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I hate where I am in life; but I don’t know how to fix it.

incogneato

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I’m 25; soon to be 26 this year. I’m having a quarter life crisis at the moment, and it’s mostly because I’m realizing I’m getting older instead of younger. after multiple failed attempts of trying to seek help and therapy I don’t really know what to do. So I am on this website, as a last resort for help.

Without getting too long winded, growing up I always had a dream and desire to pursue film (acting, writing and directing) as well as music. Growing up, I was put into various choir classes, but was always passed up for main parts. But that was okay, because I knew I didn’t have the “powerhouse voice” but I could sing. I used to beg my parents to put me in acting classes as well as vocal training classes to help me get that powerful voice. But my pleas was always ignored. As time went on, I figured I would teach myself how to sing better, better vocal and breath control, how to be comfortable in front of a camera, how to dance, etc. I had success with this, but now, as an adult, a dream that I knew could have been achieved, is now a lost cause, as a I clock into a 8-5 Corporate job that I hate, in efforts to be financially stable.

The reason I brought my age up is because, now it’s starting to get to me and worsen my depression. I’m not happy with my life, and for the first time I’m starting to become suicidal. I struggle to keep a job, despite having a degree, because I am never happy or find joy in what I’m doing. I find it hard to find motivation or drive to pursue music now, because I feel like my dream of becoming a performer, has died. I live in a state where pursing my dream would be a waste, but I can’t afford to move. I work and attended college because I was told to by my parents, but I didn’t want to, and now I feel like I wasted time on a pointless degree. There was a point in time where I used to strip, and I felt in my element because I was able to perform on a stage and live an alias of a person I dreamed of being, instead of who I am; but I was shamed out of doing it by my family. My confidence in my performance work is in the shitter as well. This is due to the few attempts where I tried to audition for a acting role, or a singing part, in college, and was turned down. I still write and make music in my spare time - I just never record or publish it. So because of this, I hold my own self back. And in the end, I wallow in this endless cycle of depression and fear of rejection.

I know this website isn’t meant for therapy sessions. And tbh, after 3 different therapists, I don’t think treatment will help at this point. I just want to talk to someone about my problems, and seek genuine help. Does anyone have any advice for me? Because it’s starting to get hard to get through the days now. I never thought I would get to the point of having suicidal thoughts, but at this point, my life feels like a feather aimlessly floating in the air now.
 

Remy Newport

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Did you major in something you didn’t like? Your parents told you to attend college so you’d have something to fall back on in the event your creative side could not support you financially. I have a friend who works in corporate but she‘s also a singer and hustles on that end too, being involved in various programs and projects. Did she want to be famous on broadway? Probably. But she’s not and found other outlets. You should do the same but you will have to put forth effort. oh and rejection is part of the process, you’ll def have to get used to it
 

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You mentioned that you were interested in film— have you been steadily pursuing that?
One thing I know about successful people is that they know how to go all out on a second choice. Gordon Ramsey wanted to play soccer, food was his second love; the Rock was an athlete and pursued acting after. Maybe focus on leaving corporate, which you seem to hate, rather than fixating on your music career not being the same as you fantasized.
 

GigiLaMoore

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1. Keep looking for a good therapist. Just like you have to try on more than 3 pairs of shoes to find the right ones, sometimes you have to try more than 3 therapists.
2. Stick to therapy for at least a year, even if you don't feel like it's working.
3. Wait until your area opens up more and pursue local or dinner theater.
4. Find other ways to channel your artistic energies.
5. Realize that your parents did the best they could and it's up to you now.
 

Glittergasm

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After Covid is over can you get involved in some local community theater groups? These tend to be filled with nice people who are passionate about the arts, so it would be a creative outlet and also help you make friends/broaden your support network. It's ok to work in corporate to pay the bills and then experience your true passions as hobbies. And if you do decide to make a go at professional acting/singing, having some credits to your name (even if they're local productions) can only help your CV
 

beatrixkiddo1

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It's honestly not too late to pursue writing and directing. Acting Is a little agist but 25 isn't "old" in their world. It's just competitive af.

Music... that's the trickiest one. I can count on a hand how many black female artists have broken in successfully after the age of 26 BUT anything's possible. Don't sell yourself short.

Be realistic and have back up plan but make a plan and go for it. it could be as small as creating skits on tik tok/ig.
 

TGSHeaux

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It’s not over for you! You’re in you’re prime! If music/ acting is what you wanna do. Figure out a way to get to where you wanna go. Now since social media exists it isn’t that hard. If you’re not confident you can do behind the scenes. You can become a singing coach on YouTube and various other apps. Do renditions of movies or plays on ig . Make up your own. It only takes one good person to notice you. If you have a job save up some money so you can move. As I say use your pain as power. You can make a movie about what youre going through. You can help others and build a fan base. There’s tons of depressed people. Also ranting gets a good amount of views. Some people that are stars now was rejected but they kept at it until it was their time. When you get an Oscar/ Grammy please thank me
 

ImTheOne

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Do you have a performing arts Center near you? Where I live we have one and they offer summer classes which include a performance at the end. You get to be on stage as well as meet and connect with like-minded people
 

incogneato

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hun, you're probably not gonna like what I have to say but I am procrastinating so... I'm gonna say it. it's also informed, educated advice as I have experience in that world you're dreaming of.
so here it is; don't get mad and stop reading. read though the end.

from what you say, and how you say it - it looks like now you don't have what it takes to make it in the film/music industry.
I'm sorry.
it takes luck, talent, above average looks - and most importantly: self belief to the point that you keep going despite rejection and set backs. rejection just comes with the lot.

in the music world, a great voice is very imp - or at least a determined hardworking personality like Madonna's. it sounds like this avenue is locked for you: you're not a musician (you don't write music), and you don't have a great voice. No go here.

luck, talent and perseverance can - sometimes - outsmart good looks. there are a few people in the business that aren't pretty in the conventional way - and they made it, but it was hard. just think of of Barbara Streisand. Meryl Streep was rejected too for "not being pretty enough". But her talent shined through despite all, while the pretty models never really got a career after all. very successful actors are a combination of all of the above. but there are working actors with less talent and less luck too. and they have the life they wanted.

luck is essential - but some people have kept at it for 10-15 years and eventually made it. but they used that time to get better, and didn't give it up. so there is that. all the luck, talent and good looks cannot overcome your own disbelief in yourself, your tendency to give up and take rejection at heart. nothing can help you with that. this world is all about rejection. everybody got rejected. it's not personal. if you expect things just to fall flat at your feet you don't have what it takes for this.

so the way I see it is this: you need to decide for yourself or trust someone who knows stuff IF you have the talent.
there are lots of wannabes - if you don't have the talent, don't bother. be very very realistic.
I used to work at a casting agency 20 years ago. it's sad how many people had a lot of confidence but no talent; at the end of the day, even lower rated directors can recognize talent AND prefer it to no talent at all. or GREAT beauty, of course. but that doesn't turn into a career by itself.

so: talent. do you HONESTLY have it?

if you do, find a way to do what it takes: do it, get better at it, live it, keep at it, and one day you will make it. find a way to DO IT. every day. just go for it. no more excuses. it is NOT too late.

if the above sounds too complicated for you, just give it up. fully. completely.
it looks like this (pipe)dream is your excuse for not investing yourself 100% in your own life - the one you have. the only one you get. so if you're not going for what you fully want, find the second best choice and do that with 100% of your heart.

either way, you gotta stop giving up. how bad can you be at making choices that YOU picked 3 completely incompetent psychotherapists? do you have some sort of intellectual impairment? I'm being tongue in cheek here - my guess is you don't. so... you just quit when it's too hard or what? did you just go to a 3$ an hour "therapist" with no real training? HOW can one quit not one, or two, but THREE therapists?

you do not have what it takes. maybe a therapist can help, but only if you have the talent and if you stay in therapy. for years. yes, you read that correctly. YEARS. I know someone who was a lot like you. it took him 3.5 years of therapy to get his sh!t together and achieve success in his life. NOT the world wide success with no effort he was dreaming of, of course. but smaller scale, worked for, earned real success.

so the gest of it is this: make better choices and STICK WITH THEM.
 

OnBehalfOfMe

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I'm going to give you a brutally honest point of view. If this reads as harsh, I don't mean it to be. I'm just spelling thing out bluntly because imo that is the best way to go about it. Oh, and sorry it's so long (lol).

Basically, I don't think a lasting career in music or acting is going to happen for you. Why? Because it doesn't happen for the vast majority of people who want it. Stardom is not something that everyone can have, even if they are extremely talented/good looking.

I see so many people depressed because their dreams of being a rapper, singer or actor aren't coming to fruition. It's 99.99999% about luck because there are so many good people all trying to get that star spot. That sort of career should be something you pursue as a plan B! Not a plan A. Sure, you could still pursue it in your spare time for fun and maybe do an odd job here or there (if you get lucky enough to be casted, which again you should not be counting on). But I think that making your happiness dependent on getting that kind of work is a very bad idea. The odds are extremely low for everyone, not only you.

So what now you say? At this point in your life, you need to start focusing on a realistic option that can make you happy. When we neglect to accept reality, we neglect ourselves. Because we can ONLY live in reality - not our dreams. Getting that sort of work and consistently sustaining it in order to bring in a steady income is impossible for the vast majority of people. You deserve better odds, and I assure you that music/acting are not the only things you could do in order to achieve happiness. You must have other passions or career paths which you could envision yourself pursuing. Have you thought about them?

What other things do you think that you could turn into a satisfying career? If you don't know, research all the kinds of work out there. That's what you should be focusing on. And don't let school hold you back because many people have to go to school more than once. Even if it's just a 1-2 year trade school or certificate program (I don't know much about school honestly, but I've heard of such things) so that you can become qualified to do something you like, I think it would be worthwhile if you can't possibly stand the idea of any of the jobs you can get with the degree you have. But maybe there is something else you could do with the degree you have that you would like? What degree is it?

And remember that a job does not have to be super exciting for you to have a happy life or contentment. For example, I like my job. I am comfortable with the pace of the work I do (most days anyway lol) and the kind of work I do. I am sure you could find something like that. It's not travelling the world for a living, but I am happy and comfortable with it and I could see myself doing it for a long time. Seek something you could feel that way about, something you could see yourself committing to.

It could also be that the job you have currently could provide that sense of contentment for you, but you just can't see it right now because you are too focused on some glamorous life you've envisioned. You might find that after adjusting to the idea of a "normal" job, that your job isn't so bad after all. But if you simply can't stand the job you're at no matter what, I would go back to the drawing board and look for a new path.

Start from the bottom with a new goal and go for it, even if for right now it's just to allow yourself to mentally readjust to the idea of having a more realistically attainable job. Take your time and self reflect before making any big moves.

I really hope you stick around (do not harm yourself - ever). Will you update LSA? You can DM me anytime also if you have any questions.

Good luck!
 
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incogneato

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hun, you're probably not gonna like what I have to say but I am procrastinating so... I'm gonna say it. it's also informed, educated advice as I have experience in that world you're dreaming of.
so here it is; don't get mad and stop reading. read though the end.

from what you say, and how you say it - it looks like now you don't have what it takes to make it in the film/music industry.
I'm sorry.
it takes luck, talent, above average looks - and most importantly: self belief to the point that you keep going despite rejection and set backs. rejection just comes with the lot.

in the music world, a great voice is very imp - or at least a determined hardworking personality like Madonna's. it sounds like this avenue is locked for you: you're not a musician (you don't write music), and you don't have a great voice. No go here.

luck, talent and perseverance can - sometimes - outsmart good looks. there are a few people in the business that aren't pretty in the conventional way - and they made it, but it was hard. just think of of Barbara Streisand. Meryl Streep was rejected too for "not being pretty enough". But her talent shined through despite all, while the pretty models never really got a career after all. very successful actors are a combination of all of the above. but there are working actors with less talent and less luck too. and they have the life they wanted.

luck is essential - but some people have kept at it for 10-15 years and eventually made it. but they used that time to get better, and didn't give it up. so there is that. all the luck, talent and good looks cannot overcome your own disbelief in yourself, your tendency to give up and take rejection at heart. nothing can help you with that. this world is all about rejection. everybody got rejected. it's not personal. if you expect things just to fall flat at your feet you don't have what it takes for this.

so the way I see it is this: you need to decide for yourself or trust someone who knows stuff IF you have the talent.
there are lots of wannabes - if you don't have the talent, don't bother. be very very realistic.
I used to work at a casting agency 20 years ago. it's sad how many people had a lot of confidence but no talent; at the end of the day, even lower rated directors can recognize talent AND prefer it to no talent at all. or GREAT beauty, of course. but that doesn't turn into a career by itself.

so: talent. do you HONESTLY have it?

if you do, find a way to do what it takes: do it, get better at it, live it, keep at it, and one day you will make it. find a way to DO IT. every day. just go for it. no more excuses. it is NOT too late.

if the above sounds too complicated for you, just give it up. fully. completely.
it looks like this (pipe)dream is your excuse for not investing yourself 100% in your own life - the one you have. the only one you get. so if you're not going for what you fully want, find the second best choice and do that with 100% of your heart.

either way, you gotta stop giving up. how bad can you be at making choices that YOU picked 3 completely incompetent psychotherapists? do you have some sort of intellectual impairment? I'm being tongue in cheek here - my guess is you don't. so... you just quit when it's too hard or what? did you just go to a 3$ an hour "therapist" with no real training? HOW can one quit not one, or two, but THREE therapists?

you do not have what it takes. maybe a therapist can help, but only if you have the talent and if you stay in therapy. for years. yes, you read that correctly. YEARS. I know someone who was a lot like you. it took him 3.5 years of therapy to get his sh!t together and achieve success in his life. NOT the world wide success with no effort he was dreaming of, of course. but smaller scale, worked for, earned real success.

so the gest of it is this: make better choices and STICK WITH THEM.
I'm going to give you a brutally honest point of view. If this reads as harsh, I don't mean it to be. I'm just spelling thing out bluntly because imo that is the best way to go about it. Oh, and sorry it's so long (lol).

Basically, I don't think a lasting career in music or acting is going to happen for you. Why? Because it doesn't happen for the vast majority of people who want it. Stardom is not something that you everyone can have, even if they are extremely talented/good looking.

I see so many people depressed because their dreams of being a rapper, singer or actor aren't coming to fruition. It's 99.99999% about luck because there are so many good people all trying to get that star spot. That sort of career should be something you pursue as a plan B! Not a plan A. Sure, you could still pursue it in your spare time for fun and maybe do an odd job here or there (if you get lucky enough to be casted, which again you should not be counting on). But I think that making your happiness dependent on getting that kind of work is a very bad idea. The odds are extremely low for everyone, not only you.

So what now you say? At this point in your life, you need to start focusing on a realistic option that can make you happy. When we neglect to accept reality, we neglect ourselves. Because we can ONLY live in reality - not our dreams. Getting that sort of work and consistently sustaining it in order to bring in a steady income is impossible for the vast majority of people. You deserve better odds, and I assure you that music/acting are not the only things you could do in order to achieve happiness. You must have other passions or career paths which you could envision yourself pursuing. Have you thought about them?

What other things do you think that you could turn into a satisfying career? If you don't know, research all the kinds of work out there. That's what you should be focusing on. And don't let school hold you back because many people have to go to school more than once. Even if it's just a 1-2 year trade school or certificate program (I don't know much about school honestly, but I've heard of such things) so that you can become qualified to do something you like, I think it would be worthwhile if you can't possibly stand the idea of any of the jobs you can get with the degree you have. But maybe there is something else you could do with the degree you have that you would like? What degree is it?

And remember that a job does not have to be super exciting for you to have a happy life or contentment. For example, I like my job. I am comfortable with the pace of the work I do (most days anyway lol) and the kind of work I do. I am sure you could find something like that. It's not travelling the world for a living, but I am happy and comfortable with it and I could see myself doing it for a long time. Seek something you could feel that way about, something you could see yourself committing to.

It could also be that the job you have currently could provide that sense of contentment for you, but you just can't see it right now because you are too focused on some glamorous life you've envisioned. You might find that after adjusting to the idea of a "normal" job, that your job isn't so bad after all. But if you simply can't stand the job you're at no matter what, I would go back to the drawing board and look for a new path.

Start from the bottom with a new goal and go for it, even if for right now it's just to allow yourself to mentally readjust to the idea of having a more realistically attainable job. Take your time and self reflect before making any big moves.

I really hope you stick around (do not harm yourself - ever). Will you update LSA? You can DM me anytime also if you have any questions.

Good luck!
FIRST FONT -

I understand being realistic but some of the things said in the both of these posts were assumptions? Or completely incorrect from what I stated before?

I will admit, I definitely need to work on the laziness. In college I was approached by a film professor to film a script I wrote for a class final, because he thought it was that good. He even offered to pay me to get the rights to what I wrote. I declined because, at the time, I wasn’t confident in my work, and had other personal issues and engagements going on. But I do write music and screenplays? I do make mSo I have no idea where you got the information of me saying I didn’t? Because in my original post I said, I write and produce my own music and write scripts in my free time. The issue is, I need help building the confidence to publish the work.

Second, for the three therapist question, an answer is very simple: First therapist wasn’t a good one. I went to her because she was a Black Woman, but she was unprofessional and a joke. Second therapist was great! But they moved away to a different state. Third therapist was a pompous white man who would always downplay racial issues I would discuss with him that I would experience at my workplace. He would also try to force his religion on to me, when I would discuss my xesual orientation. So no offense, first font, but your assumption of why I don’t have a steady therapist, or insinuation of me having an mental or personality disorder is extremely incorrect and insulting.

Third, to be honest, the only thing I have going for me right now is my looks. Remember how I said I used to be a stripper? My appearance isn’t a issue, which is why I never listed it in my OP. Once again, my issue is building confidence to show my work to others. To sing in front of others. Believing in myself - not lack of talent. And if I’m not mistaken, I also said that in my OP, that talent wasn’t an issue. I also find it funny for you to speak about talent, when the majority of popular singers in today’s music aren’t even talented themselves.

Lastly, was the detail of me putting own self through vocal training, dance classes, acting classes, teaching myself how to play the piano and guitar (which, once again, I said in the OP), was that not a demonstration of my work ethic? Or was that information not clear? That was insulting as well.

However, if your goal with your post was to inspire me, to get my ass up and to work harder to achieve my dreams - it definitely worked. I definitely do need to work on handling rejection, hence why I originally was going to therapy, because I do have confidence issues. And laziness is definitely an issue that needs to be worked on. But to discredit my talent? That is something I will not except, because I know I’m talented. To discredit my work ethic? I’m not even going entertain the “look” topic you brought it, because that’s one thing I know I rock sh!t in. But One thing I will not allow is someone to have a loud and wrong and pinion of me and what I can provide to the world. especially when that opinion is completely left of what was originally said.

SECOND FONT -

Thank you for your response and candidness. Unlike the first font, I can tell that you at least read my original post. So your criticism is welcomed, and was not harsh at all. So I would like to first thank you for that.

My current degree went hand-in-hand with acting, somewhat. I decided that although I wanted to be in front of the camera, and work in media, I do not want to work in news or policy. I once used to work at a radio station, and did pretty well. However the pay wasn’t good enough so I had to leave. I currently work a job where I make good money but I am not happy. And it seems like every job I work, it happens that way. I’ve done research on different avenues I can take, but to be honest I don’t see myself working in corporate America. Although I have the résumé and accolades for it, I’m not happy and have no desire to live my life working 8 to 5 job. I have looked into other avenues, such as creating content for YouTube, podcast, and other live streaming platforms. The main issue, as of now, is just finding the confidence to believe in myself to do it, and overcoming my laziness. I have this weird thing where when I put my mind to something, I go hard with it. But when I have downtime, it turns into prolonged procrastination. I guess my laziness is my Achilles heel. The problem that I’m going through right now, that is constantly making my depression worse, is that I try to focus on doing a more realistic approach and getting a good career that pays well and trying to live a content life. But that life is not a life I’m happy with. So far I’m in my fourth professional career since graduating college. Each job pays well, and each job was in a varying field with a different role. None of them has made me happy. And this is not even including the small part-time gigs I’ve done. I literally have only felt happy, when I was stripping because I was able to put on a show for others, and be my own boss. Even if the work was a bit physically (and mentally tbh) draining.
 

incogneato

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Do you have a performing arts Center near you? Where I live we have one and they offer summer classes which include a performance at the end. You get to be on stage as well as meet and connect with like-minded people
Hey! So I actually do now (thanks to a pandemic relocation). But for about 2-3 years, post college graduation I didn’t. I’m looking into doing classes, and getting a vocal coach again, when I’m fully vaccinated, and restrictions in my state open up a little more. The only reason why I can’t do virtual at this time, is due to finances.


It’s not over for you! You’re in you’re prime! If music/ acting is what you wanna do. Figure out a way to get to where you wanna go. Now since social media exists it isn’t that hard. If you’re not confident you can do behind the scenes. You can become a singing coach on YouTube and various other apps. Do renditions of movies or plays on ig . Make up your own. It only takes one good person to notice you. If you have a job save up some money so you can move. As I say use your pain as power. You can make a movie about what youre going through. You can help others and build a fan base. There’s tons of depressed people. Also ranting gets a good amount of views. Some people that are stars now was rejected but they kept at it until it was their time. When you get an Oscar/ Grammy please thank me
It's honestly not too late to pursue writing and directing. Acting Is a little agist but 25 isn't "old" in their world. It's just competitive af.

Music... that's the trickiest one. I can count on a hand how many black female artists have broken in successfully after the age of 26 BUT anything's possible. Don't sell yourself short.

Be realistic and have back up plan but make a plan and go for it. it could be as small as creating skits on tik tok/ig.
1. Keep looking for a good therapist. Just like you have to try on more than 3 pairs of shoes to find the right ones, sometimes you have to try more than 3 therapists.
2. Stick to therapy for at least a year, even if you don't feel like it's working.
3. Wait until your area opens up more and pursue local or dinner theater.
4. Find other ways to channel your artistic energies.
5. Realize that your parents did the best they could and it's up to you now.
You mentioned that you were interested in film— have you been steadily pursuing that?
One thing I know about successful people is that they know how to go all out on a second choice. Gordon Ramsey wanted to play soccer, food was his second love; the Rock was an athlete and pursued acting after. Maybe focus on leaving corporate, which you seem to hate, rather than fixating on your music career not being the same as you fantasized.
Did you major in something you didn’t like? Your parents told you to attend college so you’d have something to fall back on in the event your creative side could not support you financially. I have a friend who works in corporate but she‘s also a singer and hustles on that end too, being involved in various programs and projects. Did she want to be famous on broadway? Probably. But she’s not and found other outlets. You should do the same but you will have to put forth effort. oh and rejection is part of the process, you’ll def have to get used to it
Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. I know the industry is very ages, especially the music industry. I’m praying that being 25 doesn’t have a negative affect on me. But one can only hope.

My degree was in Broadcast Journalism and Radio. I also had a minor in film. I do still write screenplays, and write and produce my own music. My issue is just finding the confidence to actually publish it. And for the screenplays, just looking for a team to network with, to help me film. I think up until this point, since graduating when I was 21, I was so focused on chasing money and becoming financially stable - I lost focus and track of my dreams and actual interests, until now, what seemingly feels too late. However, I can say the plus side about this pandemic was it gave me a lot of free time to work on my craft
 

incogneato

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FIRST FONT -
I understand being realistic but some of the things said in the both of these posts were assumptions? Or completely incorrect from what I stated before?
[...]
So no offense, first font, but your assumption of why I don’t have a steady therapist, or insinuation of me having an mental or personality disorder is extremely incorrect and insulting.

Third, to be honest, the only thing I have going for me right now is my looks. Remember how I said I used to be a stripper? My appearance isn’t a issue,[...] I also said that in my OP, that talent wasn’t an issue. I also find it funny for you to speak about talent, when the majority of popular singers in today’s music aren’t even talented themselves.

[...]
However, if your goal with your post was to inspire me, to get my ass up and to work harder to achieve my dreams - it definitely worked. I definitely do need to work on handling rejection, [...]

But to discredit my talent? That is something I will not except, because I know I’m talented. To discredit my work ethic? I’m not even going entertain the “look” topic you brought it, because that’s one thing I know I rock sh!t in. But One thing I will not allow is someone to have a loud and wrong and pinion of me and what I can provide to the world. especially when that opinion is completely left of what was originally said.

Oh, so now you think you're the most beautiful, talented musician/writer/dancer/singer in the world. Shame on me for "discrediting" your talent by suggesting you ask for feedback from others. Of course you have ALL THE TALENT.

My work here is done, then. A few days ago you had no self confidence and now, you're think you're the bomb, so much more talented than all the popular singers right now, in the whole wide world.

You don't need realism, or help. You just need everyone in the world to bow down to you and recognize you as our queen. My mistake.

Look out world, here she comes! :rolleyes:

PS I never insinuated a personality disorder, but now I'm thinking of one that is very, very probable: "vulnerable narcissism". you're welcome!
 

Chizi

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Without getting too long winded, growing up I always had a dream and desire to pursue film (acting, writing and directing) as well as music. Growing up, I was put into various choir classes, but was always passed up for main parts. But that was okay, because I knew I didn’t have the “powerhouse voice” but I could sing. I used to beg my parents to put me in acting classes as well as vocal training classes to help me get that powerful voice. But my pleas was always ignored. As time went on, I figured I would teach myself how to sing better, better vocal and breath control, how to be comfortable in front of a camera, how to dance, etc. I had success with this, but now, as an adult, a dream that I knew could have been achieved, is now a lost cause, as a I clock into a 8-5 Corporate job that I hate, in efforts to be financially stable.

The reason I brought my age up is because, now it’s starting to get to me and worsen my depression. I’m not happy with my life, and for the first time I’m starting to become suicidal. I struggle to keep a job, despite having a degree, because I am never happy or find joy in what I’m doing. I find it hard to find motivation or drive to pursue music now, because I feel like my dream of becoming a performer, has died. I live in a state where pursing my dream would be a waste, but I can’t afford to move. I work and attended college because I was told to by my parents, but I didn’t want to, and now I feel like I wasted time on a pointless degree. There was a point in time where I used to strip, and I felt in my element because I was able to perform on a stage and live an alias of a person I dreamed of being, instead of who I am; but I was shamed out of doing it by my family. My confidence in my performance work is in the shitter as well. This is due to the few attempts where I tried to audition for a acting role, or a singing part, in college, and was turned down. I still write and make music in my spare time - I just never record or publish it. So because of this, I hold my own self back. And in the end, I wallow in this endless cycle of depression and fear of rejection.

I know this website isn’t meant for therapy sessions. And tbh, after 3 different therapists, I don’t think treatment will help at this point. I just want to talk to someone about my problems, and seek genuine help. Does anyone have any advice for me? Because it’s starting to get hard to get through the days now. I never thought I would get to the point of having suicidal thoughts, but at this point, my life feels like a feather aimlessly floating in the air now
Hey sis, I get how you feel. I’ve been there, lost with no direction. I wanted to do a lot of things but after some self-discovery realised what truly makes me happy which is helping people. I’d like to support you and have a quick chat if you want to. You can book a call at the following link:
LINK TO BOOK
You don’t have to face this alone. I’m glad I can help.
 

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