safe?
does you plan include getting a therapist? grey rocking? moving away?
what are your boundaries? do you still want to be in your niece's life and make sure she does not perpetuate the sexism in your family?

map out the healthiest way you want to communicate (or not) and relate to your family.

you cannot change them. no amount of arguing, defending, justifying, or explaining will suddenly make them care, love, and respect you.

put yourself first. do what you need to do to feel safe.

Spirit Bless.
Yeah I love my niece, that’s probably the only reason I still go over to my mothers house. I’ve already started falling back from them but it’s hard to let go completely because we go through spells where we get along great but then a fight happens and when it happens it’s huge and shifts things.
 

Jessica Mur

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Girl tell me why you are still communicating with these people?

Do you love being abused or do you enjoy being the victim (I mean this with all sincerity)?

It’s time to get into therapy and go no contact. Go ghost. Forget your father(jail bird), your mither(abuser) and brother (molester).

I wish you well and know you deserve better than this.
We go through cycles where we get along great, then boom something happens. I feel like since we are family, it’s harder to cut them off then if this was a friend.
 

Jessica Mur

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Daria M

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We go through cycles where we get along great, then boom something happens. I feel like since we are family, it’s harder to cut them off then if this was a friend.
Then don’t complain because as I said you seem to like this cycle and if you truly don’t you would make a change.

You’re in a batter wife situation some days are good until the abuse begins again and you run back when you think things will be better. It’s up to you now to choose better.
 

Jessica Mur

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Do you physically have to be there? If you can move out, do. If not, get a lock for your room and stay in there when you don't have to be in the kitchen, etc.
I live in my own place 30 minutes away from them. I go there because my parents get my niece on the weekends. I go to see her.
 

BLKBAMBI

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I live in my own place 30 minutes away from them. I go there because my parents get my niece on the weekends. I go to see her.
I had an enlightenment when a poster on here, I think she has laurenlondon in her avatar or woman that looks like her. Ill never forget this. This poster said that her aunt did a lot for her, very nice and generous. she did not hate her aunt or harbored any bad feelings because her aunt was very kind to her. but ultimately she didn't really care about her aunt or had any loyal or regards towards her. she only loved and cared about her mother and brother. I needed to read that and realized that
 

P O I S O N

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I’m so sorry that you have had to deal with these gaslighting, pathetic excuse for family members.. You dad has a lot of nerve considering he wasn’t even part of your life for the most part. How does he fix his damn mouth to say anything to you when he has not been present for majority of your life?

If you do not run, not walk, run away from these people. Just because they are blood, it doesn’t mean they are family... You have got to get away from them while you still are mentally sane. Having a piece of mind in this day and age is absolutely everything.

I also recommend you talk to a therapist as well.. There is a lot you need to sift through to break these toxic bonds.
 

LovelyLamp

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This is fµck!ng disgusting. This is not family, these people are devils. I’m not trying to be funny but posts like this made me wish murder could occasionally be legal. Your brother that molested you doesn’t deserve to live. This is disgusting. Get rid of these people forever.

@Jessica Mur I want to give you a hug so bad.

 

O.o

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I do feel like my mother does not like me.

But the thing that confuses me, is how she goes through spells where she seems cool with me. I mean we’ll get along for months, then boom something happens. It’s like a cycle that confuses me. At the moment we are good but I feel like she is being super nice because I went M.I. A for so many months. That is the longest time I went without seeing/ speaking to her and she seemed shook.

If she hates me, does that mean she hates my older sister too? I always thought they had a close relationship but I read my sisters diary a couple of months ago (don’t judge me) and I was shocked at what she was saying. She feels the same way towards our mother that I do.
Power_And_Control.png



Your mother knows intuitively how much you crave her approval and acceptance so she is breadcrumbing you.

You love your niece BUT DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF?

Because these people hate you.

They may be polite sometimes, but they still hate you.

The violence and abuse will eventually escalate.

We can't make you leave, but you need to put this whole family behind you.

They're USING YOU.

Don't set yourself on fire to keep them warm.

If your brother gave a sh!t, he would be spending time with his own child in his own home.

They're using you to babysit the neice.

THAT'S NOT YOUR JOB.

Think of this like a hostage finding out they're free.

There all you know, so you cling to it.

You don't have to.
 

SocaPrincess

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Please stay away from these people OP. They are horrible to you and they just seem like vile, no ambition/low ambition people who want to suck the good out of those around them. Do not engage with them, no babysitting, no family gatherings, nothing at all & go get some therapy so you can heal xo. Anyone who defends your abusers does not need to be in your life. Spent time with your niece only - even better if it's away from the house.
 

O.o

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I live in my own place 30 minutes away from them. I go there because my parents get my niece on the weekends. I go to see her.
You're going to have to consider life apart from your niece until you can heal and learn proper boundaries for yourself.

But there's absolutely no reason you should be going anyplace where your mother, brother or fake father have access.
 

incogneato

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I’m sorry that you are going through this all. I know this may have been said but you really do not deserve it.

You say that you feel like sometimes you are good and then the next moment, you are being switched up on. I have been there. You are being emotionally abused by your family. Emotional abuse from people that are supposed to love you is so heartbreaking. It really does mess with your mind and sense of reality. I understand why you feel confused and did not just cut them off. It is easier said than done.

I would suggest to gradually limit the amount of time you spend with them until eventually you barely see them. The less you see them, the easier it will be. Hopefully over time you will just be able to cut them off completely or only speak to them a handful of times a year.

PS: don’t listen to whoever said that because you are the common denominator in all conflicts, you are the problem. That’s not true at all. Wishing you the best. XO
 

incogneato

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!!

I stopped reading after the molestation. I wasn’t ready for that tonight.

The most powerful thing you can do is choose you. It’s a necessary power. I was thinking of my own childhood abuse and neglect just hours ago. I never think about it. I shut those chapters off. But today those chapters and their contrast to my current chapter brought me to my knees. Today, I stand a fully confident and aware being. Gainfully employed and abundantly loved. An Ivy League educated high school sophomore drop out. 12 years ago I was eating scraps off a dirt floor.

You owe “better” to yourself. Pursue it, whatever that may look like. But it’s senseless to stay within the environment of your corrosion after you’ve identified it as such.

Thanks for sharing.
Power up.
 

Lady Kayura

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WhAt oN EaRTh?!!

Girl listen to me: CUT THEM OFF AND DON'T LOOK BACK. EVER!!!

Seriously those monsters are not you're family. It may hurt at first but it will get better than you could imagine.
 

Lilac2727

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My dad recently came into my life, he didn’t raise me. While he was away, we used to exchange letters sometimes. Well I told him about my relationship with my toxic mother as well as my older brother. Apparently my mother caught me on a dating app back when I was 19/ 20, I didn’t know this until my dad mentioned it recently. He tried to justify her constant name calling as “tough love” because I had no business being on a dating app -_-

Since when is a mother calling her daughter

Slu*, *hore, *kank, fat, b****h, etc. considered tough love? She called me those names from when I was aged 13 to 20. A couple of my aunts call me those same names as well and I’m tired. I never say anything back, I just ignore them. It seems like any bad thing that I mentioned about my mother, he would justify. He loves to say:

“your mother was a single parent, she was just stressed”.

Or

“You really expect me to believe what you’re saying”?


Or

“Your perception is just off”.

I feel like he gaslights me a lot. Not too long ago he gaslighted me on the bullying I went through over the years. He says he doesn’t believe I was ever bullied for the things that I mentioned. Then he says all of those guys that bullied you probably just liked you.

Last year my older brother and I got into one of our usual fights. He was drunk and annoyed that I called him out for eating a meal I made for myself without my consent. He also wanted me to watch my niece while he ran the streets as usual, I refused because I was busy. He also stated that since I was laid off due to Covid, that I should be doing all of the cooking/ cleaning and buying groceries for the house. We have always bought our own groceries since we got jobs. He said it’s not fair that I was getting the $600 increase and get to sit around the house all day while they work. Bruh, what does one have to do with the other? So since I got laid off, I should be punished and turned into a servant?

Well we had words and things escalated, he hit me below the belt first so I did the same. My mom took his side like she always does, she coddles him. She says she feels bad for him because she believes I am the root of his alcoholism/ depression. Fourteen years ago I confessed to being molested by my brother when I was a kid.

My mom only believes me when she and my brother are in one of their usual quarrels (they fight a lot), but when they are on good terms, she reverts back to not believing me. My brother didn’t start heavily drinking until 3 years ago, I do not believe I am the root of his alcoholism/ depression. Back to the fight last year, I was so pissed off that I went M.I.A for months. My dad made me feel like I was the issue and he said that I should be the one to apologize, even though he witnessed nothing.

He kept pressuring me to apologize! He said I should spend the weekend at my mothers house with my siblings (apologizing) while he uses my apartment to have alone time with my mother. That sh!t made my blood boil, I felt like he only wanted me to go over there so he could use my place!!!! Again, he didn’t witness the fight, so his opinion doesn’t matter. I also feel like he’s afraid to go against my mother because she is the provider. I refused to apologize.

Around that time I also fell out with a friend of 3 months because she stole money from me. Well my dad tells me that since I’m falling out with people that I must be the issue. He said that he swears on his mothers grave that he believes I am the root of all of my feuds. My parents talk as if I was a trouble maker growing up, but I wasn’t, it was opposite. I was always known as the “quiet girl” whether at school or my jobs even till this day. People have always told me “you’re too nice” or “you let people push you around”. I really feel like this is the problem. Now that I’m older and I defend myself, they just can’t take it.

What is really bothering me with my mother is that she defended a man who put his hands on me. I mentioned it here before that I got into an argument with a male coworker 2 years ago. He raised his voice at me after I refused to let him take something from me that wasn’t his, so I yelled back. He pushed me so hard a fell back on floor. I was so pissed off I called my brothers and they mentioned it to my mom. Later that day I heard a few of my coworkers whisper:

“Her mother called up here”.

I was so embarrassed, I had no idea she was planning to do that. She told my boss that she didn’t want the man to lose his job and that we should just talk it out and move on. She said I need to think about the family and kids he has and that I could ruin his life. It really hurt my feelings that she didn’t have my back once again because a man was involved. She also said I provoked the situation by raising my voice back at him. This fool has multiple charges of domestic violence on his record but she still blamed me.

The final straw when it comes to father was when I babysat my niece over at my mothers house last week. She asked me to clean the kitchen that night and I was going to after I finished the project I had been working on for 8 hours, due at midnight. Fast forward to 10pm, my dad decides to clean the kitchen. He said he feels like I’m not gonna do it so he’ll just do it. I normally go to sleep around 2am-3am, I was gonna do it before bed. Well he makes a comment that makes my blood boil:

“I see why you and your mother fought so much. You don’t do what she says”.

This comment set me off.

My dad has never witnessed my mother and I feuding. Who is he to make such a comment? Did this fool forget he was absent 22 out of 26 years of my life? Why is he speaking on things he didn’t witness himself? Recently my mother mentioned that she noticed he tends to get big and bad with me but not my brothers. I’m not trippin, someone else sees it.

Years ago I used to let people push me around but the older I get, the more angrier I become at people trying to play me or gaslight me. I find myself not wanting to be around him much. When I am around him, I can’t help but be quiet because I’m annoyed with him. He’s been complaining that I don’t really speak when I’m around him like I use to when he first got out. Well, I’m sick of his gaslighting. My siblings don’t really deal with him, just hi and bye.

Maybe I need to start doing that. I don’t feel like I can express my feelings without my parents gaslighting me.

Should I just cut them off for good or just be around them less?
Your family sounds narcissistic and have made you the scapegoat. Scapegoating is extremely common in narcissistic households. I suggest you watch Dr.Ramani's youtube videos on this matter and cut them off as soon as you can.
 

Lilac2727

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I do feel like my mother does not like me.

But the thing that confuses me, is how she goes through spells where she seems cool with me. I mean we’ll get along for months, then boom something happens. It’s like a cycle that confuses me. At the moment we are good but I feel like she is being super nice because I went M.I. A for so many months. That is the longest time I went without seeing/ speaking to her and she seemed shook.

If she hates me, does that mean she hates my older sister too? I always thought they had a close relationship but I read my sisters diary a couple of months ago (don’t judge me) and I was shocked at what she was saying. She feels the same way towards our mother that I do.
This sounds like narc abuse. They function on cycles. From personal experience, this gets worse. Please leave!
 

narrowlegend

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I’ve cut my family off for less. And I’m happier and more at peace for it. fµck these people and get some counseling. If you ever have a family of your own, you want to break these cycles of generational abuse.
 

Complexe

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It’s what society and at some point, religion impose us. I mean, they always told us we had to love our parents, be with them and understand them no matter what they put us through.
When you are a grown person you realize the damage they cause you, sometimes they don’t even realize about it.
I understand you, my parents (both) still gaslight me, deny my feelings, don’t accept when I have different opinions and my own personality. They always use the reflect thing I mean, they (especially mothers) want you to be a copy of them and think like them. Don’t let they control you or manipulate you through emotions. I’m speaking from experience I was so many years feeling like a bad person, silenced and full of insecurities just cause I didn’t do everything they want me to do and be the way they want me to be, be yourself, respect them and move on, work in yourself and you’ll find the answer.
Sometimes parents think giving you all kind of material things will fill your life, but they don’t have the enough empathy to put themselves in your place, understand your feelings and see who you really are.
 
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PelPel

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My dad recently came into my life, he didn’t raise me. While he was away, we used to exchange letters sometimes. Well I told him about my relationship with my toxic mother as well as my older brother. Apparently my mother caught me on a dating app back when I was 19/ 20, I didn’t know this until my dad mentioned it recently. He tried to justify her constant name calling as “tough love” because I had no business being on a dating app -_-

Since when is a mother calling her daughter

Slu*, *hore, *kank, fat, b****h, etc. considered tough love? She called me those names from when I was aged 13 to 20. A couple of my aunts call me those same names as well and I’m tired. I never say anything back, I just ignore them. It seems like any bad thing that I mentioned about my mother, he would justify. He loves to say:

“your mother was a single parent, she was just stressed”.

Or

“You really expect me to believe what you’re saying”?


Or

“Your perception is just off”.

I feel like he gaslights me a lot. Not too long ago he gaslighted me on the bullying I went through over the years. He says he doesn’t believe I was ever bullied for the things that I mentioned. Then he says all of those guys that bullied you probably just liked you.

Last year my older brother and I got into one of our usual fights. He was drunk and annoyed that I called him out for eating a meal I made for myself without my consent. He also wanted me to watch my niece while he ran the streets as usual, I refused because I was busy. He also stated that since I was laid off due to Covid, that I should be doing all of the cooking/ cleaning and buying groceries for the house. We have always bought our own groceries since we got jobs. He said it’s not fair that I was getting the $600 increase and get to sit around the house all day while they work. Bruh, what does one have to do with the other? So since I got laid off, I should be punished and turned into a servant?

Well we had words and things escalated, he hit me below the belt first so I did the same. My mom took his side like she always does, she coddles him. She says she feels bad for him because she believes I am the root of his alcoholism/ depression. Fourteen years ago I confessed to being molested by my brother when I was a kid.

My mom only believes me when she and my brother are in one of their usual quarrels (they fight a lot), but when they are on good terms, she reverts back to not believing me. My brother didn’t start heavily drinking until 3 years ago, I do not believe I am the root of his alcoholism/ depression. Back to the fight last year, I was so pissed off that I went M.I.A for months. My dad made me feel like I was the issue and he said that I should be the one to apologize, even though he witnessed nothing.

He kept pressuring me to apologize! He said I should spend the weekend at my mothers house with my siblings (apologizing) while he uses my apartment to have alone time with my mother. That sh!t made my blood boil, I felt like he only wanted me to go over there so he could use my place!!!! Again, he didn’t witness the fight, so his opinion doesn’t matter. I also feel like he’s afraid to go against my mother because she is the provider. I refused to apologize.

Around that time I also fell out with a friend of 3 months because she stole money from me. Well my dad tells me that since I’m falling out with people that I must be the issue. He said that he swears on his mothers grave that he believes I am the root of all of my feuds. My parents talk as if I was a trouble maker growing up, but I wasn’t, it was opposite. I was always known as the “quiet girl” whether at school or my jobs even till this day. People have always told me “you’re too nice” or “you let people push you around”. I really feel like this is the problem. Now that I’m older and I defend myself, they just can’t take it.

What is really bothering me with my mother is that she defended a man who put his hands on me. I mentioned it here before that I got into an argument with a male coworker 2 years ago. He raised his voice at me after I refused to let him take something from me that wasn’t his, so I yelled back. He pushed me so hard a fell back on floor. I was so pissed off I called my brothers and they mentioned it to my mom. Later that day I heard a few of my coworkers whisper:

“Her mother called up here”.

I was so embarrassed, I had no idea she was planning to do that. She told my boss that she didn’t want the man to lose his job and that we should just talk it out and move on. She said I need to think about the family and kids he has and that I could ruin his life. It really hurt my feelings that she didn’t have my back once again because a man was involved. She also said I provoked the situation by raising my voice back at him. This fool has multiple charges of domestic violence on his record but she still blamed me.

The final straw when it comes to father was when I babysat my niece over at my mothers house last week. She asked me to clean the kitchen that night and I was going to after I finished the project I had been working on for 8 hours, due at midnight. Fast forward to 10pm, my dad decides to clean the kitchen. He said he feels like I’m not gonna do it so he’ll just do it. I normally go to sleep around 2am-3am, I was gonna do it before bed. Well he makes a comment that makes my blood boil:

“I see why you and your mother fought so much. You don’t do what she says”.

This comment set me off.

My dad has never witnessed my mother and I feuding. Who is he to make such a comment? Did this fool forget he was absent 22 out of 26 years of my life? Why is he speaking on things he didn’t witness himself? Recently my mother mentioned that she noticed he tends to get big and bad with me but not my brothers. I’m not trippin, someone else sees it.

Years ago I used to let people push me around but the older I get, the more angrier I become at people trying to play me or gaslight me. I find myself not wanting to be around him much. When I am around him, I can’t help but be quiet because I’m annoyed with him. He’s been complaining that I don’t really speak when I’m around him like I use to when he first got out. Well, I’m sick of his gaslighting. My siblings don’t really deal with him, just hi and bye.

Maybe I need to start doing that. I don’t feel like I can express my feelings without my parents gaslighting me.

Should I just cut them off for good or just be around them less?
OP, cut them ALL off! I know it's hard to see it when it is all you've ever known... but those people don't give a fµck about you.

You're only there to serve a purpose and if you don't serve that purpose, you're of no other use to them.
 

NoEmailAddy

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I’ve read enough. Save up your weekly $600 and find somewhere else to live and don’t tell anyone where you live and your niece is not your responsibility ion care just cut off your family including your father they don’t respect you or your time
 

Jessica Mur

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Update:


I know y’all told me to leave them alone but I needed a place to stay.


I moved out of my place on June 27th and I’m moving to a new city August 10th, my place isn’t ready yet, so I’ve been staying with my family until August 10th. I had to move due to a mice infestation.

Ever since my dad got out of jail, I don’t talk to him as much as I did when he was in jail. I feel like he gaslights me a lot. My older brother and I got into a fight last year which lead to me fighting with my older sister and mother. They (and my dad) took his side even though they weren’t there to witness the fight. (Back story posted above)

Yesterday I got into it with my father. I was playing with my phone when he walked into the room. He got annoyed because I didn’t say hi to him. Sometimes I can become too fixated on something that I don’t see what’s going on around me. He also could’ve said hi to me too though. He started complaining about how I’m always on my phone. He then said,

“This is why people don’t like you, it’s the way you come off”.

That comment made me snap. I lost it.

In the past I’ve told my dad before that I was bullied majority of my life. He has told me before that he doesn’t believe it. He has sworn on his mother’s grave that I must be the problem. For the record I was a very quiet person growing up. I think the bullying just made me kinda anti social. I’ve been going to a therapist and she diagnosed me with PTSD. I snapped because I was still thinking about how he told me in the past that he doesn’t believe any of the things I’ve told him. I’ve been very distant with him because I feel like he gaslights my experiences.

I started yelling and cursing telling him to mind his own business and stop commenting on things he’s never seen himself. My mother told me I was wrong and that I need to apologize. She said it’s wrong to yell and curse at people, true but I’ve been sick of him. She also said that I did the same thing to her, my older brother, and sister. This is all true and it all occurred last year when my older brother and I got into a fight about him eating my food, me being unemployed and how I should be doing all the chores, since I have so much time on my hands.

I don’t want to apologize to this fool. Whenever I don’t do something he wants, he likes to bring up things I’ve told him. This is the 3rd time he has done this crap. I guess all of those therapy sessions went to waste. I have a session tomorrow morning actually. I’m calling my new apartment complex to see if I can move I into a different unit sooner.
 

lilyblac

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My dad recently came into my life, he didn’t raise me. While he was away, we used to exchange letters sometimes. Well I told him about my relationship with my toxic mother as well as my older brother. Apparently my mother caught me on a dating app back when I was 19/ 20, I didn’t know this until my dad mentioned it recently. He tried to justify her constant name calling as “tough love” because I had no business being on a dating app -_-

Since when is a mother calling her daughter

Slu*, *hore, *kank, fat, b****h, etc. considered tough love? She called me those names from when I was aged 13 to 20. A couple of my aunts call me those same names as well and I’m tired. I never say anything back, I just ignore them. It seems like any bad thing that I mentioned about my mother, he would justify. He loves to say:

“your mother was a single parent, she was just stressed”.

Or

“You really expect me to believe what you’re saying”?


Or

“Your perception is just off”.

I feel like he gaslights me a lot. Not too long ago he gaslighted me on the bullying I went through over the years. He says he doesn’t believe I was ever bullied for the things that I mentioned. Then he says all of those guys that bullied you probably just liked you.

Last year my older brother and I got into one of our usual fights. He was drunk and annoyed that I called him out for eating a meal I made for myself without my consent. He also wanted me to watch my niece while he ran the streets as usual, I refused because I was busy. He also stated that since I was laid off due to Covid, that I should be doing all of the cooking/ cleaning and buying groceries for the house. We have always bought our own groceries since we got jobs. He said it’s not fair that I was getting the $600 increase and get to sit around the house all day while they work. Bruh, what does one have to do with the other? So since I got laid off, I should be punished and turned into a servant?

Well we had words and things escalated, he hit me below the belt first so I did the same. My mom took his side like she always does, she coddles him. She says she feels bad for him because she believes I am the root of his alcoholism/ depression. Fourteen years ago I confessed to being molested by my brother when I was a kid.

My mom only believes me when she and my brother are in one of their usual quarrels (they fight a lot), but when they are on good terms, she reverts back to not believing me. My brother didn’t start heavily drinking until 3 years ago, I do not believe I am the root of his alcoholism/ depression. Back to the fight last year, I was so pissed off that I went M.I.A for months. My dad made me feel like I was the issue and he said that I should be the one to apologize, even though he witnessed nothing.

He kept pressuring me to apologize! He said I should spend the weekend at my mothers house with my siblings (apologizing) while he uses my apartment to have alone time with my mother. That sh!t made my blood boil, I felt like he only wanted me to go over there so he could use my place!!!! Again, he didn’t witness the fight, so his opinion doesn’t matter. I also feel like he’s afraid to go against my mother because she is the provider. I refused to apologize.

Around that time I also fell out with a friend of 3 months because she stole money from me. Well my dad tells me that since I’m falling out with people that I must be the issue. He said that he swears on his mothers grave that he believes I am the root of all of my feuds. My parents talk as if I was a trouble maker growing up, but I wasn’t, it was opposite. I was always known as the “quiet girl” whether at school or my jobs even till this day. People have always told me “you’re too nice” or “you let people push you around”. I really feel like this is the problem. Now that I’m older and I defend myself, they just can’t take it.

What is really bothering me with my mother is that she defended a man who put his hands on me. I mentioned it here before that I got into an argument with a male coworker 2 years ago. He raised his voice at me after I refused to let him take something from me that wasn’t his, so I yelled back. He pushed me so hard a fell back on floor. I was so pissed off I called my brothers and they mentioned it to my mom. Later that day I heard a few of my coworkers whisper:

“Her mother called up here”.

I was so embarrassed, I had no idea she was planning to do that. She told my boss that she didn’t want the man to lose his job and that we should just talk it out and move on. She said I need to think about the family and kids he has and that I could ruin his life. It really hurt my feelings that she didn’t have my back once again because a man was involved. She also said I provoked the situation by raising my voice back at him. This fool has multiple charges of domestic violence on his record but she still blamed me.

The final straw when it comes to father was when I babysat my niece over at my mothers house last week. She asked me to clean the kitchen that night and I was going to after I finished the project I had been working on for 8 hours, due at midnight. Fast forward to 10pm, my dad decides to clean the kitchen. He said he feels like I’m not gonna do it so he’ll just do it. I normally go to sleep around 2am-3am, I was gonna do it before bed. Well he makes a comment that makes my blood boil:

“I see why you and your mother fought so much. You don’t do what she says”.

This comment set me off.

My dad has never witnessed my mother and I feuding. Who is he to make such a comment? Did this fool forget he was absent 22 out of 26 years of my life? Why is he speaking on things he didn’t witness himself? Recently my mother mentioned that she noticed he tends to get big and bad with me but not my brothers. I’m not trippin, someone else sees it.

Years ago I used to let people push me around but the older I get, the more angrier I become at people trying to play me or gaslight me. I find myself not wanting to be around him much. When I am around him, I can’t help but be quiet because I’m annoyed with him. He’s been complaining that I don’t really speak when I’m around him like I use to when he first got out. Well, I’m sick of his gaslighting. My siblings don’t really deal with him, just hi and bye.

Maybe I need to start doing that. I don’t feel like I can express my feelings without my parents gaslighting me.

Should I just cut them off for good or just be around them less?
Yes, you need to cut them off for the sake of your own sanity. Good luck, sis.
 

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