incogneato
No face, no case.
I’m 25; soon to be 26 this year. I’m having a quarter life crisis at the moment, and it’s mostly because I’m realizing I’m getting older instead of younger. after multiple failed attempts of trying to seek help and therapy I don’t really know what to do. So I am on this website, as a last resort for help.
Without getting too long winded, growing up I always had a dream and desire to pursue film (acting, writing and directing) as well as music. Growing up, I was put into various choir classes, but was always passed up for main parts. But that was okay, because I knew I didn’t have the “powerhouse voice” but I could sing. I used to beg my parents to put me in acting classes as well as vocal training classes to help me get that powerful voice. But my pleas was always ignored. As time went on, I figured I would teach myself how to sing better, better vocal and breath control, how to be comfortable in front of a camera, how to dance, etc. I had success with this, but now, as an adult, a dream that I knew could have been achieved, is now a lost cause, as a I clock into a 8-5 Corporate job that I hate, in efforts to be financially stable.
The reason I brought my age up is because, now it’s starting to get to me and worsen my depression. I’m not happy with my life, and for the first time I’m starting to become suicidal. I struggle to keep a job, despite having a degree, because I am never happy or find joy in what I’m doing. I find it hard to find motivation or drive to pursue music now, because I feel like my dream of becoming a performer, has died. I live in a state where pursing my dream would be a waste, but I can’t afford to move. I work and attended college because I was told to by my parents, but I didn’t want to, and now I feel like I wasted time on a pointless degree. There was a point in time where I used to strip, and I felt in my element because I was able to perform on a stage and live an alias of a person I dreamed of being, instead of who I am; but I was shamed out of doing it by my family. My confidence in my performance work is in the shitter as well. This is due to the few attempts where I tried to audition for a acting role, or a singing part, in college, and was turned down. I still write and make music in my spare time - I just never record or publish it. So because of this, I hold my own self back. And in the end, I wallow in this endless cycle of depression and fear of rejection.
I know this website isn’t meant for therapy sessions. And tbh, after 3 different therapists, I don’t think treatment will help at this point. I just want to talk to someone about my problems, and seek genuine help. Does anyone have any advice for me? Because it’s starting to get hard to get through the days now. I never thought I would get to the point of having suicidal thoughts, but at this point, my life feels like a feather aimlessly floating in the air now.
Without getting too long winded, growing up I always had a dream and desire to pursue film (acting, writing and directing) as well as music. Growing up, I was put into various choir classes, but was always passed up for main parts. But that was okay, because I knew I didn’t have the “powerhouse voice” but I could sing. I used to beg my parents to put me in acting classes as well as vocal training classes to help me get that powerful voice. But my pleas was always ignored. As time went on, I figured I would teach myself how to sing better, better vocal and breath control, how to be comfortable in front of a camera, how to dance, etc. I had success with this, but now, as an adult, a dream that I knew could have been achieved, is now a lost cause, as a I clock into a 8-5 Corporate job that I hate, in efforts to be financially stable.
The reason I brought my age up is because, now it’s starting to get to me and worsen my depression. I’m not happy with my life, and for the first time I’m starting to become suicidal. I struggle to keep a job, despite having a degree, because I am never happy or find joy in what I’m doing. I find it hard to find motivation or drive to pursue music now, because I feel like my dream of becoming a performer, has died. I live in a state where pursing my dream would be a waste, but I can’t afford to move. I work and attended college because I was told to by my parents, but I didn’t want to, and now I feel like I wasted time on a pointless degree. There was a point in time where I used to strip, and I felt in my element because I was able to perform on a stage and live an alias of a person I dreamed of being, instead of who I am; but I was shamed out of doing it by my family. My confidence in my performance work is in the shitter as well. This is due to the few attempts where I tried to audition for a acting role, or a singing part, in college, and was turned down. I still write and make music in my spare time - I just never record or publish it. So because of this, I hold my own self back. And in the end, I wallow in this endless cycle of depression and fear of rejection.
I know this website isn’t meant for therapy sessions. And tbh, after 3 different therapists, I don’t think treatment will help at this point. I just want to talk to someone about my problems, and seek genuine help. Does anyone have any advice for me? Because it’s starting to get hard to get through the days now. I never thought I would get to the point of having suicidal thoughts, but at this point, my life feels like a feather aimlessly floating in the air now.