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I got cut off for communicating my discomfort to a guy

Riley Yo

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That’s good he stopped dealing with you because u obviously showed that you were not that into him by declining the invitation even if it was spur of the moment..people make time for people they are very interested in. If I’m into someone I’m definitely saying yeah to every invite because I wanna be around them. It’s for the best that y’all part ways

Is this sarcasm?
Pickmeism
 

Lumin

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Legitimately giving up on dating

Y'all, I have to be incog cause I'm embarrassed to have even entertained this conversation. I met someone on hinge. We talked for a week before he asked for my number. I did ask about his intent early on maybe 2 or 3 days into talking and he said he was looking for a relationship. He's older than me. I'm 29, he's 33, no kids, career.

Y'all, we went on ONE date last sat. The date was great and we talk on the phone and video chat a few times a
This week since then. So I'm driving home from work today and he calls me. My Bluetooth picks up and he asked me what I was doing, I told him I was heading to run some errands. He asked me if I wanted to get a bite to eat. I told him no & tmr would be better. I'm not a spur of the moment kind of person. He said he likes to be spontaneous and I told him I'm the opposite. I work a lot but I'm not a workaholic. But if I know I have to work the next morning for a 12 hour shift, normally I don't like staying out late. So I get home around 10 after going to pay my rent, wash clothes, get gas etc. He calls me and asks me what I'm doing, I told him I was waiting for my nails to dry. Y'all this motherfµcker had the nerve to get on me about being up right now acting like I didn't wanna see him earlier.


I was tired, I did not want to go out to eat, I worked 12 hours, not that I owe ANYONE an explanation as to why I don't. He said


"Nah I know, I wanna move at your speed but I like being spontaneous and I don't see why you couldn't do all that when you got home. The spot I wanted to go too was 15 minutes away (he picked me up from a fake address. I drove my car 20 minutes away from my actual apartment complex lol) and the laundry and bills woulda been there once we were done"


Halfway into him talking I put the phone on speaker and unmatched him on hinge. I should have hung up but I'm trying to work on communicating when it's uncomfortable for me, I have a problem with avoiding confrontation cause it makes me so uncomfortable. I hate making people mad and I'm still trying to work on sticking up for myself.


I said "I understand that but calling me driving home from work after a 12 hour shift, on the weekdays I don't really like going out..I understand if this will be an issue but you should respect that."

He said " Nah love I understand. I wanna move at your pace but I'm pretty active on hinge so"

I said "excuse me?"

He said "I'm just saying, you might meet someone who probably moves at the speed you move and I might meet someone who moves at my speed"

I said "yeah...I don't really think this will work moving forward, I hope you find what you're looking for


And he hung up on me



?????
Wait so I was wrong because I didn't wanna go out on a spur of the moment date after work and he knows I work Monday to Friday.


It's like he wanted me to be available whenever he wanted me too after only one date? What kind of entitlement is that? I hate to admit but I cried, not because he hung up on me but I tried to communicate and be mature and respectfully and I got blown off for that? Like are you serious?
You communicated your boundaries and he didn't like that. It's okay. His way of approaching dates and yours were different. It's cool. You're gonna meet ppl that don't agree with your choices and choose to move along and others that would compromise and choose to work it through. His way of expressing his expectation came off a bit aggressive to me since he assumed you'd have the time or the energy to see about yourself after your date which wasn't respectful at all. He didn't appear all that understanding either. A 12-hour shift and he didn't think to consider how tired you'd be? Anyway, it's done and gone. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just try to screen your potential dates better so you don't end up wasting time and getting hurt unnecessarily. Take care of yourself, respect the boundaries of others, assert and ensure yours are respected and enjoy your dating experiences. It shouldn't feel like a job so use that as your measuring stick. Hugs and kisses!:heart:
 

Summerxix

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Instantly annoyed at him asking a 2nd time

Super Bowl Ok GIF by Pepsi
 

Eve666

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You did well. I wouldn’t wanna go out after working all day esther. He could of brought take out or something
 

LollyLoo

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Hmmm idk this is tricky. Most of the responses you’ll get will be “ra ra go girl! You don’t need no man anyway! Cut em off! Do you n keep it movin!”

...and then it’ll be 10 years later still playin this same song n dance. Dating is all about compromises. It’s fun to try new things out of your comfort zone. Let your hair down, stay out 1 night of the week, try a new restaurant, have fun on days outside of the weekend. Next time around, I’d consider loosening the reigns a little more gradually
 

Sleets

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You're being over sensitive about a man who did exactly what you did: communicate his ceased interest in a very honest manner. No, he didn't expect you to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing, that's why he mentioned incompatibility and hung up the phone. You unmatched him on Hinge while still on the phone with him, but want to us to sympathize over him hanging up on you - which is nothing wrong?
 

Sleets

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It’s a shame that people are stroking your ego about this
Someone even called him a narc. Like huh? They were on the phone, literally having a conversation, and she unmatched him, clearly opening the floor for that kind of behavior. Why is she surprised the man responded in kind, after they both confessed to likely incompatibility?
I mean after that what was he supposed to stay on the phone for? If anyone here is entitled it's you, you expected him to change to fit what you wanted didn't you? Or for him to beg you to give him a shot to change didn't you? Yeah you did....But LSA is gonna tell you good riddance and you're better off without him, so have at it.
QFE
 

madamelakam

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Legitimately giving up on dating

Y'all, I have to be incog cause I'm embarrassed to have even entertained this conversation. I met someone on hinge. We talked for a week before he asked for my number. I did ask about his intent early on maybe 2 or 3 days into talking and he said he was looking for a relationship. He's older than me. I'm 29, he's 33, no kids, career.

Y'all, we went on ONE date last sat. The date was great and we talk on the phone and video chat a few times a
This week since then. So I'm driving home from work today and he calls me. My Bluetooth picks up and he asked me what I was doing, I told him I was heading to run some errands. He asked me if I wanted to get a bite to eat. I told him no & tmr would be better. I'm not a spur of the moment kind of person. He said he likes to be spontaneous and I told him I'm the opposite. I work a lot but I'm not a workaholic. But if I know I have to work the next morning for a 12 hour shift, normally I don't like staying out late. So I get home around 10 after going to pay my rent, wash clothes, get gas etc. He calls me and asks me what I'm doing, I told him I was waiting for my nails to dry. Y'all this motherfµcker had the nerve to get on me about being up right now acting like I didn't wanna see him earlier.


I was tired, I did not want to go out to eat, I worked 12 hours, not that I owe ANYONE an explanation as to why I don't. He said


"Nah I know, I wanna move at your speed but I like being spontaneous and I don't see why you couldn't do all that when you got home. The spot I wanted to go too was 15 minutes away (he picked me up from a fake address. I drove my car 20 minutes away from my actual apartment complex lol) and the laundry and bills woulda been there once we were done"


Halfway into him talking I put the phone on speaker and unmatched him on hinge. I should have hung up but I'm trying to work on communicating when it's uncomfortable for me, I have a problem with avoiding confrontation cause it makes me so uncomfortable. I hate making people mad and I'm still trying to work on sticking up for myself.


I said "I understand that but calling me driving home from work after a 12 hour shift, on the weekdays I don't really like going out..I understand if this will be an issue but you should respect that."

He said " Nah love I understand. I wanna move at your pace but I'm pretty active on hinge so"

I said "excuse me?"

He said "I'm just saying, you might meet someone who probably moves at the speed you move and I might meet someone who moves at my speed"

I said "yeah...I don't really think this will work moving forward, I hope you find what you're looking for


And he hung up on me



?????
Wait so I was wrong because I didn't wanna go out on a spur of the moment date after work and he knows I work Monday to Friday.


It's like he wanted me to be available whenever he wanted me too after only one date? What kind of entitlement is that? I hate to admit but I cried, not because he hung up on me but I tried to communicate and be mature and respectfully and I got blown off for that? Like are you serious?
Why you embarrassed? You did nothing wrong.
 

madamelakam

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Ive been dragged before for having boundaries and standards and since started going Incog too. I don’t blame OP. LOOL.
I’m reading the responses and this is why I never come here for dating and relationship advice. There is literally something off with a lot of the women on this site. Purely hateful and always projecting when it comes to topics about men. It’s not that serious to be coming at the OP.
 

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