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I heard someone say being a victim of xesual assault or domestic violence isn’t gonna make a young or old ninja care...

Bakhita

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Why be with a man if you cannot trust him to be empathetic and treat you with respect despite your trauma? Like the whole point of a relationship is moot if you have to pretend everything in life was hunky dory for you in fear he will judge you or try to manipulate you. That sounds like a toxic, immature person who you shouldn't be with anyway. But vast majority men are toxic and immature which is why I have nothing to do with them outside of work and a few acquaintences.
 

DellsFave

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Some of you talk too much when it comes to men. Always ready to tell them every little thing.
A lot of women romanticize that sh!t. Thinking that telling a man every single detail about their life from birth makes them close. When they run out of stuff to tell him about themselves, then they start telling him all of their friends personal business. He isn't doing the same.
 

Star Jones

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I haven't finished reading this thread yet, but I want to remind fonts that a lot of these men are also victims of xesual abuse, usually a man. You revealing your trauma will not make them feel sympathy or empathy because you are now coming real close to something that they themselves have been trying to run away from.

You'll probably get misplaced anger for bringing it up and/or some bizarre jealousy as you have shown enough strength to even admit it, so you're much farther along than they are.

Maybe you can bring that up in couples' therapy or pre-marital counseling. At least there, you will (hopefully) have a third party that will intervene if they see his response is less than ideal.
 

purplecats

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Some men do care. But i learned the hard way that a lot of them don't, and a lot of them are predators themselves. Share information with those you trust and have known for some time. Sadly men can use stuff like this to manipulate you
 

Locanokalala

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A lot of women romanticize that sh!t. Thinking that telling a man every single detail about their life from birth makes them close. When they run out of stuff to tell him about themselves, then they start telling him all of their friends personal business. He isn't doing the same.
fr like your man ain't your best friend and I stay away from women who do that sh!t. Cannot trust the lady with a thing
 

just11412

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They dont. I never have been with a man who was really sensitive to my trauma history. I never came right out and told any guy I was dealing with about it. I made sure I felt I could trust them or at least I thought I could. Cause of course it wouke come up like why did you get divorced or why did the last relationship not work. And they either didnt care to be sensitive to it or my trauma or they used it against me. Like one i told him and he kept bringing it up anytime we had an arguement.

So yeah. That has been my experience
 

Seeing Green

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You're right in the sense that most men won't care because most men won't want anything serious with you, but the one that does want something serious will most definitely want to know.

And honestly, speaking as a woman who has experienced past trauma, there's no way to hide that from the man that really is trying to have something to you. Things like that manifest themselves and change who we are forever. And if you've never had any kind of real therapy, your actions and words will give away that you've been through some sh.t.

The man who is trying to build something with you will inquire about your past, and will keep asking as he continues to get to know you and notices your pattern of behavior, values, etc. I don't think completely hiding that part of your life is the smart thing to do when it comes to someone you're really trying to build something with.
 

Sophia2000

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So if you don’t tell him, how do you explain to him your erratic behavior when he triggers it unintentionally?
 

Sophia2000

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You're right in the sense that most men won't care because most men won't want anything serious with you, but the one that does want something serious will most definitely want to know.

And honestly, speaking as a woman who has experienced past trauma, there's no way to hide that from the man that really is trying to have something to you. Things like that manifest themselves and change who we are forever. And if you've never had any kind of real therapy, your actions and words will give away that you've been through some sh.t.

The man who is trying to build something with you will inquire about your past, and will keep asking as he continues to get to know you and notices your pattern of behavior, values, etc. I don't think completely hiding that part of your life is the smart thing to do when it comes to someone you're really trying to build something with.
This.
But as mothers why don’t we teach our sons how to love xesually abused girls/women
 

AI Boyfriend

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Keep your trauma between you and your therapist.
That goes for men and women. A man is also a fool if he tells his woman every detail of his life and struggles. It all influences how people treat you.

It's no longer "oh he acted that way just because" --- it becomes "oh he acted that way because this happened to him at 6 and that happened to him at 12". It will be used to explain every mishap you do.
 

Ernada

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The right one will. The majority don't give a damn. I advise all women not to share intimate details about themselves or any traumatic experiences they've had with the men they're dealing with . 9 times out of 10 they'll bring it up and throw back into your face later on.


Eta: As OP pointed out to me you gotta watch out for the men in your family too. Can't say too much to them either.
But, wouldn't it be a good way to suss out the right one from the majority who ain't sh!t and fake?
 

SAFE184

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Honestly, I think only rapist feel that way. A lot of men (I'm sad I can't confidently say most) I know are disgusted by other men who rape. I would be very leary about a man who would say that about his own mother.

I have a feeling he just wanted to be steadfast in the argument. If something really happened to his mother, he would be bawling and ready to fight. “Capping” as the young people say :sneaky:

Still a sign that he is weak and ungrounded.. I’d also be leery of having a real conversation with this person. They can’t handle it and are at least in theory ready to sacrifice their mom to Bro Code.
 

ORNELLA

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Generally, men do NOT give a fµck about women being xesually assaulted. MANY will even go as far as to say you are a hoe, put yourself in that position, and are weak. I want you guys to understand that MEN STAY ON CODE and will not call out men for certain crimes against women. When will women get on code? Chile, I do not know.
 

The CEO

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Like I always say, your man is not your girlfriend. He definitely doesn’t need to know everything, even if he’s your husband. I have had being a victim of xesual assault, childhood xesual abuse, and domestic violence thrown in my face, and the fact is a lot of men WILL see you as “damaged” if you disclose this information to them. (My ex-husband actually called me damaged all the time, because I had disclosed this information to him. Talk about betrayal.)

Save it for therapy and your closest friends. But you’re right, nobody really cares, and a lot of people will judge YOU for having experienced these things. Sad but true.
 

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