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incogneato

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i don't know what to do with my life, i don't know how to make it better or if i will ever heal. At 45 I'm unsure where I'm going in life, and where i want to be, i haven't figured out my life by now, i have no job. . I took care of my adopted mother all of my life until she passed away last year at 90. my time in my childhood home is on borrowed time, will have to move within a year, I'm financially unable to keep it. i have no other family or friends.. i have nobody.. will probably be homeless or wind up in a shelter. before i was born my mother was abused throughout her pregnancy with me and i was born during one incident where my "father" pushed my mother down the stairs and severely beat her knowing she was pregnant with me. my older brother who was a kid himself, had to pour hot water on him just to get him off of her Before entering the foster care system at 8 i had been abused physically and xesually. i was molested as a baby. raped me over 30 times that. I'm aware of starting in kindergarten up until 20.. i was also kidnapped while younger in foster care, I was severely abused and shuffled from home to home until my adopted mom took me in at 11. i have schizophrenia, and ptsd, and just problems functioning. i cant get a job, because of health problems with my heart and my past also social anxiety. i just don't want to go on. bad things have been happening to me. my life has never been good. i can't take it anymore.. i am beyond repairable. bad things will always happen to me. im one of those people who can never catch a break. i am alive to only suffer. thats all ive ever done. please don't suggest therapy, i do not believe in it and would never go. this is just a rant or to vent. i have to get it off my chest before i pass
 

VENTITRENA

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i don't know what to do with my life, i don't know how to make it better or if i will ever heal. At 45 I'm unsure where I'm going in life, and where i want to be, i haven't figured out my life by now, i have no job. . I took care of my adopted mother all of my life until she passed away last year at 90. my time in my childhood home is on borrowed time, will have to move within a year, I'm financially unable to keep it. i have no other family or friends.. i have nobody.. will probably be homeless or wind up in a shelter. before i was born my mother was abused throughout her pregnancy with me and i was born during one incident where my "father" pushed my mother down the stairs and severely beat her knowing she was pregnant with me. my older brother who was a kid himself, had to pour hot water on him just to get him off of her Before entering the foster care system at 8 i had been abused physically and xesually. i was molested as a baby. raped me over 30 times that. I'm aware of starting in kindergarten up until 20.. i was also kidnapped while younger in foster care, I was severely abused and shuffled from home to home until my adopted mom took me in at 11. i have schizophrenia, and ptsd, and just problems functioning. i cant get a job, because of health problems with my heart and my past also social anxiety. i just don't want to go on. bad things have been happening to me. my life has never been good. i can't take it anymore.. i am beyond repairable. bad things will always happen to me. im one of those people who can never catch a break. i am alive to only suffer. thats all ive ever done. please don't suggest therapy, i do not believe in it and would never go. this is just a rant or to vent. i have to get it off my chest before i pass
Sending thoughts and prayers your way OP.
 

Ch0716

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Also sending prayers OP. :heart: You are an incredibly strong person. And if not therapy I hope you find someone or something that brings you happiness and peace.
 

Aret noone

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You are soo strong, and your strength cannot be ever accurately calculated. I am sorry life was renamed "nightmare" for you. Let an angel take you wherever you need to be to find a peace. <3 All I have are broken words, and I hope that they count to you
 

Thaumathurgy

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Apply for disability pay and ride it out, relax everyday however you need, don't do "hard" drugs though.. :sneaky:
 

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