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I ghosted a guy and I feel guilty. I want to apologize, but I'm scared.

incogneato

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Last summer I casually dated this guy who I actually liked, but I had abruptly stopped talking to him around October 2020. We went on a couple of dates and he expressed that he was interested in more than just ''dating''. I agreed to another date but we never set up a date for that.

I know this is a sh!tty thing that I have done, but I had my reasons. I was really depressed and I suddenly was hit with some childhood trauma. I ended up having a nervous breakdown. While going through this I was also in graduate school and I was really really worried and stressed to the max. I was clinically hospitalized in december of 2020 and stayed there for four weeks. After I got out I slowly started to focus on my studies and I managed to graduate. This was last week actually.

I wanted to tell him the reason in January but I was afraid he will judge me or hold this against me at some point idk.

Anyway, at this point I don't think he will ever be interested in me but that's not even the point anymore. I don't want to lay out all of this out, but I genuinely just want to apologize and tell him that it was not him. I just want closure for myself, I have been thinking about him for the past few weeks.

Should I sent him an apology or just let it go? Is it selfish to contact him to apologize after he moved on with his life?
 

AgentBunny

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You should definitely let that go. 6 months is a long time and I'm certain he's moved on.
 

Argentum

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Just pop back up like nothing happened. It establishes you hold the power.

Just start a conversation with him and if he asks why you disappeared tell him you were depressed, but I wouldn't advise you to open up about the break down yet.

Don't over think it, just do it. I've done it and the guy didn't even ask why I disappeared, we just kept talking like nothing happened :ROFLMAO:
 

SchizoBun

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From someone who has been on the receiving end of a post-ghosting apology more than once, leave him alone.
 

incogneato

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That's not ghosting,

That's what you call fizzling out. So unless he contacted you and you just didn't respond I would leave it.


He actually was very forthcoming and literally proposed what we can do but i was not in the right headspace so I just told him we could figure it out later and he stopped bringing it up. Trust me, if that was the case I would not walk around with this much guilt and this desire to get closure.
 

Geekish

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"Hey, How are you?" if he leaves you on read. Then move on. If he responds, then go from there.
 

Candela

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Let it go, you had the opportunity to tell the truth in January and you decided not to, next time be un front with others.
 

Amandabby22

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Apologize?

nF80Rrk.gif




Oh nooo sweetie, we’re not doing that. Forget about it (& him) and continue to keep that energy as you date. Maybe make a mental note to work on your communication going forward but don’t apologize for prioritizing your own stuff. He’s fine.
 

Bella8933

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Last summer I casually dated this guy who I actually liked, but I had abruptly stopped talking to him around October 2020. We went on a couple of dates and he expressed that he was interested in more than just ''dating''. I agreed to another date but we never set up a date for that.

I know this is a sh!tty thing that I have done, but I had my reasons. I was really depressed and I suddenly was hit with some childhood trauma. I ended up having a nervous breakdown. While going through this I was also in graduate school and I was really really worried and stressed to the max. I was clinically hospitalized in december of 2020 and stayed there for four weeks. After I got out I slowly started to focus on my studies and I managed to graduate. This was last week actually.

I wanted to tell him the reason in January but I was afraid he will judge me or hold this against me at some point idk.

Anyway, at this point I don't think he will ever be interested in me but that's not even the point anymore. I don't want to lay out all of this out, but I genuinely just want to apologize and tell him that it was not him. I just want closure for myself, I have been thinking about him for the past few weeks.

Should I sent him an apology or just let it go? Is it selfish to contact him to apologize after he moved on with his life?

You said you agreed on another date but 'we' never sat it up?

Well, he is the guy, so why didn't 'he' set it up?

Just because he said he wanted to see you again ... doesn't mean he meant it or even if he did he could have changed his mind. Because he should have chased you down for a date.

1) leave it alone. This guy has already forgotten about you by now.

2) Don't tell men your bad news like this anyway! No man wants to know you were just let out of a mental ward for depession! Don't tell folks you were depressed. You shouldn't tell ANYONE but your family and closest friend about something like that.

Frankly, I would never tell ANYONE I was committed in an institution ... ever.

They will never look at you the same. :/
 

mdhlife

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IF you did not stand him up, why apologize ?

Do you feel bad because you were playing games ?

How old are you ?
How old is the guy ?
 

The Muse

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How is this ghosting? It sounds like he didn't reach out to you either so it was mutual.
 

Zabel

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He actually was very forthcoming and literally proposed what we can do but i was not in the right headspace so I just told him we could figure it out later and he stopped bringing it up. Trust me, if that was the case I would not walk around with this much guilt and this desire to get closure.

I agree with the others saying this doesn't sound like ghosting. Unless you completely stopped answering or talking to him abruptly, it's not ghosting.

It seems like you wanted different things, which led to distance and eventually, you stopped talking. If he didn't chase you or continue to pursue you, then he probably moved on.

You want to clear your conscience, but he's most likely doing fine. So it's selfish to want to reach out now. Let it go!
 

OliveEyez

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You can reach out and explain as much as you feel comfortable with, but don't expect him to still be interested or have the conversation go anywhere.
 

incogneato

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Reading comprehension is hard for some of y'all, so here is a summary:

1) I was not playing games. I literally was INSTITUTIONALIZED.
2) It was GHOSTING, I abruptly stopped all communication with him (did not respond to texts, did not pick up my phone, i did not respond to him on IG etc)
3) I'm not planning on telling him all of my personal mess, I just want to apologize like I CLEARLY stated.
4) we never set up a date because I was not in the right headspace because i repeatedly would tell him we would figure it out later. I kept postponing it.
5) We are both in our 20s.

I have re-read all the conversations, I clearly ghosted him. I don't know why people insist on telling me that it was not ghosting.

Thanks for the people who took the time to read all of it and gave me legit advice. I will think about it some more and i think i will probably leave him alone.
 

incogneato

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I agree with the others saying this doesn't sound like ghosting. Unless you completely stopped answering or talking to him abruptly, it's not ghosting.

It seems like you wanted different things, which led to distance and eventually, you stopped talking. If he didn't chase you or continue to pursue you, then he probably moved on.

You want to clear your conscience, but he's most likely doing fine. So it's selfish to want to reach out now. Let it go!

I literally started the post with this.

You want to clear your conscience, but he's most likely doing fine. So it's selfish to want to reach out now. Let it go!

I have to admit that I do want to clear my conscience.
 

Gomez A Batiste

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Hey OP! I had a similar experience to you, and I reached out back to the guy. I wasn't in the hospital, but I was going through a very dark time. I accepted the fact that he may have moved on, but he was very understanding and told me he really enjoyed our connection. We moved past it. I just made sure to communicate better with him going forward.

But in all fairness, I had told him (prior to when I stopped talking to him) that I wasn't doing okay. He never asked me what was wrong.

We hadn't really gone on any dates and it was mostly a texting/FaceTime situation.
 

ORNELLA

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Leave it alone. Most likely he's moved on because men don't like being single. They are always digging into some woman.
 

Nefertaria

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Tell God what you would like to tell this guy and let fate lay out the cards for you. You may be given another opportunity to encounter or communicate with him, however, in my opinion I would not recommend for you to reach out to him even if your conscience may bother you. All in all, it will be your decision to make. I do wish you the best.
 

Bjxxxx

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Reading comprehension is hard for some of y'all, so here is a summary:

1) I was not playing games. I literally was INSTITUTIONALIZED.
2) It was GHOSTING, I abruptly stopped all communication with him (did not respond to texts, did not pick up my phone, i did not respond to him on IG etc)
3) I'm not planning on telling him all of my personal mess, I just want to apologize like I CLEARLY stated.
4) we never set up a date because I was not in the right headspace because i repeatedly would tell him we would figure it out later. I kept postponing it.
5) We are both in our 20s.

I have re-read all the conversations, I clearly ghosted him. I don't know why people insist on telling me that it was not ghosting.

Thanks for the people who took the time to read all of it and gave me legit advice. I will think about it some more and i think i will probably leave him alone.
So right now I am listening to this guy named James Kwik, he just said that he spent a lot of time with dying seniors, and he just said, never die with regrets. Never let other people’s limitations limit you. He’s actually really good. I just thought about him when I read your post. Do what will free you, if you want to apologize tell him you are sorry about what happened. You were not in the right headspace, but you want him to know it had nothing to do with him at the time. Das it. That’s what you said, so why not do it.

Maybe he won’t respond, but at least you will never regret it.





Anyway good luck, whatever you decide.

Oh he also trains actors to speed read, and do lots of other things.
 

Dogtown

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You should definitely let that go. 6 months is a long time and I'm certain he's moved on.
Wrong.

OP, tell him. Apologize. Give as much or as little detail as you feel comfortable with, but let him know that you apologize for disappearing on him *because* it was not your intention to hurt him that way. I bet he takes it well.
 

Dogtown

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From someone who has been on the receiving end of a post-ghosting apology more than once, leave him alone.
Are you a man or a woman? I find that women often (not always) receive post-ghosting apologies much more coldly than men do. That probably has to do with the sense that men have a certain "responsibility" to women during courting/pursuit, and ghosting blows all that up (he dropped the ball, so to speak), so there's anger/resentment that a man's apology can't erase. Women have no responsibility to men until a relationship is established, so when women come back around a decent apology usually suffices.
 

Dogtown

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Hey OP! I had a similar experience to you, and I reached out back to the guy. I wasn't in the hospital, but I was going through a very dark time. I accepted the fact that he may have moved on, but he was very understanding and told me he really enjoyed our connection. We moved past it. I just made sure to communicate better with him going forward.

But in all fairness, I had told him (prior to when I stopped talking to him) that I wasn't doing okay. He never asked me what was wrong.

We hadn't really gone on any dates and it was mostly a texting/FaceTime situation.

Right. As long as a reasonable apology is given, men will usually accept it and move on. The women in here talking about "don't apologize, he already forgot about you" are projecting how they would be if the situation were reversed.
 

CatchThesehandsHOE

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Just pop back up like nothing happened. It establishes you hold the power.

Just start a conversation with him and if he asks why you disappeared tell him you were depressed, but I wouldn't advise you to open up about the break down yet.

Don't over think it, just do it. I've done it and the guy didn't even ask why I disappeared, we just kept talking like nothing happened :ROFLMAO:
This terrible advice lmao. But I'm sure you're being sarcastic
 

Gomez A Batiste

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Right. As long as a reasonable apology is given, men will usually accept it and move on. The women in here talking about "don't apologize, he already forgot about you" are projecting how they would be if the situation were reversed.

Agreed! Some of the advice being given is a bit extreme. I think discernment is so important in these types of situations.
 

Just 4 Kycks

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Just pop back up like nothing happened. It establishes you hold the power.

Just start a conversation with him and if he asks why you disappeared tell him you were depressed, but I wouldn't advise you to open up about the break down yet.

Don't over think it, just do it. I've done it and the guy didn't even ask why I disappeared, we just kept talking like nothing happened :ROFLMAO:

This terrible advice lmao. But I'm sure you're being sarcastic
Funny thing is, that guys do this all of the time and women go along with it.
 

WonderfullyMade4Me

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Last summer I casually dated this guy who I actually liked, but I had abruptly stopped talking to him around October 2020. We went on a couple of dates and he expressed that he was interested in more than just ''dating''. I agreed to another date but we never set up a date for that.

I know this is a sh!tty thing that I have done, but I had my reasons. I was really depressed and I suddenly was hit with some childhood trauma. I ended up having a nervous breakdown. While going through this I was also in graduate school and I was really really worried and stressed to the max. I was clinically hospitalized in december of 2020 and stayed there for four weeks. After I got out I slowly started to focus on my studies and I managed to graduate. This was last week actually.

I wanted to tell him the reason in January but I was afraid he will judge me or hold this against me at some point idk.

Anyway, at this point I don't think he will ever be interested in me but that's not even the point anymore. I don't want to lay out all of this out, but I genuinely just want to apologize and tell him that it was not him. I just want closure for myself, I have been thinking about him for the past few weeks.

Should I sent him an apology or just let it go? Is it selfish to contact him to apologize after he moved on with his life?


I'm glad you are feeling better, OP.

As for apologizing, I see nothing wrong with that. Just be prepared to possibly get a stank attitude from dude. Since you said the closure is moreso for your sake, I say go for it. Then move on with your life.
 

ghostdad

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apologize from the heart.
if he responds, that’s great. if not, at least you got it off your chest and can move forward.

honestly, someone up top mentioned that you should never feel sorry for putting yourself first, and that is the greatest thing you can learn from this. please don’t feel guilty. you and your mental health are a priority.
 

Lalalippy

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Reading comprehension is hard for some of y'all, so here is a summary:

1) I was not playing games. I literally was INSTITUTIONALIZED.
2) It was GHOSTING, I abruptly stopped all communication with him (did not respond to texts, did not pick up my phone, i did not respond to him on IG etc)
3) I'm not planning on telling him all of my personal mess, I just want to apologize like I CLEARLY stated.
4) we never set up a date because I was not in the right headspace because i repeatedly would tell him we would figure it out later. I kept postponing it.
5) We are both in our 20s.

I have re-read all the conversations, I clearly ghosted him. I don't know why people insist on telling me that it was not ghosting.

Thanks for the people who took the time to read all of it
and gave me legit advice. I will think about it some more and i think i will probably leave him alone.

What you actually wrote was "I abruptly stopped talking to him". Stopping talking to someone doesn’t automatically imply that they tried to talk to you and you ignored them. It could mean you didn’t reach out and they also didn’t reach out either which is what people call "fizzling out" & means that no one’s in the wrong. You’ve clarified now but your initial wording was hella vague (maybe writing comprehension is hard for you) so no need to be snarky.
 

Roses are

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No no no. Own that shat and move on op. Trust you gut and be confident in your decision. Keep it pushing.
 

hotbox2020

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Your health issues are none of his business. I actually think that you need to take more time to yourself and just be free. You need to free yourself from the guilt, this isn’t something he can do for you
 

SocaPrincess

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You didn’t reach out to him to set up a date but neither did he ... if you feel the need to apologize then do so but nothing might come of it. Good luck
 

godiva

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I think you should reach out and explain as best as you can. He sounds like someone that you respect and was vulnerable enough to express his feeling to you. Being ghosted is a painful experience, ESPECIALLY when you are interested in the person. I think you should just make amends as a friend w/o any expectations. just to clear the air
 

incogneato

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Hey OP! I had a similar experience to you, and I reached out back to the guy. I wasn't in the hospital, but I was going through a very dark time. I accepted the fact that he may have moved on, but he was very understanding and told me he really enjoyed our connection. We moved past it. I just made sure to communicate better with him going forward.

But in all fairness, I had told him (prior to when I stopped talking to him) that I wasn't doing okay. He never asked me what was wrong.

We hadn't really gone on any dates and it was mostly a texting/FaceTime situation.

Thank you for sharing! I hope you are doing better :)

I hope he accepts my apology too.
 

incogneato

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So right now I am listening to this guy named James Kwik, he just said that he spent a lot of time with dying seniors, and he just said, never die with regrets. Never let other people’s limitations limit you. He’s actually really good. I just thought about him when I read your post. Do what will free you, if you want to apologize tell him you are sorry about what happened. You were not in the right headspace, but you want him to know it had nothing to do with him at the time. Das it. That’s what you said, so why not do it.

Maybe he won’t respond, but at least you will never regret it.





Anyway good luck, whatever you decide.

Oh he also trains actors to speed read, and do lots of other things.



I'm currently listening to it! I actually really like what he has to say and i like his voice too.

My instinct is to still apologize to him. I don't care if I get a response or not.
 

incogneato

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I'm glad you are feeling better, OP.

As for apologizing, I see nothing wrong with that. Just be prepared to possibly get a stank attitude from dude. Since you said the closure is moreso for your sake, I say go for it. Then move on with your life.

Thank you! Yes, he seems like a good dude and he is respectful but there is always this possibility ofcourse. That's the main reason i'm scared to text him.
 

incogneato

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I think you should reach out and explain as best as you can. He sounds like someone that you respect and was vulnerable enough to express his feeling to you. Being ghosted is a painful experience, ESPECIALLY when you are interested in the person. I think you should just make amends as a friend w/o any expectations. just to clear the air

This is a thoughtful response. I've been on the other side before and when someone ghosted me it really hurt and I promised myself to not do that to anyone I meet. Maybe it's different for men IDK.
 

Thats

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If it helps clear your conscious, go ahead. Don't expect anything from him though. Whether it's romantically or just a plain friendly response.

Do it for yourself so that you are able to move on
 

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