Quantcast

I Don't See My Situation Changing

incogneato

No face, no case.
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
396,408
Reaction score
Reactions
2,689,576 495,000 222,882
2,889,484
Alleybux
669,324
I dont have close friends and I dont have a boyfriend and I will be 25 in a matter of months. I had some goals and I only managed one. I lost a little weight hoping it would make me feel better, but it really hasnt. Im still miserable.

I have a problem connecting with people, even ones I have known most of my life. I cant communicate well and Im always embarrassed and nervous and I cant seem to get past it no matter what I try.

It gets worse when i see people I know on social media. I know thats not an accurate portrayal, but i know these people. I know what a lot of their life is like. Theyre happy in their marriage, they have jobs they enjoy for thr most part, they hang out with friends. I literally have none of that. I have nothing to show.

I'm beginning to feel this is just how my life is going to be. Sitting with my parents, having this lame job, no friends, no dates. Just nothing but sitting there with my computer. Its too the point I've just about lost all motivation or desire to better my situation. I really dont know whats wrong with me. People my age usually care about these things.
 

BLKBAMBI

Team Owner
Joined
Dec 25, 2014
Messages
41,772
Reaction score
Reactions
234,989 14,292 10,401
260,754
Alleybux
296,352
im sorry i am in a similar situation too at and I HAVE TRIED

KEEP TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR SITUATION. YOU HAVE PROBABLY TRIED TOO
 

Princefanxo

At the wrecka stow
Joined
May 7, 2011
Messages
25,620
Reaction score
Reactions
136,412 1,887 1,059
151,187
Alleybux
20
Well if you don't see it changing then it won't. If you want to change you have to get off your ass and make it happen. No one is going to do anything for you. You have to motivate yourself. Sitting around complaining isn't going to help. So what's your plan?
 

FaunDoo

Mystic & Syndicalist
Joined
May 11, 2016
Messages
5,181
Reaction score
Reactions
37,306 685 466
39,858
Alleybux
46,500
You're just a little burnt out. Why not try something new, like developing or improving a skill you have?

Learn a language, try to improve your art skills, or try learning a new way to exercise or practice self-defense. Exercise and sunlight will improve your mood.
 

champagne mami

General Manager
Joined
Jul 9, 2016
Messages
1,176
Reaction score
Reactions
2,268 57 196
2,072
Alleybux
330
you're an idiot if you are jealous from what people post on social media

THEY SHOW YOU WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO SEE
 
Last edited:

GabrieleChristo

DEPROGRAMMING
Joined
Jan 5, 2017
Messages
26,565
Reaction score
Reactions
158,004 8,380 11,373
146,631
Alleybux
70
I dont have close friends and I dont have a boyfriend and I will be 25 in a matter of months. I had some goals and I only managed one. I lost a little weight hoping it would make me feel better, but it really hasnt. Im still miserable.

I have a problem connecting with people, even ones I have known most of my life. I cant communicate well and Im always embarrassed and nervous and I cant seem to get past it no matter what I try.

It gets worse when i see people I know on social media. I know thats not an accurate portrayal, but i know these people. I know what a lot of their life is like. Theyre happy in their marriage, they have jobs they enjoy for thr most part, they hang out with friends. I literally have none of that. I have nothing to show.

I'm beginning to feel this is just how my life is going to be. Sitting with my parents, having this lame job, no friends, no dates. Just nothing but sitting there with my computer. Its too the point I've just about lost all motivation or desire to better my situation. I really dont know whats wrong with me. People my age usually care about these things.

OP, did you go to college? What are your interests? You can try joining clubs to meet people who share similar interests. It also sounds as if you may have social anxiety. Have you tried looking into any online forums or going to therapy to see what the underlying issue could be?
 

canadiangirl

Team Owner
Joined
Jun 7, 2013
Messages
6,965
Reaction score
Reactions
33,706 1,364 1,174
34,885
Alleybux
54,564
Sorry you're going through that OP.

If not having friends is keeping you down I would try meetup.com. Go to a few events in you're city. Even if the people don't look like they would be your taste its always more fun then staying in. Another app is bumblebff, I used it last year and made some good friends off it.

Also if you are lonely and bored, online date lol. Be careful and have fun most guys will pay for the date and youll get out of the house and have an excuse to dress up.

Keep on your diet and fitnes goals! This I fail at constantly...
 

Cancemini

solstice magician.
Joined
Jul 12, 2009
Messages
2,217
Reaction score
Reactions
11,200 76 38
11,252
Alleybux
0
you're an idiot if you are jealous from what people post on IG

THEY SHOW YOU WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO SEE

It's a little insensitive to call her an idiot (she's already upset), but the bold is largely true.

You know how you take a selfie of yourself, but you take several pics and choose the best one to send someone/upload to social media? That's what a lot of people do with their social media accounts: give great appearance. So what they're married? Who knows what the hell their life is like behind closed doors.

I mean if people can photoshop their bodies, you don't think they can photoshop their lives too?

FOCUS ON YOURSELF, YOUR DREAMS AND WHY YOU DESERVE TO HAVE THEM. We all get a little down, just don't stay there! Reconfigure your plan (1-year plan, 5-year plan), pray, meditate, find a therapist if you need to. But you're too young to be putting so much pressure on yourself. Something I do when I'm down is give away things or go volunteer. I do it for a couple of reasons, but one of them is to remind myself that, "Girl, you think YOU got it bad?! Ha!"
 

makemeproud

BANNED
Joined
Jan 19, 2014
Messages
12,194
Reaction score
Reactions
92,835 2,629 822
99,599
Alleybux
7,932
Well if you don't see it changing then it won't. If you want to change you have to get off your ass and make it happen. No one is going to do anything for you. You have to motivate yourself. Sitting around complaining isn't going to help. So what's your plan?

this! op, you're gonna need to get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there and brush up on your social skills. don't get discouraged, it might sound scary at first, but what's the worst that can happen? rejection? at least you'll know you tried and not EVERYONE is worth having around anyway. it might not always seem this way but there's a lot of wonderful ppl to get to know out there, so take a chance.
 

incogneato

No face, no case.
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
396,408
Reaction score
Reactions
2,689,576 495,000 222,882
2,889,484
Alleybux
669,324
I was in that situation but am doing a little bit better now and think more positively about improving my situation, especially since some things changed.

There have been so many threads like this on here in the mental health and jane doe alley. About social anxiety, or being isolated. Even some in the relationship alley about having difficulty making friends. I feel like a lot of people on lsa are like this and that's one of the reasons why we're on here.

I am thinking about just starting one big thread in this section where we can post together and push each other to leave our comfort zones and take the steps needed to become better communicators, more social, make friends and other things of that nature. Growing together, improving our quality of life. Yes, it will be very awkward in the beginning, but reading about others awkward experiences and knowing that other people are experiencing it as well should help.

An idea would be to have little challenges every week that we have to complete. Ex. Starting a conversation with someone, going some place different, joining an org. Then coming back to discuss how it went.
 

incogneato

No face, no case.
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
396,408
Reaction score
Reactions
2,689,576 495,000 222,882
2,889,484
Alleybux
669,324
You need to stop believing that what you are seeing on social media is actually true. It is not real. People put fake ish up on social media to make it look like their lives are perfect. Step away from the social media. Log out. Stop tormenting yourself with that nonsense.

You are too young to be acting and talking like your life is over. It's very dramatic and it is also not true. You met one goal that you set out and that's it? You lost a few pounds but don't feel better so fukk it? REALLY, OP?

Your generation has a strange notion of what it means to actually work hard and try to succeed at life. It's not just trying a few times half-assed. Working hard at building a life takes YEARS and hundreds if not thousands of attempts at trying all sorts of things to make your life what you want it to be.

You are depressed. I don't need a medical degree to tell you that. You sound depressed as hell and at this point you probably need medication to haul yourself out of this hole you are in. At least you have a family to support you, please try and be grateful for that much. You truly are blessed if you have family that put a roof over your head.

Here is a plan to help you out.

1. Tell your parents how you feel, they will likely suggest you see a professional (doctor).
2. Go see a doctor. If you don't have insurance look for some sort of free clinic. There are free services out there for mental health and you need to find them if you don't have insurance.
3. GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA or drastically limit your exposure to 30 minutes a day. That alone will make you feel better. Try this for one week and see.
4. Volunteer. Find a place that needs volunteers and apply and get started. Research shows that depressed individuals benefit from volunteering. It will knock things into perspective and make you feel good about yourself. You will develop new skills and help people. It's a win-win-win.
5. After your anti-depressants soak in and your counselling is established, then start looking for a job. Look for a career centre. If you went to college your school should have services for current and past students. Explore them. If you did not go to college, look for job programs for youth. 25 is still "youth" many places.

Lastly, OP, please remember that many people feel and have felt exactly as you do right now. We have all made it through. This is growing pains and it's okay. You will get through this but you have to take baby steps to help yourself. If you do what I outlined above, that's a really great start.

My grandma used to say "chile, you are loved, loving and loveable, what more do you need?"

HUGS, OP. You can do it!
 

whocaresaboutit

PM me for info on personal tarot card readings
Joined
Oct 23, 2009
Messages
13,021
Reaction score
Reactions
68,717 1,058 244
72,832
Alleybux
713,779
You need to stop believing that what you are seeing on social media is actually true. It is not real. People put fake ish up on social media to make it look like their lives are perfect. Step away from the social media. Log out. Stop tormenting yourself with that nonsense.

You are too young to be acting and talking like your life is over. It's very dramatic and it is also not true. You met one goal that you set out and that's it? You lost a few pounds but don't feel better so fukk it? REALLY, OP?

Your generation has a strange notion of what it means to actually work hard and try to succeed at life. It's not just trying a few times half-assed. Working hard at building a life takes YEARS and hundreds if not thousands of attempts at trying all sorts of things to make your life what you want it to be.

You are depressed. I don't need a medical degree to tell you that. You sound depressed as hell and at this point you probably need medication to haul yourself out of this hole you are in. At least you have a family to support you, please try and be grateful for that much. You truly are blessed if you have family that put a roof over your head.

Here is a plan to help you out.

1. Tell your parents how you feel, they will likely suggest you see a professional (doctor).
2. Go see a doctor. If you don't have insurance look for some sort of free clinic. There are free services out there for mental health and you need to find them if you don't have insurance.
3. GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA or drastically limit your exposure to 30 minutes a day. That alone will make you feel better. Try this for one week and see.
4. Volunteer. Find a place that needs volunteers and apply and get started. Research shows that depressed individuals benefit from volunteering. It will knock things into perspective and make you feel good about yourself. You will develop new skills and help people. It's a win-win-win.
5. After your anti-depressants soak in and your counselling is established, then start looking for a job. Look for a career centre. If you went to college your school should have services for current and past students. Explore them. If you did not go to college, look for job programs for youth. 25 is still "youth" many places.

Lastly, OP, please remember that many people feel and have felt exactly as you do right now. We have all made it through. This is growing pains and it's okay. You will get through this but you have to take baby steps to help yourself. If you do what I outlined above, that's a really great start.

My grandma used to say "chile, you are loved, loving and loveable, what more do you need?"

HUGS, OP. You can do it!


Thank you...I was just about to post this also.

I'll ad this:
What you want is not going to suddenly leap into your lap!

You have to have a desire to do something first, then think about a plan to go after it. It won't ring your doorbell and announce "I'm HERE!"

you don't have a desire? then write down anything that sounds like something you might want to do. Then look up how to go about it!

Your generation has grown up with the internet at your fingertips. You can search on any topic and find all the info you need right on your screen, or you'll find a number to call/place to go to find the information you are looking for. My generation didn't have that!

and GET OFF social media! people are making up sh!t to make people like you jealous. Trust, their lives ain't no bed of roses like they frontin on the 'gram.

Just ask GOD to help you...you don't have to pray, just ask for help in your own words. then put it aside and watch how fast the answer will come to you. Just believe, honey.
 

Livvy Lane

toots.
Joined
Aug 21, 2011
Messages
2,699
Reaction score
Reactions
32,005 1,257 195
33,867
Alleybux
6,880
To further reinforce the point about social media, I can honestly say that I felt almost immediate relief when I got my ass off of Facebook. Studies are starting to show that social media is a huge driving force behind depression and anxiety among young people these days. Delete those apps off your phone, log out, and don't look back. Social media really is the devil.

As someone else put it: Social media is only the highlight reel, but we often see it as the whole movie.

Also, I suggest seeking out therapy if at all possible. If you're in college then look into the many resources available to you through your institution.
 

sugarsweet92

Keeping Fonts in a Frenzy
Joined
Sep 19, 2012
Messages
6,114
Reaction score
Reactions
52,328 1,627 926
57,528
Alleybux
344,820
I was in that situation but am doing a little bit better now and think more positively about improving my situation, especially since some things changed.

There have been so many threads like this on here in the mental health and jane doe alley. About social anxiety, or being isolated. Even some in the relationship alley about having difficulty making friends. I feel like a lot of people on lsa are like this and that's one of the reasons why we're on here.

I am thinking about just starting one big thread in this section where we can post together and push each other to leave our comfort zones and take the steps needed to become better communicators, more social, make friends and other things of that nature. Growing together, improving our quality of life. Yes, it will be very awkward in the beginning, but reading about others awkward experiences and knowing that other people are experiencing it as well should help.

An idea would be to have little challenges every week that we have to complete. Ex. Starting a conversation with someone, going some place different, joining an org. Then coming back to discuss how it went
.
This is a really good idea!
 

Maddieandme

Team Owner
Joined
Apr 24, 2015
Messages
6,362
Reaction score
Reactions
98,175 3,237 2,058
96,119
Alleybux
0
We need a Depression and Anxiety forum. You have classic signs of these. Get a therapist and some meds. Go to the gym. Take yourself out on dates. Start small conversations with strangers while your. Check meetup. Com for people new to your area. Lastly take vitamin D3 and B12


GL we have all been there
 

bella bambino

General Manager
BANNED
Joined
Apr 1, 2009
Messages
3,459
Reaction score
Reactions
27,408 390 534
26,874
Alleybux
0
You know what your problem is which is a start. So do something about it. If you know you have poor communication skills, read some books like How to Win Friends and Influence People.
You know your problem so fix it. Your situation won't change overnight, but every day you will be better off than the day before.
 

Zephyr

Team Owner
Joined
Aug 13, 2013
Messages
6,056
Reaction score
Reactions
68,239 3,037 2,072
73,219
Alleybux
87,500
Focus on being grateful for what you have. I mean truely grateful, you're a young woman with health and a family who loves her, you're doing better than most. You cannot succeed in life without the feeling of hope and optimism to encourage you. Otherwise if you continue on the path of negativity and self hate you'll be in the same place in five years.

And for your health and sanity stop comparing your life to others and putting yourself on some sort of a schedule.
 

BealieveIt

Diana Gloss Is Back!
Joined
Sep 10, 2013
Messages
10,452
Reaction score
Reactions
55,616 2,044 2,712
52,904
Alleybux
590
You'll be alright. Don't fall for the disease of comparison even if the goals you want haven't been achieved.

Another thing, you are 25, and children, marriage, and jobs aren't all what they're cracked up to be. Healthy relationships, a functioning home with children you can afford and a meaningful career that brings joy to your life matters more than just kids-marriage-job! And if you're parents aren't judging you and giving you hell, you might be in a safer place with people you can trust.

It doesn't hurt to have goals, great. Keep working on yourself, but look at the strengths you do have and work on yourself within your life's capacity. If you have to make a blank canvas in life open another social media account with new friends, and start new, do it.

Just be kind and compassionate to you. Life is already hard.
 

delicious11

Na me sabi!
Joined
Jan 9, 2009
Messages
16,749
Reaction score
Reactions
70,054 5,051 5,721
65,161
Alleybux
525,818
I dont have close friends and I dont have a boyfriend and I will be 25 in a matter of months. I had some goals and I only managed one. I lost a little weight hoping it would make me feel better, but it really hasnt. Im still miserable.

I have a problem connecting with people, even ones I have known most of my life. I cant communicate well and Im always embarrassed and nervous and I cant seem to get past it no matter what I try.

It gets worse when i see people I know on social media. I know thats not an accurate portrayal, but i know these people. I know what a lot of their life is like. Theyre happy in their marriage, they have jobs they enjoy for thr most part, they hang out with friends. I literally have none of that. I have nothing to show.

I'm beginning to feel this is just how my life is going to be. Sitting with my parents, having this lame job, no friends, no dates. Just nothing but sitting there with my computer. Its too the point I've just about lost all motivation or desire to better my situation. I really dont know whats wrong with me. People my age usually care about these things.

In as then as we have a great High Priest Who has [already] ascended and passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession [of faith in Him].
—Hebrews 4:14

'Hold fast your confession'. The plans that God has for you are to prosper, not to fail so whenever you are feeling negative or down remember this phrase and everything will be fine. It works.
 

incogneato

No face, no case.
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
396,408
Reaction score
Reactions
2,689,576 495,000 222,882
2,889,484
Alleybux
669,324
I don't have friends either just my kids
reading helps though don't always focus on social media because if that person really had it they wouldn't need to flaunt it constantly ! . Don't beat yourself up just work on yourself for the time being & everything else will fall into place . . . If you want to feel more productive you can always get a job or volunteer somewhere that's what I did when I was depressed & feeling alone . . . feel better boo :*
 

incogneato

No face, no case.
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
396,408
Reaction score
Reactions
2,689,576 495,000 222,882
2,889,484
Alleybux
669,324
I am an incog who posted in here previously saying that I have a similar experience to yours. I have had lower points, but I was never that mentally unhealthy to where I am claiming that people are only pretending to be happy.

You all need to stop using "they are just pretending to be happy" in an attempt to make yourself feel better. Those are thoughts of a mentally unhealthy person and it does not benefit you at all, nor will it change your situation. It is like one of those "misery loves company" things. You aren't happy so you want everyone else's happiness to be fake.

Yes, there truly are happy people out there and you too can become happy if you work at it.

I will surely start that thread that I spoke of earlier because some people on here really do need it. I think I will wait until the semester begins, when there is usually more opportunity to put yourself out there.
 

Similar Threads

News Alley

Ask LSA

Top Bottom