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I feel like people are disappointed by my personality

Cybersix

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I am reserved and awkward for the most part. I notice at first people seem to be open to me and getting to know me but then once they realize I am not secretly super fun to be around there is a shift. I don't get as many texts from them, I hear from them a little bit less etc. Like they're bored of me. I even feel a little jealous when I see them talking to other people because I feel like I will soon be replaced. I felt that way with all of the people I've been close to and considered them to be friends or somewhat of a friend. It could be that they just don't know how to react to me and keep their distance but I honestly dk

When you're a black woman especially I feel they expect you to fit this role. You either play the ***** role, cool black girl that they want to copy, or the funny friend. I don't fit in any of these roles but I wish I could so I could make have and keep friends. I honestly wish I could be liked for myself and I wish people would still want to be around even though I am a bit different.
 

Chere

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You're an acquired taste, look at it that way.

You just got to find your tribe. You'll get excited and energetic around the right people and they will thus want to be around you more as well. Those other people just weren't your people.
 

GigiLaMoore

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They may be reacting to your own disappointment in yourself. Or...you just may need to find people you click with. Probably some of both.
 

MsFancy

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I can relate to you OP. It may seem difficult but remember to stay true to yourself. Don’t change yourself for anyone.
 

heybebe

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If ppl are disappointed in another’s personality then that person wants u to fit into their expectations. Reality is most of the world is like that. Ppl aren’t as smart and evolved as we think and rely on stereotypes and heuristics to navigate life, I think that’s one thing society overestimates how far humans have progressed mentally. I think the millenial participation trophy generation was fµcked up by these stupid hippies projecting their positive unrealistic ideals on us as kids, that we can succeed and accomplish anything if we try, ppl will like us just for us, positivity platitudes. They are not in tune with reality and set us up for suffering.

There’s a reason why masks and putting on a show has been in every cultures lore cuz it’s true. Most ppl have to get by by masking and playing the role. If u don’t then ur shunned. It’s just recent generations that they threw that away and expect us to make an evolutionary jump just cuz they want it to be inclusive and positive.

Anyway my point is yea it sucks and feels bad that we aren’t accepted for ourselves but it’s happening :(
 

Jojoloves

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I used to be bothered by this, until I learnt that you’re just not meant for everybody. There are people who will love you for you as you are. And even if you were loud and extremely outgoing, some people still wouldn’t like that. Some people will make you more reserved, and others will make you more comfortable. Don’t blame yourself for that, and stick to the ones who make you comfortable. Also, it would be a privilege for anyone to be your friend, they aren’t doing you a favor by talking to you.
 

877CashNow

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Whats the bolded word? I think people want me to play the ***** role on sight. Like WTF?! When they see that I am not that they get in their feelings and say all kinds of things. People get disappointed when they see that they can not control you and that you will not chase them for their "friendship". Let them go and enjoy your own company.

eta: my word was censored too. Its mommy but with the a and not the o.

When you're a black woman especially I feel they expect you to fit this role. You either play the ***** role, cool black girl that they want to copy, or the funny friend. I don't fit in any of these roles but I wish I could so I could make have and keep friends. I honestly wish I could be liked for myself and I wish people would still want to be around even though I am a bit different
 
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As someone that feels the same way, I guarantee it’s not a “you” problem, it’s a “wrong group” problem. There’s no point trying to fit the roles people say you should fit, focus on finding people who are more like you, it may take time, but it’s worth it.
 

spoiledwater

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Yeah, it sort of hurts more when someone is pleased with how you look, and how you seem.

But once they get to actually know you, getting rejected at that part seems to hurt a bit more.

I have noticied that people often form their own ideas of me, get super attached to those ideas, and then disappointed when they find out I'm not anything like that.

I think one thing that helps is finding ways to project more personality. Whether that's in your presentation, speech, or "props". That way it's not as easy for people to imprint their own ideas on you.

You don't want to be a blank slate.
 
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lucygoosey

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Don't take it personal hun. You are simply around the wrong group of people. Black women are expected to live up to their stereotypes and that includes being more outgoing/loud. Quiet/reserved black women have to navigate their world differently than those who are not. These are some posts I have made in the past to similar threads.

A while ago a font made a post explaining that black people who are quiet, shy, or experience mental illness have to deal with another layer of oppression that those of other races with the same characteristics do not.

Of course people will pretend to not understand what op means as usual....Stereotypes have become expectations....Many of you are mentioning other races but black people do this to each other all the time....


Black girl/woman who isn't extroverted = "she thinks she is better than the rest of us!" "wannabe special snowflake"

Non-black girl/woman who isn't extroverted = hipster, eccentric, quiet, weird & quirky

When you are very quiet people will tend to overlook you. Don't let it get to you hun. Vocal people are more noticeable. It is an extroverts world. I recommend you seek counseling. It helps.
 

bellzbellz

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Spend more time doing things that interest you and connecting with people who share your interests. It took me until my late twenties to start doing this and even more time to practice the vulnerability it takes to make and maintain friendships. But even now, I meet people who are bored or annoyed by my personality. You have to do the work (therapy, etc.) that keeps you from internalizing that.
 

Cybersix

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Thanks for the advice everyone. All I want is some good people I can connect with tbh. It hurts when this happens but I will try not to internalize it. Still looking for my people. They're out there.

Just curious, do you know your moon sign?

Do you have Scorpio in your chart?

you must have some scorpio or capricorn placements?

Uh I have a scorpio in mercuryand I am a leo moon. Lol
 

LoveSupreme

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I am reserved and awkward for the most part. I notice at first people seem to be open to me and getting to know me but then once they realize I am not secretly super fun to be around there is a shift. I don't get as many texts from them, I hear from them a little bit less etc. Like they're bored of me. I even feel a little jealous when I see them talking to other people because I feel like I will soon be replaced. I felt that way with all of the people I've been close to and considered them to be friends or somewhat of a friend. It could be that they just don't know how to react to me and keep their distance but I honestly dk

When you're a black woman especially I feel they expect you to fit this role. You either play the ***** role, cool black girl that they want to copy, or the funny friend. I don't fit in any of these roles but I wish I could so I could make have and keep friends. I honestly wish I could be liked for myself and I wish people would still want to be around even though I am a bit different.
I don’t think people are disappointed in your personality.

What did you do? Attack them? Speak disrespectfully to them and about others?

You’ve got this mixed up!

People see you how you are and respect that.

If you want to speak to people, do so!

If you want to hang out for a minute or two at work, do it!

But don’t blame other people for your personality.

It’s up to you to change that or to get with people more your speed.
 

incogneato

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I know exactly how you feel OP and I've been struggling with this my whole life. I've been shy and reserved my whole life. I struggle with social anxiety. People romanticize folks like us but the reality is people really don't like shy, reserved, introverted people. We live in an extrovert's world. I really don't like to be around people for too long because I feel like I have to put on a mask. I can never feel like I can fully be myself around people and it pains me. Society teaches us that it's okay to be ourselves. bµllsh!t. I've never felt fully accepted anywhere I go. I'm at the point now where I don't even want friends anymore because I'm tired of feeling like I have to filter so much of myself.
 

TalkOfNuYork

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When you're a black woman especially I feel they expect you to fit this role. You either play the ***** role, cool black girl that they want to copy, or the funny friend. I don't fit in any of these roles but I wish I could so I could make have and keep friends. I honestly wish I could be liked for myself and I wish people would still want to be around even though I am a bit different.

You have to be careful because you will encounter people who will try and vicariously live through you. I had to distance myself from a lot of people because of that. They literally expect you to live your life the way they would if they had the confidence to pursue the same things you did.
 

Ntsap

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I am reserved and awkward for the most part. I notice at first people seem to be open to me and getting to know me but then once they realize I am not secretly super fun to be around there is a shift. I don't get as many texts from them, I hear from them a little bit less etc. Like they're bored of me. I even feel a little jealous when I see them talking to other people because I feel like I will soon be replaced. I felt that way with all of the people I've been close to and considered them to be friends or somewhat of a friend. It could be that they just don't know how to react to me and keep their distance but I honestly dk

When you're a black woman especially I feel they expect you to fit this role. You either play the ***** role, cool black girl that they want to copy, or the funny friend. I don't fit in any of these roles but I wish I could so I could make have and keep friends. I honestly wish I could be liked for myself and I wish people would still want to be around even though I am a bit different.
My life story.
 

Lexonfiyah

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Not everyone likes everyone. I can admit I’m very reserved and have social anxiety as well. But I’m a very funny person. All in all, most people do not want to be around me either. I feel like there’s very few people that actually do. I think you’ll find someone that you’ll clique with. I find it’s probably harder to make friends these days, then back in the day. I could be wrong though.

Edit: I could admit that if you don’t do certain things, people will think of you as lame or think you look at them a certain way. This has been happening to me for years. If you don’t smoke weed or drink, they assume you’ll never smoke weed or drink. And they would feel uncomfortable doing those things around you. Same thing with if you’re not the partying type. But those friends probably don’t have anything in common but those things. They’re just drinking/smoking/ and going out buddies. Doesn’t mean they’ll actually help each other when push came to shove.
 
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UGotServed

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Not everyone likes everyone. I can admit I’m very reserved and have social anxiety as well. But I’m a very funny person. All in all, most people do not want to be around me either. I feel like there’s very few people that actually do. I think you’ll find someone that you’ll clique with. I find it’s probably harder to make friends these days, then back in the day. I could be wrong though.

Edit: I could admit that if you don’t do certain things, people will think of you as lame or think you look at them a certain way. This has been happening to me for years. If you don’t smoke weed or drink, they assume you’ll never smoke weed or drink. And they would feel uncomfortable doing those things around you. Same thing with if you’re not the partying type. But those friends probably don’t have anything in common but those things. They’re just drinking/smoking/ and going out buddies. Doesn’t mean they’ll actually help each other when push came to shove.

Damn me and you are twins. Hey Twin but yup it's def hard to make friends these days especially with the pandemic going on it's like how? On top of that I don't have any personal social media accounts. I got a burner account to troll on if people come at me wrong (forgive me but I be bored sometimes) but other than that LSA is my only "social media". When I did have a social media, my so called "friends" never really hit me up after we graduated from High school so one day I was just like F it and deleted them all. Even after I deleted my socials, nobody asked me about it so it gave me confirmation that nobody cared or was curious as to what happened to me. Fast Forward to 3 years post deletion of social media, I don't miss it cause I don't have anything in common with those same people I went to grade school with. It's easy to say "yeah make new friends in your adulthood" but it's not the same and you have to be very vigilant on who you let into your life because they could take advantage of you or either do some real harm to you due to unaware envy.
 

Lexonfiyah

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Damn me and you are twins. Hey Twin but yup it's def hard to make friends these days especially with the pandemic going on it's like how? On top of that I don't have any personal social media accounts. I got a burner account to troll on if people come at me wrong (forgive me but I be bored sometimes) but other than that LSA is my only "social media". When I did have a social media, my so called "friends" never really hit me up after we graduated from High school so one day I was just like F it and deleted them all. Even after I deleted my socials, nobody asked me about it so it gave me confirmation that nobody cared or was curious as to what happened to me. Fast Forward to 3 years post deletion of social media, I don't miss it cause I don't have anything in common with those same people I went to grade school with. It's easy to say "yeah make new friends in your adulthood" but it's not the same and you have to be very vigilant on who you let into your life because they could take advantage of you or either do some real harm to you due to unaware envy.
I honestly could say, I self isolate and do it myself sometimes. Like after high school I was doing that. Even though, I know how hard it is to make friends for me. Also, moving to a whole other state did it to me as well. Have you ever self isolated? I was very depressed and self conscious after high school so that’s what I was doing. I was the same during high school, but after high school it was like, “Well...I don’t have to get up and go to school. I don’t have to do anything.”
 

HoneyHitch

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incogneato

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Another incog but I want to say how much I relate to your post OP.

I feel as if I'm boring or my personality is too dry for people to relate to. I also suffer from anxiety and am always being self critical.

I kinda accepted I'm not going be the cool or funny black girl. I know its expected but I can't force myself to be something I'm not.

I sometimes even question if my family/friends really like me or just tolerate me.
 

LeBronFan

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I hope you don't mind me asking you the following questions, Original Poster (of this thread):

1. How do you define the term "Friends", as a Individual person?

2. Also, have you and anyone who claimed to be "Friends" with you, shared each other's definitions to to the term?
 

Lexonfiyah

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Another incog but I want to say how much I relate to your post OP.

I feel as if I'm boring or my personality is too dry for people to relate to. I also suffer from anxiety and am always being self critical.

I kinda accepted I'm not going be the cool or funny black girl. I know its expected but I can't force myself to be something I'm not.

I sometimes even question if my family/friends really like me or just tolerate me.
Yeh. This is definitely your anxiety speaking. It sounds as if they actually like spending time with you.
 

Briix

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I know exactly how you feel OP and I've been struggling with this my whole life. I've been shy and reserved my whole life. I struggle with social anxiety. People romanticize folks like us but the reality is people really don't like shy, reserved, introverted people. We live in an extrovert's world. I really don't like to be around people for too long because I feel like I have to put on a mask. I can never feel like I can fully be myself around people and it pains me. Society teaches us that it's okay to be ourselves. bµllsh!t. I've never felt fully accepted anywhere I go. I'm at the point now where I don't even want friends anymore because I'm tired of feeling like I have to filter so much of myself.
Same. Glad I’m not the only one who feels like I have to perform for others just to be accepted. I’ve been around many different types people in my life and I’ve just come to the conclusion that there’s some people who I can just naturally click with and then there’s the vast majority who just don’t interest me. It’s not because I just don’t like them, I just have a strong discernment towards people who I know I can vibe with. I don’t mind this trait because once I connect with someone who gets me it’s really refreshing.
 

chaiboba

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I relate to this so much! I advise you not to fake being extroverted at all. People would approach me whenever I was wearing my work outfits (tight dresses, low back-lines.etc) and expect me to be a certain way and when I’d open my mouth to talk to them, I could instantly see the disappointment and they’d leave. And that sucks, but to me, that’s way better than facing the disappointment months later or stressing myself out trying to keep up a cool facade.
I saw someone else mention this, too, but you should try to show your personality more outwardly. If you look more how you are, you’ll avoid a lot of people who wouldn’t like you and attract some unexpected friends who love what you have going on.
 

UGotServed

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I honestly could say, I self isolate and do it myself sometimes. Like after high school I was doing that. Even though, I know how hard it is to make friends for me. Also, moving to a whole other state did it to me as well. Have you ever self isolated? I was very depressed and self conscious after high school so that’s what I was doing. I was the same during high school, but after high school it was like, “Well...I don’t have to get up and go to school. I don’t have to do anything.”

Yeah I feel like I self Isolate too. I did had one girl I knew from school hit me up all Pandemic and wanting to hang out but I ain't tryna get no Rona so I tell her like yeah we can go but not now. But Overall, before the pandemic she would hit me up and wanted to go places with me but I would slightly decline and it's not really my personal decision, it was more of a broad decision because I think my isolation comes from being sheltered by my mom for so long, I got so used to just being alone and in the house al the time and yeah it's mad depressing but what else could I do? I feel stuck. I'm in my early 20s but still live life like a teenager.
 

Lexonfiyah

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Yeah I feel like I self Isolate too. I did had one girl I knew from school hit me up all Pandemic and wanting to hang out but I ain't tryna get no Rona so I tell her like yeah we can go but not now. But Overall, before the pandemic she would hit me up and wanted to go places with me but I would slightly decline and it's not really my personal decision, it was more of a broad decision because I think my isolation comes from being sheltered by my mom for so long, I got so used to just being alone and in the house al the time and yeah it's mad depressing but what else could I do? I feel stuck. I'm in my early 20s but still live life like a teenager.
I feel the same. My mom is so controlling over me. And she’s a control freak in general but she was never this controlling over my siblings. I’m not even the youngest child. I’ll message you and we could talk about it more.
 

inasundress

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I am reserved and awkward for the most part. I notice at first people seem to be open to me and getting to know me but then once they realize I am not secretly super fun to be around there is a shift. I don't get as many texts from them, I hear from them a little bit less etc. Like they're bored of me. I even feel a little jealous when I see them talking to other people because I feel like I will soon be replaced. I felt that way with all of the people I've been close to and considered them to be friends or somewhat of a friend. It could be that they just don't know how to react to me and keep their distance but I honestly dk

When you're a black woman especially I feel they expect you to fit this role. You either play the ***** role, cool black girl that they want to copy, or the funny friend. I don't fit in any of these roles but I wish I could so I could make have and keep friends. I honestly wish I could be liked for myself and I wish people would still want to be around even though I am a bit different.

Why couldn't you tell your story without tying it to blackness? Not everything is a racial issue. People who aren't interesting or entertaining are less desirable to spend time with regardless of race.
 

UGotServed

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I feel the same. My mom is so controlling over me. And she’s a control freak in general but she was never this controlling over my siblings. I’m not even the youngest child. I’ll message you and we could talk about it more.

I can't find your messages D;
 

MelonJuice

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I am reserved and awkward for the most part. I notice at first people seem to be open to me and getting to know me but then once they realize I am not secretly super fun to be around there is a shift. I don't get as many texts from them, I hear from them a little bit less etc. Like they're bored of me. I even feel a little jealous when I see them talking to other people because I feel like I will soon be replaced. I felt that way with all of the people I've been close to and considered them to be friends or somewhat of a friend. It could be that they just don't know how to react to me and keep their distance but I honestly dk

When you're a black woman especially I feel they expect you to fit this role. You either play the ***** role, cool black girl that they want to copy, or the funny friend. I don't fit in any of these roles but I wish I could so I could make have and keep friends. I honestly wish I could be liked for myself and I wish people would still want to be around even though I am a bit different.

Some of us are effervescent like champagne and some of us are like bourbon. You don't need as much but it still makes you feel good. Find the folks who like bourbon.
 

incogneato

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I know exactly how you feel OP and I've been struggling with this my whole life. I've been shy and reserved my whole life. I struggle with social anxiety. People romanticize folks like us but the reality is people really don't like shy, reserved, introverted people. We live in an extrovert's world. I really don't like to be around people for too long because I feel like I have to put on a mask. I can never feel like I can fully be myself around people and it pains me. Society teaches us that it's okay to be ourselves. bµllsh!t. I've never felt fully accepted anywhere I go. I'm at the point now where I don't even want friends anymore because I'm tired of feeling like I have to filter so much of myself.
It's TRUE, quiet people can not be themselves without push back. Non conformist alway get pressured to fit in. This is why I keep to myself instead of falling in the trap to be accepted. I am not here to perform and jigadance for people. It is sickening to expect to be the sassy magical black women everywhere you go. And to explain yourself makes it even worse.
I know exactly how you feel OP and I've been struggling with this my whole life. I've been shy and reserved my whole life. I struggle with social anxiety. People romanticize folks like us but the reality is people really don't like shy, reserved, introverted people. We live in an extrovert's world. I really don't like to be around people for too long because I feel like I have to put on a mask. I can never feel like I can fully be myself around people and it pains me. Society teaches us that it's okay to be ourselves. bµllsh!t. I've never felt fully accepted anywhere I go. I'm at the point now where I don't even want friends anymore because I'm tired of feeling like I have to filter so much of myself.
It's TRUE, quiet people can not be themselves without push back. Non conformist alway get pressured to fit in. This is why I keep to myself instead of falling in the trap to be accepted. I am not here to perform and jigadance for people. It is sickening to expect to be the sassy magical black women everywhere you go. And to explain yourself makes it even worse.
 

Cybersix

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They may be reacting to your own disappointment in yourself. Or...you just may need to find people you click with. Probably some of both.
I was thinking about your response. Can you expand on this?
 

roisin

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sending you a hug OP, i can relate to this massively. it’s really difficult sometimes but please don’t ever feel like you’re the problem - you’re not. you just haven’t met the right bunch of people yet. there’s people out there that are gonna love you for you.

if you have any hobbies/interests such as art, movies or music etc you could maybe join some local classes, or even just groups on social media - they can help out a lot. find people who have similar interests that you do. just take it one step at a time, don’t put pressure on yourself to make connections.

wishing you all the luck OP
 

GigiLaMoore

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I was thinking about your response. Can you expand on this?
People can tell when a person don't think well of themselves. It is almost like an invisible scent and it can repel confident, self assured people. If a person doesn't think highly of themselves, why would they expect anyone else to? They are trying to get the approval from others that they don't even give themselves. Don't get me wrong, from time to time most people will consider if something they have said or done makes others think a certain way. However, confident people let it slide off their back and keep doing them.

As I said before, it could also be that the people a person hangs around is not their crowd. They are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. The people for you get who you are and for the most part, you should feel like you can be yourself with them and feel good being you.

We sometimes gravitate towards the wrong things and people when we don't feel so great about ourselves, which is why I think it is a bit of both things.

I hope this helps.
 

Hazel00

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I don’t know what everyone is saying, but I def get Aquarius vibes too. Very misunderstood people in their lifetime. It’s true though, in reality people are off put by introverts. But there’s only true power in being yourself. I think something all introverts, especially quiet black girls, need to do it learn to assert themselves. If they don’t like you keep it pushing. People only don’t like what they see as a weakness when they project onto you. Wear a shield instead of a mask to not internalize any of that.
 

L E O N E

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Thanks for the advice everyone. All I want is some good people I can connect with tbh. It hurts when this happens but I will try not to internalize it. Still looking for my people. They're out there.







Uh I have a scorpio in mercuryand I am a leo moon. Lol

I don’t know what everyone is saying, but I def get Aquarius vibes too. Very misunderstood people in their lifetime. It’s true though, in reality people are off put by introverts. But there’s only true power in being yourself. I think something all introverts, especially quiet black girls, need to do it learn to assert themselves. If they don’t like you keep it pushing. People only don’t like what they see as a weakness when they project onto you. Wear a shield instead of a mask to not internalize any of that.

This is speaking to my astrological placements. I’ve came to the conclusion that I don’t have to force any relationship. If we don’t click, we don’t click. We can be polite to each other, but if I’m not feeling you I don’t want to act fake to please you... I am fun and bubbly with my closed ones/people I like and I can vibe with.

Scorpio moon, Aquarius mercury
 

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