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I just got married and I already want a divorce

Booq

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I hate that LSA took the incog feature away but whatever. It hasn’t even been a full month and we’re already arguing. I’m so unhappy now. And ontop of All this, we’re trying to get a house together.

Advice to anybody thinking about getting married, YOUR “small” PROBLEMS WILL BE MAGNIFIED once you get married. I would hear it but now that I’m living it, I see how true it is. I don’t even feel like he’s a husband just someone who’s there that I low key just feel like he’s less of a man because he doesn’t know how to communicate and problem solve. This is probably the less effective “partnership” I’ve encountered.

I’ve heard the first year is usually hard. Is this normal? Does it get better?
 

Booq

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So were you guys having issues before you got married?
Honestly, yes. But for a while we were in a good place. We would have disagreements but we could apologize and move on. Now, it’s not like that. He’s a lot more stubborn now and it’s like I can’t talk to the person that’s supposed to be the closest to me
 

Urbest

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Not married but you just got married. Try to make it work, what you're telling us, tell him & hopefully work on improving the communication. If arguments makes you want to get divorced, it may seem you're not ready for marriage? It's normal to argue & if you dated him for 3 years, you should know how he approaches situations. Actually, if this is the least effective partnership, why did you marry him??! Nonetheless, communicate with him how you are feeling. If needs be, seek marriage counseling. I won't mention divorce unless all attempts to resolve issues are exhausted or there are deeper issues you aren't disclosing...
 

Booq

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Not married but you just got married. Try to make it work, what you're telling us, tell him & hopefully work on improving the communication. If arguments makes you want to get divorced, it may seem you're not ready for marriage? It's normal to argue & if you dated him for 3 years, you should know how he approaches situations. Actually, if this is the least effective partnership, why did you marry him??! Nonetheless, communicate with him how you are feeling. If needs be, seek marriage counseling. I won't mention divorce unless all attempts to resolve issues are exhausted or there are deeper issues you aren't disclosing...
Thank you. The only reason it feels like that is because we’re making the biggest purchase (a house) and he can’t communicate with me or even try to see my side. It feels like it’s his way or no way
 

UnderstatedBri

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Honestly, yes. But for a while we were in a good place. We would have disagreements but we could apologize and move on. Now, it’s not like that. He’s a lot more stubborn now and it’s like I can’t talk to the person that’s supposed to be the closest to me
It's never too early to get a marriage counselor
 

NoDramaZone

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OP I haven’t been married but my opinion is as long as cheating isn’t involved give your marriage more time. I know you feel like throwing in the towel but please sitdown and TALK to each other not AT each other. Did you live together before marriage? If not you could be going through getting to know each other’s living habits. (((Cuberhugs)))

Edited: I just saw the thread where he cheated on you last year and you still married him. Smh once a cheat always a cheat. You 2 are probably arguing because you can’t trust his ass.
 
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Booq

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OP I haven’t been married but my opinion is as long as cheating isn’t involved give your marriage more time. I know you feel like throwing in the towel but please sitdown and TALK to each other not AT each other. Did you live together before marriage? If not you could be going through getting to know each other’s living habits. (((Cuberhugs)))
I agree with talking to instead of at. One thing I can’t stand is someone who can’t admit when they’re wrong and a person with a defensive attitude and that’s where he’s been these past couple weeks
 

Urbest

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Thank you. The only reason it feels like that is because we’re making the biggest purchase (a house) and he can’t communicate with me or even try to see my side. It feels like it’s his way or no way
AGAIN, Have you communicated these feelings with him? You said he is bad at communicating, but seems you are too if you can't tell your husband how you fell? If you have & he is still being stubborn, seek a marriage counselor, but he has to be open to it too. A marriage like any relationship takes 2 people.
 

Naturalista

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Soooo...some advice many marriage counselors have given in this situation is to keep having xes. I know it’s like wtf, but xes is supposed to be the way to keep you connected and eventually get both partners to compromise.

Usually, men are more open to discussion after xes. So whatever issues you have bring them to him calmly and preferably after a good session.

And yes, the first year is supposed to be the hardest.
 

theVer

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Would you consider marriage counseling? I hope everything works out, but don't burn yourself out.
 

MistressNae

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Maybe your mom saw it coming and was trying to stop you in that other thread.

Didn’t you just get married this week or last week? Did you even go to your honeymoon yet?
 

NoDramaZone

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I agree with talking to instead of at. One thing I can’t stand is someone who can’t admit when they’re wrong and a person with a defensive attitude and that’s where he’s been these past couple weeks

He’s probably nervous about being married and buying a house etc. So sit him down and tell him what you just typed to me. “You feel he’s been a little on the defensive side these pass couple of weeks and you just want to know what bothering him.” Open that door and let him step in and LISTEN to him. No interruption. If all else fail I suggest just as another font marriage counseling. Don’t give up because apparently there’s love or you wouldn’t have married him.
 

Booq

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Maybe your mom saw it coming and was trying to stop you in that other thread.

Didn’t you just get married this week or last week? Did you even go to your honeymoon yet?
Girl no honeymoon yet we were so focused on the house
 

Metaphysique

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Perhaps you’re just not compatible and those inherent incompatibilities were ignored or brushed aside.

Genuine compatibility across different areas is key, and it’s a major factor in troubling or contentious relationship dynamics.
 

SexyRaccune

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What does he say when you say you all need to find better ways to communicate?

Do you brainstorm new approaches together?
 

Love Diva

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I was a maid of honor once and this is why I’ve turned down every request since.

After spending EXTREME money on two bachelorette trips, an ugly ass dress, hair, makeup and all that other sh!t, I was sitting at dinner listening to my friend tell me about another man she’d been flirting with

b!tch hadn’t even been married a full 6 months and was complaining about the lack of attention from her husband and was enjoying the attention from her coworker. I cut her off shortly after. Too many chicks in love with a wedding and with no care of what a MARRIAGE entails

None of these issues started one month after marriage op. He was the same person all three years y’all dated
 

Amandabby22

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Why are you guys rushing to buy a house so soon? The ink hasn’t dried on your marriage license yet.

Two huge monumental moments within weeks/months of each other. This could be stressful for anybody..
 

Miss Mood

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This may sound crazy, but.... Go on your honeymoon. Y'all sound stressed and need to get away for a sec.

Never been married, but it sounds like too much so soon. Wedding, then buying a house.... That's 2 stressful life-changing things to handle.
 

Miss Mood

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It's crazy how you can be with someone for years and everything can be fine, but the moment you get married all hell breaks loose. sh!t is truly scary.

I've heard this from a few people. I don't understand it either. This is precisely what scares me about getting married.
 

K_Diddy

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It's crazy how you can be with someone for years and everything can be fine, but the moment you get married all hell breaks loose. sh!t is truly scary.
I've known a few couples in the same situation. Together for years. Living together. Some had kids already. But as soon as it becomes legal, things seem to go left. Maybe it's psychological? I dunno. I don't get it at all.
 

Winter

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I hate that LSA took the incog feature away but whatever. It hasn’t even been a full month and we’re already arguing. I’m so unhappy now. And ontop of All this, we’re trying to get a house together.

Advice to anybody thinking about getting married, YOUR “small” PROBLEMS WILL BE MAGNIFIED once you get married. I would hear it but now that I’m living it, I see how true it is. I don’t even feel like he’s a husband just someone who’s there that I low key just feel like he’s less of a man because he doesn’t know how to communicate and problem solve. This is probably the less effective “partnership” I’ve encountered.
My brother told me that when I had my girlfriend years ago. He told me something small happens to ask myself "Can I live with this" and added that it's never the big things that break up a relationship. It's the little things.

I lost that relationship due to a serious lack of communication but I haven't forgotten what he said.
 

uncgirl

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I'm not married, but one of my bffs had similar issues soon after she got married. She was *this* close to separating from him a few months after they got married. To make a long story short, fast forward 15 years and they're very happily married now. After they first got married and were having all the issues, she said she would never have kids by him - she just had their 2nd child. That's how good things got.

I say all that to say - hang in there. Don't be too quick to throw in the towel (unless there is abuse involved).

Do you think he would consider counseling?
 

EliteBeautie

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I agree with talking to instead of at. One thing I can’t stand is someone who can’t admit when they’re wrong and a person with a defensive attitude and that’s where he’s been these past couple weeks

You can communicate on LSA your feelings but cannot effectively do so with your now husband....

That is an issue. He has a part in it the breakdown in yall communication as well but yall are probably both struggling to drive the proverbial car and we know there is only one steering wheel. But thats just my speculation.

What is the part in the home buying process that is creating this issue?
 

Diggin da Shamy

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Honestly, yes. But for a while we were in a good place. We would have disagreements but we could apologize and move on. Now, it’s not like that. He’s a lot more stubborn now and it’s like I can’t talk to the person that’s supposed to be the closest to me

Get marriage counseling.

It's odd in 3 years y'all never learned how to communicate.

See if you can hold off on a house or get something cheap but not requiring a reno. Chile y'all do a reno and be divorcing before it's done.
 

EliteBeautie

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Get marriage counseling.

It's odd in 3 years y'all never learned how to communicate.

See if you can hold off on a house or get something cheap but not requiring a reno. Chile y'all do a reno and be divorcing before it's done.

Lawd you ain’t lying. They use to say building a house together was the begin of the end for married folk around my parts!

I laughed every time. That ish is hella funny! Well not the family breaking but the comment!
 

MariahLynn

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OP is he causing the issues or do you play some part in it as well? Do you see things ever getting better?
 

wanderwoman

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OP,

Don't know where you live or why you need it, but wait at least a year, maybe two to buy that house. The economy is in flux and if the marriage doesn't work out then uncoupling your assets will be more difficult with a house. Also, don't get pregnant. Finances are the biggest strain on marriages and a major cause of divorce. Children are often used as a reason to stay in unhealthy relationships.

My husband is my best friend. We talk about everything and yeah we still argue all the time and there are days when I'm just done but if you care about each other then you can find a way to work it out. I wouldn't recommend marriage counseling. It seems both of you need to get your own therapist and work out your individual issues.

Good luck

- Married 15 years to a divorce attorney
 

RichNatural

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I would say try counseling and express your feelings to your spouse. See if he's willing to compromise more and work on creating a harmonious marriage. If a year passes and there's still no progress between you and him, and you still have no desire to be with him, don't waste your time. Life is too short.

I just want to make sure you exhaust all your options on mending things with your hubby so if you do decide to walk away, you can at least say, "I did everything I possibly can to make it work."
 

ILikeYoFace

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I hate that LSA took the incog feature away but whatever. It hasn’t even been a full month and we’re already arguing. I’m so unhappy now. And ontop of All this, we’re trying to get a house together.

Advice to anybody thinking about getting married, YOUR “small” PROBLEMS WILL BE MAGNIFIED once you get married. I would hear it but now that I’m living it, I see how true it is. I don’t even feel like he’s a husband just someone who’s there that I low key just feel like he’s less of a man because he doesn’t know how to communicate and problem solve. This is probably the less effective “partnership” I’ve encountered.

I’ve heard the first year is usually hard. Is this normal? Does it get better?
I’m sorry you are going through this. Try to be patient, and maybe slow down on buying a home right now since you have some doubts. If it hasn’t gotten better within 6 months, consider every option for your happiness.

Oh, and don’t get pregnant.
 

shebasmudder

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Thank you. The only reason it feels like that is because we’re making the biggest purchase (a house) and he can’t communicate with me or even try to see my side. It feels like it’s his way or no way

Learn from my mistakes. I thought I needed a husband and we would work on our dreams together. I always wanted to buy a house. The ex promised to work on it before we got married. 6 years later and no house but plenty of mistreatment. One year post divorce, I bought my own house. Whatever dreams you have, you don't have to have a man who makes you unhappy to achieve it. Sometimes giving yourself what you want and need is more fulfilling than hoping it will work outwith the wrong person.
 

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